11 plus shall we stop?

[luzasade]

The test for Kent is in a couple of weeks.

My son just will not complete any mock tests at home so has not got an idea as of how long the test is or the timings?

Shall we give up?

It has been good doing the work for secondary as so much was not covered at school. His school is not high performing so he had so much to catch up on even basic subtraction and division and multiplication.
He has worked solidly since last September but now it just seems he does not want to do the actual test.

He gets very nervous. He also no longer wants to do any of the work.

We have not covered everything with nvr, not all the vr ?

I am torn between him just doing it anyway for experience because he did work hard or just leaving it?

He is one the eldest boys in his class but does not seem mature enough to cope.

In addition we are not living in Kent.
It does seem many others do way more work too.

Maybe I should have put this into a secondary topic.

might be time to call it a day, I think as a parent you know how to gauge your own child's abilities.

Have you asked if he wants to give it a go ?

He is able but has had pretty poor schooling, and although he has covered a great deal of ground I don't think it is enough.

My other friends have had tutors for 2 sometimes 3 years ahead of the test ... so they make me feel like we have not done enough work, and there is this massive competitive parenting culture that I am finding quite upsetting.

He does not have tutors but does use an online system.

I guess I failed to realise how competitive it is.

Also it really is biased towards private students or rich students.

I suppose I have to accept that he is not capable.

He can do questions well, although if he sees a mock test he just refuses.

I feel I have been up against it and I have tried so so hard to support him in every way but I don't think I can put him through it.

No doubt I will hear non stop about how other children are brilliant blah blah blah ..

Are you planning on moving if he gets in or travelling out of interest

He has not given up as such, he is a good student for the poor school but he refuses to do mocks and gets anxious so I feel I can't make his progress.

I think I am truly over it too.

I feel as though I have failed him.

I have no idea as to non verbal because we never got that far.

He is someone that will probably get too sats marks but 11 plus feels too far away.

It just really is awful all the money on text books and time.

How upset will he be if he doesn’t pass? Will it be a massive blow? If so, I’d stop but if he’s not that bothered it’s worth a go. Being brutally honest though, it doesn’t sound like he’s ready sorry.

Maybe stop all the pressure now, let him take the test. Make sure he knows you are proud of him no matter what and see what happens ?

I think we would consider travelling but not moving into the area.

But yes, you are right, unless your child is naturally very academically gifted, the system is completely biased towards indecently educated kids who are also privately tutored.

@chillibeansauce

But yes, you are right, unless your child is naturally very academically gifted, the system is completely biased towards indecently educated kids who are also privately tutored.

Should read Independently not indecently

Personally having gone through the process with my dc, if he is not practicing vr he’s not going to pass. You’ve got to do the past papers to get into the swing. It’s tough and there is probably one child in a thousand who can get the required marks without at least doing multiple practice tests let alone spending time working on question types.

Thank you so much for your comments.
Yes in my heart I don't think he is ready.

He has not done mocks but he has done say the bond tests and mini tests.. as a case in point one time he will get 95 percent for English and then he will get 60 percent. For maths he generally gets high marks as he has worked quite hard. NVR is a mystery but he sometimes does ok.

I do think he could be ready for a private school exam in January 21 .. if that makes sense? He is great at writing stories but is rubbish at spelling.

So I guess my options are:

1. Get him to sit it as a practice exercise, for the private exams - as he is so nervous about tests.

1. Don't get him to sit the test. Pull out and try have a concerted approach for the January tests.

1. Pull him out and concentrate on local schooling.

Chillibean the whole thing is indecent

If your child is feeling anxious definitely give it a break. The last thing you want is to create more anxiety. I work in primary education and my question is "what is it you want to achieve?" Anxiety and depression are on the rise in teenagers and I'm sure pressure to perform is part of the issue.

I think it is appalling that so many primary schools do not prepare pupils for the 11+. Even if the child doesn't take the exam the time would not be wasted. It should be part of the curriculum and then there would be no need for extra tuition.

NVR is the trickiest part of the examination and a lot cannot answer the questions even if they have been tutored. It doesn't seem to be routinely taught in schools unless you are fortunate enough to find a school that does it and makes it interesting.

In the op's position I would not push the child any more. Many do very well at comps and there is more to life than academia.

Moorfarm you are right.

He struggles with NVR, visualising 3 D shapes and also struggles with hole pinch folded papers.

We don't have an idea as to question types.

His vocab is excellent his spelling is poor.

Also because he has been at a poor school he is generally top of the class and never gets much wrong because he is not stretched. So he isn't use to failing so no I don't think he will cope with failure.

If it makes sense I feel he is 3 months off mastery ... and he doesn't want I sit mocks..

The competitive parenting won't stop even if he gets in to the grammar schools, so if he is struggling now, he would probably be miserable there anyhow. If you can afford independent, maybe that's a better option, and would give him a chance to catch up on the poor schooling he has had previously.

You know all such helpful comments. Thank you.

Coach potato that is it!

I feel in the right school he will fly. He is very academic but not in anyway used to testing if that makes sense? A private school with extra provision would make him fly. One of teachers said to me he is one of the few kids who comes in ready to learn.

He can writing wonderful stories with a vivid imagination.

His grammar is a bit lacking - again it hasn't been taught that well, and I am not the best at it.
He will read a variety of books.

He is such a lovely kid. He comes up with the most amazing excuses not to do the mocks.

But yes he is anxious about testing.

His maths is strong and he has done that more or less with me, once I realised they had not covered what they should have.

He has some anxiety from having some really challenging kids in his class and due to covid but he is lovely really and genuinely gets on with everyone.

One of my friends is very competitive and is like "oh my god you have been doing this since last year why would you stop now? ".

And maybe he will be fine in a comp.

I am not sure we can afford private but we would try our best.

At the end of the day I am finding this whole process quite stressful.

I would rather he read a wonderful challenging book that have me asking him to do a mock.

I think during lockdown I realised actually he is academic. The amount of maths he has picked up is amazing but it just seems too much stuff to pick up for 11 plus, given there are so many questions they can ask.

I should say that I think his maths is strong but maybe it is not strong compared to others... there are gaps thought with nvr.

Some gaps with grammar.

Yes I just think it is brutal. I feel I would be playing some game of chance if I put him in for the test.

Thank you all.

Yes. I do think you should stop. This isn’t going well for either of you. In grammar counties, the brightest tend to be in the grammar schools and top public schools, but you often have less competitive private schools underneath that layer. They tend to have a mix of DC and pride themselves on teaching the individual.

I don’t think he would enjoy a grammar school if he gets anxious. He might enjoy a more eclectic school.

Guymere yes there are some less academic private schools with some great pastoral care that still get fantastic results.

Maybe we could remortgage or something and look at finding that.

You all are right.

I think I got carried away with a group do tiger mums .. all of whom are lovely in themselves.. and are my friends but they are the type that have had there children doing extra-curriculum activities, have planned that they children are sitting grade 5 music with a second instrument and so on.

Also as we don't live in Kent there is no real chance of getting a spot.

I imagine the successful children have probably been doing mocks for the original timings, so they will be much more advanced.

But yes the best thing is I really got to have a look at what my son was doing and realised there was a look that was missed, and that isn't all the school's fault. I should have been more on to it.

I think I will leave it.

I can try some other mocks for private schools. Well I am not sure if they even exist but I can look to arrange some past paper practice and that would be a better use of my time.

Have you spoken to his teacher? Is he in top sets?