Should I delay my daughter's school start date?

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Help!!
I'm feeling desperately overwhelmed at the prospect of my daughter starting school this September when she turns 4 in August 31st.
I was hoping for people's pros and cons, personal experiences and in particular those with August babies of all years. Primarily I want to defer and her start reception next year, not go straight into year 1
I'm not worried about reception, but the longer term. She is so small, still wears age 2 clothes and is academically very bright but I worry about her emotionally being a year younger than her peers particularly into secondary school.

Defer her. Listening to the "it did me/mine no harm" and the "there has to be a cut off somewhere" brigade has cost me 6 years of worry and 4 years of private school fees. And I'm still not sure those vital reception basics are acquired.
Imagine a kid who can do double digit multiplication but can't consistently count to 10. It's a nightmare if it goes wrong in that learn by playing year.
Just save yourself the headache especially when the option is available to you.

Hawkeye- but every child is different! Just because your child has struggled doesn’t mean op’s will! OP has said that her dd is academically bright. Most summer born kids are completely fine - they do make up 1/4 of the year group!

How are your dcs issues related to deferring, Hawkeye, it sounds more complicated?

Think carefully about this because in my experience secondary schools will not accept the deferment and will not allow it to continue so at some point your child will need to miss a whole year to make up for the extra year in nursery. This is obviously very detrimental academically and emotionally. I would only recommend it if the child has very significant special needs and was not likely to remain in mainstream schooling.

I really hate the way people just jump to the conclusion that you should just defer. Every child is different and it’s not as simple as that.

I have a 20th August daughter who was a dinky little dot when she was younger. She is very bright and confident and deferring her would totally have been the wrong decision. She thrived throughout the early years at school - the only areas she had issues with were pencil grip and skipping. She was never behind in any other areas and passed the 11+ without formal tuition (added bonus that you get extra points as your score is adjusted for being born later in the academic year).

Compare and contrast with her friend in her class who was deferred (so she should have been in the year above). Her parents made the decision to defer because she was still having issues with toileting, was quite socially immature and was four weeks early being born (so should have been born in September not the end of August). For her deferring was exactly the right decision.

So, if you think your child will cope with five days of school (acknowledging they will probably get very tired) and is academically able and would benefit from the social aspects of school then I wouldn’t say deferring is something you NEED to do.

To add, my other DD was born at the very start of September and had a far worse time in reception. She was bored and with an unusual skew with more summer borns than autumn babies she struggled socially. She wasn’t interested in Peppa Pig - she’d moved on and continued to play with the children in the year above she knew from nursery. It was only in Year 2 to 3 her peers had caught up.

Teacher here. I would defer.

The system is messed up and trying to keep my children out it as long as possible

Every child is different yes but the stats are attacked up against the child born 31st August.
Yes some will sail through but if they don't, which has a high probability of happening then you are in for a tough ride.
Not knowing if a delay is due to your child genuinely not being capable of just because they are too young to get it just yet is a worry I wish on no-one.

The 31st August child who would do well will not suffer from a deferment. The 31st August child who would need a deferment will end up never knowing that they needed it. Fantastic result for both kids.
And much less expensive than playing catch-up for both state and private sector.

@PineappleWilson

I wish I'd deferred August born DS but primary head refused as he said the reception teacher could cater for all children's needs . Also check whether they will take children out of year at secondary or she could end up jumping from year 5 to year 7 if she has to be with her "correct" cohort for secondary. DS is about to go into year 8 but still noticably struggles.

Yes. This is a consideration, I know we were told that at some point our DC would need to skip a year so he was going to secondary at the correct age.

(We didn't defer in the end but as there were SN involved we found him a more supportive school)

Stacked not attacked

Or not of. Hopeful end of typo corrections..

I was a late August baby and my mum sent me at 4 BUT only for mornings I.e. picked me up before lunch. Please don't do that, I think it was the worst of both worlds as I missed out massively on the socialising and I believe it set me up for a number of difficult school years. I think full days would have been fine, or waiting a year... Just my experience / reflections as an adult....

1. you do not have to start her in September.
2. you can defer her start to January or April without losing her current school place
3. you can then look in to securing agreement for her to be placed out of age-cohort (starting Reception Sept 2022)
4. once agreement is secured, you can cancel her current place and make a fresh application for the delayed receptIon place (do not forget to do that bit)
5. if agreement is not forthcoming, at least you still have the currently offered place, and she can do some of the reception year

Hawkeye - I disagree with you that there are no consequences of deferring unnecessarily. It’s not just about reception- it’s about being in the wrong year in year 6/7 (11+ if applicable) wrong year for GCSE, a levels , applying for uni at 19 (going to uni at 20 if she wants a gap year). Potentially having to miss a year somewhere along the line - pointless unless there are SEND issues imo. OP has said that the dd is bright!

I think the issue would be turning 16:17/18 a year before other students as a teenager and how isolating and stand out that might make some people feel and they were missing out on big life celebrations

I deferred DS but we are in Scotland and it has always been pretty easy and I had the support of the head. All straightforward and they gave him an extra year of nursery funding.

I would formally apply to defer reception and see if it is accepted, I agree there is very little to lose.

It is much much easier for 16 and 20 year olds to deal with the hand they've been dealt than 11 year olds.

My DD is 29th August and we didn't defer primarily because all her friends from preschool were going up to school and as a shy child she needed the security of her friends when she started. She was also v tall (99th centile) and academically ready.

She's in GCSE year now and emotionally one of the most mature of her friends. She is also doing well academically.

Personally I think you have to base your decision on your individual child rather than the blanket "summer borns" will struggle. I am not disputing the evidence that they do less well in exams but there are other factors to consider as well.

My DD had a wonderful reception teacher who had a great understanding of her and she thrived. I have no doubt that this was key in her settling in so well at school.

Good luck - you know your child best.

I actually think it is worse to be 17 for the whole year all your friends turn 18 and not to be able to go out and celebrate with them than to be the first to turn 18.

Deferred late August born DD.
Without doubt the right decision. No SEN, but I firmly believe that just turned 4 is too young.

There is a clear attainment gap by birth month that exists for secondary school results.
Of course there will be outliers. But on average it’s there very clearly. Also higher levels of SEN diagnosed by birth month - often children are just too young to cope with what is being asked of them, they haven’t developed the concentration skills, etc.

My son has a June birthday (so not quite as late as August, but still young enough to be able to defer).

When he started nursery in September gone, I was convinced I’d be asking to defer him starting school (he’d had no real socialisation with kids throughout Covid and seemed emotionally immature).

By the end of nursery, he has excelled in all areas and I’m certain him going into reception is the correct thing to do.

If you’re having doubts they might be for a reason, but equally might just be the normal nerves of a child starting school.

If it was a choice when teen ds was in Reception, I would have leapt at the chance.

He caught up in the end but he would have had a far easier time in the first few years if he was in the year below. Not all summer borns need to defer but you know your child best.

It has only been possible since around 2015 so those kids would be going into y5 or y6.
So some of the stories here dont fully make sense.
Not all kids need to defer.
But being youngest is a disadvantage.
Dc1 seems to think bad at maths despite being top 25th centile.
Is clever but not exceeding in anything but 1 subject. (Whereas other kids exceeding).
Re grammar schools yes they adjust by age but .... They still take fewer youngest in year.
Dc2 is deferred. Still not top - but now not bottom. And would have missed 50% of yr and over 1/6 of y1 due to covid.
Notably (similar to what Hawk is saying) dc2 can do number bonds and other basic maths more easily and wants to do maths. Vs dc1 who could but not easily they also struggled with the stupid jumping to the answer in maths, but were fine with column add sub in y3. But still struggle addind small nos. it's because they didnt get reinforced the basics. It will also make a difference being too slow to get to the challenge work. (Dc1 listed all those top at maths - every single one sept/oct born. Then the good ones jan/feb etc... )

You know your child. This is a highly emotive topic.

I have a summer born, not quite as late as 31st August admittedly. I know she’s ready. Physically, she’s tall. Emotionally, she’s got a firm grasp (although she is very sensitive but that’s just her, not her age). Shes confident & makes friends easily. She copes happily with nursery 8.30am-5pm x 4days a week. Two of her best friends are age 6 (our neighbours) & she fully holds her own with them. I mean, obviously she’s younger, shorter & less physical but she is very much one of the gang. She sits & draws pictures for hours, her concentration is very good. She writes very well, she loves writing notes & cards to her pals (with help for spelling obviously!).

She’s just ready for school. Despite not long turning 4.

Other children may very well not me. Only you really know this.

Just to give a positive story.

A few years ago I taught a year 3 class which had two members whose birthdays were 31st August. Neither had deferred a year.
1 was top of the class almost across the board.
1 was bottom of the class, with SEN however.

I fully believe home life had a lot to play.
First child had all his needs met at home and could come to school to learn.
Second child not only had a learning delay anyway but home life was not necessarily giving him the support in learning that he needed and certainly wasn't easy.

Children may find it harder to start with but as young as 7 I couldn't tell you when looking at a class of 30, who was summer born and who was winter born.

I'm pleased you want to defer to a reception place rather than year 1 though. But I would caution that some places will make the children miss a year later on so they move onto secondary at the right time. Be careful!

My early September DD was definitely ready for school a year before she could start and probably would have enjoyed being in the year above more, both for the challenge and for the social side. So I wouldn't have deferred her if she had been late August.

It depends on the individual. With my DD you could definitely tell that at 4 she'd be a good fit with the year above, and at a push could have recognised it at 2.5. Her last year at nursery was a bit of a waste of time - she spent a lot of it chatting with the adults.