Should I delay my daughter's school start date?

[Allthenamesaretaken0]

Help!!
I'm feeling desperately overwhelmed at the prospect of my daughter starting school this September when she turns 4 in August 31st.
I was hoping for people's pros and cons, personal experiences and in particular those with August babies of all years. Primarily I want to defer and her start reception next year, not go straight into year 1
I'm not worried about reception, but the longer term. She is so small, still wears age 2 clothes and is academically very bright but I worry about her emotionally being a year younger than her peers particularly into secondary school.

Forgot the link

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachmentdata/file/921255/GuidanceeforparentssSeptember_2020.pdf

Mumsnet and hyperbole... anyway...

Regarding these statements about "know your child". It's a bit like driving. You can drive really carefully but not having an accident does not depend entirely on you.
It's not just up to your kid but up to the amount of attention the class requires of the teachers and TAs.
Teachers honestly have a very difficult balancing act to do, especially in primary.

Secondly, your child might be rearing to go to reception but they do have to play physicality catch up. No matter how big or tall they are. They may physically really not be able to do what people an entire year older can do. This is usually seen in the distribution of the dastardly pen license. It's not that they can't write but they'll need to practice more than the others to get that year of muscle growth necessary for the right control.

What brought it home for me was this: my child heard a lot of this from teachers: "Brilliant attempt! You're almost there!" She was always almost there. Always "working towards". You have to imagine that "last to get the pen license" feeling but for almost everything they do. The bet you have to make is that your child will get that feeling for only one or two things. Or if she's a true outlier, she'll never be "working towards" anything at all which does happen, as so many have been able to recount.

I listened to the feedback of the September borns in the year below. They were mostly being told:
Brilliant work - let's try you on some extra pieces. The outliers here are reversed - it's those who need to work towards anything at all.

If your child had been born just a few hours later she was almost guaranteed to be constantly told how great her work is.

It's true the child will feel it is unfair to get extra work but I think I prefer that to constantly feeling like you have to put in more effort than everyone else.

To be fair whatever you chose, don't beat yourself up about not taking the other path. I've learnt with my kids that I just have to face the battle I've got in front of me right now. Luckily kids do come out the other end.

I agree in a class of 30 you may not be able to tell ages. But a mathematical average like what is used for gcses and alevels will make the differences in a straight order exactly by birth month.
Also with there being differences even ks1 and ks2 then teachers saying you cant tell - then that means that they are assuming that is the level of the child's 'ability'. When it is not.
Presumably more smer borns start to get not met expectations then it is hard to work back up.
It would be interesting to do iq tests on kids when they are exactly the same age. Although even preschool everything is set up with sept being eldest - nursery/ toddler sports etc.
Even something small like swimming. Dc2 did in her extra year only 3m at say 4.3-4.6yo. Just that small amount of small classes took dc2 to stage 2. Dc1 started later maybe 5.5yo but took till 7.5yo to get to stage 3.
Dc1 hardly coped with school in reception and y1 let alone afterschool activities.
Say the kids who are 6m advanced or say too 15th percentile would be fine being youngest. The average kid is going to get behind.
The issue is unless you know the curriculum you can't really know how a child will do. And being able to count to 10 isnt a good predictor of maths ability nor is being able to recognise letters or read a few ohonic words a predictor of grammar or creative writing or comprehension.

Even adjusting gcses by age wouldnt help as the issue is missed learning or not covering a whole curriculum. (Dc1 not having to do the challenge maths q in primary).

Also dc1 playing with much younger dc today but despite being very unsporty compared to them the advantage of strength and 18cm of height made a big diff.
Similarly playing /running against a boy 14m younger (so the eldest in a class 2 below ) so was still faster. Basically eldest aremt as good as they seem. They would generally comeout worse than an eldest in the year above.

Don’t defer on the basis of size. I was a very tiny child with undiagnosed Asperger’s who could read on a fourth grade level at 5. Deferring me woukd not have given me a jot more emotional maturity.

I would with what you’ve described. I have a summer born who has just finished reception. The difference between 4 and 5 is massive. Deferring wouldn’t have been right for her- she got exceeding in everything apart from writing but I suspect if she’d been autumn born she’d be ahead with her writing too. However, she was very aware when she started the autumn girls could draw better, found it easier to get dressed etc. She has the sort of personality where that spurred her on rather than set back her confidence.

Deferring wouldn’t have been right for her because she is very socially mature and physically able. She can more than hold her own with the older ones. Her personality has been one of striving for independence from infancy. I would have no hesitation deferring a shyer or less confident child. From her nursery year there were 3 august borns. One deferred (right decision). 2 didn’t. I suspect one of the 2 should have done and the other one will be fine.

I taught secondary and I could tell you the summer borns in a Year 7 class within a week of getting to know the class. With a high degree of accuracy.

Is that mainly behavioural hocus? Or academic?
I think its odd the extent of how much the oldest are in the top groups. I would expect it to an extent. But i think it is being reinforced by
Perhaps the focus onnot going above the curriculum.
The changes in curriculum making it harder younger
The progress for the school. So a child is put down as exceeded /met etc in reception but the school dont then need to push them to exceed.

However i can see that being eldest at out of school sports means they are leaders. They can say read/watch more advanced things younger. Older in the year would on average have older siblings. (Even younger sibs because of average age gaps).
If they were to say do practice SATs every 3m. From say y4 and then compare results by age. It might be useful to identify who is actually doing ok for age.

@Allthenamesaretaken0

Help!! I'm feeling desperately overwhelmed at the prospect of my daughter starting school this September when she turns 4 in August 31st. I was hoping for people's pros and cons, personal experiences and in particular those with August babies of all years. Primarily I want to defer and her start reception next year, not go straight into year 1 I'm not worried about reception, but the longer term. She is so small, still wears age 2 clothes and is academically very bright but I worry about her emotionally being a year younger than her peers particularly into secondary school.

You’re too late to defer Reception entry until next September. This needed to be indicated at point of application and agreed by an Admissions Panel. You’re now committed to your child starting in Reception in this school year. The guidance mainly covers dummer born children. You could possibly discuss with school starting later in this school year. However, I would not advise it. There is so much that children who start later than the rest of their cohort miss out on-this impacts on a child’s development then moving forward. Schools are (usually) excellent at meeting the needs of all children. You’ll be surprised at how low many children enter Reception, partly with the pandemic impact on Nursery provision.

*summer

In addition, a decision made by one primary school may not be honoured by another; as too on the move to secondary school. You may find there to be a jump of a year so your child joins chronological peers. This is usually flagged in the guidance / as part of process.

It’s a huge decision. You also say your child is ok academically. Thus the school will support development in other areas. Remember it’s likely your child will always be smaller if that’s your child’s build. I think your child will amaze you!

For what it's worth the smallest child in my DC's class (in height) is a week younger than my daughter (so mid year), and the tallest child is not the oldest - it's a mixed year class (small school) and the tallest child is in the younger half of the class. Both are girls but there's some slight boys too. Physical height and build is really not a reason to defer!

We deferred our August born son, he started in reception at just turned 5. Haven’t regretted it for a second. He is happy and confident at school. I don’t think he would have been had he started a year earlier

My DS has the same birthday as your DD. We didn’t defer him and I am not convinced this was the right decision, especially in light of the disruption caused by Covid - he was just settled in when the first lockdown started. Our reasons for not deferring were mainly logistical - our first choice school (an academy) “didn’t do” deferrals to reception for summer borns so if we’d pursued a deferral, it would have meant both leaving our childminder (who only covered that school for wraparound care) and finding a school which would support a deferral.

Our second choice school was very reluctant to even discuss it. As was our third choice school, actually, which we weren’t very keen on at all. We would have had a real fight on our hands and probably ended up with a non-local school and awkward school run.

He was also in school nursery the term we applied and if we’d deferred we wouldn’t have had the funding for it, apparently (free 15 hours), so he wouldn’t have been able to attend. So he would have been either at the childminder’s, bored without his usual sidekicks (who were moving onto school), or in a different childcare setting, and he doesn’t cope well with transitions. And I was also concerned that if we did defer him, we might have problems further down the line in terms of things like secondary school applications.

Hence we decided it would be better to ease him in with reception and continuity of wraparound care, and start him in school. He was academically ready and a similar size to the other kids but emotionally not ready at all, though two terms of school nursery before helped immensely.

I would say only defer if it’s to reception. DS found reception to year 1 to be a huge step up. He has really struggled. He would not have coped with direct entry to Year 1, where child-initiated play stops at the end of the first term. Reception is really important for settling into school.

I would also say that if you decide to go ahead, push to find out how the school intends to support your DD. My experience is that support is available for those who struggle academically and for those whose behaviour is disruptive. It does not seem to be there for those who struggle emotionally - DS is naturally very compliant and causes no trouble at school but found Year 1 very difficult and felt very under pressure. And school have been all talk about supporting him - but no support is actually being delivered.

Its definitely something you can have a conversation with the teacher about and I would highly encourage it! Does your school do transition meetings? (formerly home visits, which are on hold for obvious reasons) I have a half hour meeting with every family starting in September and start with the question "Do you have any questions or concerns about X starting school?".

We want to know so we can best support them in the classroom. I use these meetings to try and prepare the classroom setup and first few weeks of learning to the anticipated needs of the cohort.

In addition to this, there will be a much longer settling in period in relation to pre-2020 classes as we are once again anticipating children who need a bit more time to get used to the learning environment.