Skipping reception year?

[Schoolwhattodo]

Older DC really hated reception, cried every single day. It wasn’t a good year all round for DC1 (though DC1 now says reception was fun ). Is very happy at school now.

Younger DC started reception a month ago and is crying every day. It’s heart-wrenching again. Birthday is January, so not especially young. I am very cheery and positive to them both, older DC saying it’s so nice to have younger there etc but DC2 is struggling with it.

In hindsight I wish I’d done more for DC1 and maybe skipped reception year altogether. So am now contemplating this for DC2.

It feels like a big thing to do though, and the school wouldn’t be supportive.

I would obviously do it carefully - home ed groups, lots of forest school groups etc, keep up learning, and then start in year 1.

Any experiences?

Reception is a really important year and I think some people minimise it. With my first it was a huge shock to me the difference between reception and year one. I would do everything I could for my child not to miss reception and go straight into year one.

The school need to get supportive with settling your child. When my youngest struggled with year one they were pretty good with helping him through it.

I really wouldn't if you're planning on sending them to year 1. Reception is learning through play. Year 1 isn't. It's going to be a horrible shock when they're not having as much fun AND mummy isn't there either.

Were they at nursery before starting school?

I would worry that delaying to y1 will just delay the issue and then you’ll have a child struggling to settle in y1 when it’s not at all usual, whereas at least reception teachers are used to it.

Can you tell me more about the importance of reception? Genuinely very interested. I have read that children start too young here (I read this after DC1 struggled) so had always thought it was an ideology by our government, rather than a good thing.

I'm a bit shocked you don't know given you have had a child go through reception already.

Reception is about learning to share, take and wait your turn, be with other children, learning to listen to other people and adults who aren't mummy or daddy, going to the toilet alone. Plus all the academic things that are started in reception.

Ideology of the government ? .

Why do you think they hate reception?
Is it something that will change between YR and Y1, or will you end up with the same problem in 12 months time?
I'm thi king if they are struggling with the large, free range, play based (carefully planned, but lack of) structure, it could be worth it.
If they are struggling being g in a new environment and away from you delaying a year may not help.

@minipie

Were they at nursery before starting school?

I would worry that delaying to y1 will just delay the issue and then you’ll have a child struggling to settle in y1 when it’s not at all usual, whereas at least reception teachers are used to it.

He was (3 days a week from age one) and loved it. It was a pretty fantastic nursery though - very gentle and very fun. Because he loved it so much, I thought he was ready for school and wouldn’t cry like his sister had!

Delaying the struggle isn’t what I want at all I was more hoping to delay until he was developmentally ready.

You need to the think about the consequences of joining a class full of established friendships though. That is not going to make it any easier.

I think establishing what the issues are is important. But also starting Y1 with everyone else able to read and write and being behind wouldn't be ideal either.

@SunshineCake

I'm a bit shocked you don't know given you have had a child go through reception already.

Reception is about learning to share, take and wait your turn, be with other children, learning to listen to other people and adults who aren't mummy or daddy, going to the toilet alone. Plus all the academic things that are started in reception.

Ideology of the government ? .

Nursery did that and did it brilliantly. Reception is very much about learning to read and write in DCs’ (outstanding) school. It really is about carpet time, homework (!) and lots of phonics etc. Their school is an academy and quite strict. (Teacher pulls the crying children in etc.)

In almost every single other western country, children don’t start school at age 4.

I genuinely thought DC2 would be more up for reception, but I feel guilty letting him go through a hard year like his sister did, when he’s still just so little.

@LadyDanburysHat

You need to the think about the consequences of joining a class full of established friendships though. That is not going to make it any easier.

I think establishing what the issues are is important. But also starting Y1 with everyone else able to read and write and being behind wouldn't be ideal either.

Yes absolutely. He will have friends though - he has friends from nursery who are in reception with him and would be in y1, and his sister is at school so he knows the other siblings in the class already. I would make sure he was all caught up if he did skip the year.

He’s very outgoing and happy and makes friends easily.

For me - and I’m not definitely going to do this, which is why I really appreciate this input - it’s all about waiting until he’s ready.

Mine skipped KS1. We just decided to let them enjoy some freedom. They did some group things, went to a home ed meet up every week, did swimming lessons, rainbows/beavers. We only did the 3Rs if they asked. One was assessed for joining school in year 3 and we were told that on the 3Rs they were ahead of their year group, the other one was comfortably middle of the road but quickly progressed. Both went to grammar school.

I can't see what they missed out on.

Just be aware that you might not be able to just start in year one. Legally there's a limit on class sizes and if you take your child out of reception, there will more than likely be a child on the waiting list who will jump straight into their place. You'll then have to reapply and wait for a space to come up. If nobody leaves, this could be year 3 before they readmit your child, as the limit disappears once they hit ks2. Are you willing to home educate for 3 years? Would this be good for your child?

@Peanutsandchilli

Just be aware that you might not be able to just start in year one. Legally there's a limit on class sizes and if you take your child out of reception, there will more than likely be a child on the waiting list who will jump straight into their place. You'll then have to reapply and wait for a space to come up. If nobody leaves, this could be year 3 before they readmit your child, as the limit disappears once they hit ks2. Are you willing to home educate for 3 years? Would this be good for your child?

Where we live is incredibly transient and someone would move. In my daughter’s class, 2 or 3 children leave and start every school year. It’s a risk for sure, and a really good point, but I feel confident he’d get a place.

@ancientgran

Mine skipped KS1. We just decided to let them enjoy some freedom. They did some group things, went to a home ed meet up every week, did swimming lessons, rainbows/beavers. We only did the 3Rs if they asked. One was assessed for joining school in year 3 and we were told that on the 3Rs they were ahead of their year group, the other one was comfortably middle of the road but quickly progressed. Both went to grammar school.

I can't see what they missed out on.

This is so good to hear and - in hindsight - something I know my daughter would have benefited from (but I didn’t do it).

Did they happily start junior school? And quickly make friends?

@Peanutsandchilli

Just be aware that you might not be able to just start in year one. Legally there's a limit on class sizes and if you take your child out of reception, there will more than likely be a child on the waiting list who will jump straight into their place. You'll then have to reapply and wait for a space to come up. If nobody leaves, this could be year 3 before they readmit your child, as the limit disappears once they hit ks2. Are you willing to home educate for 3 years? Would this be good for your child?

It was great for mine. As adults they say how glad they are that they missed KS1, one says they wish they'd stayed at home till year 7 as primary was boring/miserable/waste of time. The other one enjoyed KS2 but are glad they didn't do KS1.

I think 4 is so young to start. I’m not in the UK and mine were almost six starting. I can honestly say there was never a day they were upset or didn’t want to go in. There were a couple of children almost a year younger in their classes and the majority of those children took a long time to settle and five/six years later, are still the ones that dislike school.
I’d keep him for another year but only if guaranteed a school place.

Well it doesn't sound like you are receptive to advice that doesn't support your plan, but I certainly wouldn't do it without first talking to the teacher. It may be that your DS is perfectly happy during the day, and only upset at the transitions.

In any case, I agree with those suggesting that pushing it down the line a year may in fact make it harder. Your DD (who now looks back fondly on YR) may not have adapted to Y1 so well without the bridge of YR, and the familiarity of the routines and structure.

The entire school, rather than just reception, sounds wrong for your DC. Any other options nearby which offer a different approach?

Strict academy with sedentary children sitting still most of the day and then homework on top sounds like the opposite of the active, free-flow nurturing approach that most children that age benefit from.

Did they happily start junior school? And quickly make friends? They did start happily and made good friends, one did get bullied by a group of girls but I think that would have happened anyway as she was quiet and a bit nerdy, some might think it wouldn't have happened if she'd started at 4 but I think she just missed 3 years of their nastiness. She had some very supportive friends and after one incident all the boys moved their chairs and refused to sit next to the bullies. I was told the school had a problem with this little group since reception and had tried various strategies with no success.

The other one was very popular with other kids and with teachers. They both did very well academically and went to grammar school. Both have first class honours degrees and post grad qualifications. One funny thing is that at uni at first jobs people were always surprised that they were home schooled for a few years as "you couldn't tell." Not sure what they were expecting home schooled kids to be like.

Just send him back to nursery and start in y1.

@TheYearOfSmallThings

Well it doesn't sound like you are receptive to advice that doesn't support your plan, but I certainly wouldn't do it without first talking to the teacher. It may be that your DS is perfectly happy during the day, and only upset at the transitions.

In any case, I agree with those suggesting that pushing it down the line a year may in fact make it harder. Your DD (who now looks back fondly on YR) may not have adapted to Y1 so well without the bridge of YR, and the familiarity of the routines and structure.

I am receptive - in fact, keeping him there would be easier!

My DD was also unhappy in year 1 and went in crying most days. But Covid meant that ended early, same with year 2 (she preferred being at home - even though most of her friends did not).

She absolutely loves year 3. She has more friends than ever, wants to join clubs (which she hadn’t wanted before) and is always asking to go on playdates with lots of kids and full of chat about stuff she’s learned. Which is amazing, I’m so relieved and so delighted.

But yes, maybe going to that school from reception onwards meant that she was more able to settle into friendships and school life - especially in such a transient school.

I’m also aware that I might be “triggered” by DD’s initial unhappiness - as soon as DS started to go in unhappily, it felt like history repeating itself.

Watching DD change over that first year was awful. I saw my happy little girl change into a sad, fragile thing. It was heartbreaking.

@Goldbar

The entire school, rather than just reception, sounds wrong for your DC. Any other options nearby which offer a different approach?

Strict academy with sedentary children sitting still most of the day and then homework on top sounds like the opposite of the active, free-flow nurturing approach that most children that age benefit from.

That’s interesting - there are no good other state schools we’d get into immediately (tiny catchments), but I wonder about private? Private doesn’t fit with my ideology, but a less strict school with a free flow of space would be perfect.

Both my children are quite kinaesthetic - which they get from me! I cannot sit still even now!

The school has high expectations for behaviour. DD got told off on Friday for slumping and looking disappointed when she didn’t get to answer a question (obviously there are two sides to that story!). However, she is very settled at school now.

@5zeds

Just send him back to nursery and start in y1.

Quite tempted to do this!

I couldn't be doing with this school, OP. It wouldn't suit my very active and fidgety DC at all. I think this sort of environment is inappropriate for many reception age children and that's why they don't thrive in it. Give them a couple of years and they calm down a bit and their self-regulation improves.

Rant over .

I suppose it depends on the child. My dd says she likes reception despite being extremely introverted but often finds it boring, especially the afternoons, she asks when they are going to do more 'real work'! She is an autumn born and knew her phonics etc when she started. We have more interesting and varied toys at home and we could fit the whole of the reception weekly curriculum in a single afternoon of fun work at home. She also gets upset by the end of the week, she is done with school after 2 or 3 days. I think school is really a form of child care so that parents go and work, pursue their career (and pay more tax and increase GDP) and that it has the biggest educational benefit to parents that are less financially well off or educated, I think it may actually have the opposite effect on children higher up the socioeconomic scale, I have seen some research studies to this effect. I don't think it is generally in the best interests of children this young to be in school 5 days a week, not really until the end of year 2.

We are seriously looking at finding a rural school and flexi schooling so she can work at her level and enjoy more time outside of the schools 4 walls. Flexi schooling is becoming ever harder to find the more the state cracks down on attendence figures etc.

I think some time in school is valuable though because it teaches them how to take turns, to be confidant speaking up in class and to know when to be quiet, follow rules that are different from at home and to be more independant etc.