Im really worried about ds2 at school. Any advice/opinions- am I over-reacting or not?

[tiredemma]

This may be a bit long(ish).

Right DS2 ( age 4yrs and 1mth) started Reception last week. He had been to private nursery since 14 weeks old-, I have never been concerned with his social interactions or confidence- he appears to be a very confident boy.

At Nursery ( and at home when we sit together reading etc) he has no interest in reading, writing- well not so much no interest- more so he does not understand what is going on- does not even recognise letters in his own name etc. This has never bothered him before as I was aware that compared to DS1- (who is a spetember baby and so was already 5 when he started reception)- his age would obviously limit his abilities compared to DS1.

However since starting school he has recognised that he cannot do many of the things that his peers can ( ie write his own name- someone has to sit with him and show him what letters to write)- yesterday he cried all the way to school and told me that he cant write, which upset me as it has never bothered him before.

This makes me feel awful, thinking of him at school all day feeling like this.

Is it normal for a boy of his age to not be able to read/write (without being prompted what to write?)

this is new to me- DS1 is the total opposite and I feel bad for

1. comparing his ability in reception
2. sometimes not recognising that DS2 is a whole year younger than DS1 was when he started reception.

I dont want to mention it to the teacher in case she things im overreacting and neurotic.

thnaks for listening.

My ds 4.11 chooses not to write so appears to others he can't write, iykwim having said that he can only write his name and thats if i dot it for him. He to started reception in september and is now beginning to learn to read and learn the letters he did not know before. I think each child has thier own areas of expertise, my ds is maths and anything electronic, (the workings of solar panels, wind turbins etc) he ahs a maths age of 6. that is just what suits him, i say go with it because he will pickit up inhis own time, if he feel sany pressure he is likely not to progress, if that makes sense.

Totally normal. Absolutely normal for a boy. Ds2 is a similar age and just started reception in a boys school. Barely a quarter can write their names, though most can now manage the initial letter.

I understand that girls are very different though!

ooo he's still very young - I was a bit concerned about DS1's writing etc when he went into the start of YR1 (he's a September baby so one of the oldest in the year). When I spoke to the teacher I was informed not to worry at all - lots of children in YR1 still couldn't read/write very well!

My DS2 (may baby) doesnt know his letters and can just about write his three letter name very badly. Luckily our school is very gentle with the little ones. DS1 is an August baby so I am not unduly worried about his ability to catch up. personally I think the biggest challenge with summer babies is to maintain their confidence and self esteem. Really they shouldn't be at school at all yet . If they lose that then they tend to be negative about school.

He obviously needs some gentle reassurance and some time with mum praticising his writing, lots of reassurance and praise. Maybe a sticker chart. If you believe he is doing brilliantly he should to.

Good luck - my August born DS1 is now in Y2 and is motoring...

Its quite normal, I promise you! Lots of children I have taught in Receeption havent a clue about letters etc. Some pick it up quickly all of a sudden, others dont really show an interest till Year 1.

Please do talk to the teacher though. Dopn't think she will think you are neurotic!

not unusual at all at his age

I would speak to the teacher,she may beable to reassure your ds that he isn't expected to know how to write straight away.

Poor thing,I expect some child may have said something about him not being able to write his name. I would be shocked if the teacher expects him to beable to.

My ds could not write at all - even his name - when he started P1 aged 4.5. His sister started aged 5 and can just about manage her name - but that's about it. All children are different. THeir nursery concentrated on numbers rather than letters which is something to do with it (but doesn't explain why dd cannot recognize any numbers even now, but taht's another story!)

Tiredemma

In answer to your question: yes it is perfectly normal for a boy of his age not to be able to read and write, although many can recognise their own name at this age.

What saddens me most about your post, though, is how upset your son it. He is obviously being made (unintentionally or not) to feel he doesn't measure up.

Talk to the teacher: good schools should have special strategies in place for the youngest Reception kids.

Ds1 was the same age starting reception. He could write his simple three letter name and could recognise the long version of his name (6 letters) and write and recognise the first letter of his surname.

He could not do anything else accurately - he could form letters when tracing (badly).

He is now a fab reader and his writing is coming along nicely although not in line with his reading.

plenty of children in our summer babies class last year couldn't write their name.

Some could barely write it by the end of the year! It's not unusual and I am sure he excels in other areas, such as playing football or riding his ike (gross motor is vital too).

I think this sounds all very normal. I would speak to his teacher though because anything which upsets a child enough for him to cry all the way to school needs to be passed on to the teacher IMO.

very normal. You need to explain to him one of the things he will do at school is learn how to do writing and reading and lots of other things.

Tell him not to worry about it - and remind him of all the things he has successfully learned to do already - eg talk, walk, run, hop, go to the toilet, swim, ride a bike - whatever.

Thank you so much for your prompt replies, its reassuring to know that this is quite normal.

I have been so worried about this, DP is away all this week and its difficult to explain how I have been feeling over the phone, so I have had noone to talk to about it.

It is also normal for girls of this age to not be able to read or write either!

Poor little lad. perhaps you can tell him that by the time he's 5 he'll probably be able to do things that those in his class who are already 5 can't do yet?

I will speak to the teacher, although I mentioned yesterday briefly that he was unhappy and said he had no friends- but she smiled and said that he was a very confident boy with lots of friends ( I feel he was trying to tug at my heart strings so he could stay at home with me!)

He LOVES drawing though and painting, and I have already seen on the class wall that he is very good at this and his pictures seem more detailed than those of some of the rest of his class.- maybe this is the area that he prefers???

I will speak to his teacher- I go back to uni nexyt week and this is the last thing I need hanging over me, I will feel too guilty leaving him.

As some of you have mentioned, I will tell him that he is doing well and not to worry about what everyone else is up to.

Tiredemma - one of ds1's best friend's mums was going on about her ds1 and which books he is on for. He was a book ahead of ds1 back in May ffs. She was being stupidly competitive. I explained that her ds1 was older at the start of reception than my ds1 would be at the end of reception. That shut her up.

Do chat to the teacher though - mainly due to his reaction and being upset rather than anything else

my boy was 4 on 8th of Sept so almost exactly the same age as yours... but the oldest child in nursery rather than the youngest in reception!

He is quite interested in the letter "M" (first letter of his name) but not in the slightest bit interested in any of the others. He thinks he can write an M (actually just keeps zigzagging across a whole page ) but that's it.

He is extremely bright with a vocab you wouldn't believe and a huge fascination with anything mechanical, and I'm sure when he gets to reception in a year he'll be ripe for learning to read and write... but not now.

I think life can be tough for august babies. and teachers are very used to the discrepancy between august and sept babies - if it is upsetting him I think you definitely SHOULD mention it to the teacher, so she can manage his expectations and what he is asked to do, and slather on the praise etc etc.
Good luck!

Aged 4, which is when ds started nursery (4th birthday a week after he started), ds didn't know any letters.

A year later, when he started school (P1 - no reception in Scotland), he knew his name, but not much else. Not sure he could even write it that well.

He actaully only learnt to read towards the end of last year (P2), as opposed to learn off by heart the words he was getting in his books (he has a good memeory).

The school said some kids, especially boys, just don't "click" until they are 6.

Your ds2 is still only young - reassure him that these things take time and that that is why he is now going to "big" school, so that he can learn to do these things.

DS is a mid year baby (Feb) so because we have two intakes he was teh youngest child for the first term. At that point he could write his name (3 letters it has to be said ) but nothing else. But I'm not sure he would have been able to do that 6 months previous IYSWIM. DS is a bright, adademic boy who is doing very well at reading and writing now (still not much cop at drawing but with me for a mother it is understandable).

OTOH DD who is a May baby (but will start in Sept because they are changing the rules) will definitely be able to write her 7 letter name because she is so keen, determined and competitive. She wears me out with it. Every time DS does his spellings I have to sit with her practicing writing her name.

I would talk to the teacher because it sounds like your DS needs a bit of a confidence boost in this area.

It sounds like your DS has set himself unrealistic expectations about what he should be able to do. Hopefully the teacher should be able to manage his expectations somewhat. Maybe practice with him writing the first letter of his name so that he can label his work.

I would have thought it would be more "normal" not to be aboe to read and write at 4.1 that to be able to! Certainly my ds couldn't do either until he was well into year 1, and I know a lot og his class are not there yet - beginining year 2. But I would worry about what's making him so self-critical - is he sitting at a table with other older children perhaps? Or is he very articulate, so his teacher has unrealistic expectation of his literacy? I would go ant talk to her - but, as I said, not about his reading and writing, but about what the school is going to do about him being so upset.

dd1 can't write her name and she is 5 in October

I try and get her to practice at home but she gets frustrated and cries that she is rubbish and useless (which makes me break )

what I try and do is big up the things she can do, however small, and say how fab she is at colouring (for eg!) etc

or say how Mummy was a bad driver but I practised and now and good (not true, but anyway)

can you think of lots of things he CAN do to bump up confidence?

I was informed by lots of mums that their darlings can write their names but I remind myself that these are 4 YEAR OLDS we are talking about and there is plenty of time to learn

The summer boys have it really tough - the girls on average do seem to develop more quickly at this stage. Dd has just started reception and she is streets ahead of where ds1 was when he started - despite being 2 months younger at starting age (she is August too).

When ds1 started, he was 4.2 - a June baby - he could make some attempt at writing his name, but not form letters correctly, he could recognise a few letters, and a very few words. They went over EVERYTHING though - they did the whole phonics thing as a class, even though some of the class could read.

Ds1 was put in the 2nd reading group. Some of the children in the class not only couldn't recognise what letters were what, but didn't recognise letters as being letters (as opposed to drawings iyswim).

It is hard for boys - really he needs to learn to play!!! That is the main thing to do in reception.

and also, dd2 will turn 4 on August 27th next year and go to school about 2 weeks after

so I will have had an 'older' starter and a young one, neither of whom can write yet!