Feeling very sorry for my boy - sorry very long

[BoysAreLikeReindeer]

Bit of back ground

Last day of last term my DS1 age 7 gets a visit after school from his mate age 7, who wants a word 'in private'. I say they can stand outside the front door, making the assumption that he wants to talk to DS1 without DS2 leaping around making 'toot toot' noises and acting the fool as 5 year-old boys do.

DS1 comes back in, vanishes upstairs. Eventually I cotton on that he's not come back down, so trot up to enquire.

Turns out that they had a disagreement at school, during the rough and tumble the boy was scratched by DS1. DS1 said he had apologised.

SO ... boy has DS1 by the throat up against the wall round the side of our house, threatening to rip his eyes out and send his dad around to beat him up and that DS1 is not to tell or he'll kill my son. DS1 very frightened.

AS DP had booked half term off work I decided no point pursuing through school, told DS1 he would be safe, Daddy would be home blah blah.

Two weeks ago, said child turned up on doorstep and apologised. 'Oh super, how nice of you to apologise, well done' says I.

So all back to normal, no harm done.

Erm

Tonight DS1 pleads

Please can I change school

Said child has had me twice up against the wall today, threatening him with a beating because my son had had sex with his girlfriend (WTF)

DS1 very frightened, wants to know what 'sex' is, but not refusing school tomorrow.

I have written the gist of the conversation down, and am going to school tomorrow to talk to teacher.

Please tell me that I am right not to go to parents, I am petrified of confrontation (in RL)

(Child's parents are a bit fisty and live nearby, don't want to upset them either)

If you've got to the end of this , thank you for reading

[Tortington]

the school is definatley the right approach - but this is your son so come on get over your fear and go round to the parents. tell them that their son has been physically abusive and you have informed the school and next time it happens you WILL involve the police.

its your son. do it.

[twinsetandpearls]

Go to the school, I would not be surprised if he is not bullying others. You are right not to go direct to the parents IMO. Although TBH if someone bullied my dd on my doorstep I would make it clear that if it happened again I would be going to the police.

[saggers]

I would tell the school, and maybe go to the police aswell.

[BoysAreLikeReindeer]

Thank you both.

We have breezed through school, you know, no problems, never come across anything like this so completely at a loss.

I will see what school has to say, I can't bear to see him so upset.

Do you think taking in written records of the incidents will help?

I've got copies at home.

[kd73]

OMG shocking - you must contact the school.

[BoysAreLikeReindeer]

Stupid slow typing.

Thank you all

[MorocconOil]

What a nightmare for you and your DS
I think you are definitely right to go to the school and not the parents. The situation ATM sounds horrific, but there is every chance that it will calm down and be resolved if handled appropriately.

I'm by the comment about the girlfriend. I have never heard my DS 7 mention girlfriends let alone sex. Without knowing the boy it is hard to make an assessment but it sounds from his behaviour that he's being exposed to some inappropriate behaviours at home. School will probably be aware of this.
Let them get on with their job of sorting it out.

Has your DS got a friend(s) he can play with at break times as protection? He needs to avoid all contact with the other boy in unsupervised situations.

Good luck tommorrow

[jINGLESbells]

you go straight to see the head in the morning boys, insist you want this monitoring and the parents informed (don't you do it!)..

[BoysAreLikeReindeer]

I know !

Girls, ewwww is normal, I thought, for 7 yr old boys.

We've had the chat about S E X tonight, in a very general way, he seemed quite sanguine actually.

[LittleBella]

I wouldn't bother trying to communicate with people who are a bit "fisty" tbh. (wonderful word!) What's the point? Fisty people aren't generally reasonable, so there's no point you trying to reason with them.

Do it via the school.

[twinsetandpearls]

I would take in a written record, it will also help you say everything that you need to.

[BoysAreLikeReindeer]

Yes, I need to be coherent and composed I think, rather than be a blubbing mess.

Thank you all for your support, I will report back tomorrow.

[MamaMaiasaura]

Your poor ds HE must have been terified. Agree with other mums on here in taking it straight to the school. Give your ds a cuddle from us lot xx

[pointydog]

that's awful. Yes, make a note of it all, tell school, get it all in the open even if that means talking to boy's parents too.

[pointydog]

this boy's been thriving on the secrecy of it. Try to make it all open, clear and calm

[BoysAreLikeReindeer]

Well here goes

Teacher not available to see me this morning, but she rang me at 10 am.

I explained the situation, she immediately escalated to the Head Teacher.

He said on the phone that he will start investigating and will report back at the end of school.

sigh

[homerton]

Definitely do not go round there in person, this is something that the school must deal with. Do not communicate with the boy or his parents if they turn up, just say that the headteacher has asked you not to discuss this matter with them directly. Be polite but distant and brief. This sort of thing is all too common and will now hopefully be stamped on by school. Hope that your son is feeling better about it, keep him talking as these things flourish on in secret.

[MaureenMLovesmincepies]

Oh Ju! Massive for you and little Reindeer! How absolutely horrid for you all. I'm nearly in tears reading it. He must be so utterly miserable to want to change schools.

If you don't get a call from the school by about 4pm, I'd phone again, the last thing you need is for it to drag on over the weekend. It won't be solved today, of course, but a least you'll know that they're taking action. I can't believe a child of 7 is capable of language and actions like that!

Give Little Reindeer a big hug from Auntie Mo and tell him to be strong and try not to worry.

[pigsinmud]

Oh how awful Hope the response from school is quick & effective. Hug for your ds. He sounds very brave.

[moonmother]

Hope everything goes ok for you and your Ds ..if you get no joy from the headteacher today then just remind him it is actually national anti-bullying week this week ,hopefully this will give him a jolt.

[OrmIrian]

Poor DS . That is truly awful. And being told not to tell for fear of more is the worst bit. Hope something comes of it through school. I agree that it's important to keep talking to him about it. Don't let any fears fester.

Makes you wonder about the other boys home life though

[mistypeaks]

Its also a great testimony to you as a parent that even though he was told not to tell, he did in fact trust mommy above all else. Hope it gets sorted.

[BoysAreLikeReindeer]

Aw thanks every one.Been to mum's to have a little cry.

We've been breezing through school, never had any problems, super teaching, good PTA (of course, I am secretary so it's gonna be fab -watery smile- )so was completely at a loss as to what to do.

Well, DP is going to collect boys today as normal for Friday, he will nip up a bit early to catch the Head.

Part of me is for the other boy.

Sigh