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Primary education

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Original poster

One child not invited to the party

48 replies

Ellie2015 · 17/06/2021 13:06

Hi ya

Some of you may remember we had a fall off with one family over mine and their girls friendship issues. When I tried to speak to the mother, surprisingly it was fine during the talk but afterwards they completely stopped talking to us. So whole one year they have not spoken to us which was not just shocking but also hurting in many ways as our kids go to same classes outside school. The girl has been naughty to my girl (oldest and mine is one the youngest) and been picking on her, sometimes would just not talk to her or will stop playing if my LG joined in. One day when my LG said ‘she hates me’, this was the deal breaker and I spoke to the teachers. Things improved slightly since then. But parents will still not speak to us. There has been two class girls parties after lockdown eased and two girls have been together but parents wouldn’t buzz or make any attempts at talking. I once made the attempt and dad responded by waving but later when he came with his wife he pretended as if I didn’t exist and stopped talking again.

We will also have a party at ours and all girls are invited. I feel this would be such a game for the girl to be not invited because of her parents. I know she is still not nice to my LG but I still feel it may affect her being only child not being invited.

What would you do if you were me?

Please no nasty answers or judgements.

Anyone happy to talk this through would also be helpful. Thank you xx

OP posts:

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Lemonlemon88 · 17/06/2021 13:10

Gosh that's really tough, especially if she still isnt nice to your daughter. Do you have to invite all the girls in the class or can you do a small party with just a couple of close friends?

I wouldn't worry about the parents not talking to you, it is what it is.

Notaroadrunner · 17/06/2021 13:11

Has the other girl had a birthday party since the fallout? If she has and hasnt invited your dd then I wouldn't bother inviting her as they have set a precedent. If she hasn't and if your dd was happy to invite her I probably would. If she's still being nasty towards your dd then no, I wouldn't invite her. Your dd doesn't have to put up with that at her party. Do parents tend to stay at the parties? If so I'd imagine they might decline the invite or the dad will bring her.

mamaoffourdc · 17/06/2021 13:12

I would invite her- I'm sure they won't come but you have been the bigger person for asking x

4PawsGood · 17/06/2021 13:13

Is she still being awful to your daughter? If no and your daughter wants to invite her, then invite her.

If not, you can’t exclude one girl. She’ll need to mix it up a bit and exclude two or three and add a couple of boys/out of school friends.

NCwhatsmynameagain · 17/06/2021 13:30

Think you can exclude one girl. Didn’t see previous thread, but did teacher bring this issue to your attention or something you observed yourself?

NCwhatsmynameagain · 17/06/2021 13:30

Can’t exclude!

GreyhoundG1rl · 17/06/2021 13:33

If your child is happy to have her there, just invite her. If they want to continue playing silly buggers they'll probably decline.

TenBobNote · 17/06/2021 13:37

How old are they? How many girls are in the class?

Sylvan92 · 17/06/2021 13:38

How old are the girls?

LakeShoreD · 17/06/2021 13:45

I know there’s a lot of history here but I still don’t think it’s fair to exclude one child. Can you give your DD the choice of inviting all of the girls including the girl in question or a smaller group of close friends (if there’s 15 girls in the class maybe say a maximum of 10)?

VettiyaIruken · 17/06/2021 13:50

I wouldn't invite someone who had treated me like shit to my party and I wouldn't expect my kids to have to suck that up either.

Have the party with kids who don't make your daughter feel like shit.

NerrSnerr · 17/06/2021 14:01

How old are they?
Does your daughter want her at the party?

I think it would be unfair to invite her if she picks on your daughter as she may dread the party if her bully is coming too.

MolyHolyGuacamole · 17/06/2021 14:04

I think it would be really horrible to invite all but one child. She's a child.

Birminghambloke · 20/06/2021 01:18

It’s unkind to not invite one if inviting all the others. That girl will feel awful. It will give ammunition to other parent. However, it’s not unreasonable to run a more bespoke group party. In current times, you have a good excuse! Children do fall out but if things have improved since the school’s intervention, then that’s the picture to go by.

musthavebeenlove · 20/06/2021 03:54

In this case, I would be the bigger person and just invite the girl. Chances are she won’t go anyway. And you’re not doing it for her parents, you’re doing it for you, because you don’t want to be THAT person that deliberately excludes 1 child from a party whilst everyone else gets invited.

drpet49 · 20/06/2021 06:28

** I wouldn't invite someone who had treated me like shit to my party and I wouldn't expect my kids to have to suck that up either.

Have the party with kids who don't make your daughter feel like shit.**

^This, this, this.

DartmoorDoughnut · 20/06/2021 06:34

I think for me it depends a bit on how old they are aka is the other girl old enough to understand that it’s her behaviour that’s caused the issue or are they young enough that it would be cruel to exclude her sort of thing. In my mind I think the cut off is about 8, at that age they’re old enough to get why they haven’t been invited. Yes it’s not ‘kind’ but if she’s being truly horrible she’ll probably make mean comments at school about your child’s birthday party and not only ruin the party but the whole experience sort of thing.

Hope that makes sense!

User135792468 · 20/06/2021 06:37

Is this a bigger deal in your head due to the parents behaviour rather than what it initially was between the girls?

Unless the child is really foul then I think excluding just one child from a class is very unkind. Other parents will notice also and think that you’re petty and a bit of a b.

How would your daughter feel do you think if she knew this girl was having a party and every other child in her class was invited but she wasn’t?

If the parents are avoiding you then I doubt they’ll come anyway. I haven’t seen your other posts so I don’t understand exactly what the issues were between the girls.

CustardyCreams · 20/06/2021 06:39

Yes exclude her. Definitely. Don’t invite someone who hates your dd to her birthday, if the girl has bullied your dd . Why would you? It will make your dd feel anxious and unhappy on her special day.

SD1978 · 20/06/2021 06:41

Depending on age- I don't agree that you can't exclude one kid who has bullied and made your kids life difficult- it's a lesson for them both. As an adult you wouldn't consider asking someone from work that you have conflict with- why shouldn't the same be the case for kids, if old enough to be aware of their actions? This include everyone and be kind stuff is t only one way. The other child excludes your child- why should she have to invite her.

Ligglepiggle · 20/06/2021 06:41

Never understand the can’t exclude one kid thing - I wouldn’t invite someone to my own party who was horrible to me.
Maybe I’m hard faced but I wouldn’t hesitate and if parents asked me I would say we didn’t invite because..

CustardyCreams · 20/06/2021 06:50

Just to add to the comments that excluding her is petty and bitchy , it’s not. You don’t need to make effort to be kind to people who bully you, that is just being a sucker. And as for how the mean girl feels, if she has a competent parent then they will explain that if she is horrible she can’t expect party invitations.

I’m speaking from parental experience as I tried to help my dd get along with a mean child who was very unpleasant and sometimes physically aggressive because I felt sorry for the mean girl having friendship problems and thought kindness would help. It didn’t. Mean girl is still mean, four years on I’m still getting phone calls from teacher about this girl victimising my dd in class. Sure my dd has toughened up a lot but it’s unpleasant. Fact is, some children are cruel and when they have picked their target they never let it drop.

If this bombshell offends the Be Kind brigade, I would like to see them put up with their kids being targeted by unkindness from the other direction, day in day out. I’m all for turning the other cheek, but I’m sure it doesn’t have to extend to a birthday party.

Callingallskeletons · 20/06/2021 07:01

I 100% would not invite any child who was mean to my child to HER birthday party!
Regardless of if I liked the parents or not - basically you’re teaching your DD that her feelings don’t matter as long as she just accommodates other people

User135792468 · 20/06/2021 07:03

@CustardyCreams The Op mentions a few friendship issues between the girls and I can’t see any mention of targeted bullying. I haven’t seen the other threads though.

The only reason I said my comment about petty and bitchy is that how it will come across unless Op is willing to come out and say “we didn’t invite X as she has been bullying dd...” if asked.

Callingallskeletons · 20/06/2021 07:03

Actually just realised I’m assuming your DD doesn’t want the girl there because she is unkind to her - if she does I’d suck it up and hope the parents refuse the invite

I’m so glad we’ve missed the last year of bday party politics, hope you get something sorted OP xX

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