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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Should I send my child to a CofE school even though I don't believe in God?

42 replies

claraquitebignow · 13/11/2007 14:32

My dd is only 2 so this is a way off yet, but we may be going abroad for a few years next year so we have started to think about which primary school she should go to when we return.

Our local school is literally about 4 minutes walk away and has an excellent reputation - one of the best in the town we live in. However, it is a CofE school with a "Christian ethos", the children attend church services, the local vicar gives assemblies and is on the board of governors etc.

Neither my husband or I believe in God, neither of us were raised with any religion and the best thing I would like to teach my children is to be open-minded to all cultures and religions. If she later becomes religious, then that is fine. But I don't really want it forced down her throat from the age of 4.

There are other good schools in the area, but none within walking distance so I would have to drive her (and Number 2, who is on its way any day now) to school every morning. Which doesn't exactly appeal either!

I am sure she would be very happy at the local school, it seems excellent and the children there seem very well behaved. But not too sure how I would feel if she was made to pray every morning

Anyone had any experience of this?

OP posts:

ChasingSquirrels · 13/11/2007 14:34

ds1 goes to the (only) village school which is CofE. He started reception in Sep so not masses of experience yet.
He had a bit of a problem last half term when he realised some of the things he was singing/saying were related to god, but he seems to have got over it now and is happily joining in.
There are a few things I have issues with, but not big enough to take him away from the village school.

LadyOfWaffle · 13/11/2007 14:35

Lauriefairycake · 13/11/2007 14:36

It depends if you're actually "Anti-God" vehemently - sounds like a good education and if you're not really "anti" then maybe you can get over the praying ?

It reduces stress levels too....

Lauriefairycake · 13/11/2007 14:37

My husband teaches RE and the biggest part is teaching them about being openminded and critical thinking of all religion.

LazyLinePainterJane · 13/11/2007 14:37

No.

LazyLinePainterJane · 13/11/2007 14:39

But that doesn't necessarily relate to a child being at a faith school, LFC. It's not just about RE lessons, there is a wider religious picture to attending a school like this,.

Lauriefairycake · 13/11/2007 14:41

True, and that's why I asked if she was actually anti-it - it's difficult to get over the praying/christmas stories etc if you are very anti it.

hanaflower · 13/11/2007 14:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

binkleandflip · 13/11/2007 14:43

yes. It's education that matters.

DD goes to a C of E school. I am not religious, nor is my DH and DD has not been christened. But its a great school and she enjoys learning about god and jesus etc and takes part in all the school services etc. When she gets to an age when she questions religion I'll explain she was sent to that school because it was a good school for her and gave her an introduction into a religion as an additional 'benefit' if you like and that it is her choice whether she wishes to follow that religion (or any other) but that although we as her parents try to live morally etc we dont subscribe to organised religion - in the case Christian and it's backstory

MascaraOHara · 13/11/2007 14:44

My dd goes to CofE, I don't believe in god.

it's fine.

I ignore the fact that she has to say grace and sing hymns.

MascaraOHara · 13/11/2007 14:45

grace/prayers?

Lauriefairycake · 13/11/2007 14:47

I cannot think of anything better than being able to walk to school - that drive to another school is going to, at some point, really annoy you.

Apologies if this is only a minor consideration.

Original poster

claraquitebignow · 13/11/2007 14:48

LFC - I am not exactly anti-religion but my husband is. He is already unhappy with the playgroup that I take her to where they get a little bible story and say a prayer at the end, although she is still to young to understand any of it (and I go because I like the people I have met there; however am feeling guiltier by the day about taking her as it is free as run by a church....).

It's such a dilemna as it is a really, really popular school and we happen to live very close to it so should be able to get her in without a problem (unless we are away still when she gets to reception age - but that's another story!). But as hanaflower says, I would feel a little uncomfortable if they were being told that God created the world etc.

Although isn't that now not allowed as they have to follow a multi-faith curriculam?

OP posts:

OverMyDeadBody · 13/11/2007 14:48

My DS goes to our local school which is CofE with a Christian ethos, I definately don't believe in God, but am not anti-it either. I did worry at first about whether or not it was the right thing to do. So far I'm happy he is there, he hasn't mentioned God or Jesus so I don't know how much 'brainwashing' actually goes on, but tbh I recon most would go over DS's head anyway!

It seems the school are more interested in setting good codes of behavious, setting an ethos of being nice, treating others as you would want to be treated, helping others, and other morals that I would never object to and that can only really do good!

Maybe they 'prey' in assembly, I don't think it will do a child any harm to take part even if they or their families don't believe, after all, if you think praying has no effect then it can't be a bad thing to do right? Usually it will be for things like being thanmkful for something, again there is nothing wrong with that really is there?

I have had a few conversations with DS about how all people belive different things, there are lots of stories out there, like about dragons, fairies, elfs, Jesus, God, and other myths and legends, I've told him some people think these are only stories, some people think they are real, and he can make his own mind up about them, there is no right or wrong.

If the school is good, I'd put your DCs down for it. If in hindsight you would rather they wheren't there, you can amways move them right?

Original poster

claraquitebignow · 13/11/2007 14:50

LFC - being able to walk to the school is actually a big consideration. There are no roads on the way either so when she/they are older they can walk up there on their own - I could actually watch them most of the way through my window!

OP posts:

OverMyDeadBody · 13/11/2007 14:51

Are you and DH worried she will start beliving in it?

Because usually children belive what their parents believe, regardless of what school they went to.

Will being told bible stories be a bad thing?

Can't you just tell her they are just stories?

Sorry, I hope I don't come across as indulting to you or the decisions you make, just throwing in things to think about to help you make your decision!

OverMyDeadBody · 13/11/2007 14:52

believe

sorry

Lauriefairycake · 13/11/2007 14:53

a C of E school has to tell you about other religions but is free to practise the one they follow.

I'm a Christian and there are many many myths that I say i don't believe to children we have (creation being one). I'm also happy to encourage their imagination with fairies/santa/little people that live in the bottom of the garden.

I can see how it would make your dh uncomfortable.

OverMyDeadBody · 13/11/2007 14:55

'...come across as indulting to you...'

Goodness, what has happened to my spelling!!!! I meant insulting obviously!!

DrNortherner · 13/11/2007 14:57

My ds goes to a CofE school. I am a beleiver dh is not, and it does rile dh that it is in a way rammed down his throat at 5 years old. They say a prayer every morning and at hometime, teh vicar takes assemblies and is on the board of governers and they each have weeky TAG (thinking about god) sessions in small peer groups.

My ds is damant that God made teh world and often reminds us that God is watching us all the time etc etc.

So it is a huge part of school life in a CofE school and if you are not prepared to support it's ethos and values then your child should not go there imo.

Original poster

claraquitebignow · 13/11/2007 14:59

Overmydeadbody - thanks, it's going to be a difficult decision I think, but really interesting to hear others views.

I think I will need to find out a little more about what they are actually taught. If they are told "this is what some people believe" etc then not too bad.

But if they are told "this is a fact and that's that" and then tell my child she is wrong if she questions it, that could be difficult.

OP posts:

DrNortherner · 13/11/2007 15:03

It's a CofE school. They will be told about God as a FACT. Not what some people believe in. As far as they are concerned it is a fact.

skidaddle · 13/11/2007 15:05

hi claraq !

We are in almost exactly the same dilemma (although not leaving the country for 2 years). My DH is also very anti-religion and I am open-minded but don't believe in God. The best school near us is a CofE school.

I think we are going to send dd there partly BECAUSE DH is so anti-religion - she certainly won't be learning about the Christian faith from him so I think it will do her no harm at all to learn about it at school.

If it's a good school and convenient I would definitely send her there. If it's a good school they're not going to teach her anything ridiculous like there is only one religion or there are no alternatives to the explanation that God created the world. Your DH can meanwhile work on her with his anti-religious propaganda (as I'm sure mine will), you can tell her all about other religions (esp if you are in Pakistan) and she can make up her own mind what to believe when she's good and ready

binkleandflip · 13/11/2007 15:07

I have no problem with dd being taught about god as fact because, like anything, facts are open to interpretation and where there is no actual physical evidence to support 'fact' even more so. I think its an interesting learning opportunity for her - nothing more really.

EmmaKn · 13/11/2007 15:14

Absolutely agree - the walking issue is a very big one. My children have been at both Catholic and non-religious schools - and having like you not wanted them to be brainwashed, I have found that I positively prefer the values of the Catholic schools - which is all about giving and valuing others. The Catholic secondary school my son has just started is very liberal and tolerant and they are currently studying the Muslim faith

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