Primary applications for twins

[Pipster78]

Hi there.

I’m after a bit of advice really from any parents of multiples. My boys are due to start reception in September and currently considering schools to put on the list. Well I know which one but so heavily over subscribed I need an alternative. My preferred school lets parents decide in conjunction with school whether boys should be put in separate classes. I’m not in favour of splitting them up just yet. I can see benefits in time but not right now. Anyway a school I viewed yesterday said their policy is they do aplit and appears no discussion at all. This to me doesn’t seem right as evidence is mixed at splitting at this age.

Any advice or experience appreciated as at the moment it seemed a nice school but this was a huge no for me.

Thanks
Pip

Schools are no longer allowed to have blanket policies. Are you a member of Twins Trust ? They have very good guides and educational consultants who will advise on just these sorts of things. Its very cheap to join.

As someone who knows a lot of twins, if they are together in reception check when they switch. Some schools do it when they juggle classes for juniors. Having seen probably 15 sets of twins in my DC schools, splitting tends to have better outcomes in terms of them having own identity, friends etc and not being known as 'the twins' and teachers not mixing them up or comparing them

So if they are together and make friends, which one will you split out into another class? Who will have to make friends in another class with ready friend friendship groups?

I have twins - chose a larger school so they could make friends of their own.

Our school does have a policy of splitting twins from the beginning, unless for occasional special reasons such as sen/medical recommendations. As a previous op said, they have better outcomes from this. There is always a dominant twin and if together in a class, the dominant twin will take over in all situations, will do the work of building friendships, and the less dominant twin will just float along in their wake. They are individual people and need to build individual lives for themselves. It can be difficult initially, but the benefits outweigh this.

I would speak to the head and explain your reasoning before applying. It makes me so cross that schools dictate what should happen without parental involvement.

Be prepared OP for lots of posts from people who don't have twins or are not twins themselves wade in with an opinion about what's best for twins. Only you know what's best for your twins and if you feel that they'd do better together then stick to your guns and get the schools to listen and accommodate your views.

There is always a dominant twin and if together in a class, the dominant twin will take over in all situations, will do the work of building friendships, and the less dominant twin will just float along in their wake. They are individual people and need to build individual lives for themselves. It can be difficult initially, but the benefits outweigh this

Sorry but that's rubbish.

However the OPs question is not about what's best for her twins, it's about how to challenge a school with a rigid policy which doesn't allow her a choice.

I was strongarmed by school into splitting mine in year 1. Don't be pressured.

School had so many arguments for splitting twins.
However, many instances cropped up where class events clashed and left me in a horrible position of not being able to attend both at once.

Unless others have multiples they just don't understand.

it's about how to challenge a school with a rigid policy which doesn't allow her a choice.

But the harsh reality is that it isn't her choice to make. Class placements are decided by the school and can be made for a variety of reasons (academic, social, emotional, logistical, SEN, etc.). Would it be nice if, as a parent of twins, the parent was allowed to input into this? Yeah, of course it would. But the school don't have to do that and, even if they do consult, they don't have to take the parent's recommendations.

The parental choice here is which schools to put down as preferences. The second school have made it clear that they put no weight on parental input when deciding the class breakdowns so the choice you have as a parent is not to put them down in your preferences if that's enough to override the positives of that school.

Mine are in a single form entry so we didn't have an option. Looking back though there is now way they would have been happy being split, they are the youngest in the year and very keen, so technically should have been in the year below.

They are in y6 now and they will be split at secondary for form room but may have some classes together. They are ready for that now.

@Joolsin

Our school does have a policy of splitting twins from the beginning, unless for occasional special reasons such as sen/medical recommendations. As a previous op said, they have better outcomes from this. There is always a dominant twin and if together in a class, the dominant twin will take over in all situations, will do the work of building friendships, and the less dominant twin will just float along in their wake. They are individual people and need to build individual lives for themselves. It can be difficult initially, but the benefits outweigh this.

There is no dominant twin in my pair, at all.

We didn't apply to the school that said they would split them. As they got older, there would have been some advantage but not before KS2. If it is the school you want, go armed with the info from the twins trust. Interestingly, at school, the dominant twin is different, but they are different in different situations.

@middleager

I was strongarmed by school into splitting mine in year 1. Don't be pressured.

School had so many arguments for splitting twins.
However, many instances cropped up where class events clashed and left me in a horrible position of not being able to attend both at once.

Unless others have multiples they just don't understand.

Clashes happen with siblings regardless of ages.

I don't believe there is always a dominant twin and have known twins who are so different that you'd not know they are twins. But I've known twins where there either blatantly is a dominant one, or there is one but it's much more subtle & only by observing them you pick it up & notice how interactions work.
I'm not a teacher but I do teach DC in another context.
It's a personal choice as some parents also really want their twins to be treated as two totally different independent children whilst others are happy for them to be treated as a pair.

My twins are very different and what one is not more dominant, one is more gregarious than the other. They did also have different interests. I did welcome them splitting up, simply because it allowed the quieter one to develop their own friendships rather than tagging along with their twin, which they always had done up to that point.
Obviously you know your guys best but you might want to consider when you might like them to develop those skills and when they will have to make their own friends.

it's about how to challenge a school with a rigid policy which doesn't allow her a choice.

But the harsh reality is that it isn't her choice to make. Class placements are decided by the school and can be made for a variety of reasons

As pps have said, there may be ways/advice on how to change the schools mind. I get that the choice Is, in reality, to choose a different school but it's definitely worth looking if it's feasible to change that first.

@MrsElijahMikaelson1 whilst one twin there isn't dominant as such, I've seen the 'stronger personality' twin often be treated by others as the dominant one (if the other is quieter in groups) ... by other DC, adults etc.
Seen it lots. But have had twins in groups I work with who are so different and both strong personalities that it doesn't happen.

unknown this is true re the clashes, but when it's year one 'activity afternoon' or 'assemblies' this does not happen like that so frequently with other years.
It's not the same, and you'll know this if you are a parent of multiples.

@middleager our primary is 4 form entry (& split site). It happens frequently.
Parents Eves with parents of 3+ siblings running between appointments, open classroom days when parents can't be in 3 classrooms at once, showcase performances where Yr2 and Yr4 end up at the same time etc.
Any parent with 2+ DC in 2 different classes can have this.
Every parent with 2+ children with different multiple after school clubs also have to juggle it.
Any parent with 2+ children can have 2 birthday parties that clash on a weekend.
Even more fun when one is in high school & holidays are different.
I don't buy it that twins are different.
It's just two DC in different classes.

It's just two DC in different classes

It's really not. Presumably if you have 2 (or more) of different ages, in different year groups, 1 started school when the younger siblings were at nursery / at home. Unlikely therefore to have had too many clashes where you had to miss all those early parent things. It's difficult to appreciate if you don't have twins but having 2 at exactly the same stage, doing exactly the same thing and having to choose between them is different to having DC of different ages.

Of course any parent with multiple DCs is pulled in all sorts of directions but twins are really a different juggling act.

Twins are very much different, they go through life having never known anything except their twin and depending on pre school experience and probably even worse now due to covid, until they go to school, age 4 and suddenly their other part isn't there, particularly if they are close. For others it is different they hate each other and don't get on, in which case splitting is probably the best option - it is individual dynamics of the twins which should reflect this not a rigid schoo policy. It would be the same in a school which has mixed age group teaching e.g a 45 intake, with siblings up to 23 months apart - parents should get the choice.

As for parents evening, yes it doesn't matter, because I book 2 appointments for my 2 children, sometimes on a different night to make the point that they are individuals. Yes having children in different schools, classes causes diary clashes, but when they are in the same school, it doesn't have to be that as a parent you need to make a choice. Some infant and junior schools are better at co-ordinating than others but there will often be other children who miss out.

Never underestimate the twin bond

Unlikely therefore to have had too many clashes where you had to miss all those early parent things.

Although sometimes having a younger sibling at home and no childcare can make you miss everything too.

I think the crux is whether the school ever mixes the classes up, for example going from yr2 to yr3, in which case they should be able to accommodate your reasonable request for them to start together and then move. Other schools refuse to mix classes at all and you are with the same children in yr6 as you started in yrR assuming you haven't had to find a new school , never mind how disastrous the initial allocation or even if someone is being bullied. In the later case even if you did persuade them to make an exception and move one ds in yr3 they would be the only one moving into a well established class, which I think would be worse.

Re clashes. There can't be that many occasions when two Yr1 classes have things at exactly the same time requiring a parent to attend; anymore than two different classes. Millions of parents have this dilemma constantly with all manner of things: shows, matches, parents eve, Xmas events etc
I think that's the wrong reason to decide whether to split twins or not.
The children's dynamics are the key bit & how adults respond and treat them as a consequence.
( I've known teachers who constantly refer to children as 'the twins' or get names wrong or mix them up or even worse give them silly nick names).

Post pandemic the effect on young children who barely left home for 12-18 months is very stark btw for a huge % of Nursery - Yr1 children. Not just twins. All schools are seeing it.

@BluebellsGreenbells

So if they are together and make friends, which one will you split out into another class? Who will have to make friends in another class with ready friend friendship groups?

I have twins - chose a larger school so they could make friends of their own.

A friend's twins were together in the infants school, and the normal expectation was that they would split when they went to the junior school. They were part of a foursome, and the other two were closer to each other than either twin, so splitting the twins would have split that friendship. They left them together, because in this case it just made more sense.

Ask to see the policy. It won't exist.
Kings research will back your case to have them together if that's what you think is best.

Parent of twins here
If you want to argue against the school’s policy Twins Trust (formerly TAMBA) will support you and it’s likely you will win the argument (they have strong evidence against blanket policies and good advocates who will support you)
However for me the school’s attitude to the twin thing would raise a red flag as it suggests that they are unwilling to work in partnership with parents in general. If you have another alternative school I would opt for that as I wouldn’t want to send my kids to a school that isn’t open to conversation and consultation with parents.

(my twins started Reception together in a one form entry infant school, I was intending to separate them when moving to junior school for yr 3 but it was obvious by mid year 1 that they needed to be in different classes so we moved to a 2 form entry primary and they have been in separate classes since end yr 1. Now yr 6, will be at different secondary schools next year. It’s worked for us, but what I would say is that what I thought would work didn’t and we changed plans along the way so it doesn’t have to be a fixed decision, be open to change depending on how things go…)