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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Reception and lack of playdates

49 replies

Onedaytherewasapear · 15/05/2022 22:21

Dd is in reception. Shes settled in really well- shes a really sociable character and has made loads of friendships in the class (shes far more sociable than DH and I...). There are some that she plays with more than others but none really close at this stage. Teacher said she was great at parents evening socially and is really good with peers. No issues at all really with it...but aside from whole-class parties shes never been invited over to someones house or for a play date. Is this odd at this stage??

DH and I are both a bit socially awkward but have been making an effort for her to get to know peoples parents. We havent invited anyone as wasnt sure if people were doing that post-covid....but more than happy to!

Im quite possibly (definitely am!) overthinking this but thought Id ask!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Searchingsound · 15/05/2022 22:24

Just invite a friend for a play date it’s not hard. I really don’t understand what you’re confused by?

KatherineofGaunt · 15/05/2022 22:26

So you haven't invited anyone over but you're wondering why your daughter hadn't been invited anywhere?

I think you need to invite someone for a playdate and see what happens.

Olderwoman57 · 15/05/2022 22:27

I understand your post! I don’t think that play dates were THAT common in reception when my two were little. It’s good that she is sociable - try not to overthink it, I know it’s easy to say that.

Original poster

Onedaytherewasapear · 15/05/2022 22:30

Thanks @Olderwoman57!

Not confused by anything. I hadnt invited people over because she hasnt got a "best friend", I didnt know if people were doing that (some parents Ive spoken to have been quite nervous still) and Im socially awkward.

Will invite someone and see how we get on.

OP posts:

autienotnaughty · 15/05/2022 22:31

No play dates at that age at our school. Just parties and meet ups with friends that have children. Not all children are forming strong friendships at that age, probably more year 2 I would say.

Searchingsound · 15/05/2022 22:33

They’re in school together so why would their parents be nervous of covid? Is anyone unless super vulnerable?

you seem confused because you’re asking if it’s normal she hasn’t been invited - whilst having not invited anyone yourselves. It makes no sense!

Original poster

Onedaytherewasapear · 15/05/2022 22:40

Theyve pulled their children out of school ahead of holidays or events to prevent them catching it and similarly have avoided the parents evenings out for the same reason.

No, I wanted to know if playdates at reception age was a thing and we were missing out (potentially because of my not inviting anyone) or if they dont really do them at that age. No confusion, just asking for peoples views.

OP posts:

worriedaboutmoney2022 · 15/05/2022 22:43

My daughter is in year 1 and she doesn't do play dates as such mainly as we work and use wraparound care I'm guessing as we went to a softplay as a family and there was a group of school mums all sat chatting - 4 of them and the kids playing as mine knew them
I'll admit I felt awkward but I have to use childcare as I work

legoouch · 15/05/2022 22:50

My boy was never really bothered about play dates until this year (year 4). Years 2/3 were his lockdown years so maybe he would have asked a bit earlier had things been normal. I asked him now and again if he wanted anyone over to play and just went with his answers. He’s very happy and sociable at school and has a few friends he plays with a lot at school and after school club, but he values his downtime at home alone too. I think just do what’s right for your child and don’t stress about what the imaginary ‘done thing’ is.

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 15/05/2022 22:57

Play dates here didn't really start till yr 1 when class parties started. At that point I got to know some of the other parents numbers when they RSVPd or friended some of them on Facebook.

Then I started contacting the parents who I knew lived very close by and asked if little doodah was free the next day for a play in the park and if parent doodah would be ok with me collecting lil doodah at 10am so my DD and theirs could play for a couple of hours.

After that it all started becoming a bit easier to chat to people and set up school holiday play dates.

Peanutbuttercupisyum · 15/05/2022 23:15

Reception play dates are a bit rarer as the kids are quite tired after school, tend to be more particular eaters, and generally the play dates are more child care based than older children. I think you’ll end
up having more as she gets bigger

Flavourflava · 15/05/2022 23:19

It makes no sense!

The OP is asking if play dates are normal in reception. It's clear they're just a parent trying to get things right. It's not that difficult. If you find a thread confusing, it may be easier to not comment.

FreezyFreezy · 15/05/2022 23:22

Chill out about it. It'll be fine.

I never, ever arranged any play dates (I hate that phrase) for my dc and they haven't lost out on friendships as a result. They started playing out on the street a few years ago (when they were 6&7 ish) and made friends that way. They now seem to know loads of kids roughly their age in a few local schools and are in & out of each others' houses and gardens. It's saved me from having to endure awkward and uncomfortable visits with people I have no interest in knowing.

Kite22 · 15/05/2022 23:39

We had very few dc round to play at that age.
If you are out at work it isn't that practical.

I obviously have no idea whatsoever if anyone else went round to another child's house, other than when parents helped one another out with a bit of childcare cover.
My dc have all grown up to be very sociable, friendly dc, if that is what you are wondering.

If your dc says "Can Bertie come and play one day?" then invite them if it fits round your working hours. If they don't, then no need to do so.

RidingMyBike · 16/05/2022 08:24

Mine's now Y1 and we didn't have play dates in Reception, although I think some others did who knew each other from preschool? We didn't want other people in the house because of Covid but did arrange a few play dates at the local park with parents we knew were also being cautious. That started after seeing some of them there and introducing ourselves.

redskyatnight · 16/05/2022 08:55

It's a thing, but I think take a little while to get going while everyone gets to know each other. As PP said, just invite someone. What's the worst that can happen?

Alternatively, is there a park near school? You might find that a lot of families gravitate there after school now the weather is nicer.

prescribingmum · 16/05/2022 08:56

DD is also in reception and like yours, sociable and friendly with everyone. I am not as social as her but have forced myself out of my comfort zone and invited others to play a few times and get reciprocal invites as a result.
Between wraparound care and her afterschool activities, we don't have many days where we can have them so try to take advantage wherever possible

Saying that I don't think your DD will miss out by not having them, feel you just need to initiate it yourself it is something you want

redskyatnight · 16/05/2022 08:57

It's saved me from having to endure awkward and uncomfortable visits with people I have no interest in knowing.

That's probably another reason for lack of play dates. At Reception age, some parents will want to stay and not everyone wants to host a visiting parent as well as a visiting child. By the time you get to Year 1, you can pretty much assume parents will be happy to send their child on their own.

Neverreturntoathread · 16/05/2022 09:03

Playdates in reception are definitely a thing!! We’ve been doing playdates since dd was 2.
It is up to the parents, not the children, to initiate playdates.
If you haven’t been invited to any it probably means that the other parents haven’t noticed you or got to know you. Fix that. Be friendly and chatty whenever you have the opportunity.
If you don’t have much opportunity to meet the other parents, just text them “Hi, DD’s been really enjoying playing with your daughter at school and was wondering if she’d like to come to ours for a play after school sometime?”
Making new friends (or helping your child to) can be hard work and delicate, but it’s so important for your child. Treat it like a job for a few months. Honestly no one much enjoys hosting playdates, we do it to help our children. You’ll know you’re getting it right when your DD starts getting invites back.

crisplist · 16/05/2022 10:31

My dd was in reception before covid. Play date was definitely a thing. We had play dates or parties nearly every weekend in the first term. Parents always stayed.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 16/05/2022 10:35

Play dates seem a big thing in my kids class- he’s in reception. It’s tricky when working, so we try and do a few on a weekend, or my non working day… but I’m not particularly keen on them as I live where I grew up so have my friends… but good for my kid I guess

SNAFU247 · 16/05/2022 10:46

DS is in Yr1. Playdates were totally not a thing in reception ... okay it was the tail end of Covid, but it still wasn't happening. Nor were parties, again, likely covid for that as it would have been too many people.

Yr1 now and DS has been invited to several big parties. I also went out of my comfort zone and texted his best friend's mum to ask if her son would like to come to ours after school. It's hard because even in Yr1 there is a big proportion of parents here that would expect to also attend the playdate with their child... Honestly, I'd prefer to host the child and not the parent too! Even with the parties (e.g. softplay, craft party etc.) the parents all want to stay, whereas I'm happy to leave DS to it and collect him later!

Playdates are hard for us due to work too. We have to use wraparound care before and after school for most of the week so I haven't made many mum friends as I'm often not on the playground. DS gets so many opportunities to play though, as he plays with friends before and after school at his wraparound club, so I console myself with the fact he probably plays with children more than most!

RidingMyBike · 16/05/2022 12:54

I'd be very wary of leaving DD (Y1) at someone's house though for a playdate at this age with a school friend I barely knew. Mum friend with older kids who was in the police said you often don't know what goes on behind closed doors and wouldn't leave any of hers until she knew the parents well or the kids were top end of primary.

That's why we started out with play dates at the park and then parent-stays short(ish) play dates.

TizerorFizz · 16/05/2022 14:38

My DDs saw other DC in YR and I never went with them and no parent ever stayed with them. It’s unnecessary and it teaches DC nothing. Playing with someone else and having tea with their family is about learning how to fit in. How to play. Parents cannot control everything. If DC cannot be left, say this to the inviting parent, or you don’t trust other parent, just refuse. That’s very sad though. The quote from the police office is utterly ludicrous. Most DC suffer at the hands of people they know. Not the parent of a class friend! Honestly!!

PollyDarton1 · 16/05/2022 14:42

DS is in Reception and whilst we haven't had one yet, me and a couple of the mums of his closest friends are going to organise a playdate soon.

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