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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Original poster

Where have I gone wrong?

38 replies

Mackmama · 07/12/2021 23:19

My DS is in Year 1. There was a discussion on the parents WhatsApp today which revealed the children have been split into ability groups for phonics. It’s clear from the spellings they have been given to learn that DS is in the bottom group. I’ve seen the spellings for the other groups, and I think DC might manage the middle group ones but by and large, I do think the teacher has placed him correctly as I know if DC is struggling with them every week he’ll feel undermined and get stressed. My question is what have I done wrong for DS to end up here? I’ve read to him/with him since he was tiny and played games (5 minute mum etc) to make it fun. We did loads in lockdown when we were homeschooling. Nobody at school had identified any learning difficulties and his writing and maths are okay I think, it seems to be the reading and spelling. What more can I do to help? I’m obviously not wanting to put stress on my DS with this as he’s pretty sensitive and I think it would be counter productive.

OP posts:
SparePantsAndLego · 07/12/2021 23:26

You’ve not done anything wrong! He’s in year one, there’s plenty you can do to help him. The very first thing I’d suggest doing is speaking to his teacher. Keep reading with and to him and don’t panic. The teacher will help you to fill any gaps. Do you know which reading scheme/phonics scheme they use at school? I’d urge you to find out if you don’t, as you don’t want to confuse him by doing different things at home.

OppsUpsSide · 07/12/2021 23:29

Are you pronouncing phonics sounds correctly ( ‘d’ not ‘der’ etc) other than that reading with him is the best thing you can do.

Kite22 · 07/12/2021 23:30

Everything @SparePantsAndLego said.

Original poster
Mackmama · 07/12/2021 23:40

Thanks @SparePantsAndLego I’ll do that. I think I know what they’re using but it would be good to check. At parents evening, the teacher did identify there were about six sounds he was struggling with and she said she’d arrange extra support to get him up to speed. I do think his reading has improved since then so shes obviously on to it too, I just want to help so he doesn’t get left behind. I do wonder whether part of the problem is that he’s just not that interested.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mackmama · 07/12/2021 23:43

Yes @OppsUpsSide, I do sometimes fall into the trap of saying the name of the letter rather than the sound, I try hard not to.

OP posts:
NewlyGranny · 07/12/2021 23:44

Keep reading to and with him, OP, and have fun. Do it every day, even if it's hard to carve out the time and you're tired. Doesn't have to be you if his DF is around. Play silly games with words that rhyme or start with the same sound. Notice "environmental print" - signs and notices - when you're out and about and talk about it together. Let him see you reading and writing. Ask the teacher what else you can do to support at home. Good luck - I expect he will zoom on in the new year.

Thinkbiglittleone · 07/12/2021 23:47

@SparePantsAndLego

You’ve not done anything wrong! He’s in year one, there’s plenty you can do to help him. The very first thing I’d suggest doing is speaking to his teacher. Keep reading with and to him and don’t panic. The teacher will help you to fill any gaps. Do you know which reading scheme/phonics scheme they use at school? I’d urge you to find out if you don’t, as you don’t want to confuse him by doing different things at home.
Exactly this

And make it fun when you are reading with him with lots of encouragement and praise (which I'm sure you do ).

user33323 · 07/12/2021 23:54

Think of it this way, do you think babies who walk at 14 months rather than 10 have had less effective parenting? Children who wet the bed haven't been toilet trained properly? Try to compare it to a physical milestone.

One of mine was the slowest to develop reading in her whole class. I found this a bit unfair because reading and books are hugely important to me, and I had done a tonne of learning through play and phonics games (without being pushy and putting them off) and other parents told me they didn't even know what phonics was before their child started school and they hadn't dutifully taught them phase 1 and 2 phonics like I had and their kids were miles ahead of mine and grasped it easily. Mine just couldn't pick up blending until the end of reception/begining of year 1, and then was on CVC word books for ages. As soon as she turned 7 though, she made huge leaps with reading, and started reading a chapter book a day. Ever since then her teachers have always commented on her love of books, creative writing, and that they can tell she has been read to a lot and is exposed to a lot of books. So it took a long time, but the benefits were seen eventually when she was developmentally ready. It's actually not uncommon for children not to enjoy or find reading easy until 7. There is an old wives tale that it is around the time they lose their first baby tooth that they are ready for reading and funnily enough that has been true for all of mine.

Alltheblue · 07/12/2021 23:55

Is he younger in the year?

I understand your reaction but he may be simply at a different developmental stage.

More details please!

Original poster
Mackmama · 08/12/2021 00:02

Thanks for the reassurance everyone, I will keep reading with him and keep trying to make it fun. I’m trying to find some books about things he’s actually interested in he’s a kid that loves cars and ‘things that go’. I might try another trip to the library with him to see if there is anything he picks out.

OP posts:
Atla · 08/12/2021 00:04

He'll get there!

Original poster
Mackmama · 08/12/2021 00:04

@Alltheblue he’s one of the older ones.

I think there is definitely something in developmental stages and children picking some things up more quickly than others. DS is great at things like running and riding a bike, understanding how things work etc…but reading seems to be taking a bit longer.

OP posts:
justasking111 · 08/12/2021 00:08

I love the phonics song it's on you tube you can both sing along. Amazon have loads of phonic stuff too

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 08/12/2021 00:17

You sound great! Please just enjoy him! My DS1 was in the lowest group aged 5 and had SEN support…he ended up at Oxbridge - they just do develop at different ages and the key thing is to make them enjoy learning and know you believe in them.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 08/12/2021 00:28

My DD was around books from day 1. Always wanting to be read stories, loved any interactive toddler book, used to 'read them to her baby sister etc.
Was still on Pink (Level 1) books in Yr1. Shes dyslexic. Shes 10 now, reading Yr4 books, dame level as her younger sister. But she still absolutely loves reading. Its just harder for her. (As well as spelling, times table, organising her thoughts,)

I blamed myself... but there's no one to blame. Her father also recently got a dyslexia diagnosis as he recognised the symptoms as we learnt more about it.

I'm not saying your DS has dyslexia. But the point is all children learn differently and we need to support them in their strengths and weaknesses. Its not a reflection on us.

mathanxiety · 08/12/2021 01:04

You've done nothing wrong and your child is doing fine.

The problem is a school system where children of 5 and 6 are expected to master spellings, and end up feeling they are not making the grade.

I'm in the US where children aged 5-6 are encouraged to give reading and writing their best shot. Not assigned to 'ability' groups which are subsequently made public, and individual children judged.

Your fellow parents are not a classy group of people. Sharing spelling lists is truly horrible.

Anaximedes · 08/12/2021 01:11

Some children don't take to phonics and learn to read by learning the shapes of the words. (This is true for all to a greater or lesser extent given that phonics only take you so far with English, but this emphasis on phonics above all else doesn't suit all children equally). Not saying don't do phonics, am saying follow the guidance of the school but also be broader than this and read with him word by word daily, rather than phonetically.

You say his writing is okay, but don't reading and writing the letters and words go hand in hand? What is he writing well, if he's not reading yet?

lovelilies · 08/12/2021 01:54

My eldest could barely read a word at 6.... she got a grade 9 in English GCSE (and 10 other 9s too).

Early definitely doesn't mean better when it comes to academic excellence

junebirthdaygirl · 08/12/2021 06:30

@Anaximedes

Some children don't take to phonics and learn to read by learning the shapes of the words. (This is true for all to a greater or lesser extent given that phonics only take you so far with English, but this emphasis on phonics above all else doesn't suit all children equally). Not saying don't do phonics, am saying follow the guidance of the school but also be broader than this and read with him word by word daily, rather than phonetically.

You say his writing is okay, but don't reading and writing the letters and words go hand in hand? What is he writing well, if he's not reading yet?

This is so true. And it's definitely not anything you are doing wrong. Some children seem to pick phonics up easily as that system was made for them. Others have to systematically learn each bit without anything coming easy . Keep it fun and remember only short bursts as he will get tired easily as it is demanding for him. Also get him an alphabet board with small letters..not capitals and get him to make the spelling words focusing on word patterns. He sounds like a guy who learns by being hands on so anything he can actually do physically to practice is helpful.
SaltedCaramelHC · 08/12/2021 07:27

Make sure you also read to him, loads - and much harder books than you might expect he can understand. Don't just share-read the books that he is working on, or make him read a page of something you are reading, but just separate the activities and let him really enjoy harder books for the pleasure of the story, the vocabulary, the sentence structure - all of that will go in from listening as well. If he likes to follow along, you can show him where you are, but mostly, he needs to just listen and enjoy the story and books.

it's easy to get very focused on the actual reading for him, and forget about all the other good aspects of reading that come from being exposed to the story and language. And listening is a much less stressful experience, and hopefully a bit of enjoyable time with a parent.

So really do read to him lots as well - not just a few minutes before bed, or audio books in the car, but proper shared time where it's enough to get into a story.

Hippywannabe · 08/12/2021 07:36

Which phonics programme do they use? I am a huge fan of Read, Write Inc.
Please don't worry too much though, one of my 3 struggled with spelling all the way through school, had numerous interventions that didn't help much and has just taken his Detective's exam so it hasn't held him back! He also passed 11 GCSEs before going to college for his BTEC and then onto Uni where he got his degree.

MrPickles73 · 08/12/2021 07:43

Learning to read is a long and winding road.. he will get there. Jus practice for 10 mins every day. Try to keep it fun.
Our son faile the 2 yr development check - he was a bum shuffler with poor vocab. Took him ages to walk.
But for some reason I didn't feel concerned. He's our second child and I knew he would get there.
He is now 8, has a sports scholarship and is 3 years advanced in his favourite sport, one of the top academic kids in his year and chatty and charming.
Your son may just need some extra time but if the teacher is not concerned try not to worry. 10 mins s day of reading.

EnidFrighten · 08/12/2021 07:50

Forget about how he is graded and make literacy part of every day life. Go for a walk and look at car names and see if he can read them, go to a museum and see if he can read the labels, spot stuff when you're out and about and get excited when he can make a word out. Following a recipe where he reads some bits is also fun. DD loves being our navigator and following signposts etc. Don't make it just about books.

trilbydoll · 08/12/2021 07:52

I've got two dds and we haven't done anything different. DD2 is a natural speller and can usually make a good attempt at her older sister's spellings. DD1 just doesn't care, commits them to short term memory on a Thursday evening and promptly forgets them again! So I don't think you've done anything wrong, as pp say, at this age it's no different to skipping, jumping etc, some of them just get it straight away and some do a good impression of never having used their legs before Grin

JKDinomum · 08/12/2021 07:53

@user33323

Think of it this way, do you think babies who walk at 14 months rather than 10 have had less effective parenting? Children who wet the bed haven't been toilet trained properly? Try to compare it to a physical milestone.

One of mine was the slowest to develop reading in her whole class. I found this a bit unfair because reading and books are hugely important to me, and I had done a tonne of learning through play and phonics games (without being pushy and putting them off) and other parents told me they didn't even know what phonics was before their child started school and they hadn't dutifully taught them phase 1 and 2 phonics like I had and their kids were miles ahead of mine and grasped it easily. Mine just couldn't pick up blending until the end of reception/begining of year 1, and then was on CVC word books for ages. As soon as she turned 7 though, she made huge leaps with reading, and started reading a chapter book a day. Ever since then her teachers have always commented on her love of books, creative writing, and that they can tell she has been read to a lot and is exposed to a lot of books. So it took a long time, but the benefits were seen eventually when she was developmentally ready. It's actually not uncommon for children not to enjoy or find reading easy until 7. There is an old wives tale that it is around the time they lose their first baby tooth that they are ready for reading and funnily enough that has been true for all of mine.

It's a good job the tooth thing wasn't true for my daughter as she didn't lose her first tooth until midway through year 3!!

OP really try not to compare with others, and don't feel you've done anything wrong. Just keep supporting your child without stressing them out.

If you do practise at home make sure it's fun stuff not "extra work". Maybe ask the teacher if there are games or similar they can recommend.