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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

teasing - poor ds,will it always be like this?- bit long....[sad]

51 replies

MaryAnnSingleton · 26/09/2007 13:07

I'm getting a bit weary of hearing that ds has been teased by boys at school for being 'scared of everything' - ds is 10 and is a quiet, gentle and thoughtful boy, not a running around boistrous boy in any sense. He is content in his own company but will play and share with others quite happily,though avoids ball games and anything too rowdy - the reason being is that he does have difficulties in catching,throwing,some balancing,etc and can't judge where balls,people are coming from very well - all this is and has been addressed by the school sand he has ongoing Occupational Therapy - and things are definitely improving, but it does mean that he rules himself out of joining in with such activities. (he's scared of animals too,for same reasons - they move unpredictably or quickly and he doesn't feel comfortable ) I know about the school's bullying policy etc and I don't believe this is as severe as bullying -it's just irritating and annoying for him and makes me .
I reaffirm every time how good/clever/fab he is and he is quite self assured and underneath a gentle exterior I know he is quite steely and if pushed too far might snap back but if he does stand up for himself he tends to feel guilty and that he's doing something bad. He even apologised to a boy who had said some nasty things to him because he felt he'd answered back innapropriately (yhe boy told him he would kill him the next day so ds answered with 'I wish you'd never been born' - which I can't blame him for, but explained that maybe he might have expressed himself differently. Anyway, he was very upset that he'd spoken back like that ! Sorry, this has got very long,but I wanted to get it off my chest !

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MaryAnnSingleton · 26/09/2007 13:13

shall bump this

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WotsZePoint · 26/09/2007 13:19

Sorry to hear about your ds.
He sounds very sensitive.

What things is he good at, can he do more of the things he likes outside of school and make some friends outside of school?

Someone suggested wall/rock climbing for a child in a similar situation. Something that can build their confidence.

WotsZePoint · 26/09/2007 13:21

FWIW I love your illustrations, especially the one your ds helped with. Is he good at art too?

He has a lovely smile.

Bitworseforwear · 26/09/2007 13:24

Poor you and poor DS too.

I've always hated how helpless I have felt when DS has been in situations like this.

DS is 10 too and I'm finding him such a strange creature at the moment. Sudden outbursts of aggresion that seem to surprise him as much as me. I'm blaming it on hormones

I don't really know what to suggest to you regarding the situation with your DS but didn't want you to think you were being ignored.

It is only in the past year that DS has got the confidence to get involved in the rowdier games at school, especially football. But I do know that the boys who don't want to actually play take on the role of Manager and watch from the sideline but are still involved to a certain extent

MaryAnnSingleton · 26/09/2007 13:24

I think he'd find climbing very tricky,though if he did do it it would be very good for him - it'd be a job to convince him though !! He has swimming lessons , but these are individual, so he's not in a group, but he has got really confident and swims pretty well now, and he also goes to an after school club for crafts and has joined a choir... he doesn't ever push himself forwards,even though he can do stuff, so sometimes gets over looked - I'm hoping he might do well in the choir as he has a good voice and does like performing. I've been told by teachers that he is a very calming influence on classmates, which is good ! He has a good friend who was a playground ally,but he's gone to secondary school this Sept. and I know he misses him - they do see each other out of school but it's not quite the same.

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Bessie123 · 26/09/2007 13:25

Maryann - is your son dyspraxic?

MaryAnnSingleton · 26/09/2007 13:28

Bitworseforwear - thank you -it's reassuring to hear that others know what it's like - I guess hormones do kick in about now,prob worse if you have a girl !!
aND THANK YOU wOTZEPOINT (sorry,typing gone mad) for youer nice comments about my work - ds is very good at drawing, but again a pretty solitary occupation !

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MaryAnnSingleton · 26/09/2007 13:29

not dispraxic -in that he hasn't been diagnosed as such,- he has been seeing physios and OT s since nursery

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WotsZePoint · 26/09/2007 13:30

Its a big step to secondary, my dd1 has just gone up. Is he in a mixed school?

I have been trying to get my dd to join in school groups/clubs, but she is finding it hard too. It will take time I think as so much to adjust to already.

MaryAnnSingleton · 26/09/2007 13:30

or even dyspraxic - I shpould go and find the OT reports and find the exact diagnosis - he just requires a few sessions of OT each week,and handwriting practice to strengthen his pencil grip (very mobile thumb apparently - I have one too but I can still draw ok !)

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MaryAnnSingleton · 26/09/2007 13:31

Wots - he's still in primary,in yr 6, and he's one of the younger children - I can't at the moment im,agine him being in yr 7 !!

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MaryAnnSingleton · 26/09/2007 13:33

My friends daughter,in yr 6 too, is unwilling to join in clubs etc - she has dropped out of the craft one, think it must be hormonal with her as friend says she's terribly moody. The friend went on the trip yesterday (where ds got teased) and she said that she had to break up some nastiness between a group of girls..

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WotsZePoint · 26/09/2007 13:38

My dd is a late Aug also 16th, and is the youngest in her new class 7. She is a sensitive soul, very artistic too. Her wish would be to have 1 true best friend at school to stick by her. She has never managed to achieve that, she has a group of friends (which I have always encouraged and think is better anyway), but her ideal would be a close soulmate of a friend.

It doesn't sound like you can do anymore than just encorage him as you have been doing. What about judo or something like that?

MaryAnnSingleton · 26/09/2007 13:45

he did karate for several yrs from age 4 (which really surprised me!) - think he began to find it a bit too much as the kids generally got bigger - he is quite slight and the youn=ger ones were beefy boys ! Don't want to make him sound all wishy washy as he has a fantastic personality once you get past the quietness - he is also very determined and sticks with things until he cracks them - hence the karate going on until he was about 7 - he stuck with Beavers too - I gues you're right - just be encouraging and try new stuff. I think a small group of friends is good to have too, but I think ds likes just having this partiicular boy

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Boco · 26/09/2007 13:46

Your ds sounds so lovely. It's great that he's self assured as he sounds like he's dealing with it all really well. It's horrible as a parent though - my dd is quiet and shy - and just gone into year one, and i find it hard seeing her lingering on the edge of groups and looking so worried.

I'm an illustrator too - kind of, when i can motivate myself to actually do work. Can i email you? Or give you my email address?

MaryAnnSingleton · 26/09/2007 13:53

yes, boco do - I'd love to hear from a fellow illustrator - I find it very hard to gert motivated,unless I have a deadline !
How do you pass on email addresses ?

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WotsZePoint · 26/09/2007 13:54

I think you are worrying too much. He shouldn't feel bad about speaking up for himself (as in op). When he comes home from school, just ask "all OK today" leaving the 'yes' 'no' reply option open for him. Try not to say "tell me about your day" as sometimes they find problems that aren't as big as they may have been at the time to reasure us as parents that they have coped. i think every parent worries about their child's school realtionships, which usually resolve themselves.
But if it continues then go to the school about this other lad.

He sounds like a lovely lad. Try not to worry too much. Yr 6 have a lot of pressure already aimed for doing SATS early next year and that's enough to make any school child anxious.

WotsZePoint · 26/09/2007 13:55
MaryAnnSingleton · 26/09/2007 13:58

Wotzepoint - you are right I know and thanks for your wise words - I do fret I'm afraid but usually just leave it to him to tell me about school - no grilling ! He will say if anything's bad

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francagoestohollywood · 26/09/2007 14:08

Just wanted to say that your ds sounds and looks gorgeous. I'm sure he misses his best friend so much.
come and sign http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/2000/395281?stamp=070926112811 here MaryAnn

francagoestohollywood · 26/09/2007 14:09

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/2000/395281?stamp=070926112811

MaryAnnSingleton · 26/09/2007 14:16

thank you franca - have signed the Conchords fan page !!

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ahundredtimes · 26/09/2007 14:18

Maryann - he sounds, and looks, heavenly. DS2 is very like him, I think the key thing here is To Play To Their Strengths. They're just not going to cut it on the Alpha Male football pitch, so we have to find other things for them to do to help build up and maintain confidence and self-esteem.

Top suggestion is a drama club - have you got one? Good for confidence, and attracts nice sensitive types and no balls in sight. Try that?

MaryAnnSingleton · 26/09/2007 14:21

ahundredtimes - aww,you are all so nice and kind, I shall cry ! Ds did go to a drama club at his last school (we moved 2 yrs ago) which he loved - I'm hoping in the absence of such a thing here that the choir will bring out his performing skills !

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Boco · 26/09/2007 14:23

Mary, mine is spondie at hotmail dot com

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