She's not selected. Maybe it's not a bad thing. - no sleep series 1

[mumcantrelax]

Just share. If any advice, bonus!

DD1 was rejected by 2 super selective schools in North London. I feel disappointed. For me, it's hard to accept. Story was that we didn't prepare at all for the 1st school. She didnt know how to write her name at the assessment. I was naive and I believed what the school told me at the open day which is no need to teach her anything. Then we learned from our mistakes and we prepared a lot for the 2nd school. We finished schofield books and we practised cutting and reading for a couple of months. We were also very lucky that I guessed some of the questions right so she practised them before hand and she was told she's a star at the assessment and I was told she as the only one got this comment in her 5 girls group. However she was rejected again. To guess the reasons that she was rejected by 2 schools, I would say that she's not ready to listen and follow instructions. She is only going to do things that she's interested in. She wanted to go to the 2nd school after open day visit so she studied with me. She likes to explore herself than be told what to do. She isn't chatty to someone she doesn't know so she probably didn't do well in 121 sessions. Having said that as always - it might not be a bad thing for her. I am always worried highly competitive environment at super selective schools could cause mental problems for young girls. Also I am not sure if it's a good choice to stay in one school from the age of 4 all the way up to 18. Well, I don't need to worry now. She didnt get in.
Now the question is what school is good for her. Friends seem to be important for her. Outdoor space is also important as she likes to run. A school culture that encourages individuality and fit in a strong-willed child would be a great match. I have high expectations on academic results but this comes after above.
By the way I am super curious about those girls who were selected by these super selected schools at 4+, how are they doing 20, 30 years later in their lives. I did a quick search. Very few names were noticed. What about the others? Are they happy with their lives?

Why are you pushing for superselective schools when she is what 3? 4?

Of course friends are important. Dont put pressure on her at this age to "perform" for interviews. She will think she has failed/failed you and far too young to think that.

If you're worried about highly competitive schools why did you apply to a highly competitive school?

This all sounds a bit mad!

My son got rejected from a school at 3 and I remember it hit me really hard at the time that someone didn't want my baby.

Honestly, feeling upset is normal but this doesn't mean she's doomed to fail at life. Just keep on valuing education, that's all you need in the early years.

Not in the UK but my kids have been in lots of schools (unplanned) and none are perfect but all have some positive. Personally I'd choose based on commute time and then decide when she's older where her interests lie.

I have a couple of friends who are now in their 30s, who went to very very selective schools. They are both now extremely beautiful and elegant with amazing careers, homes to die for, highly achieving children and perfect husbands.

I know that North London is a world apart from the rest of the U.K. but isn’t there a local school she could go to where she could have local friends?

She’s so little, you can’t possibly know what she will be like when she is older and having high expectations is a recipe for disaster, not all DC are very academic even if the parents are. It’s easy to assume they are but it isn’t that simple and I am speaking from experience with my youngest in his last year of school .

The child you have now is so different to the adult they will become. Find somewhere for now and don’t even think about further down the line . This is about doing the best for your child and not about your expectations and I think if you can get that now you will thank yourself in the future. It’s hard when you are surrounded by competitive people but you don’t have to buy into it.

So let me get this straight: You want go find out if, generally, people who were hot-housed educationally from the age of 3 or 4 have wonderful lives? People with a private education often have a higher chance of "succeeding" in life by the standard measures relating to wealth. It's well documented and tiresome to debate.

Worth mentioning you may be on completely the wrong track unless you are planning to be super wealthy. The whole world is going to be be wrecked by climate change by the time your DD grows up. I think you would do better teaching her survival skills. Discuss.

somewhat relevant to the topic is the reason people want their child to go to a specific school.

some london families want their children to be with like minded families and enjoy play dates with children with similar socioeconomic backgrounds. and ultimately because of family finances top grades are not the ultimate goal (although they want a good school education) it's the experience not the end degree.
some small percentage of children at these schools will never have to concern themselves with income so education is for fun and friends not oxford hence the reason you won't necessarily see their name in lights.

Why are you pushing for superselective schools when she is what 3? 4? @WoodenReindeer

Because I visited the schools and I like to think my daughter can be one of those exceptional girls.

Because I'd like see the schools think she's super smart like I do.

Because I'd like to help her to have a incredible start of her life.

I push her at such an early age maybe because I always did well at school and I believe my daughter can too. I didn't think it's too early to push her to the right direction.

@Lobakgo
Yeah rejection hurts. Life is a long journey. It's easy said than accept after being turned down.

@parchedjanuary
Sounds very desirable. So are you one of them?

@NotTheGrinchAgain
Yes

You may think your daughter is exceptional and super smart but 2 schools don't seem to have thought the same. Maybe lower your expectations for her. You could be setting yourself and especially your daughter up for failure at a very, very young age and that could be catastrophic for her mental health.

Learning should be fun at this age and right up to year 1 and 2. Not hot housing for assessments and exams at the age of 3 or 4.

@ItsSnowJokes
Definately the case. I think she's genus but not the schools. She is good at things they don't test in the assessment. I think she is having too much fun. She likes outdoors.

Oh dear.

Why is this in 'Further Education' ?

I normally don't respond to these types of threads but how said to read that a mother thinks her three year old is having too much fun and writes about liking the outdoors as if its a bad thing

Probably the opposite of what you imagine right now, but have a look at Reggio inspired schools near you. The focus in early years is not traditional classroom based learning but instead connecting with nature and projects led by the children. I'm a complete control freak, my professional life is all about spreadsheets and reports, but it's been the best choice for my two kids. They do forest school and play outside very day. No uniform, no homework. They're learning, but in a very different way.

How is there "too much fun" at 3? What does that look like? Shouldn't that be your goal for her?

Do uou think liking being outdoors is bad?

Why not choose a school that is nurturing and outdoorsy and fun as that sounds like it would suit her?

Your posting doesn't make a lot of sense (if genuine!)

OP please listen to yourself - 'I think she is having too much fun.' She is a four year old CHILD! Absolutely her main aim at the moment should be HAVING FUN. That is how children learn and develop at their own pace. Stop pushing her to be you. What is your concern? That she'll want a job outdoors using her hands and not some academically prestigious career? Who cares? The most important thing to want for our children is happiness. In whatever form that comes in. Let her develop at her own pace and make sure that along with learning she is always having lots of fun. If she is the genius you say she is, she'll do well at a less selective school anyway.

@parchedjanuary

I have a couple of friends who are now in their 30s, who went to very very selective schools. They are both now extremely beautiful and elegant with amazing careers, homes to die for, highly achieving children and perfect husbands.

😂😂😂 You're very naughty but that did make me laugh.

[quote mumcantrelax]@ItsSnowJokes
Definately the case. I think she's genus but not the schools. She is good at things they don't test in the assessment. I think she is having too much fun. She likes outdoors.[/quote]
Then let her go to forest school send spend time outdoors with her peers having fun and getting messy! Not teaching her that being a "genius" is the bee all and end all of life.

Let her go to the local school, make local friends and have a fun childhood.

It sounds so heartbreaking the pressure you are putting on her because you feel she should. If she is academically bright it will be found at the local school and they can push her more. You sound like you have perfect first born syndrome and you really need to stop.

Clearly 2 schools haven’t agreed with you.

Let her be a child, please don’t mention these 2 schools to her again.

A school culture that encourages individuality and fit in a strong-willed child would be a great match. The strong -willed child will need to learn to fit and compromise wherever she is going.

I have never understood this kind of attitude. Maybe because I went to boarding school? I want my children to go to a school that is part of the community. I want them to have friends in the street or the next street and walk from their school to the shops or their friends' houses after school. I live in a pretty nice area and the local families are generally decent sorts. Life is pressured enough. Why would anyone pile on the pressure to achieve by wanting a super selective education from age 3 or 4? I want my kids to be happy and well adjusted. That's all. Everything else is just sparkly edging.

You might be better putting this in primary education rather than the 16+ section (that’s what ‘further education’ tends to mean in the UK). I know not everyone on here has been through the UK system.

Or maybe you really do want to know where the average ‘rejected’ four year old goes at 16.

Hi, OP. We've moved your thread to the Primary Education board now.

@mumcantrelax My DD did not get an offer at 4+ from NLCS and SHHS. She received an offer from both (plus City) at 7+ . She joined NLCS in Y3 (10 place on offer so pretty hard to get in).

She then moved to St Paul's Girls at 11+ and is currently doing her A Levels there! (All 9s at GCSE etc).

The number one decider for schools at 4+ is teachability and following instructions. This is why the majority of the children that get offers at 4+ are autumn and winter born. Don't take it too hard. I know it's easier said than done. Give it a try at 7+.

Op, let your dd be a child. Stop hothousing her. Let her enjoy her childhood. Chill.

@hampsteadmum
I posted at a wrong thread at the beginning.
I am glad that finally someone doesn't think I have done something wrong to my daughter and ruine her happy childhood.
I will try to push her as long as she wants it too.