Just been consoling my 9 year old dd for the past 90 mins. Huge chest-heaving sobs, and hot tears. After lots of listening and talking I could only calm her down ultimately by distracting her with some TV time.
We’ve been through the same thing since she started school at the beginning of each half term - apart from Reception when she was excited and full of beans and expectations.
In summary, she finds it impossible to make friends. I would say she has acquaintances - the ones who come to play dates and sometimes invite her back (my efforts at social engineering) - but they all have their ‘best friends’ and dd is soon dropped when back in a group at school. The other parents are mostly inclusive, dd is invited to parties but is invariably the one ‘at the end of the table’ while others pair up.
We know she is quite a character; she alternates between playing the clown in the playground to make people laugh and want to play with her, but then is such a stickler for following rules in class she gets frustrated with anyone misbehaving and tells them off. I imagine this goes down like a cup of cold sick! Today she said “I don’t want to have to make people laugh, I just want people to like me” :-(
I’ve sometimes wondered if she might be on the spectrum. She doesn’t display empathy - I’ve previously put it down to her age but see it in other children her age more and more. For example, there have been new joiners to her class over the past couple of years and I have suggested she approach them as they are bound to be feeling nervous and shy and she says things like “But I’m nervous, they should come play with me?”. She is very content playing by herself at home, lots of teacher role play involving her soft toys and our two dogs. Just to add, she isn’t starved of attention/affection - we play games with her too, watch her little impromptu dance shows etc but need to work as well!! She also hates any noise and disruption during lessons and often says she has headaches “because people were naughty in class”.
I approached her form teacher in the second part of Y4 to explain she was struggling with social dynamics and forming friendships after a couple of incidents where she was singled out. Teacher acknowledged dd is very ‘sensitive’ and went onto say the class is full of big characters and she had noticed she had been struggling. It was suggested she speak to the SENCO who told her she could go and sit in her office if it got too much at playtime - but I’m not sure this is enough.
I feel like she needs help learning how to make friendships and be a good friend - just as much as, if not more than learning timetables and fronted adverbials!! It seems like the other girls don’t have the same issues - or if they do - they all have that one ‘bff’ to back them up.
Is this ‘just’ classroom squabbles or is something else at play?
If anyone recognises any of the above and has any advice I would be so grateful. Dd thinks by changing schools she can have “another chance at making friends” but I don’t think that’s the solution and we could go through all the upheaval for the same thing to happen…