Son can't write his name

[LivingForPinkGin]

Hi everyone

My son started primary school in September, he is one of the youngest in the class (June birthday). I have picked him up a few times and been met with his teacher saying that he can not write his full name and he really should be able to do this by now and we need to work harder with him. He can write his first name but not his surname.

We have tried to encourage this more but me and my dh work full time so by the time we get home it is getting close to 6pm and ds just does not engage with trying to do this. Anyway my mum picked him up today and again she was told that he can not write his name and said the teacher seemed almost annoyed when she told her.

I suposed we need to do more work with him at the weekend but I am really getting worried now. Is this normal? He went to a private nursery where they did not teach writting or reading. He has been there 2 months should he really be able to do this by now??

I am a retired Early Years teacher and agree that it is not unusual for a child to be unable to write their first name at this stage and quite unusual for them to be able to write their surname. I would prefer a child to start school unable to write their name at all than having been taught to write it in capitals or wrongly formed letters and have to start all over again and 'unlearn' it.

I also agree he needs to practise a proper pencil grip as bad habits are very hard to lose. Since retirement I have been invigilating exams and gave seen students struggling with very poor grip. It needs sorting early on.

Not everyone is great with a pen & paper, OP.

The amount of people on Mumsnet who claim to be Teachers/ex Teachers, but whom cannot spell (not referring to punctuation obviously, this is social media!) is surprising.

Anyway, Reception is far too young to be concerned about penmanship & literacy skills ffs! Don't let it bother you OP, honestly. They sound dictatorial & judgmental. If you get pulled up on it again, just ask what they're doing to improve pen grip. Otherwise, don't give it another thought!

I wouldn't push it, I would gently encourage 10 mins or so in an evening, and let them write in the Christmas cards etc....it doesn't matter if they get it wrong.

My 5 years old started school last year (Reception), he had been to private nursery prior to school, and as much as we tried to encourage him, he just wouldn't write, form letters/shapes or take any interest in phonics....he would actively move away from anything reading and writing related.

He started school in September and obviously we then had a mixed bag of school and home schooling. During that time there was a letter a day taught to the children to form, and a phonics sound.

My son moaned and resisted every time he had a new letter/sound to learn, and generally struggled to pick them up, we had years and tantrums daily.

We persevered with just a few minutes a day...no more, phonics sounds usually whilst doing something else...washing up etc, letters were practised on his wipe clean easel and he eventually got it.

He's in year 1 now and is reading confidently, and his writing is coming along nicely, however he still does occasionally spell his name wrong and we just correct him.

I would ask the school what phonics scheme they are using, our school uses Read, Write Inc, and they have a scheme learning a rhyme to form a letter, we found that helped our LO as some were funny and they had pictures within the letters to help remind him of how the letter is formed....maybe Google it to give you a better description than what I have!

Please don't worry, your LO is still only little, and it will come.

i could read full books at 4 because my single mother spent a lot of time with me at weekends teaching me how to read and write.
I'm of average intelligence. Got a degree, certainly no genius.
You get out what you put in, what is more important, housework, chores, gardening or making sure your child can do things like this.

Honestly thank you so much everyone. I have just been feeling like a failure lately with him.

It has also been mentioned about his reading and that he should be blending better than he is by now but thats another story. I am going to request a meeting with the teacher and speak to her properly, like you say it isnt the best getting a 10 second handover when he comes out.

I am just happy he has settled in to the class and enjoys going every day. The rest will come in time.

My DS (July birthday) could only just write his 3 letter first name when he started school. His manual dexterity just had not developed sufficiently. He is now a highly qualified professional in his twenties. It is the job of the school to educate children. That is why we have a state education system. A Reception teacher should be well aware of chronological age differences in the class, which are significant at this stage.
If you want to help at home make it fun eg tracing name with finger in sand, magnet letters, tracing dotted outline of name in colours etc etc. And remind the teacher of his age - repeatedly.

My son started school in September and I feel absolutely chuffed he can now write his first name. Didn't even occur to me to introduce his surname at this point!

Let's put this into perspective....my son is 6yo and has just started writing his first name. He turned 6yo 20 days after starting P1.

Please relax about this. Your son is so tiny!! Teacher really out of order in my opinion.

I have a blackboard in my hallway with chalk near the front door. There's no pressure from me but my son will ask me to write his words down for the week. And he just wrote his name on this two weeks ago all of a sudden. No one asked him. He just felt like doing this.

Honestly what a pressure some children and parents are put under.

I work in Y3. I wouldn't be suprised if half of my class couldn't write their surname. One child always forgets the double letter in her first name, and I had another child start without paperwork so I asked her if she knew what her surname was: "I think it's Mae." Nope, that was her middle name.

@LivingForPinkGin

Honestly thank you so much everyone. I have just been feeling like a failure lately with him.

It has also been mentioned about his reading and that he should be blending better than he is by now but thats another story. I am going to request a meeting with the teacher and speak to her properly, like you say it isnt the best getting a 10 second handover when he comes out.

I am just happy he has settled in to the class and enjoys going every day. The rest will come in time.

You have hit the nail on the head with your last 2 sentences 😀

All I was concerned with was my baby settling in school, especially after the upheaval of the past 18 months.

Tbh that is still my main worry when I send him off each day!

You aren't a failure, it sounds like your LO has settled into school just fine, and you are doing what you can to support him.

@Bunnycat101

Judging by the class Christmas cards last December… there was one child who had writing that would put most grown ups to shame, lots that attempted to write their name, a few that did some illegible and a good chunk where parents wrote. I’d imagine most would be writing their full name beautifully.

While we're on the subject, a tip if you're going to do Christmas cards for the whole class: get them good and early so you can do three a night in time to take them all in together.

Please don't worry. My nephew couldn't hold a pencil or read until he was 7 when something clicked....he's now 28 and a doctor

This teacher has very high expectations for a young Reception child. It was flagged to us last year that DS still wasn’t great at writing his (long) first name by the end of the first term of reception, but he is a winter baby and we certainly weren’t “told off” by the teacher in the way yours has done!

In the final term of Reception they were asking parents whose children couldn’t write their names reliably to practice with them at home so I think this is a target for the end of the year, not the first term (and DS is at an outstanding, sought after, good SATs results etc. primary). Please don’t worry - your son will be absolutely fine and it sounds as though the teacher needs to chill out a bit!

No no no! Children come to writing at very different stages. Some of the children who can write easily at 4, are the ones who are struggling with reading age 8 and vice versa. There is never a linear progression in formal learning, children's brains are much more interesting than that. What kind of school is it, it feels very pressured to be insisting on this level of progress so quickly.

I work one day a week as a reception teacher. The vast majority of the children in my class have not learned to correctly write their first name yet, let alone their surname. I would assume that the children who went to the school nursery spent a lot of time being taught this, whereas your son's nursery (quite rightly) focused on other things. I don't think it's anything to worry about at all and can't believe the teacher is making it into an issue.

That's weird, DD has just started reception and some of them seem to not even know their letters yet! She's quite advanced but would need help to write her second name (I think she could do it if I told her what the letters are).

I'd find this unhelpful, the last thing you want is to pressure them as they might just stop trying.

Thanks for your replies everyone. I didn't think the school was an overly academic school, it is the school I went to when I was a child and the teacher actually taught my younger sister 20 years ago in reception so she is not new to teaching young children! I am just so shocked at how quickly and how frequently this is being pushed.

The reading is another thing. Had a message this morning about his reading book, and that we need to work harder with him to blend the words together!!! The anxiety is going to send me over the edge, he has never even tried to read anything before September so I thought he was doing amazing learning his letter sounds never mind being able to blend so early on.

Anyway thanks again for all your replies and advice, its made me feel better to know this is definitely not the norm that is expected and my son should be just fine!

Isn't it the teacher's job to teach them to read and write? Sure practice writing and do some reading at home, but if they want them to be able to read and write within 6 weeks and starting school they can't make this your responsibility.

Maybe the teacher needs to do her job and help him learn to if she's concerned?!

Oh bless him - just read your update on the blending. That's definitely not an expectation yet either for the area I teach in (not forgetting the lockdowns we've just had). I would be playing games with lots of oral blending (without the written words) to practice e.g "Fred says put your hands on your h-e-d" "touch your nnnn-oe-ss" etc. Also make sure you are saying the pure letter sounds without a schwa e.g. c not cuh as this can impede ability to blend x

I'm not sure what is normal, both of mi r learned to write their names at nursery including surnames, Dd1 s also liked including her middle name.

Dd2 was far from top of the class, pretty sure name writing was on the preschool curriculum though

Just asked my 7 year old (Year 3) DD to spell her surname and she couldn't do it, they only use first names on work. She only knows her friends first names as well.

I wouldn't worry about a Reception child unable to do this.

My reception child doesn't even know his last name. He can just about write thr short version of his first name

My 7 year old DD only nailed writing her first name at the start of year 1

Poor babies
All these fecking targets!
He'll be fine OP. My June born baby felt very young starting at just 4, didn't write much for the first year but luckily school didn't pressure her.
She, like my others who were nearer 5 upon starting school, is a very literate adult.

My 4 year son just starting reception he is the youngest in the year he just turned 4 last month on august 22nd. He came from pre-school straight into reception. My son cannot hold a pen/pencil properly (the way a 4 year old should hold a pen I was told) however he can write his name. I was pulled up by the head of reception teacher saying she is concerned about my sons speech, behaviour and his writing. I was told he cannot hold a pen the way a child should hold it and that he lacks poor concentration in lessons. I was also told his speech is not clear although he can communicate, make friends and socialise. I was told because I am his mother I am able to understand him but no one else can (I was a little upset about this). I was told his behaviour isn’t normal because he doesn’t sit properly on a chair or during reading time. I have observed my son and he does lack poor concentration when I read a book to him he listens for about 5/10mins and then he wants to play with his cars/toys. I regret sending him to pre-school because the teacher said why did I send him there there as there is no routine or structure and that now he will struggle in reception. I feel I have let my son down because pre-school was always play and he loved the outdoors. Is he a normal 4 year old? Please help I would appreciate any suggestions. Thank you