Do you think some children are destined to be bullied?

[Katymac]

Or to feel that they are being bullied?

Are some children 'natural' or created targets?

That's really worrying MB - would it be obvious?

It seems to be what she is doing with me - but I'm not sure if that is a reaction to the problem

MB - goad kids into lashing out at THEM or someone else?

They goad children into lashing out to them.

As I say this isn't that common, and I wouldn't want anyone to think that I'm blaming all victims of bullying by saying that they bring it on themselves, I'm not.

But I have seen a few children do this.

They will go from child to child over a period of time, and go out of their way to irriatate an annoy, they will push and shove and basically goad the other kids into reacting. When the other kid tells them to bugger off (or worse) or pushes them away, the victim will then run and tell a member of staff that they are being bullied.

Had I not watched a couple of kids do this over and over again (often to the point of getting hit) I wouldn't have believed that it could happen.

Often the children have very poor self confidence, sometimes they have not had a lot of positive attention in the home environment, and seek out negative attention when they are stressed.

so she doesn't fil the patern you mention Katy

No this time appears to be like last time - snide little comments about being dirty, ugly, having horrid hair, being stupid because she is mixed, that she shouldn't exist

Those kids sound like they wil have some underlying psychological problem MB.

Katymac, how awful, what terrible things to say to your DD.

I DO think that some kids are more susceptible to bullying for a variety of reasons, some already mentioned here. And it can be heartbreaking to see (I'm a teacher btw). However there should be a zero tolerance for this, and any bullying should be nipped in the bud, ESPECIALLY if its the terrible, racist kind of thing that you are describing here.

Katymac that sounds incredibly difficult to deal with, and too much for your dd to handle (how can a child deal with that? Poor girl). And not due to anything she or you have done.

It sounds like a lack of acceptance of difference , which can be countered with education.
Hope this makes sense.

Can you involve the school?

Bullies will pick on any weakness. At school I was more into horses than ball sports and this singled me out. It seems that anybody who is considered too posh or too poor also get picked up. Children seem to like conformity and if anybody is different the bullies can cut them off from the herd rather like lions attacking wildebeest! All very sad and something the teachers have to watch out for.

Katy, I am so sorry i have no advice on how to deal with bullying of this nature.
As someone said, some children are very narrow minded and see anyone who is different (be that acedemically, to do with sports or to do with race) as a threat and will react negatively.

All I can say is to ensure your dd knows she is beautiful, clever, special (as I am sure you do anyway)and enable her to rise above this. Also, get the school involved.

katy - I'll put a link to my thread about ds, if it's any help - I found the comments posted very comforting...hold on...

here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/2403/395372?ts=1192372768189

There was a thread recently about a little girl starting school in the US and was picked on for her accent etc.

The teacher and school dealt with it very well, taught the children something new and managed the situation in a good way.
Never done a link, but going to go and search for it now.

here it is

The circumstances are a bit different, but I think the school should step up.

Thanks everyone - despite a promise not to talk to the school about it, I am going to speak to the teacher about it, some promises are made to be broken

I'm having anticipatory guilt

I know I have to talk to the school - but I promised DD that I wouldn't - so I feel guilty

How did it go? Does your dd need to know that you have spoken with her teacher?

Hope you are keeping your spirits up.

Thinking of you from Vienna..

Well spke to deputy - & he isn't aware of a particular incident. However he wil keep an eye on her and an ear to the ground to see what he can find out

Thanks for asking

Yes, many children are destined to be bullied. It's not their fault and it doesn't make it right - but it offers an explanation.

Any child who is 'different' is a bully target. This could be a child who is weaker than others in some way, but also those who seem much stronger (eg only chldren who spend lot of time in adult environments and consquently speak eloquently and are very forthright).