Splitting triplets in 2 form entry

[Triple3Trouble]

We were always going to split the DC in primary school. We applied for a 3 form entry catholic school (3 classes of 30), a three form entry CE school (3 classes of 15 Y1 and 15 Y2 etc and reception was a funny one with 2 classes but it was only for a year and the classes mixed a LOT anyways). These were the only 3 form entry schools in town and we applied for a 2 form entry as a back up school (and the closest one).

So…… we got the 2 form entry. Still on waiting lists for the other 2 but I’m not going to hold my breath.

We are now struggling whether to split them or not. And If we split them, how?
The school have spoken to us and have made it clear it is completely up to us and if they stay together then there are opportunities to split them later on as the classes get mixed/move around in Y1, Y3 and Y5.

From previous experience with nursery (where they are now all split into different rooms) it is best to split them. I’m 99% convinced DD1 and DD2 were always being confused when together and DS has really come along on his own rather than being the quiet one who let his sisters do everything.

Our options are;

1. All together


2. DD1 and DD2 in one class and DS in another


3. DD1 (or DD2) and DS in one class and DD2 (or DD1) in the other.

I’m worried that splitting one on their own would be horrible to that one, maybe they would see it in the future as unfair or something, and the two who are together would have each other for support in a new environment which might give them a more positive first experience of school, I don’t know!? I’m so confused.

Wondering whether it’s best to have them together for YR and then figure out the split in Y1. I just don’t want to go backwards with any of them after all the progress they’ve made since October (when they were split into different rooms) which is why we wanted to split in the first place.

Can you ask them? Give them the pros and cons of each option. Don't promise you'll do their preferred option (in case they haven't different preferences) but will take it in to consideration.

Have you got one who is more independent than the other 2? Go with that.

Ask for the ones who are together to be separated and encouraged to be independent themselves. It will be fine.

Does the school mix the classes around as the students progress through the school or are the classes fixed for the duration?

If they fix for the whole time, I'd put them in together. If they mix the classes round every year, I'd ask them to just make sure the splits worked out so they all had a go at being solo.

Keep them together you can’t leave one on their own.

I'm a triplet and we attended a 2 form entry school. We were all together in reception as the classes were split due to age. Then we would take it in turns to be by ourselves. It was seen as the good thing to be in a class alone. All classes were changed around yearly so it wasn't a big issue and friendships changed naturally due to this anyway. In secondary school we were split into different form groups but later up the school we together as classes were set by ability.

I would split them and keep one DD and DS together, since it's likely they will make friends more with their own sex - so then they will all have their own separate friends.

I’d keep them together. I’d feel so sorry for the one left on their own and be concerned they’d feel left out at home too

I think splitting 1 out would be a bit weird and will cause issues at home too.

for example
class 1 with the 2 in is doing a particular topic or something funny happens. Naturally those two will chat about it at home and the other one will feel very left out. The 2 triplets in the same class will grow closer due to shared experiences which the 3rd one won’t be party to and could cause a deep divide.
the 2 in the same class will get invited to birthday parties (common to invite whole class, but I don’t think would be common to invite both classes) so agin the triplet that is in a different class will again be left out.
the 2 in the same class could resent the solo one for having more freedom and independence

if it were twins or there were 3 classes it wouldn’t be an issue as 2 would be ‘left out’ at the same time.

I think it needs to be all in same class or all 3 in seperate classes.

As they get older your DD's if identical may get fed up of not being an individual and want/need to be sp,it or may negatively compare themselves. I would keep them together in Reception as they probably free flow and mix quite a bit. Then assess for year 1

Did you appeal for the three form schools?

I’m a twin. We weren’t split up until secondary school and it was WEIRD. As much as I adore my sister, I wish we’d had the chance to learn to be separate from each other much sooner. There wasn’t really any choice as a small primary with single years. We didn’t have our own friends, they were always friends with us both.
I’m not sure what the solution is with three, but at some point during primary they should all spend time in different pairs or separately. The school will probably figure out a fair balance!

May I ask, what is their configuration? You’ve said two DD and one DS, but are the little girls monochorionic/identical or fraternal. If they are identical I think it’s harder on them to be separated as their bond will be so strong. I don’t think it would matter as much if they are all three fraternal/non-identical. And before someone jumps down my throat and says of course they can’t be a combination, they can…two embryos, one of which splits.

I'd listen to the advice of the multiples who have posted rather than the gut feelings of others.

What a pain to not get 3-form entry though.

From experience I'd say split them... Give them all a chance to be individuals (it sounds like you're already wanting this anyway, it's just not going to be as easy as you'd hoped)... Even if the only way to do that is by switching who gets to be alone every few years. It's cringy when people think multiples can't be split... It's frowned upon to constantly compare siblings of different ages but for some reasons multiples must be constantly together, compared and often assumed to be the same. By nature of being a multiple it's likely they share every other aspect of their lives... At least give them something where it's just them.

Depends if the school muddle the classes up later on as they progress but I'd be inclined to keep them together in year R on the strict understanding the teacher tries to Foster their own independent identities through not sitting them next to each other, different colour groups, not being each others partner etc.
I wouldn't worry too much about the DDs getting mixed up as other children will probably be quite quick to be able to tell them apart.
I think leaving one out could cause resentment down the line or at home like others have said.

I'd keep them together in yr R and split in yr 1. Definitely - and appeal/waiting list the 3 form schools...

Identical twins aren’t always monchorionic and I’d say most people know there can be a set of identical within the trio. In fact all the trios I know are this combination.
Also have to question why identical would be any closer to one another than fraternals?

OP what about parties and things. Three classes would mean a huge friendship pool. Then the different days they go swimming, do PE, have a project to hand in etc.
Its a lot having twins in the same class so I can’t imagine three in different ones.
Also, preschoolers aren’t the same as 7 or 8 year olds for example. They are easier to differentiate by character and so it’s unlikely no one will tell them apart.

just realised you’re talking about two classes. In that case I’d definitely keep them together.
I just can’t see how it wouldn’t cause long lasting division to keep one separate.

I spilt my twins and it was right for them all the V way through (now in Year 6). Other twins have stayed together and a few have been together at first and then apart based on conversations between teachers and parents about what’s best at that stage. One family had them together, then school suggested splitting in Year 3 but then other factors in the year group with bullying meant the following year they put them back together.

i think I would personally put them together for reception and see the dynamic going forward.

mine start secondary in September and suddenly want to be in the same tutor group. I don’t think there’s one set approach but whatever you choose will be through the fact you know your own dc so trust what you know about them as individuals.

Identical twins are individuals with their own tastes. My dtd1 has a stronger bond with dd1 than dtd2 - as siblings their bond is strong but no more so than other siblings. The special twin bond occasionally plays out but overall it’s not a thing. Dtds hate each other getting injured but that’s about it.

I’d keep them together for reception. And then see how it goes, keep in contact with school.

I agree leaving one on own is not great.

also the stuff they bring back to do for “homework” will be all the same if they’re in the same class and easier to manage.

if it’s a class of 30 then it’s likely your ds will talk to other boys instead of sticking with his sisters. You could distinguish the girls in order to help other children not mix them up - hairstyle, colour of stuff. Shoes etc.

I think it would be really odd (and problematic) to have 1 in a class and 2 in the other. Keep them together.

As a twin (and parent of multiples too) there is no right or wrong answer, it's whatever works for your family. I think all 3 in 1 class with perhaps be better for the children, at least to start with, and make your life easier too!

I get really annoyed with the whole "keeping them in the same class means they'll never be treated as individuals" or "separate classes means they'll be treated as individuals". If you have a good school & an open dialogue between children / school / home, it doesn't have to be that way. Sounds like the school is on board and live to the issue - brilliant that they're open to your views. I know its different but my DC had 4 sets of twins in their year group of 60. 2 sets stayed together and 2 were separated.

I’m a twin and we were split up after our first year of primary school. My sister stayed in the same class, and I got moved.

I was a really socially awkward kid and relied on my twin making the friendships. I spent playtimes with my sister and our friends from her class, but I was always really lonely when I had to go back to my own class.

I can see why my parents made the decision they did, but I don’t think it helped me become more independent in the long (or short!) term.

So it very much depends on the dc’s personalities.

@Daydreamsinsantafe fraternal twins are siblings, whereas identical twins are one embryo that split. Of course it’s a generalisation but I do think that makes for a different type of bond. My identical twins have always been treated as individuals, and as ‘mirror image’ twins they have different skills and attributes. They do things independently of each other. But what I’ve observed is that they ‘come home’ to each other, and feel most relaxed and at ease when they know the other is around. They choose to share a bedroom at home, they each understand what their twin is thinking or feeling, they advocate for and support one another. They also compete but take pleasure in one another’s successes. Bath times where awful when they were very little because each feared the other would drown and would scream until their brother was safely out of the water. They are in their teens now and we have never forced a separation, but neither have we held them together against their wishes. They are beginning GCSE subjects now which takes them into some different classes and I see that growing independence as healthy and sensible. But I would not have dreamt of separating them when they were younger and will always aim to provide them with opportunities to come back together when they want/need their other half.
I’m not claiming this is right for every set of multiples but I do wish people wouldn’t interfere with twin and triplet parents to impose separation as the only way to allow them to thrive as individuals.
The one situation where I would actively advocate separating identical multiples is in those unusual cases where they create difficulties for other children by forming a power bloc. But thankfully there aren’t many Krays out there!

@Chilmark79 twins are twins and their bond isn’t akin to that of normal siblings whether they are identical or fraternal. To suggest identicals are closer than fraternal is , in my opinion, untrue.

fraternal twins genetically share only the same as siblings but by definition are not the same.