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Primary education

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Original poster

Do you think some children are destined to be bullied?

44 replies

Katymac · 13/10/2007 20:40

Or to feel that they are being bullied?

Are some children 'natural' or created targets?

OP posts:
themildmanneredaxemurderer · 13/10/2007 20:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Katymac · 13/10/2007 20:44

Oh

OP posts:
hippipotOFBLOODami · 13/10/2007 20:45

why the What has happened??

themildmanneredaxemurderer · 13/10/2007 20:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

morocco · 13/10/2007 20:48

some kids do seem to give off that vibe more if not confident etc but i've heard loads of teachers use that as an excuse for kids not to change schools for example 'oh, it'll just be the same if they move' but it isn't! so some of it must just be bad luck/personality clashes
why the ?

Original poster
Katymac · 13/10/2007 20:48

DD had loads of crap at her old school over 2 years - we moved her

The last month or so we have been really struggling with her behaviour & found out quite by chance that a group of boys are seeing the deputy about 'teasing' her

OP posts:
havalina · 13/10/2007 20:48

No not really, every child has something they could be bullied for. I think it's the confidence and self esteem of a child that matter. If a child has everything else but self esteem, it will put up with bullying and try to fit in. If a child has good confidence and self esteem it will better be able to fend off bully's, rise above it etc.
Although it's obviously a complex subject, you really cannot predict which child will fall victim.

Tortington · 13/10/2007 20:49

some kids just cant fight

i have one - his sister beat his bullies up in junior school

i have two fighters and a weed. I was a weed - so i have bth POV's

i think where you have a weed and you cudle them and say there there - they are only jealous - ignore them - it contributes.

i think the only way forward is to adhere to the schools policy in the first instance - tell kid to tell teacher if bullying is occuring.

get anti bullying policy from school

adhere to policy - meet regularly with r=teachers make sure everyone has an eye for your kid

last resort - tell kid to punch other kids lights out.

hippies on mumsnet gonna freak. but there you go.

Cadmum · 13/10/2007 20:50

Oh NO!

Katymac, I'll bet you millions that was not the answer that you were looking for...

I am not sure that I fully understood your question. I suppose that my SIL's children are less likely to be bullied because she home-schools them in a small community in an isolated area of Canada. My children are more likely to be targeted as they are often the new kid on the block with our frequent moves but both might be 'destined' to be bullied at a large state school.

Are you worried about your DD? Is she being bullied again or are you worried about how past bullying is affecting her?

One thing I can say for certain is that YOU are NOT at fault. A parent who cares enough to be asking so many questions has not likely contributed to their child's vulnerability.

LadyHex · 13/10/2007 20:53

My DS2 was bullied mercilessly at his first school.

He wasn't at his second, but he did have a tendency to assume that if he fell out with someone, they would hate him for ever.

And this came from his experiences at the first school.

It is all about self-confidence, and feelings of self-worth.

And the second school were excellent at appreciating that he was very socially vulnerable at first, and helped him to make friends.

We were told to take him for martial arts lessons, but for him, it wasn't about being able to defend himself from aggression, more being proud of being who he is.

So we bought him a guitar, and he writes and sings his own songs.

And he's now got a few 'groupies' , who think he's rather cool - and so does he!

cutekids · 13/10/2007 20:54

i have 2 "fighters".Not in the physical sense but in the way they see the bullies and themselves. Both seem to be very confident-like their Dad.My youngest,however,has low self-esteem (like me) and I always had a feeling she might be the type to be bullied. I was right. Found out just this week in fact that she's actually being bullied by her so-called "best friend". She sees herself as a victim and therefore so do other children around her.

TheWorstMotherInTheWorld · 13/10/2007 20:55

I was bullied at school, not physically or very badly but continously, for about 3 yrs. I don't know what makes some kids easier targets but confidence does come into it. If your DD can find something she excels at and enjoys doing, preferably out of school, like a sport or dancing or something it'll help her make friends that perhaps dont know her 'school persona' and it'll give her more confidence and a break from the stress the bullying causes her. With time she will be able to rise above it. How old is she? TBH school is pants, take heart in the fact that she will probably turn out to be a far more interesting and sensitive person than the morons who are upsetting her. HTH

dinny · 13/10/2007 20:56

Oh, Katymac, how worrying for you.

I think some children respond to certain behaviours by bullies - that they display to everyone probably - but certain, more vulnerable, children may respond in a way that gives the bullies a sign that they aren't equipped to defend themselves (ie. prob something that may not upset a tougher child may upset a more sensitive child etc)

How old is your dd again? Is she very sensitive by nature? Oh, I feel so upset for you - not sure what to suggest other than take immediate action to nip it in the bud (which I'm sure you will).

TheWorstMotherInTheWorld · 13/10/2007 20:56

p.s. there was a similar thread on this recently

dinny · 13/10/2007 20:57

yes, my mum always says bullies are the ones with the least to offer as people.

TrickORTripletEm · 13/10/2007 20:58

Katymac do you feel that your DD has a weakness in some area? Is she shy? Perhaps you could work on it with her.
Kids pick on kids for lots of reasons and sometimes to make things even more complicated there isn't a reason!! Some kids form there own little groups and don't want to let others in and some feel threatened by other children's capability. I don't think any child can be labeled as a likely target,it's such a shame that the parents of the bullys don't put as much care and thought into their children as you obviously do about your dd.

TheWorstMotherInTheWorld · 13/10/2007 20:58

i used to fantasise about lining them up and shooting them for years afterwards....

Original poster
Katymac · 13/10/2007 21:05

Outside of school she does competitive ballroom dancing & she is great. She also sails and is becoming very good

She was bullied last time about her skin colour (she is mixed race) and this 'teasing' is about her colour too

She is confident (mostly - she has wobbles) and good at her school work (tho' she wasn't at her old school) - she is nearly 10 btw

OP posts:
stressteddy · 13/10/2007 21:07

I was bullied at school - have to say it was hideous, but analysing it now and looking back I have to say it only made me stronger as a person.
No one would bully me now
Feisty Stressteddy grrrrrrrrrssss at all who threaten her or her famille!

hippipotOFBLOODami · 13/10/2007 21:08

I was bullied at school. I used to be very socially awkward (perhaps I still am?) and whenever I was picked on or excluded I would really take it to heart and excel at being 'the victim'. This would let the others see my weakness and hence pick on me even more.

Ds is a tricky one, he is definately not one of the football playing cool crowd. But he has character and is a great little actor and gets credit from his classmates for taking a part in school plays / assemblies / harvest etc. He has a few friends, most of which are girls. He does not get on too well with the boys.
But if he is picked on I think he shrugs it off.

Dd is more difficult. She has some anxiety issues and some nervous tics. She is also quick to cry if someone does not want to hold her hand at line-up or anything like that. She is only 4 though, so at the moment she is fine friendship-wise. But she has a tendency to grow into the socially awkward, anxious one, just like me. So there is a chance she may be bullied, just like me

TrickORTripletEm · 13/10/2007 21:12

Oh it makes me sooooo mad!! Sounds like she is a very confident and capable girl and is going to achieve a lot with her life....unlike some i am sure you could mention. At least with your experience you'll be more able to guide her through it and if it is a case of being teased because she is mixed race get the school involved,theres no way anyone should have to put up with that and the school should be behind you 100%

dinny · 13/10/2007 21:14

she sounds lovely, Katymac - bet it is triggered by jealousy.

are there any other mixed race kids in the class?

dinny · 13/10/2007 21:16

just to add - bullying is unnaceptable and racist bullying even more so if possible - if the school don't sort it out, speak to the LEA.

Original poster
Katymac · 13/10/2007 21:19

No - there are 4 or 5 in the school - bt only one in her year

OP posts:
Blandmum · 13/10/2007 21:30

There are also a small sub set of children who will goad other kids in to lashing out. this is a very difficult thing to understand, and if I had not seen it happen many times I wouldn't believe that it happens.

there are some children who seem to enjoy the negative attention that they get from other children, and also seem to enjoy being the 'victim' and reporting the other child to a teacher.

Obviously these are a small subset of kids, and this isn't what happens in most bullying situations.

But I've seen some kids goading other, very nice, kind kids into lashing out. and the goaders will then rush to report their victimisation to staff.

Most odd

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