DD crying/screaming/whingey everyday after school

[Essex16]

Ok, so today is too much and me and DD are both crying! My 4 yr old started school nearly 3 weeks ago. She goes in fine and comes out happy but once we get home she is so cranky/whingey for at least 1 hour (sometimes more) and it’s already too much. I realise she’s probably tired and hungry but anything I try doesn’t help. I’ve tried giving her a snack/offering her to lie down/do nothing/play/TV. I try just not doing anything and see if she calms down. I’ve tried giving her a cuddle/positive words etc but nothing is working and I’m at my wits end! I dread taking her in because I know picking her up is going to be a nightmare. It was easier in lockdown 😭 please send advice

Snack and relax eg play in garden , leave to own devices at park, slump in front of old favourite on tv. Being good all day for a four year old is a huge ask. My advice would be to not expect any more of her. When my older children started school they were only all day in the term of their fifth birthday. I would pick DD up from a clump of 5 or nearly 5 year olds lying half asleep on the floor. DS1 was a summer born and woul d have a sleep between morning school and picking up time for DD. She is very young.

I had this with DD1, really wish I’d heard of the term ‘compliance fatigue’ back then, it would have helped me understand what was happening.

In hindsight I dealt with it badly at the time, treated it as a discipline issue rather than just a natural reaction from a tired and overwhelmed little child. We muddled through and it gradually improved, all much better by the Xmas break.

Mine recently started preschool, and as soon as she is in the door she gets a drink of fruit juice, a snack and her tablet. She zones out completely for about 45 minutes and then seems quite happy and ready to play again. I'm just leaving her to it and it's made a big difference.

Just bumping this as my DS is a reception starter too, he's happy to go in and almost always REALLY happy coming out of school, but a lot of the time he's like an angry little bear. Mainly when he needs to do something he doesn't want to, no matter how small. He has so much attitude too which makes me a bit sad!