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Original poster

Feel upset after talking to headteacher about my DS's new move

40 replies

Dancingsquid · 19/07/2022 23:39

Hi! This is my first post as I just join the forum.
My DS settled at his current school about six months since we moved to the UK, he is academically okay but he can't find any good friends there as many of them have already build their own friendships, especially the boys, since my son is not very interested in football and he is a quiet person, the boys are not very welcoming him and sometimes rejected to play with him even he asked to join. Some girls are quite rude to him, one girl pushed him without any reason and two girls threw him stones. I am so sad hearing him complaining about this, so I have been thinking to move him to another school.
This decision is confirmed after we moved to another area within the same catchment. We used to walk to the school but now we have to spend about 25 minutes to go to the school by bus. I find it quite stressful as I have to prepare his lunch every morning and we have to catch the exact bus at a specific time in order to get to school on time, otherwise we will be a bit late for schools and it was quite crowded in the morning, it is always a bit hard to find a pleasant place to stand.

I know it might be my problem not thinking it twice before decided to move, but I feel DS a bit frustrated to the new routine to school.

We notice that there is a nearby school close to us which only take less than 8 minutes by walk, the school is much bigger and have many facilities like a bigger playground, science room, kitchen for kids...etc... the current one is a small scale school which the playground is a bit not big enough. I did not consider this at first, while giving DS friendship problems at school and the travelling time, I started to think about a move.

We tried to call the school if there is any available place, after few days, they replied we can start to study there in the coming September (my DS is in Y2 now). We take the offer and inform our current headteacher about move, headteacher is a bit not very happy about our move and said the travelling time is not the right reason to change school as there are few families living in our area or even far, they never raise any concerns about this.

I feel a bit sad reading the message. I understand other parents might be okay with taking bus to school, but to me, it is quite an issue. Besides, after considering his situation in current school, I am not quite confident that my son can break into their circle as they have significantly shown their feelings towards my son.

I am in a mixed mood now and starting to question myself whether it is a right decision to change the school for him?

Can anyone give me your feeling about this?

Thanks for reading and sorry for writing such a long thread!

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Jadecarrot · 19/07/2022 23:41

The head is trying to retain pupils. Do what is best for your family.

Mardyface · 19/07/2022 23:42

If he was happy I would agree with the head. But he's not. A nearer school makes it easier to hang out with friends too as people decide to go to the park on the way home etc.

I think your instincts are right.

Unbored · 19/07/2022 23:44

Your DS hasn’t settled socially and you now need to rely on public transport. From what you’ve written you have made a good decision. I hope your son makes some lovely friends at his new school.

UWhatNow · 19/07/2022 23:46

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 19/07/2022 23:47

In yr2, without a close friendship group and bullying (whatever the school call it throwing stones at him is bullying) which the school have not addressed, I would definitely move him. A bigger school may mean there are more boys like him. Also with six months experience in a UK school he is probably more aware of the culture in British schools so will hopefully settle more quickly. If you are happy and your son is happy I would ignore the head who has failed to keep your son safe. The extra travelling time is just an additional annoyance.

Original poster
Dancingsquid · 19/07/2022 23:48

Jadecarrot · 19/07/2022 23:41

The head is trying to retain pupils. Do what is best for your family.

Thanks a lot for your support. I am a bit sad about the headteacher reply. They said my DS settled well socially too and which is not.

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FiremanSid · 19/07/2022 23:50

In the circumstances you describe I'd definite move schools. I think friendship issues are often easier to solve in bigger schools. There are more different friendship groups to try out and places in the playground to do something other than play football if your son doesn't enjoy football. Sounds like a great fresh start.

upnorthsomewhere · 19/07/2022 23:50

I would move him because he hasn't settled well and he's being bullied the fact the bus journey is inconvenient adds to the real reason he should move.

I hope he settles better in the new school and is happy there.Smile

Original poster
Dancingsquid · 19/07/2022 23:51

Mardyface · 19/07/2022 23:42

If he was happy I would agree with the head. But he's not. A nearer school makes it easier to hang out with friends too as people decide to go to the park on the way home etc.

I think your instincts are right.

Thanks!
Oh yes! I never think in this way. This is really a good reason for the change.

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Original poster
Dancingsquid · 19/07/2022 23:52

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Thanks a lot!!! 🥹🥹

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tunnocksreturns2019 · 19/07/2022 23:55

It really does sound like you’ve made the right decision. Wishing your son all the best as he starts his new school in September 😊

Original poster
Dancingsquid · 19/07/2022 23:56

FiremanSid · 19/07/2022 23:50

In the circumstances you describe I'd definite move schools. I think friendship issues are often easier to solve in bigger schools. There are more different friendship groups to try out and places in the playground to do something other than play football if your son doesn't enjoy football. Sounds like a great fresh start.

Yes the boys are playing football and some catching games everyday and my DS is not very into it. He tried asking them to let him join, while the boys just said "don't let him join". He is very sad about it.

I hope he can find some friends who share some sand interests with him in the new school.

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Original poster
Dancingsquid · 19/07/2022 23:58

upnorthsomewhere · 19/07/2022 23:50

I would move him because he hasn't settled well and he's being bullied the fact the bus journey is inconvenient adds to the real reason he should move.

I hope he settles better in the new school and is happy there.Smile

Thanks! To be honest, I did not raise the "bullying" issue to the head as one of the reason to leave as they said this is not bullying when I raised it to the class teacher before. Therefore, I just emphasis on the extra travelling time matter.

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LurpakAspirations · 19/07/2022 23:59

I'm sorry, other children stoned your son and the headteacher is upset that you're moving him?!

That headteacher doesn't have a leg to stand on and can do one.

You're doing what's best for your boy, trust your instincts.

Original poster
Dancingsquid · 20/07/2022 00:02

LurpakAspirations · 19/07/2022 23:59

I'm sorry, other children stoned your son and the headteacher is upset that you're moving him?!

That headteacher doesn't have a leg to stand on and can do one.

You're doing what's best for your boy, trust your instincts.

Yes this is why I feel so sad reading the reply blaming me I can't accept the extra travelling time but others parents can.

I did raise the throwing stones issue to them, class teacher said she had talked to the girls but she did not know they they stoned him and just ask them to write a letter to apologise. I am so disappointed to see the way they handled this.

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Original poster
Dancingsquid · 20/07/2022 00:06

tunnocksreturns2019 · 19/07/2022 23:55

It really does sound like you’ve made the right decision. Wishing your son all the best as he starts his new school in September 😊

Thanks a lot! 🥹🥹

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PassMeThePineapple · 20/07/2022 01:12

I agree with everyone, move him away from the horrible kids. I hope the new school is more welcoming and he is happy there

rnsaslkih · 20/07/2022 01:23

Ignore her and do what’s best for your son.

Original poster
Dancingsquid · 20/07/2022 09:22

rnsaslkih · 20/07/2022 01:23

Ignore her and do what’s best for your son.

Thanks a lot!!!

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Original poster
Dancingsquid · 20/07/2022 09:23

PassMeThePineapple · 20/07/2022 01:12

I agree with everyone, move him away from the horrible kids. I hope the new school is more welcoming and he is happy there

Thanks!!! I hope he can have a normal school life!

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Shinyandnew1 · 20/07/2022 09:26

Of course long travelling time is a reasonable reason to move school!

maskersanonymous · 20/07/2022 09:29

I wanted to say that I have DS who doesn't like football and a small school (1 form entry) wasn't great for him as there were so few boys like him that he was isolated (and beginning to feel depressed about being so 'different'). When I moved him to a larger school he suddenly found friends and is absolutely thriving. DD is also so much happier in a much, much larger school.

I really thought a small school would be better, more nurturing etc. but in reality it was socially stifling. I never would have even considered the 4/5 form per year school my DD previously, but so many great things there and of course amazing resources etc.

It sounds like a good move for you and your son and so much easier for playdates etc. in the future.

Original poster
Dancingsquid · 20/07/2022 09:30

Shinyandnew1 · 20/07/2022 09:26

Of course long travelling time is a reasonable reason to move school!

Yes. I just don't know why the head thought it is so not a right decision. My son is not that socially settled, the head just not willing to understand me.

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TheYearOfSmallThings · 20/07/2022 09:31

If the other children are not welcoming him and the school has done nothing to help, then I would move him. It's not something I would do lightly, but it doesn't sound as if he has settled in well, and he might really benefit from a bigger and less tight-knit school community.

I understand you may have put forward your concerns about travel to avoid offending his headteacher by saying he has not found his current school friendly. I would be a bit more open about your main reason for moving, because it sounds like they could have done more to integrate him.

Original poster
Dancingsquid · 20/07/2022 09:33

maskersanonymous · 20/07/2022 09:29

I wanted to say that I have DS who doesn't like football and a small school (1 form entry) wasn't great for him as there were so few boys like him that he was isolated (and beginning to feel depressed about being so 'different'). When I moved him to a larger school he suddenly found friends and is absolutely thriving. DD is also so much happier in a much, much larger school.

I really thought a small school would be better, more nurturing etc. but in reality it was socially stifling. I never would have even considered the 4/5 form per year school my DD previously, but so many great things there and of course amazing resources etc.

It sounds like a good move for you and your son and so much easier for playdates etc. in the future.

Oh sorry to hear that your DS experienced this and glad he has a happier school life now! Yes I do think a small school is just not very suits him as most of the boys got nothing to do but football during breaks because of the limited space. My son did ask if he can join but they just ignored and say some bad words to him.
I just want him to have a more balancing school life with some lovely friends to play with. So simple and pure hope.

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