7 year old “mean girls”

[Mamabearwhere]

I can’t believe I’m having to ask this but how can girls as young as 7 be so mean!? My dd has been having issues with a group of girls who she considers her friends but their behaviours are classic mean girl. Examples like “you can’t sit there, that’s for so and so” or “you can’t play with us” / “you’re not allowed to join in” etc. My dd is very gentle by nature so she doesn’t know/can’t be mean back or even stand up for herself in the way that she should. She’s worried about being in trouble by teachers for being unkind. I’ve explained it’s ok for her to tell her friends that they’re being mean and that’s not a nice way to behave but I think she’d rather just play it safe and hope they will just let her play with them and she genuinely considers them friends because we’ve done play dates in the past etc.

My heart breaks for her. I see how they behave at birthday parties so it makes complete sense and I don’t think she’s exaggerating.

What do I do? I approached a mum when it first started last year (me and this mum are v close) and she her response “they’re just girls and it will get worse when they get older”. She’s literally proudly raising a little bully brat of a child.

How do I approach this? The school in the past have been dismissive and say they’ve not noticed anything but I’m tempted to speak to the head directly and demand this to be taken seriously. It’s borderline if not actual bullying and maybe that mum is right, it will get worse UNLESS it stops now.

Yes the private school comment uncalled for but frankly it would stick in my craw if I was actually paying for an institution that made my child miserable and weren’t dealing with it!

I don’t get all the responses saying don’t call these little girls mean and not to continue to address it with the parents. They are in fact mean and do in fact need some intervention to correct their behavior.

Raising terrible children affects all of society, so no.. people don’t have to accept other peoples children’s being assholes to their kids.

Take it to the head teacher and tell the other parents to speak to their child to make sure they keep away from your daughter. Speak to your daughter about keeping away from them and understanding what “friend” means. She doesn’t need to tolerate this and she has to learn how to identify these sort of people now so she can avoid them in the future.

“It will get worse in the future”. What kind of parents are ok with this and make excuses for their children behaving like this?

I would have a word and if needed say something to the children the next time I hear about their poor behavior. No one has time for this nonsense asshole behaviour not being corrected.

7 is old enough to know how to treat people with kindness. Where I come from, parents of poorly behaved children are shunned until the child acts better. No one is going to be friends and make play dates with a child that’s a brat and treats people poorly. In Sweden a child bullying another gets the school social worker involved and asking what is going on at home and the parents will be investigated.. as they should be. If your child is behaving this way at school then there are some issues you the parent need to address.

It’s a direct reflection on the parents. So in my opinion.. terrible children, terrible parents. They go hand in hand. And judging by the mothers response she is ok with it, so most likely as asshole herself.

You can gentle parent and raise and asshole all you want, but the rest of the world does not and should not tolerate your poorly behaved, rosy cheeked aashole brat child because you didn’t correct their behaviour.

Must be a cultural thing, because all these excuses and “it’s perfectly “ normal is concerning.. no it’s not normal and no it’s not normal thing to say it will get worse.

We're not saying don't call their behavior mean
We're saying don't use the phrase "mean girls" because that's a well known and always sexist term.

This is really sad. I have 2 daughters not yet at schoo but I dread things like this as I know I will lose my shit if they are picked on. Please act on this, no one else is going to care about her like you do x

Definitely would rather raise girls in Sweden then! Can’t quite believe they’ve managed to stamp out little girl cruelty though I fear that’s innate and has been going on for time immemorial!

We had years of behaviour / violence issues in our daughters class by pupils at an independent school. We held on for years thinking their wpuld be improvents, but it just deteriorated even more.
We realise now that some of the children had additional needs and the school never gave enough support. Some children were given different treatment depending who their parents were / had influence etc.
We addressed our concerns with teachers and heads. They never made any long term plans or interventions to manage the poor situation, which they were all well aware of.
We moved ours into state schools in the end. we couldn't see the point in paying thousands for a school that lacked basic discipline systems and accountability.

@Mamabearwhere i searched this issue & found you're post.. I have already posted this week re my dd's issues except the girls excluding her are neighbours & live on our road... They won't let her play, run off on her & laugh at her... Your de sounds very similar to my dd... It's awful.. I'm not allowing her play on the road anymore, there are no other kids except this group (aged 7 & 8).. How is your de doing now?

Unfortunately, this is just part of growing up. I would explain to your dd that some children are not so nice and to focus on playing and befriending the children that are nice. I try to encourage my dd to have a wide variety of friends, as I know sometimes issues will arise or someone may not want to play etc. This is just how it is. So if one does not want to play, she moves on to the next, no problem. She understands that sometimes people are in the middle of a game etc. She has been in the same position. So if a group is not welcoming, she finds her other friends.