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Primary education

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Original poster

Do I report this kind of behaviour to the Reception teacher?

59 replies

imaginaryfriend · 14/09/2007 21:05

Dd started Reception last week and tonight when I was putting her to bed she said to me "what does 'sex you' mean?" I asked her to repeat what she'd said and she said the same and I asked her where she'd heard it and she said a boy came up to her by the coat area and pushed his hips / willy area into her bottom, pushing her against the wall and said 'I want to sex you'. She said 'I don't like that, stop it' (her stock reply!) and he laughed loudly in her ear and ran off. Dd was a bit shaken but didn't tell the teacher.

Immediately I was quietly horrified (I played it down to dd) and I'm now wondering if I should send a note to the Reception teacher about it.

It's only happened this once and I don't know the boy's name because dd didn't know it. Should I put it down to childish boisterousness or think of it more seriously? Is this something that happens often in Reception settings?

I'd particularly love to get replies from Reception teachers as to what they'd recommend.

OP posts:
ThomasTankEngine · 14/09/2007 21:57

He didn't just say the word sex, divastrop.

PSCMUM · 14/09/2007 21:57

don[t worry about your DD - just dont mentioan it again over the weekend, speak to the teach er about it on monday, not infront of dd - do it discretely - and ask the teacher to not involve dd in her actions at all unless totally necessary, and then if she does, ask her to deal with it extremely sensitively, as it sounds like your dd is dealing with it well, is not overly concerned, but is comfortable enough with her dear mum to think this is worth a mention. its far more risky for your dd to not say anything at all - how will you feel if he does it again and then it becomes a big deal for your dd? or if it happens again and she doesn;t tell you as telling you last time didn;t work? sorry to be harsh, but it is crucial for your dd, and for this poor little kid, that you tell the teacher urgently. you could even write her a note, hand it to her on monday, say it is urgent, private, and you want her to ring you to talk about when dd not around.

divastrop · 14/09/2007 21:59

i am aware of that,as i said,he obviously had some idea what it meant.

ThomasTankEngine · 14/09/2007 22:01

ah yes I misread divastrop, apologies. I guess I'm just worried about this little boy.

Original poster
imaginaryfriend · 14/09/2007 22:04

PSCMUM I do want to tell the teacher, of course, to avoid it happening again to any of the kids and also to monitor the boy himself to make sure he's ok.

Dd is very shy and reserved and to be the centre of a 'scandal' albeit one involving 5-year-olds is very likely to put her off telling me things again as she hates a 'fuss.'

If I can ensure I have total control over what is / isn't said to dd then I'd feel better about it. I don't want the teacher talking to her about it when I'm not there or making her feel worried when at the moment she's not worried. It was just an event like the big boys pushing into her in the big playground.

What I mean is, we might worry about it but there's no need for her to. So long as she knows to say 'stop it' and to tell the teacher she doesn't need to have anything further to do with it.

I've got a feeling I may be able to narrow down who the boy is because most of the boys in her class she knows from pre-school nursery and I'm guessing it'll be one of the new boys if she doesn't know their name. She's good with names usually.

OP posts:
orangehead · 14/09/2007 22:04

im sure the teacher with all her experience would b able to talk to yr daughter tackfully so not 2 alarm her. plus if yr daughter is not distressed by it it is likely not 2 bother her talking to the teacher if done in the right way. also her talking to the teacher probably less distressing than if he does something again 2 yr daughter or anyone else. u must tell the teacher for everyones sake including the boy

clutteredup · 14/09/2007 22:06

i think it unlikely that the school will involve your dd, thay wil merely observethe child under thechild protection act. your dd won't be further involved as it will violate what's protecting her and also for confidentiality purposes there shouldn't be anymoremention of it to her or you. you won't get a follow up report unless you know someone on the inside, but its worth mentioning as like everyone else has posted as it is hugely concerning that this child knows that sort of behaviour. awful for your dd but miuch worse for the child i think, elder siblings or not. you must report it.

orangehead · 14/09/2007 22:07

u could request that they only speak 2 yr daughter about whilst u there

FranSanDisco · 14/09/2007 22:14

I agree. It is unlikely your dd will be spoken to by the teacher. The comments will be noted and procedures put in place for observing him. The comment will remain on file and may never be added to. However, it could be 2nd, 3rd or 4th time this has been reported. The teacher will notify the school's Child Protection Officer who will have local authority guidance.

Original poster
imaginaryfriend · 14/09/2007 22:55

Ok thanks everyone. I'll write a note for the teacher on Monday and take it from there.

OP posts:
Original poster
imaginaryfriend · 17/09/2007 11:42

Just to update ... I sent dd into school with a letter this morning for the teacher. (dp takes her in on a Monday). I told the teacher about the incident, said that I'd welcome a chance to talk to her about it outside of school hours and stressed that I didn't want dd to be asked about it at all unless I was present.

I'm hoping that was the best move.

OP posts:
Blu · 17/09/2007 11:54

if - DS came home with a very similiar tale last year (he repeated a very detailed conversation to me), and I did talk to his teacher about it. His teacher confirmed that it was a child protection issue, without jumping to any conclusions about how such knowledge was aquired. In fact I didn't tell her who the child was until I had described what had happened and asked if it was relevant that I tell her. She was emphatic that I should tell her - I heard nothing more (I didn't expect to - not my business what happened after that) but DS certainly was not asked about it.

Eliza2 · 17/09/2007 13:28

This happened to my daughter when she was five or six. The incident took place in a lunch queue. School had just broken up for summer when she told me and I rang in and caught the head tidying up. She called social services because the boy concerned came from a very troubled family.

The head was very discreet (I was worried about my child's name being given to social services as well) and took it very seriously--quite rightly. The boy's parents came into the school and met social workers and then the head rang me to tell me what had happened.

Unfortunately you are right to take it seriously. Not nice, is it? But my daughter took it all in her stride and hardly referred to the incident again.

Original poster
imaginaryfriend · 17/09/2007 14:54

Thanks for these replies. I haven't heard anything from the teacher yet and I'm feeling a bit jittery about it.

OP posts:
ChasingSquirrels · 17/09/2007 15:04

I would not be at all happy about this and I would definately speak to the teacher.
But I have to say that I don't think that knowing about sex isn't appropriate, my ds who has just started reception knows about sex (probably doesn't know the word, or the action - that bit worries me) because he has asked how babies are made and I have told him.

earlgrey · 17/09/2007 15:08

Not on at all. It's (so far) only happened once. But where did a reception child get this from? Would definately have a word with class teacher. Presumably you dd's going to be there until Y6?

oops · 17/09/2007 15:09

Message withdrawn

oops · 17/09/2007 15:13

Message withdrawn

madamez · 17/09/2007 15:13

If the child in question has older siblings then it may be harmless, but agree that the teacher needs to know (because they might be able to put your mind at rest to the effect that the child has older siblings and no other areas of concern). Kids do sometimes pick up on the idea that certain words or actions are 'rude' and find it funny to shock people with them, with no more sinister meaning than that.

Isababel · 17/09/2007 15:18

Good that you took some action, it may be uncomfortable to deal with this sort of things but it's essential.

I found out my neighbours DDs (8) were practising french kissing with my 18m old. Everytime I see a young child entering her house, I feel like kicking myself for keeping it to myself as I supose the likelyhood of the girls doing the same, or worse, to other children is quite high. (Particularly about this and other related incidents we are aware of reg. these girls)

Boco · 17/09/2007 20:22

Did the teacher say anything at the end of school?

Peachy · 17/09/2007 20:25

Agree its not appropriate- a lot of the kids at ds's school do the 'I'm sexxxxy' thing because its so prevalent in pop songs etc these days, but the actions are hugely inappropriate and really are a red flag for that poor boys situation.

Original poster
imaginaryfriend · 17/09/2007 21:39

Well, dp picked dd up and the teacher was a bit crap really. She was mainly bothered about whether or not the incident happened in the Reception class or in the bigger playground at lunchtime. Dp said he was sure it was the classroom (he wasn't there when dd first told me about it plus he has Man Memory ... grrrr). And despite my stressing in the letter that I didn't want dd quizzed about this without me there she did talk to her though she claims to dp that this was to tell her that if anybody is mean to her she needs to go to tell a teacher.

It was left that she'd keep an eye out and would speak to the dinner ladies.

Dp thought she was very anxious about it all and was worried she'd get in trouble over it.

hmm]

OP posts:
Original poster
imaginaryfriend · 17/09/2007 21:39

Hi oops by the way! Is ds in Reception now then?

OP posts:
Peachy · 18/09/2007 14:58

To be entirely honest IF (and I have doen the local authority CP, in my last job) I don't feel the teacher has acted appropriately at all. I wouldn't expect yu to now what exactly has happened with any info passed on (was rather shocked by the teacher further down who tols parents SS were involved- that's not generally considered appropriate to pass on). I woudl want to know that a note had been amde on file, that the school CP nominated person had been informed, and that the aprents of the child had at least been contacted.

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