Really disruptive new pupil has joined

[iwanttobeonleave]

I'm looking for advice.
Small country Prep school, class of 9, year 5's, all very well engaged and behaved children. They've been together for years so a very tight group.

In sweeps a whirlwind of a child on a 'trial' incredibly disruptive, tantrums, violent towards others and majorly upsetting the peace. Others mentioned that she must have SEN. Whole class has been marked down once because of her, which has never happened before. My child was assaulted (kicked in the privates) etc.

I know it's not my place to say who does and doesn't join the school, but mine isn't the only one to have been in tears due to this individual.

I'm feeling cross that their education is being disrupted again- just when things were settling down.

Should I raise a concern with the teacher?

Yes, raise concerns but be aware that there will more than likely be a whole backstory to the child that the teacher can’t share with you. They will need to know, although if the child is on a trial there will no doubt be copious records kept of all incidents.

It's disappointing that a class has been told the child on a trial has caused them to 'be marked down' not least because it suggests the school's systems aren't sufficiently flexible to encourage the existing close knit group of nine to make a new child feel welcome. Perhaps if the systems were more accommodating, the trial child wouldn't have the whole class feeling disgruntled from the off.

How did you become aware that your child was deliberately assaulted? Did the school tell you? Were you happy with the first aid treatment your child received? Provided the care and treatment of your child when injured was up to standard, at this stage I wouldn't interfere. If the injury wasn't reported to you by the school, I would contact the school office by email to inform them that your child was deliberately kicked in the privates by X. It would be useful to get your child to write down an account of exactly what happened, photograph it and send with the email so the school has a record.

My DD had a child very similar in her class in the lower years. The school worked very hard to accommodate the child who had a number of issues (including parents who refused to acknowledge there was a problem).

My child was at the receiving end of a physical attack and I was informed about it, including how it had been dealt with and how they planned to keep her safe in the future. I felt they dealt with it appropriately. The child was expelled a couple of weeks later when a teacher ended up in hospital.

So, if the school has kept you informed of any incidents and you feel they have been dealt with appropriately then watch and wait. If you feel your daughter is not safe in the school then you absolutely should raise it, in writing, and ask how they plan to safeguard her.

To add that we have another “disruptive” child in the year but they are on the spectrum. Parents and school are working together. Occasionally they kick off (about once every four weeks). The child is moved to a safe space, which sometimes involves other children having to leave a classroom, but it is well managed and parents and children are understanding. I do believe they are in the right school for them and both their needs and safety and those of all around them is exemplary. I was horrified when another group of parents demanded action - they were very swiftly put back in their box by the head who asked them to explain exactly how their children were suffering or at detriment.

So, if you are at all worried about the safety of your child (the physical assault thing in particular) then get in touch with the school immediately, but ensure the focus is on YOUR child and how they are impacted.

I think I’m right in saying private schools don’t have to accept any child. This is why they are independent. You rarely see these behaviour issues in prep schools. These pupils don’t get in!

A class of 9 is too small. It’s more of a club. It’s highly unlikely a new child with difficulties would ever fit in. I’ve no doubt this child has come from another school and has probably been excluded from another prep. Few preps could deal with this. State have to with 30 in a class so they are first in line for funding!

You can expect the school to keep your child safe. How they do this is down to the school and it’s policies. I would read their behaviour policy asap and I would contact the school about the assault (that is what it is) and ensure it is logged. You should have been told what happened but not how the other child was punished.

Private schools cannot afford to upset existing parents. With 9 in a class it’s hardly a thriving school so money might be behind this recruitment. They must have known the issues to have made it a trial. This info shouldn’t have been leaked. I rather suspect this new child will be gone at half term(unless the parents are funding a new building).

Is this a thorough to year 8 prep or to year 6?

Speak to the school. Say your DC is being disrupted and you are considering your options.

The physical violence is really unacceptable and I would be kicking up a fuss. The other child's parents will have that child as their priority, the school will be trying to balance the needs of all their pupils, your child needs you as their advocate.

A good school should be managing this situation from day 1 - perhaps they don’t have enough experience of children with SEN? Do they have a history of managing SEN children out?

blimey just read that this a class of 9 - I wouldn’t wait for the child to be managed out I would be taking my child out - being amongst 9 peers is dismal preparation for real life.

9 kids who have been together for years? No one is ever going to fit in there.

Sounds awful. A child who is behaving like this has likely had a very traumatic life and multiple struggles. To move to a place where you are very obviously not part of the clique and everyone is talking about how you’re disrupting the class, bringing the class down must just add layers of trauma.

Physical violence is not OK, but it doesn’t sound like they’re being supported adequately. Poor kid.

Well clearly it’s not the right setting for this child. The teachers won’t have the required behaviour management experience. I can guarantee it. Parents will always believe small is best. It isn’t. Experience and expertise is best. So I suspect this child won’t stay. But you must advocate for your child.

I would be concerned about a school with such small classes. Are they in a difficult financial position? They will have taken this child because they need the fees but realise it may not work out.

So a closely knit small group of children was collectively punished for the behaviour of the troubled newcomer.

I would seriously question the ability of the teachers to handle that situation or any other problematic one if that is their method.

This is the problem with small class sizes.

Give me a class of 30 any day where issues like this are diluted.

My kids went to a small village primary school and all it took was one "tricky" individual to ruin it for everyone. And we weren't paying for the privilege.

I can't tell you how pleased I was when they started at secondary.

-How does everyone know this child is on a "trial"? What does that mean? (I know what it means, but what are parents expecting?)

• if the child can't be managed in a class of 9 there really is something more wrong with the school than the child.

• What do you mean by whole class marked down?

• How has this close knit group behaved towards said child? Is that behaviour the reason they were "marked down"?

• Neither you nor I know this child's story but in guarantee that if you did you'd weep. All those other children are so priveledged, a few weeks of disruption may even do them good, show them there's life outside their little bubble. Obviously they need to be protected from harm, but that's down to the school and really shouldn't be hard in a small class.

I pulled my child out of a private school because of the class size. It was way too small and didn't give them enough choice in friendship groups. It was more like a sibling relationship and was very unhealthy. He's now in a much bigger class and is doing so much better and is learning much better social skills.

This girl will likely stay because like you her parents are paying. The school will probably bet that at Year 5 most parents are highly unlikely to pull their kids out of a prep school. They will listen to your concerns but don't expect it to have a major impact. Trial means very little, its about business and she's an extra stream of income in a very small group.

Actually I’ve not found that. Word of mouth can be very powerful! Especially in such a small school. I also think the school and teacher won’t cope. So they won’t risk it. The new child’s fees are bonus money. That’s why it’s a trial period.

Isn't that a sad state of affairs, that a whispering campaign can get a child thrown out of school. If that were the case then it would reflect very poorly on the school's reputation as professional educators and also on the behaviour of the parents.

The fees are not bonus money, that is not how a business works their overheads are very likely increasing and they will need to ensure revenue streams are maximised. A class of 9 is unlikely to be very profitable for the school, given the costs incurred all the way through the pipeline.

Be glad it’s just one in a class of 9! Most classes have 30 kids 8 of which are super disruptive!

Imagine being a 10 year old trying to fit into a group which has been together so long and seemingly aren’t being all the welcoming! I feel sorry for her

I don’t think you understand private schools. In this case, they will weigh up these fees vs disruption and possibly extra help in the class. There are always financial issues but they have not had this child for 6 years!!! Only the possibility of 2. Therefore they have operated with 9 children in the class and won’t have budgeted for 10. Especially as it’s now y5! They will be concentrating on recruitment in YR or nursery or y3. However what they won’t want is concern from long standing parents, who might have younger children in the school.

I would think the school will evaluate whether this child is worth the greater effort and disruption. The parents don’t really have a role but most parents or teachers in private schools won’t tolerate violent behaviour. That’s not what they think the school should expect and they don’t have to take on SEN children outside their expertise. A state school with spaces would have no choice but because a private school is a business, and has its own admission criteria, it can say it cannot manage this child and certainly won’t want a reputation as a destination for SEN children who are violent.

It’s not sad because the state schools will take the child. There are alternatives. Also I’ve seen organised campaigns by parents in state schools to oust children like this. All the time!!! It could be the child should be in a special school but the parents won’t cooperate. . Why did the previous school not keep this child? How many schools has the child been to without appropriate interventions? That’s the real issue!

I think I do understand private schools as I have had my children in them too, so you can pipe down with the condescending tone.

I have seen these decisions weighed up and made in practice and have a good friend who is a burser at a private school. I can assure you that bottom line takes precedence.

Equally they will weigh up the legal risk of rejecting a child based on SN as potentially discrimatory. They were made aware of the child's issues prior to accepting them so have accepted a pupil with SN. Whether they have support in place would or should have been part of their assessment during the application phase. They cannot suddenly put their hands up and say they can't cope or don't have the resources knowing full well what her issue were/are.

The child's parents could very well have legal recourse if this child were discrimated against because the school didn't plan according. The negative press attention that could come from that could seriously impact future customers of the school who themselves have children with SN.

Whispering campaigns in state or private schools about children are fundamentally wrong and essentially bullying. Normalising it doesn't make it right.

Plus your attitude of 'pack her off to state school' because they will have to deal with her ....

I’d move your child. Nothing to do with the new arrival though.

The year group is too small to allow for social development as the children grow up and need more mature peer relationships. The gossip about the needs of another child tells me that their safeguarding and child protection skills are fairly awful. Group punishments are ineffective and out-dated, doesn’t sound like they have systems in place to prevent others being hurt or support the child: with 10 children, they should be all over that.

The school have not accepted the child. The child is in trial. Independent schools absolutely get rid of disruptive pupils! This pupil may not have any SEN that has been identified. I’ve seen quite a few children go from school to school with undiagnosed needs because the parents only want small private schools. Money is not what all of them think about and bursars don’t make admission decisions!

@NotPersephone

Please do raise a concern - as the mother of the "disruptive kid" in class due to SEN. It sounds as though the child needs a 1:1 but my experience of prep schools is that the LA drag their heels in funding (presumably because the ratios are better).

They won't be able to make the child magically disappear - they are obliged to make reasonable adjustments and you can't (easily) kick out a child if their behaviour is SEN-related. Paradoxically, your complaint may help the child get the help she clearly needs, such as a 1:1 TA. A private school may also be more likely to make sure this happens because paying parents tend to vote with their feet.

Exactly this. The child is likely in need of more specialist help that the LA are reluctant to fund until she has spectacularly failed at this school. Awful for her, her parents and everyone at school.