What is the WORST thing a parent can SAY or DO at PARENTS EVENING

[drosophila]

Wondering how truthful to be. DS seems very unhappy at school at the mo. He asked to be home educated the other day He is in yr 3.

I can't put my finger on it but I am geting a vibe from his teacher that they don't rate him. His previous teacher who he had for two years thought a lot of him and fcused on his strengths rather than his weaknesses. I have a feeling it will be the other way around at parents eve tomorrow.

A large part of the problem is that he is bored -' they go over everything 5 times and I get it after 2 times' he said yesterday. He struggles a lot with writing and I think there is a serious problem there but excels at other stuff e.g maths. He is worried about tomorrow and has developed a worrying tick around his eyes.

If you have an "issue" that needs to be discussed then I would suggest that you are better off going to the parents evening, listening to what the teacher has to say, explain that you have an issue you wish to discuss and then making an appointment so that you can both give that discussion the time that it needs. The slots they give parents aren't very long and the teacher certainlywon't want to go into overtime with any one parent (as she'll them p* off ev3eryone else).

But if your ds is that unhappy, then I would defintiely speak to the teacher about it, just not at the parents evening.

Good luck.
Is home education an option?

If he is bored the school need to know, normally when a conflict arises between a parent and a school it is because of the way it is said rather than what is said.

I don't know about the worst thing, but it is definitely preferable to let the school/teacher know in advance if there is a big issue that you want to discuss. Some schools ask beforehand.

This gives the teacher time to think about the issue and to have prepared any plans of action s/he might suggest. It also stops a swift end to the discussion when your 10 minutes is up and someone else is champing at the bit behind you.

So I'd at leat try and have a quick word by phone or whatever beforehand.

The worst thing a parent ever said to me at a parents evening:

ME: your child has an anauthorised absence for this date can you explain where they were?

Parent: Well it was my fault really I got pissed the night before and didn't get home until five in the morning and * was up all night with the baby so they were tired and I needed them to stay at home to look after me as I wa sick the next day.

I have also known of a parent try and distract teachers at a parents evening from her sons appaling behaviour by coming in a very short leather skirt and no knickers and then trying to cross and uncross her legs in a Sharon Stone kind of way.

On a more serious note I dont think that 10 minutes is enough to deal with this you need to make an appointment for a longer discussion.

I have spoken to the teacher about his writing and she expressed shock at how he forms letters etc. She wanted to know f he had been assessed in yr2. So you see she is aware but her advice wsa to tell him he simply has to write.

Now me being a google hound and having a sister who teaches little ones I found out about dysgraphia (which described DS very well). I printed off the info and highlighted what particularly rang bells with me. When I tried to talk about it a couple of weeks later I was told it was early days. Tomorrow is the first chance to talk about it in depth.

My sister thinks he needs one on one writing practice in class every day. I do three lines every eve with him too.

Droso: I had terrible coordination probs as a kid. I was (and still am) really good at reading, science, maths and languages, but I was incapable of colouring in and couldn't write for toffee. Your post struck chords with me because of the references to him being both too quick for his classes and having difficulties with writing.

I think teachers tend to focus so much on the small potatoes (like neat books, colouring in the lines, etc) and forget about a kids true (more important) talents - just make sure your boy knows that he's bright, bright, bright and that the coordination and writing will come with time!

Honest though at twinset school

I do try to ensure he is aware of his skills but he is deffo too influenced with what the teachers say about his writing. He told me he would be 'ashamed of himself' if the teacher tells me he is 'lazy' at literacy. . I try to get him to imagine himself at uni studying only the thing he loves and that these years are a pain but in the end he will do what he loves to do ( I really do hope he does).

I teach a boy (Yr 8) who sounds like your son his handwriting is very difficult to read and I suspect some teachers don;t even try but he is very bright and loves to be challenged and stretched but because of his writing people assume he is not bright and so don;t challenge him and he gets bored.

He also has very low self esteem and I suspect this may have been added to by teachers nagging him about his writing. He loves coming to my lessons as I see through the writing and am always showering him with praise. He did a stunning piece of writing for me today that was a level 7 piece of work and I could see him trying so hard to get that top level, redrafting his work and asking for my feedback and he left my room on cloud nine.

The fact if the matter is though that hadwriting is important because many jobs still ask for handwritten applications and they will toss aside a form they can't read. So while it is important to praise them for what they can do it is also important to get the handwriting legible.

Of course handwriting is important, but it seems a bit much to discourage a bright learner just because his coordination is probably not quite there yet. After all what is the point of writing but to express one's views? Do we read Shakespeare because his handwriting was brilliant!? Too much focus of pretty and neat handwriting seems to miss the point.

Droso: hope all goes well at parents evening and hope ds will soldier on and not let things get him down too much ... Tell him it's what he can express that's important, not how it looks. Substance above presentation! (At this stage anyway. If he wants to be prime minister than it might be the other round.)

Have you talked to the SENCO about the writing problems, drosophila?

This is fantastic for improving handwriting write from the start I saw it recommended on another thread and have been using it with ds1 and its definitely helping.

I did not say that a bright learner should be discouraged because of their handwriting, I do exactly the opposite every day. I also did not ask for neat writing but ledgible writing.

Well, I did ask I he should be assessed and I didnt get a straight answer. They said they would speak to the SENCO. She said his ideas were 'extraordinary' when they explored them with him verbally but he needs twice as long to write a piece of work. His hand writing is improving a lot since using cursive writing it seems.

They are also giving him 2 half hour sessions on handwriting. Three pupils to 1 teacher which I think is fantastic.

I think what is worrying me is the effect it is having on his self esteem. In some ways he is exceptional (Maths and Science) but is not buoyed up by this. He focuses on the negative.

His spelling is pretty goods now since I use the spatial learning technique (borrowed from MN). I also think I get het up as I had problems spelling and writing and whilst my writing improved dramatically when I started using a fountain pen my spelling still lets me down. I know how much it can affect your confidence.

Thanks for all the advice.

TELL A TEACHER THAT YOU ARE CONCERNED ABOUT YOUR SONS ACNEA DN THAT YOU TRY TO ENCOURAGE HIM TO MASTUBATE TO HELP HIM WIHT IT BUT IT DOES NO GOOD

oh yes really

or threaten that mrs codface and ill ahev her outside..

oh yes

or say to your kdi" oi that mrs codface shes ok sint she id have her" then get oyur kdi to tlel you in fornt of a class of sniggerinf 15 year olds

Can you tell me more about 'Write from the start'

I have neen using a cursive writing programme from GLTC which is pretty good.

oh i see
s orry d thought this eas jokey

I teach too....Some things i think might be aggravating the "problem": Large class sizes making it hard for teachers to give the individual attention kids deserve; some teachers not as sensitive as others; the tendency for kids that age to be very sensitive about the things they perceive as failures. I agree with the advice to praise and uplift him and remind him about all his other strong points and then just steadily to work on the writing. But mostly I think it is important that you communicate honestly with the teacher. It is your child's progress and self esteem after all..and if you don't help fight his battles who will?

You need to get his class-teacher on side and battling for your son.

My advice therefore would be to say thank you to the teacher because he loves the Maths and Science lessons...then move on to say you're concerned about his handwriting and he's getting really upset about it. You've come to get her advice...what can we do...

Intrigued- what is the spatial learning technique?

www.learning-styles-online.com/style/visual-spatial/

For spelling I write out the word on coloured paper (not sure why it has to be coloured) and I hold it up and ask him to photograph it with his mind. Seems to work a treat. He has no signs of being a visual spatial learner but to avoid writing I thought I would try it.

Also I think I am a visual spatial learner so genetics may mean he has some leaning towards it.

Thanks will have a look.