Denied leave to visit grandparent who is terminally ill

[divvin88]

Hi all,

Wanted to find out what are my options in a tricky situation that we are facing.

My father in law was diagnosed with cancer 2 years back. Recently he had a massive haemorrhage due to cancer complications and was in a critical condition for over two weeks. He is based in India. So our family had to rush to India in that situation not knowing if he will survive. We applied for absence from school for my 6 year old daughter. Last week we got a letter from the school saying the leave has not been authorised and that we will be fined. To top it, we also received a letter stating that my daughter does not meet attendance etc. Now, I want to understand if a kids grandfather is in critical condition and if the kid has to travel along with the family to be with him in his last days is that not an exceptional circumstance. If this does not qualify as exceptional what does? The school head teachers lack of humanity has really shocked us and we want to take this matter legally as we think we have been fined unfairly. So wanted to know if anyone has been in a similar situation and if so what can be done to right this injustice.

I’m glad your FIL is recovering now.

Those of us who remember the pre-fine world will confirm it wasn’t ideal. Kids were routinely taken out for a week a year for a variety of reasons even if not approved: some cheaper holidays but mostly to see family abroad. Two weeks before the summer break, no work was done as so many kids were away.

The progress of the class was definitely interrupted by this. 30 kids with (say) half taking unauthorised time off meant a lot of repeating content - not fair on the kids there every day or the teachers trying to plan lessons.
The rules are there because so many broke them.

Thanks for the responses.

So to clarify, my DC has always had excellent attendance in school. She happened to miss the first few weeks of April due to contracting chicken pox which kept her off for almost 10 days and then she contracted Covid. Other than that she has hardly had any leaves throughout the year.

Now coming back to the travel, she was away for 3 weeks. My FIL was in CCU for over 15 days and only when we knew he had made it through that we travelled back.

I am sickened by some of the posts questioning the need for us to travel to see a dying grandparent. Seriously, are you guys for real. Are you saying that a grandfather has no right to see his dear grandchild in his last days or does the grandchild have no need to see her grandfather for one last time. What are we turning into, a society devoid of human emotions. Glad I dont think like these people.

Three weeks is a long time.

I am sickened by some of the posts questioning the need for us to travel to see a dying grandparent. Seriously, are you guys for real. Are you saying that a grandfather has no right to see his dear grandchild in his last days or does the grandchild have no need to see her grandfather for one last time. What are we turning into, a society devoid of human emotions. Glad I dont think like these people.

You're missing the point completely.

Nice little bit of discrimination too I would say...

As your close family lives abroad of course you have no choice but to take more time off than someone whose relatives live around the corner. It's hardly your fault.

I would have made this point to the school.

I am surprised that so many people in the comments don't grasp that if you have to travel that far it means you will be away for longer.

It’s not the school. It’s the Local Authority.

If you had read the OP’s posts, FIL was not a dying relative, he is recovering.

Two weeks (or however long they were in India for) is a long time to miss school (or work) for. I know the OP wanted to support her DH, but it might have been better if she had stayed at home with her DD. The OP and her DH are extremely lucky that they can just down sticks and fly out, as most workplaces also wouldn’t sanction this length of absence.

As FIL’s illness is terminal, there may be more instances when he is critical (and also unfortunately when he eventually dies), that the family feels they must fly out to India. When will it be too many absences? After 4 weeks, 8 weeks or more? It’s not just the missing school, it’s DD falling behind her peers, and the catching up on what she has missed!

The law has been like this for a long time, even decades now. Just because it now affects you, you are angry about it.
Noone actually stopped you from going, and your child was not de-registered from school. If you had taken an extra week of absence you may have come back to no school place!

I'm pleased your FIL is out of danger. I hope he's now more comfortable at home.

But I think that the crux might be your daughters overall absence. She's had 2 weeks for chicken pox. Some time off for covid. And a few other absences. And then 2 weeks emergency travel.

That's an awful lot of absence, although each for understandable and valid reasons.

In these circumstances, I think the head's hands were tied.

To all those who say this might happen again and what will you do then. You seriously think we would have flown every time this happened. My FIL has been unwell for a while and has been in and out of hospital’s but the situation was always handled by my DH. This time though we thought we will loose him and only then we travelled. My DH travelled the day my FIL had the haemorrhage. We only travelled 5 days later when we thought he is not going to make it. I travelled with my daughter and also, forgot to mention , I am 17 weeks pregnant. So unless it was that critical I would have not travelled that far. So those who question the need for travel try to understand it was a situation which we thought was lost and we were prepared for the worst. It’s shocking the lack of sensitivity in this matter by some and questioning our intentions and need for travel. Seriously guys, humanity comes first.

thanks again for all those who have supported and also given some good suggestions on how this can be handled.

Firstly, even if the head was willing to authorise the absence given the circumstances, there is no way they would have been able to agree to 3 weeks.

Secondly, when did you put in the request? Was it before you actually travelled and got a response, or did you just let them know when you were already on your way? Because under no circumstances whatsoever can a leave of absence be authorised retrospectively. That's the law.

Ok, so now your dd has seen her dgf, you need to think of her schooling and your next baby.

I feel you protest too much? Hmm?

Visiting him is not what anyone is criticising, nor is school but it's been half term plus you took an extra 2 weeks, if you had taken a couple of days either side of half term due to flight availability then they would have been more understanding but you took far more, this is why you are being fined. I'm glad he's improving

I don't think people aren't being insensitive - they're just being logical when they say it wasn't necessary for you to fly to India for three weeks. You could have taken DD, she could have seen her granddad/said goodbye, then you could have brought her back home and your DH could have stayed with his dad if he felt it was necessary.

IMO, you're very fortunate that both you and your DH work in jobs that allow you to drop everything and fly overseas for three weeks at the drop of a hat. You're also incredibly fortunate that you can afford to do that.

I mean - what will happen next time your FIL is unwell? Are you going to take her out of school for another three weeks? You can see the schools perspective - you can't just expect to keep taking her out of school for weeks on end consequence-free.

I say all this as someone who grew up with all their family overseas. My parents didn't drop everything to travel, and they certainly didn't take me out of school for weeks at a time. We couldn't afford it and just wasn't practical to do so every single time something came up.

So she has missed up to six weeks this term? Attended possibly one week. It could raise Safeguarding concerns for the school, even if it is just an unfortunate series of events.

Absolutely ridiculous. Even though it is "the law", and even though it's not up to the school, but the LA to "authorise" the absence - what about common humanity? Family values? Parental rights? I'd refuse to pay and take this all the way.

the sense of proportionality here is crazy. The kid is 6, the sickness absences were for good reason - I’m sure people are glad child with covid/chickenpox is kept off school - as it is less likely to spread to vulnerable kids, parents and keep adults off work.

personally I think they should have 1 syllabus/curriculum for the country and develop a parallel online learning facility for if kids miss topics. This would help kids who are off sick for various reasons as well. Covid should have been a good launchpad.

All the way to court and prison? That’s cutting off your nose to spite your face!

You see these families in the Daily Mail sad face articles!

It's the school.

HT have the discretion to authorise or not.

I've attached the actual government documents up thread if you want to read them.

This is what OP wants to hear but no-one else agrees