Is the school creating problems for my DD?

[Sohardtochooseausername]

My DD is 7 and in Y3 at a small all girls independent school, where she has been since nursery. She is in a class of 14.

She is a very good reader, can fluently read books aimed at much older children, but her handwriting is poor as she has flatly refused to write for most of her time at school.

Over the past couple of years she has become increasingly disruptive in class in classes where they have to write anything. She’s fine doing maths and the other subjects she’s comfortable with. The school are now taking her out of class to work with learning support when they are doing writing.

The problem is she loves going to learning support and I feel she is behaving badly on purpose to get to have cosy times there. I feel the school is creating problems longer term here.

There have also been issues with her friends and the school have recommended a psychologist who observed her at school and says she is very bright and popular but emotionally immature for her age. she’s given me tips for talking about feelings but that’s about it.

I’m feeling a bit lost because the problem is getting worse. I feel the school doesn’t really know how to handle her but they are putting the frighteners on me that no other school would do any better and she might not even get into another school because her behaviour is so disruptive.

I’ve been to see some bigger coed primary schools and they seem from the outside very happy places and I am wondering whether I should try to move her.

Has anyone had experience of moving an unhappy child with mild behaviour problems? Or been successful sorting them out? I feel at such a loss.

Pegase not phrase!

Wallabyone - the teachers are more concerned that she isn’t writing fluently - I think DD feels inadequate against her peers and that’s holding her back. I also suspect there are one or two kids making fun of her.

Also - thanks for everyone who has posted on this thread. Really helpful ideas which I am collecting for next conversation with the headmistress. Sorry I haven’t responded directly to everyone, I’ve been at work all day.

She's only 7 and her writing is fine. It may be that the expectations are higher because she's in an indie. I guarantee that if she was in a state school with a very broad range of abilities nobody would blink twice at this writing. However the key is to monitor her progress over time.

She's unlikely to have dyslexia as this is based on difficulties at the 'word reading' level and you said she's doing really well in this area. Unlikely to be dysgraphia as her letters are formed appropriately (for her age) and you said her motor skills are otherwise fine. Sounds like the school are not used to dealing with children who push back a little.

@Sohardtochooseausername I think there was a primary specific list as well. We do see a lot of parents who didn't have an assessment as the more obvious red flags weren't there but a collection of the less obvious ones were. If you go for full Ed psych assessment rather than just in school screening, they can look for a range of things based on your daughter's strengths and difficulties.

I wouldn't be worried about her handwriting per se, but more about what you've said about her finding it difficult to get things down on paper.

I would also recommend an assessment by an educational psychologist.

This will give you a much clearer idea of your dd's strengths and where she struggles, which is what the school also need to be able to support her.

If she is just not able to write fluently, then no wonder she ceases the opportunity to have some time out of the classroom where she's not being asked to do things that she just can't.

I don't think the school are creating problems by doing this particularly, but this approach isn't helping identify precisely what difficulties your dd is having.

You are describing my son. He was eventually diagnosed with autism (he really struggles to organise his thoughts and to get his ideas down on paper but has fantastic spelling, grammar and reading skills.

He is also hyper mobile and I suspect dysgraphia.

I wish I'd taken him out of his private school much earlier and put him in a state primary or spent the extra for a different prep that had a lot of experience of children with an SEN.

I second the Educational Psychologist. I know a few people who got off going for an assessment as they thought it was only for children with dyslexia or similar to get a diagnosis and they either didn't think their child would get a diagnosis or thought their child would be diagnosed and wanted to avoid the label.

If there is a diagnosable issue it's definitely worth knowing sooner, if there isn't it's very useful to know her strengths and weaknesses to know how to progress.

Her writing doesn't look unusually bad though. My DC go to a prep with a much higher than average ability level and in my eldest's Y3 class that would definitely be among the worst few in the class but wouldn't stand out.

I would get an occupational therapy assessment to look at any underlying fine motor skills and motor planning difficulties. I would say the handwriting difficulties is causing the behaviour rather than the other way round.

Has she had an eye test?

Sweetnhappy1 I took her for an eye test in October because she was complaining about not being able to see properly. She faked not being able to see during the test - the optician said lots of kids do this because they want glasses. Her eyesight is fine.

Even if her eyesight is fine, she might still have some visual processing difficulties which an educational psychologist will be able to identify.

Yes a sight test won't identify visual motor or visual perception difficulties

I'd start with an OT.
If she's reading fluently though she's unlikely to have any motor or visual processing problems. Saccadic eye movements are the same for both processes. (I'm an Optometrist with a children's vision diploma).

Dysgraphia is a "almost" useless diagnosis as to just means they have bad handwriting, you want to explore every other avenue before that one. We did a dyspraxia assessment, OT therapies relating to hand strength and core strength. We also discussed ADD.

One of my children actually has a dysgraphia diagnosis at the age 12 only because we can't find any other reason for his bad handwriting having tried all the above and his handwriting is not legible at all. So I say "almost" useless as he needs the diagnosis to type in exams.

underneath I'm not an optometrist, but I've recently found out that that isn't true.

My 10 year old can read extremely fluently; an EP assessment put him in the 'extremely high' category for reading, pseudowords, spelling, comprehension, and other markers like verbal reasoning.

However, he has a visual processing disorder which affects how his brain interprets information. His processing speed is on the 1st centile. All of his visual processing scores were in the 'very low' or 'extremely low' category.

He has difficulties similar to those which OP describes in her DH, and also has excellent eyesight in terms of what a standard eye test examines.

So being able to read fluently doesn't rule out a visual processing disorder.

Agree @thehorseandhisboy ds was an advanced reader but had significant processing and motor issues leading to diagnosis of dyspraxia. He did not really learn to read phonetically. His handwriting was and still is an issue, spelling decidedly variable, he learnt to touchtype and has done so in exams since age 11. Learning support sessions helped him devise strategies to improve his ability to express his thoughts on paper and organise himself. Sometimes some coping mechanisms or intelligence can mask the underlying problems. He also had visual tracking issues, some hypermobility (interesting you mention gymnastics) and some dyslexic traits, which can often coexist.

My yr5 ds sounds similar, but I wonder re excessively high private school expectations because if he'd been writing like your DD at 7 I'd have been beyond delighted! Think average reception child level and you'd be nearer the mark. At 9 he still doesn't like writing but it is now joined up and reasonably fluent (if atrociously spelt!) Although there are various underlying issues in his case, a bit of extra maturity has made an extraordinary difference, to the extent that he barely needs any extra support, and is in middle groups for most things.

I also thought ADHD reading your posts.

My best friend had dyslexia and the most obvious sign I saw of this was her awful handwriting growing up but it was much worse than your DDs.

My DH has ADHD and scruffy but legible writing. That said I don't think your DDs writing is bad for 7, it was the emotional immaturity, need to understand feelings, boredom and behavioural aspects that suggested ADHD to me. I would ask for an assessment, sounds like you'd have the schools support.

Thanks all. She’s going to see the school’s psychologist again and we will take it from there.

She’s also just got a place at a coed school for next year. They have a very different ethos and approach to teaching than the school she is at so I’m going to keep our options open and see how she does.

Glad you have a way forward. I was going to tell you about my friend's daughter who had eventually been seen by an OT who has been amazing in understanding her issues. (she's a bright girl who struggles with concentration and getting ideas on paper). However, you have already had loads of great advice. But I have to say that handwriting looks fine to me. The page on the left is great. The one on the right she didn't try as hard to be meet but it seems absolutely age appropriate.