DS one of four boys in class of 30

[toririra]

DS has just started in Reception. There are 4 boys and 26 girls in his year (single form, state primary). I'm keen to hear from other parents who have observed similar situations for their DC. He knows two of the other boys from nursery and while they play together during break time, he isn't really close friends with them per se. DS' best friend from a previous nursery is a girl (who's gone to a different school), so I'm keeping an open mind here re: gender and friendships. But the gender imbalance in his class is more significant than I would have imagined.

How have other parents seen such a situation play out for their DC who is in the gender minority? I suppose I'm just looking for some reassurance!

Sorry to say that we had the reverse and ended up moving school. Maybe it was harder being the other way around? We started with 5 girls and 25 boys. It wasn't too bad at first, but got harder as we went up the school. Nearly all the boys played football at lunch and break. By year 1 the girls weren't allowed to join in which made friendships harder. The friendship pool was too small, which in a tiny school means children play across year groups and teachers are aware. But in our one class per year school, this didn't happen. In year 1 we lost a girl. In year 2, two girls joined and left quite quickly. In year 3 we lost another (so down to three girls at that point). It was a friendship nightmare. Some of the boys became very aggressive at that point too and the girls were heavily outnumbered. We left in year 4 and another girl at the end of year 4. Last girl struggled in year 5 and is staying home for year 6, having been unable to get a school place elsewhere. With hindsight, I wish we had moved much earlier.

Lots of little problems as well, like school sports. We could never get a team together to play in local school sports because even though we could have mixed teams, we didn't have the minimum number of girls. Endless maths worksheets about football teams because teachers were pitching to the main demographic.

DD has brothers and friends who are boys. But as they got older, she craved female friends as well but the talent pool was very small and it all got rather fraught. The school wasn't great by any stretch of the imagination - maybe a better school would have dealt with things better.

Thanks @bibblebobbleblackbobble for taking the time to share your experience. Sorry that it became quite a struggle for your DD in her class of fewer girls.

I hadn't even thought about the sports team aspect!

I have seen great imbalances and it can be lonely for a tiny minority with no alternative friends. Boys do want to be with boys eventually and sport will be a problem. It’s inevitable. Also friendships can be an issue with so little choice. Most of us wouldn’t like a choice of three friends. Other than move school there’s not much you can do though. Having said that, I would try and move!

We really like the school, it is the closest to us and a great school, we are loathe to move him. I suppose I was hoping to hear of instances where it's worked out for DC!

Reading this with interest. DS starts school on monday and out of 40 children there are only 9 boys

See how he gets on. He may get on well with the other boys, or with the girls. For the first few years they play with everyone, then as he gets older he will be able to play football etc at break times with pupils from other classes if he wants to. In terms of sports teams, I work in a small primary and our teams are made up of a mix from different heart groups.

One advantage is that IME girl-heavy classes do have a tendency to be calmer learning environments.

We've had 10 girls Vs 20 boys throughout DD primary. It was fine for a year or two but then in year 3 her 'best friend' started being quite mean and started to become close to a group of the 'cool girls', and they actively left my daughter out. My DD was really upset and struggled with it, especially as they had been in nursery together - she felt quite betrayed. All the friendship groups were established by then and my DD had a difficult time struggling to fit in. One of the ring leaders of the 'cool' girls would force the other girls to say and do things and there was a bit of bullying. We had to go to a few meetings with the teacher as my DD was so upset, wetting the bed etc. Teacher was great and did what she could - she was well aware who the ring leaders were and said the class dynamic was very difficult due to the small number of girls. Luckily in year 4 she became really good friends with 2 girls who had been best friends since Reception. They were more mature than the 'cool' group and just rose above it. They formed a nice little group of 3 and it was great for my DD. It really boosted her confidence and she was finally happy at school. It was just a shame she had a couple of years where she felt like a bit of an outside - it was heart breaking when she would come home and cry saying she had no friends.
Hopefully your situation will be more positive - in my experience, boys aren't as 'mean' as girls so unlikely to get the problems we faced. At DD school, the boys mainly play just football at lunch/break - so if your son likes football, he should be fine. We found that during teaching time/in class there weren't really many problems - it was more at break and lunch time.
Good luck, I hope your son is happy there.

I do think 10 girls gives a choice. 4 boys doesn’t. I too have been around schools for years and the boys are more active when playing than the girls. The boys love running about with footballs and the girls are more into playground games. In a class of 30, the lunchtime supervisor will need to set the boys up with other boys in terms of playing and what about size and ability? It’s not straightforward playing with older boys at all.

I’m sorry this sounds negative but the school will have to work at this. It’s unlikely all 4 boys will have similar likes and dislikes or end up as best mates. What would you think if the other boys just stayed at home playing computer games? Or their parents didn’t value “play” dates because they work and a childminder was employed? Give it a try and see where your DS’s interests lie and hope for the best!?

My ds is in a similar situation but at senior school. He’s just started year 7. Its a small school, the year group is only 40 pupils (2 classes of 20). There are 30 girls and 10 boys in the whole year! Luckily he tends to get on well with girls, but has also found a few boys that he’s already palled up with. I’m not anticipating any problems.

My DS was in a boy heavy class and it worked well - not just for him, but for the girls too (I was close friends with a couple of the girls' mums). But it was 8 girls and 22 boys, so not as bad as yours OP.

DD was in a class of 30 with only 6 girls (including DD). It was actually a 2-form entry but a series of house moves meant that several girls left early on in the year, and the children at the top of the waiting list were all boys.

DD was good friends with many of the boys and I don't remember DD ever complaining about the imbalance. When the classes were switched around the next year to make them more even, DD's closest friends were/are the boys from the previous year and one other girl.

I would give it a try to see how things go.

I'd move him before he gets too settled. That doesn't make for a happy primary year. It's not happened to us, but a couple of friends and their daughters were really unhappy.

Must be something in the water for this years reception intake, DS has just started and is one of 8 boys out a class of 30

I wouldn’t move him because you could well end up with the same eventually elsewhere. DS just finished primary as one of four boys and 26 girls. It started out fairly even but gradually boys left and girls joined so by y5 and 6 it was like that.

The boys just had to get on with each other which they largely learned to do. Not ideal and DS has gone to an all boys secondary so he definitely wanted more boys (only a sister and me at home) but if you jump mid primary you risk finding yourself in the same situation again.

My DS was one of 23 boys in a 30 size class. The girls slowly left till there were just 3.

DS was in a class of 26, I think it was. He's 18, so I'm trying to remember. Anyway, there were only something like 6 boys in the class. It was great! They played with the girls. The boys formed a tight group. My memory is that everyone really got along very well. He's still friends with those boys! Some of the girls too. Interestingly, DS was adament about going to a mixed secondary. So off he went to a mixed secondary and he loved it. Had a great experience.

If the school's lovely and the kids and their families are nice, what more could you ask for really?

My DD was in a primary class with five girls and twenty some boys, it went up and down a bit. I didn’t notice until we got the class photo in year 1. She was best friends with two of the boys until year 5 when they all decided boys were stinky. She secretly carried on being friends with them outside of school though and still is. They muddled along fine with each other and it didn’t make any difference in the end. Certainly not for sports teams, which have not been dictated by sex until secondary here unless playing at country level. Which the school does a lot of but my dd only does long distance running so of course against both sexes without any organisational problems. It was a bit harder in terms of parts in the school plays, but most plays they do at primary are dominated by boys anyway (see the nativity).

Also, OP, things change! The class your DS starts out with won't be the same class he finishes primary school with. Lots of kids move away, go private. New kids join. I wouldn't jump ship unless it proves to be a real problem.

I really appreciate everyone taking the time to share experiences, thank you! It does sound like it is riskier with fewer girls (for DDs) than with fewer boys (for DSs). My main concern had been about the small pool lessening the chances of forming deep friendships with other boys in class, but actually there is no guarantee that will happen elsewhere is there - he's far from unhappy and does have friends outside of the school. I'm going to stick with the school and see how it goes. Would welcome any other experiences or thoughts from parents who've seen how this scenario has played out years later for their DC! Thanks

@Mollscroll this is so similar and sounds like a good outcome for your DS considering the circumstances. Keeping my fingers crossed!

Dd started reception with 15 girls and 21 boys, by year six there were 10 girls and 22 boys. Friendships were a nightmare, the girls were split into a group of 4 and 2 groups of 3, and they were endlessly falling out with each other. She’s at high school now and it’s so much better, she’s not stayed friends with any of the girls from primary school.

DS started reception in a class of 21 boys and 9 girls. However by the end of year 6 with children leaving and joining it was pretty much even numbers of boys and girls.

DDs class of 30 only had 4 boys. 3 very boisterous and 1 not. The 1 who wasn’t also had a twin sister in the class. Parents made the choice to move him and not her. The other 3 boys terrorised the class for the next year. One ended up expelled, another left after his mum had a stand up row with the head in the playground and then it was just one.

He calmed right down and saw out year 6 in a class of 29 girls and him!

When I was at school many years ago, there were never more than four boys in a class of 28 all the way through until we were eleven. It didn't bother them, they tended to stick together at break time but were sociable and quite fun with the girls at times. Nobody thought anything of it.

I don't think it would have worked had it been the other way around but the influence of many girls on a minority of boys was very good.

My daughter (year R) is one of only 3 girls in a class of 12. I’m worried for her, as I didn’t have a great time with friendships at school. They seem to get on well at the moment but it’s early days and I know things are going to get tougher as time moves on. We’ll have to wait and see.

A class of 12 is great for C-19 reasons though.