AIBU to be totally upset for DC

[Rosiebrown1]

4 yr old just started Reception.

Day 7, email from school: ‘Reminder - you child is looking forward to showing you around their classroom...They are so excited...’

This email was sent with a 48 hour notice period. The time for the invite was 2.30pm. There was no previous email regarding this. Checked with other parents. Nope. No previous email confirmed :(

I was upset for my DC and only for my DC.

Within 10 days of starting school for the first time, my DC would experience no parent turning up and would be upset, angry and feel lonely.

I single parent, work full time and need more than 48 hours notice to juggle a new and important diary entry.

I know there will be events I can’t attend in the future but feel this is such an important few weeks.

I politely responded saying all of this and the response was ‘We fully support working families but could offer you an appointment at 3.10pm at the end of the day.’

AIBU to be so disappointed in the school? I don’t blame teachers at all as they have such a difficult task and heavy workload but I was totally gobsmacked at the seeming lack understanding.

It's almost certainly not the teachers who have either arranged this or been in charge of sending out email reminders.

OP, some schools are terrible for not giving enough notice and I don't understand why it's not more of a priority. I would totally understand not all parents could make it and would do my best to help distract those who don't have anyone coming in, like an important job or getting a 'treat' of having extra play or something like that. I hope your dd isn't too upset.

If it's any comfort whenever I have gone in for things in my DD's class all the parent's make sure no DC is left out. So for example I'd help other DC with their craft etc. My DD has been disappointed when I couldn't make things but later told me 'oh James's mum helped me.'

I'm so sorry your experiencing this. It's awful. Schools just assume someone is constantly at home and available. It's bloody weird tbh.
I'm lucky that I'm self employed and wfh so can mostly juggle things to make it, but not always.
If it's any consolation I always see at these events lots of pupils don't have a parent there - for the exact reason you've pointed out. Most people can't just turn up in the middle of the day. So he won't be the only one by any stretch.
Strap in. The poor communication is really quite something at schools.

One to watch out for is award assemblies... less than 24 hours notice. Last week 3 out of 8 kids getting an award had an adult there.

Also... schools seem to have forgotten how to communicate these things to patents after 2vyears of not having parents coming into classrooms etc. (I still have never seen inside the main school building of the school DDs have been at for 18 months... I have seen the hall and the school office, plus one classroom. )

If feels awful now, but honestly your child won’t really remember too many of these occasions. If anything, it will make the ones you can attend more special. Be involved and talk about school, the teachers and friends. My dc are in their twenties now and I look back at the times I got stressed out juggling stuff for assemblies etc and wonder why I bothered 😁. The things they remember are the times you spend as a family doing fun stuff, or when you played board games and then stayed up late cuddled under a duvet watching a really late movie (like 8pm 😁). It’s a holistic thing. Show them they are loved and you love spending time with them and it will be fine

Here family assembly is always in a Wednesday. I have Monday off and DH has Friday 🙈 now we check if a friend's parent is coming and ask them to wave and take pics/video so I can see them before I pick him up and comment on the assembly. Friends parent usually look for him and give him a wave. We are eternally grateful to them and the class WhatsApp!
Weber now and again for an important one DH will go into work and hour later and thankfully DS understands now.

If it's of any comfort, my DS doesnt want me going into his classroom. The school do an open classroom on a friday around drop off time, and so far when I've asked him if he wants me to go in he has said no. It's his world, doesn't want me there, especially when they are settling in and finding their feet independently.

yanbu, I hate it as well and can't see how it's anything other than divisive and a tick box for the school to show just how supportive they are to parents. That said I'm proud to be a working mother and would rather being able to provide for the family rather than waiting round in case schools lazily presume there's always a parent home.

Although there will be things you will miss due to work, I would ask how this was a ‘reminder’, if there had not been any previous communication about it.

I had this so DS gave me a tour after school on my day off instead. It is what it is. I try and volunteer to do something once a year in school. Ie bring cakes and run the lunchtime lego club. This way when I fail to attend stuff throughout the year, I explain I need to work in order to afford x,y,z and point to my one good deed.

Biggest bugbear with my DCs’ primary school. Poor communication and too late communication with parents and, as PP said, an innate assumption that there was a parent at home ie mother. It always puzzled me as the people at the school all work part time too

it’s incredibly frustrating and upsetting and I never solved it.

I actually think it is nice they offered a 3:10 option when the day ends. Most schools would not do that. Whatever you miss, you miss. You and your DC get used to it. Mine would always buddy up with a friend and they’d both show that friends visiting adult the classroom, their projects and so on.

Did you ever find out why the message said ‘reminder’ on it?

We had a stay and play for which we were given about 36 hours notice. I'll be honest, it seemed to upset the kids more than just dropping them off. I know you will feel like you should've been there but plenty of parents weren't at ours and those with parents there struggled more than normal when saying goodbye.