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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Moving 7 years old at year 3 to prestigious independent school!

90 replies

sindysindysindy · 24/03/2022 00:27

Hi,
My daughter is 7 years old, she is currently in lovely girls (GDST) school that has a very nuturing environment with great postoral care. She loves her school, friends and teachers a lot. We spend time with her classmates outside the school as well. All most all parents became friends we meet and let the kids have play date at least once in a week. Luckly we all live local so my daughter also goes to swimming and violin lessons with her best friend. They spend so much time together. We have no problem with the school as I mentioned above but we wanted to try 7+ exams for other independent school that known as more selective and academic then my daughters current school. She did really well in all exams, she had 3 offers from other independent schools. We were so happy when we received the results and we decided on the most prestigious local independent school and paid the deposit as well. But my daughter doesn't want to change her school, she doesn't want to move! She keep saying she will miss her friends and school a lot. I tried to explain her that she can still see/meet her friends but she says its not going to be same. She is very bright and academic little girl, basically best in the classroom. I believe academically other school will suit her better but I do not want to make her sad. I checked the previous GSCE grades, my daughters school did %79, and other school %94 for 5 GSCE in grades A*-B. Do you think if she goes to more academic school she will get higher grades? Or she will do good anywhere? Actually we can also try 11+ but far less likely as greater competition. Ofcourse she may not get in. If she doesn't get any offer she can stay in her current school up to 18. Yesterday I told her that I need to give notice to her school and she cried a lot. We a pay a lot for private school so while paying it i want my daughter to take best results. But she is going to feel sad whats the point. Pros and cons both ways and feels like such a big decision.

WWYD?

OP posts:

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SuperSange · 25/03/2022 06:56

Don't girls perform better in single sex at that age? I must admit there's not a chance in hell that I'd move a very happy child's school without an extremely good reason. Your reasons would not qualify. It's THE most important thing at that age that she's happy, engages in learning and doing well. All the other stuff can wait until 11+.

SuperSange · 25/03/2022 06:58

Jesus Christ, she's only 7!! Shame on you.

Loopytiles · 25/03/2022 07:02

No way would I send a girl to a ‘co ed’ school that was previously boys only and still with lots more boys than girls.

sdra · 25/03/2022 07:06

I feel for you! I think though I would leave her as if she is happy she will thrive wherever. School is more than just grades. It's the pastoral care, the friends, the soft skills, the environment. Think again at 11.

WaterBottle123 · 25/03/2022 07:09

You sound like you're moving her for reasons of social status 'most prestigious'.

Leave the poor child where she is happy and stop being such a snob. Bright kids do well anywhere, including state schools, but that probably blows your mind.

vera16 · 25/03/2022 07:09

I feel so sad reading this. Her current success is likely linked to the fact she is so happy in her environment. How can you be sure she will 'do even better' after being uprooted and placed in a class full of boys? She may even lose confidence and have worse outcomes. Have you considered that?

I think you have become carried away with her amazing exam results and no doubt some persuasion from the 'better' schools. I really hope you don't move her.

Neolara · 25/03/2022 07:09

I think you'd be as to move her.

NandorTheRelentlessCleaner · 25/03/2022 07:12

I would not move her

Summerfun54321 · 25/03/2022 07:13

Why are you even thinking of moving her? She’s happy and successful where she is. I moved my young DC from prestigious private to the local very good state school and she is SO much happier. Private schools generally care more about exam results than happiness. It sounds like you do too.

mellongoose · 25/03/2022 07:13

My dd is also 7. I would leave her where she is. If you move her now, when she really doesn't want to, you risk long term confidence issues. It happened to me, sort of. If she's a bright cookie and you encourage her, she'll excel anywhere.

Winkydink · 25/03/2022 07:16

I guessed which schools you were referring to before I even saw the links. I would move your dd at 11+ - if she’s as bright as you say she’ll get in, if she doesn’t get in then the school wouldn’t be a good fit. At 11 kids are better at keeping touch with their friends at different schools. My dc are happy at the “prestigious” school but it’s just a school - their happiness is the most important thing.

whojamaflip · 25/03/2022 07:16

I was moved at the start of year 4 from the local primary where I was totally happy to a prestigious prep. I was bright and top of the class but was "behind" at the new school. I didn't really make any close friends there which continued when I went up to the attached secondary. I always felt like I didn't fit in at school and didn't fit any more with the village kids - a lot of snobbery attached to the school which suited my parents outlook on life.

I've refused to send any of mine private as a result.

TitoMojito · 25/03/2022 07:21

Send her when she gets to secondary. She’s only 7, let her be happy. She doesn't need a 'prestigious' education at 7.

Ducksurprise · 25/03/2022 07:28

@Winkydink

I do agree with this. Ability changes so much between 7 and 11.

Also think of the pond problem
One of mine does better being the big fish in a small pond, another needed a big pond to challenge them.

From what you have written leave her where she is

Titsflyingsouth · 25/03/2022 07:54

Personally nothing on earth would make me move a 7 year old who was in a nurturing environment, has friends and is happy.

Absolutely this! Dear Gods, why are you worrying about GCSE scores at age 7? She's happy and thriving. Childhood is about so much more than academic grades.

newsibling123 · 25/03/2022 08:01

@Tidlo

Your poor daughter with a parent that has such messed up priorities.

Messed up to want to send your child to a school more suited to her abilities??

Girls at 7+ move ALL THE TIME from less academic preps to more academic schools, and they've thrived.

Its messed up to allow a 7 year old to dictate your school career, christ, we are the parents!! Bravo to the OP for having some ambition for her DD and not settling for second best because they don't want to rock the boat. Do you think that's how women have excelled in any profession ? How anyone does? Playing it safe?

OutlookStalking · 25/03/2022 08:06

News she's in a good school and performing well- how is that showing lack of ambition?

Moving a happy child can backfire academically.

MorrisOxford · 25/03/2022 08:17

I think you are massively missing the bigger picture here!

You have a happy child, settled in school with plenty of friends and a strong sense of local community at a school where four out of five children (that's 16/20) are likely get excellent GCSEs

Compared to moving her to a more selective but mainly boys establishment (big disadvantage in my view) which has recently featured in the press for poor pastoral care, but where 19/20 are set to get excellent GCSEs. (hint: it's more selective).

(Remember too that your daughters GSSEs are 9 years away - and remember too that you can't put any weight of GCSE gradings for the last two years because of Covid)

You can't put a price on happiness. An unhappy child won't do well anywhere.

Leave her where she is doing so well for now, and review again at 11 or 13 when there will again be natural points to change school.

Hoppinggreen · 25/03/2022 08:20

@Volterra

Personally nothing on earth would make me move a 7 year old who was in a nurturing environment, has friends and is happy.

Exactly There is absolutely no need to move her

LIZS · 25/03/2022 08:23

If they are only just phasing girls in how many would be in her year/class? Might they be skewing the 7+ intake to help redress the balance. What are plans for sports etc until there are sufficient to put out teams in each age group. It might be worth it in the longer term but a sociable girl may struggle with more limited friendship opportunities. Now that you know she could get in you could wait until 11+ if she is happy where she is.

Glowinglights · 25/03/2022 08:24

A child who is happy, confident and doing well academically has no reason at all to be moved.
I would leave her where she is and be grateful she’s found such a lovely environment to grow up in.

newsibling123 · 25/03/2022 08:26

@OutlookStalking

News she's in a good school and performing well- how is that showing lack of ambition?

Moving a happy child can backfire academically.

Of course it can, but if the child is very bright, they should be in a school more suited to them, she's a couple of years on from Reception.

It boils down to ambition. She's proved she's bright, and no-one is saying her GDST school is coasting, but her destination school is in a different league - its one of the best schools in the country, it ranks better than household name ancient public schools like Dulwich College, her current school isn't.

Most children in this country change school at 11, it's a tiny minority that go all through from reception to 18.

OutlookStalking · 25/03/2022 08:32

So you can only have ambition if you're one of the very few that goes to the "top" few schools? Really?

Whinge · 25/03/2022 08:35

but her destination school is in a different league - its one of the best schools in the country, it ranks better than household name ancient public schools like Dulwich College, her current school isn't.

None of that matters if the child is miserable.

A child's haappiness is more important than attending a prestigious school.

3WildOnes · 25/03/2022 08:35

Is the school you are thinking of moving her from BHS? If so then it is a great school and a bright girl will thrive there. Half of pupils got straight 7-9s at GCSE and half got straight As and A*s at A level. Children are much more likely to succeed if they are happy and settled. I think you would be crazy to move her fro me her good school were she is happy and has good friendships.

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