DD crying/screaming/whingey everyday after school

[Essex16]

Ok, so today is too much and me and DD are both crying! My 4 yr old started school nearly 3 weeks ago. She goes in fine and comes out happy but once we get home she is so cranky/whingey for at least 1 hour (sometimes more) and it’s already too much. I realise she’s probably tired and hungry but anything I try doesn’t help. I’ve tried giving her a snack/offering her to lie down/do nothing/play/TV. I try just not doing anything and see if she calms down. I’ve tried giving her a cuddle/positive words etc but nothing is working and I’m at my wits end! I dread taking her in because I know picking her up is going to be a nightmare. It was easier in lockdown 😭 please send advice

Take a snack and drink for her to eat on the way home, put the TV on when you get back hone and then just back away slowly without a word!

I think there’s something called compliance fatigue, which happens when children have to behave in school for so long they kind of combust when they get home.
Probably tiredness too....
They do get used to it.

I too would suggest an energy snack the minute you greet her from school. It helps.

DS3 used to meltdown no matter what when he got in from school in Reception. If I could distract him with snack and tv I did, but otherwise I just used to leave him screaming wherever he was and he would be asleep within seconds. Found him asleep under the dining room table, and halfway down the stairs. It took a term or two to before he was able to deal with his exhaustion in a better way. I used to resent giving this lovely child to school and receiving back a monster, but it was a stage that he grew out of. The other DC weren't great, but not as full-on exhausted as he was.

This is so normal OP. It will get better soon!

My dd was exactly the same in reception. If we went to the park even briefly with her friends after school, she’d cry and tantrum the whole way home. At home she’d lie on the floor crying! She’s quite sensitive and gets over stimulated easily and as others have said it’s being on your best behaviour all day. They’re learning so much socially at that age and there’s so much going on at school. I just kept things as quiet and restful after school as possible. Maybe your dd would find a routine soothing - like a story or even a bath when she comes home, or getting into a onesie or something, or cuddles or hot chocolate or an audio book. Sometimes I think they also just need to let out all the emotion!

Food at the school gate. Immediately. They will then leave school every single day for the next 6 years and greet you with 'what's for snack?' ....but worth it to survive now.

I see you’ve already tried the stuff I suggested - sorry I have pregnancy brain! But at least it’s good to know that other kids go through this, although it’s still v tough for you!!

My dd was like this. High energy snack in hand the minute she came out helped, not too many questions and low key TV for a bit of downtime. It got better.

Food, water, TOILET, tv.
Often they have been holding onto wees for a long time when they come home.
Severe crankiness is normal so as a pp said cover the basics then TV and back away slowly

I never turn up without drinks and snacks.

Totally normal...my dd would explode in rage once we got home. It was tiredness and like a pp said, they've spent all day complying and doing what they're told so when they come home, they let loose. My dd still does this on the first day of term. Make sure she gets lots of sleep! And bring a snack for pick up.

She's just tired. Mine always had the meltdowns after the end of the school day. Agree about snack (in the playground) and TV as soon as you're home!

Would the school consider the odd half day? My DD's teacher would actively encourage an afternoon off if they were struggling with tiredness, and my DD (young end of year) had an afternoon off most weeks.

Be warned that the pattern recurs for the first week or two of each term for a few years!

Ice lolly in the bath, followed by tv cocooned in a blanket. Have a cup of tea and put your feet up too.

My usually very placid DD was like this when she started reception, it was like having a different child for a good few weeks and then she settled down.

They are knackered - in the words of the very very wise reception teacher who taught my youngest "they will come back to you - honest"

DD1 is 8 and still we get 10 minutes of vileness when she leaves school as all the stockpiled strops come out at once.

What time does she go to bed? My lo has to get at 6pm when he started school and still goes to bed now at 6.30ish at 5 years old. He just gets so tired from the day.

I also think they keep a lot bottled up over the day because they soon suss out what the expected behaviour of them is at school. My lo can be prone to having emotional meltdowns when he gets home and it's often about stuff that's happened in the day that's upset him but he's waited until he's home to let off steam.

DD only started this week. She is also really happy when she goes in and happy when she comes out, but usually by the time we get home (and it's less than a 10 min walk so a pretty quick change!) she is so moody.

Today, I took her to the park for half an hour to enjoy the warmer weather before walking home. She played nicely for about half that time, the rest she was whinging and being stubborn with a lot of attitude in her voice...

She was obviously tired so we went home, on the way we passed a place that sells ice-cream, and she asked for one, I said yes as I was proud of her for being so brave and playing so well with the others during her first week in reception... She perked up as we sat down with her ice-cream, think the sugar definitely helped her energy and mood . She said "Sorry for being moody and shouting at you mama"

A snack is a must now for next week (though it won't always be ice-cream )

I remember my DD having a mega tantrum after school...I knelt down and said to her "are you tired darling?" And she burst into tears and cried "I'm so tired mum" and we had a big hug...

Tired - they get very tired. They have a very busy day at little school you know.

Absolutely tired. And hungry. It takes a lot out of them, all that sitting still and listening and doing and learning. Bless her.

I used to take a beaker of warm milk and a banana to pick up.

When my dc were at small I’m fairly sure the highlight of the day was investigating the snack bags on the way home , I ended up taking more or less an entire packed lunch for pick ups.