AIBU to be totally upset for DC

Rosiebrown1 · 2022-09-21T18:25:43+00:00

4 yr old just started Reception. Day 7, email from school: ‘Reminder - you child is looking forward to showing you around their classroom...They are so excited...’ This email was sent with a 48 hour notice period. The time for the invite was 2.30pm. There was no previous email regarding this. Checked with other parents. Nope. No previous email confirmed :( I was upset for my DC and only for my DC. Within 10 days of starting school for the first time, my DC would experience no parent turning up and would be upset, angry and feel lonely. I single parent, work full time and need more than 48 hours notice to juggle a new and important diary entry. I know there will be events I can’t attend in the future but feel this is such an important few weeks. I politely responded saying all of this and the response was ‘We fully support working families but could offer you an appointment at 3.10pm at the end of the day.’ AIBU to be so disappointed in the school? I don’t blame teachers at all as they have such a difficult task and heavy workload but I was totally gobsmacked at the seeming lack understanding.

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

katmarie · 21/09/2022 19:40

Ds started school this year too, and I've noticed there is a strong assumption that there will be someone at home and available to attend things in the working day, with minimal notice. So far we've been told about a phonics session and been encouraged to join a weekly maths and crafts session. It's not helpful when you get so little notice of these things, especially if your work is not flexible.

TabascoAddict · 21/09/2022 19:41

That's how schools work. Some big events , such as sport, nativity, will be planned well in advance, others, you will have very short notice, either because the note was lost at the bottom off the bag, or because school gives short notice.

There will be hundreds of occasion for you to be there.

You can't be at this one, transform the miss into a new tradition. Whenever you can't be there, your child will be the storyteller. Tell your DC, to fill their eyes and think like a spy. They have to observe. When you pick him/her you go to a nice cafe for cake and coffee and say to your DC: tell me all about it. How is the class, how was the teacher dressed, what was on the walls, ... and then compliment your child on his recollection.

You create a new tradition . Instead of a miss, you will have a gain.

There will be plenty of disappointments in your child's life. It is up to you to help your child learn how to deal with them.

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 21/09/2022 19:44

Are you sure it's not on school calendar etc, if it says reminder?
All my dc's school's event was published on the school event calendar, school letters, we didn't get individual reminder unless it was very important event.

ZebraKid71 · 21/09/2022 19:45

Unfortunately for working parents most school things are in school time so it will likely be the start of many thing. The lack of notice definitely doesn't help this though! I wouldn't be disappointed, there will likely be lots of parents that can't attend.

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 21/09/2022 19:47

My dc's primary is exactly the same. Minimal notice for most things. It's annoying but they are so excellent as a school in other regards it's annoying but they're are worse faults. Hourly the teachers won't be ramping up the kids expectations that ALL parents will be able to make it.
For your own reassurance just gave a casual chat at the school gate if you can to check that, usually they dial these things down to the kids while selling it to the parents.
If you know another parent who is going maybe ask them to ask your dc a special question so you know they will have a little bit of attention from a visiting adult.

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 21/09/2022 19:50

Do you have a grandparent/aunt/uncle/friend who can go?

My mum goes to her neighbours kids things at school all the time. She enjoys going & seeing their happy little faces makes her day. f neighbour is a teacher & m neighbour is disinterested in the kids at all times. Kids grandparents (2x Grandma) live overseas, so they also have Nana!!

you need a 'stand in' !!

MumCanIDoThat · 21/09/2022 19:51

My dc school doesn't do this. The dates to diarize is sent out on the last day of the previous term so that we have an entire term to plan. There are absolutely no changes or additions to this. I agree with you that this is unacceptable, surely something like this happens every year so that they are aware to notify parents in advance. We received our dates in July for September to December.

NatalieH2220 · 21/09/2022 19:52

My sons primary school is like this, really annoying having to change things last minute so he (and we) don't miss out.
They also have a habit of cancelling after school clubs about 10 mins before pickup. Thanks for the notice! 🙄

tickticksnooze · 21/09/2022 19:54

I don’t blame teachers at all
**
Why not? It's their fault you didn't receive adequate notice to book leave / enlist someone else etc.

Whinge · 21/09/2022 19:54

TabascoAddict · 21/09/2022 19:41

That's how schools work. Some big events , such as sport, nativity, will be planned well in advance, others, you will have very short notice, either because the note was lost at the bottom off the bag, or because school gives short notice.

There will be hundreds of occasion for you to be there.

You can't be at this one, transform the miss into a new tradition. Whenever you can't be there, your child will be the storyteller. Tell your DC, to fill their eyes and think like a spy. They have to observe. When you pick him/her you go to a nice cafe for cake and coffee and say to your DC: tell me all about it. How is the class, how was the teacher dressed, what was on the walls, ... and then compliment your child on his recollection.

You create a new tradition . Instead of a miss, you will have a gain.

There will be plenty of disappointments in your child's life. It is up to you to help your child learn how to deal with them.

What a fantastic post, thank you for sharing. I work in a school and often feel guilty that we're unable to offer events / activities that accommodate every family. I'm going to suggest this to some of my pupils, so they're able to share the experience with their parents / carers when they're unable to attend.

lannistunut · 21/09/2022 19:55

YANBU, primary schools are still in the dark ages with this.

Something I will say is that you can politely ask school if you can have your DS show you around at another time, schools are usually happy to help parents out if they ask polite and reasonable questions.

And your son will be fine, he knows you love him.

LittleMissPeggySue · 21/09/2022 19:55

My DS primary school used to do this, it always annoyed me but there were loads of parents in the same situation. Loved pp suggestion of turning it into a game for him to observe, that's really turning the negative into a positive. If it helps, secondary school seems to be more considerate (although it might just be ours)

Exhaustedmoose · 21/09/2022 19:57

God that's disgusting. Please complain to the head teacher and governors in writing.

figmaofmyimagination · 21/09/2022 20:01

YANBU. Primary schools generally seem to operate in a 1950s world where every household has one parent at home and available at the drop of a hat.

WeAllHaveWings · 21/09/2022 20:01

I never made it to single school thing during working hours when ds(18) was at school apart from a couple of sports days in primary. Don't worry about it, lots of parents will be in the same boat and he should be fine. Spend time with him that night hearing all about it over his favourite dinner.

Celeryfavour · 21/09/2022 20:04

TabascoAddict · 21/09/2022 19:41

That's how schools work. Some big events , such as sport, nativity, will be planned well in advance, others, you will have very short notice, either because the note was lost at the bottom off the bag, or because school gives short notice.

There will be hundreds of occasion for you to be there.

You can't be at this one, transform the miss into a new tradition. Whenever you can't be there, your child will be the storyteller. Tell your DC, to fill their eyes and think like a spy. They have to observe. When you pick him/her you go to a nice cafe for cake and coffee and say to your DC: tell me all about it. How is the class, how was the teacher dressed, what was on the walls, ... and then compliment your child on his recollection.

You create a new tradition . Instead of a miss, you will have a gain.

There will be plenty of disappointments in your child's life. It is up to you to help your child learn how to deal with them.

Absolutely love this, thank you for sharing!

Trytoavoidthebastardbus · 21/09/2022 20:06

The best is when they tell you they need to dress up for the next day and it’s the night they are over their fathers with no way of getting anything to them 😬

TheMoth · 21/09/2022 20:12

I was relieved when dc left primary, cos I could stop feeling guilty about never being able to go to anything. Dh would occasionally manage the odd assembly. But all the afternoon things that other people could finish early/swap shifts etc for, I never could. My school didn't allow anything like that, even though we were expected to put the needs of our students before everything else.

I was allowed an hour once, for ds' birthday, but I had to be back at work for open evening. In hindsight, I should have probably looked for a more humane school to work in.

cadburyegg · 21/09/2022 20:17

Unfortunately this is pretty standard particularly at the beginning of term as they settle in to new routines. If your child hasn't already got used to the fact you can't go to everything then now is a good time to start. I'm a single parent too and there have been loads of times I can't attend things like school trips, jubilee parties, settling in sessions etc etc. Problem is if you go to everything to begin with then your dc will come to expect it. You won't be the only parent who can't go.

itsgettingweird · 21/09/2022 20:20

TabascoAddict · 21/09/2022 19:41

That's how schools work. Some big events , such as sport, nativity, will be planned well in advance, others, you will have very short notice, either because the note was lost at the bottom off the bag, or because school gives short notice.

There will be hundreds of occasion for you to be there.

You can't be at this one, transform the miss into a new tradition. Whenever you can't be there, your child will be the storyteller. Tell your DC, to fill their eyes and think like a spy. They have to observe. When you pick him/her you go to a nice cafe for cake and coffee and say to your DC: tell me all about it. How is the class, how was the teacher dressed, what was on the walls, ... and then compliment your child on his recollection.

You create a new tradition . Instead of a miss, you will have a gain.

There will be plenty of disappointments in your child's life. It is up to you to help your child learn how to deal with them.

I LOVE this.

I'm also a LP and worked FT through the ds school life (in a school ironically but it meant we have holidays).

For him that was normal. But this idea of turning it into something positive he can recall - and with cake - is such a good one.

TwitTw00 · 21/09/2022 20:25

figmaofmyimagination · 21/09/2022 20:01

YANBU. Primary schools generally seem to operate in a 1950s world where every household has one parent at home and available at the drop of a hat.

I teach and would rather not do all this stuff. Total faff and of course most parents are busy. But we are expected to by Ofsted. Yes we understand it's rubbish timing for parents because only one teacher in our school isn't a parent of primary aged children themselves.

Pumperthepumper · 21/09/2022 20:30

Why did it say ‘reminder’ if you weren’t being reminded? Are you sure you haven’t missed a letter?

YoSofi · 21/09/2022 20:32

@TabascoAddict that is BRILLIANT! Thank you so much for sharing that x

TheYearOfSmallThings · 21/09/2022 20:32

Ds started school this year too, and I've noticed there is a strong assumption that there will be someone at home and available to attend things in the working day, with minimal notice.

Yes, I find this especially surprising because most of the staff are working parents themselves. The reproach and concern when they called me to say DS was unwell and I said it would take me 50 minutes to get back from work!? They kept pausing and saying "....50 minutes? He is crying...perhaps if you leave straight away? .....50 minute journey....hmmm".

Anyway you get used to the guilt and I just roll my eyes now.

Original poster

Rosiebrown1 · 21/09/2022 20:52

For goodness sake.. this is not for the school staff to position with a child. Are you serious?

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