Do you allow your DC to invite a a class mate to their party when they haven't had one to theirs

[zez]

Just wondering how do you all deal with your DC party invites.
The way I see it is that my DS should only ask classmates that are his most favoured friends.
Unfortunately my DS is quite sociable and seems to want to invite everyone even those classmates that in my opinion he doesn't seem to bother that much with.

He is asking to invite one particular classmate who I know is having his party next week and my DS has not had an invite to his.
I am not sure if my DS is aware of the party
but he wishes to send him one for his.

I always feel a bit sorry for my DS when he misses out on a party which I know is silly really.

What would you do would you invite this particular child.

Yes, I would go with DS's wishes. Friendships are still very fluid at this age and tit for tat invitation strategies are just not helpful IMO

Your DS sounds like a lovely boy!

I'd let your ds invite whoever he wants regardless of the other party

I would! I let my DC choose who they invite. I set a limit on the number and they invite away. I'm sometimes surprised at who they invite. But it's their party.

I think it sets a poor example if we teach kids "tit for tat" in that way. (Ah I see soapy has used the same words).

Let him have his party with the people that he sees as his friends.

Let him invite the child. Who knows, the mother may have an attack of the guilts and issue a belated invitation to his party.

Just one word of caution, although I know it probably doesn't apply in this case.

One year DS1 (then in Y6) invited a number of boys to his party who had never really been mentioned before or were particular friends of his. I didn't think anything of it at the time. Later on that year when we were having issues with the school over bullying, these boys' names were mentioned. I asked him why, if they were being so horrid to him, he had invited them to his party. The answer was "So they would be nice to me." It didn't work .

So, just be aware that, if you child suddenly invites someone who is not a particular friend, there may be another reason for it.

your ds's should invite who he likes,...with regards to the other party, you have to bear in mind it may be an occasion where only a certain number can go, eg soft play, cinema.

Yes - he should inviite the kids he likes. This happens to DS and DD often as they often ha lots of kids( ie whole class) when other parties end up being half a dozen at cinema etc. As long as they have the kids they like surely its all fine. And some parties require number restrictions and others don't.

Err yes. I would and I have. It's about who your child wants at their party, surely (within reason ie under number limits).

A pal of DD's didn't have a party at all (he had a day out instead). I think people are still inviting him to their parties tho

Some people can only afford to have a few children to a party, or they do something expensive so can only have a couple, or they have a very small house, or lots of siblings - there could be any number of reasons why your ds isn't invited to a party. I always offer mine a choice - three or four friends for a "treat"type outing or a whole gang to a riot-type party. So far, they have always chosen the riot type - so they always invite people who haven't invited them. That's fine by me - and them. Children tend to handle this sort of thing quite well, in my experience - better than their parents! Having said that, I still harbour murderous thoughts towards the little who spent two weeks to decide whether or not to invite dd to her party - and decided not to!

DD1's party was the last of the year (July birthday). She chose a couple of guests that hadn't invited her to their parties. If she's happy with that, I don't see that it is any of my business to interfere.

I did make sure all her genuine, close friends were on the list though - not necessarily all those whose parties she'd been to, just the ones she actually plays wit

I think parents get more het up about the fairness of party invitations than the children, tbh. I did have one little girl ask me why DD1 hadn't invited her, but I just said we didn't have space this time and she ran off perfectly happily.

ditto Marslady. For ds1's 4th and 5th I said how many friends he could have and he had total choice on who they were.

Sounds awful. He can't come to your sons party because he didn't invite him to his??

Maybe there were limited numbers.

Our son has been to about 15 parties in 3 years and hasn't chosen to have a school friends party yet. Good job their mums haven't been thinking the same.

does it not set a better example to let him include children that perhaps didn't invite him? It makes him a better person for it unless you can't afford it.

DS always invites all the boys in his class (there's only 7 of them). 2 have never invited him to their parties, it does irk me but doesn't seem to bother DS.

yes, definately, go with his choice. what winds us up terribly as a parent isn't the same for our childre, try not to put our anxieties etc on to them. it would annoy me BUT still give an invite.

Another thing to consider is that there are different types of party. We've had one or two big parties for each of mine where they could invite loads of friends, and other years we've had small ones at home, or trips to do special activities where they've only invited a handful. So I really wouldn't be keeping a log of who had invited ds when and where, and I would really hope that other parents wouldn't be keeping a log of our parties and invites.

I think it is worth having one really big party for each child quite early on in their time at school, where you can invite the whole class before the little cliques and enmities have really dug in.

Having said that, I would bear in mind what Freckle said, just in case there is something of that type going on.

yes

Yes, generally I've always let dss invite whoever they want to parties. I actually have no memory for this sort of thing anyway, and usually have little clue whose parties they have or have not been to!

I was slightly more cautious this year, as the previous year we went to the zoo and ds2 invited just 4 'friends'. Two of them were names I didn't particularly know, and they were a pain in the neck all day. (My two are no angels and I work in secondary and know how to handle kids, and still these two were hard work.)

Afterwards I quizzed ds2 on the reasoning for their invitation, and he said that they were always very naughty at school, and he thought it would be a giggle to see what they'd get up to at the zoo

This year we had a larger party, and I banned ds2 from inviting these particular little boys. One of them came anyway! His mum just dropped him off halfway down the street and he arrived on his own, so we couldn't turn him away. But he was good, so it was probably petty of me to ban him anyway.

Of course I'd invite the child who hadn't invited mine - ds is welcome to have anyone he wants. It's his party, not mine. Bizarre situation, your ds is fine while you are the one being childish and playing tit for tat.

Where is the OP ?

of course i would