Reception, how many hours are too many??

[IncyWincySpiderOnRepeat]

My DD started reception in September and is currently also doing breakfast club & after school club 5 days a week due to me & dh both working full time.

We generally leave the house at 8am every day and get home just before 6pm.

The hours aren’t new, she’s being doing the same at nursery for nearly three years, but I’m already worried she is struggling to cope.

I know school is far more tiring than nursery as greater expectations, more intense learning etc, but what I’m not sure about is whether as she settles things will become easier as she is more used to her new environment.

To change things will take around 6 months (long notice periods) and involve a substantial, irreversible income drop, so not something we can do lightly.

Just wondering really if anyone else has had a reception child doing similar hours? If so did it work long term? Did they cope?

Speaking as a reception teacher, I think that is a lot to expect of your child. As you've already highlighted, nursery and school are not the same and school is utterly exhausting for them. I have a few children who go to after school club most days and, although they are fine when they get there, I'm sure they would probably love it if they could just go home.
I would move mountains to try and at least do one or two picks up a week; it'll make a big difference to your child.

Mine did, having done similar long days at nursery. After school club and breakfast club were mostly colouring and eating toast with friends, and helped them wind down - generally better behaved after ASC than when I managed to pick up at normal home time.

What makes you feel they’re not coping?

I think needs-must.

On the days my DCs (including a reception aged DC) don't go to school club, they complain as they want chocolate pancakes for breakfast instead of porridge!

My experience with DD1 was that starting reception left her more tired than usual, but she didn't seem any worse on school club days than non school club days and pretty much did similar stuff at school club than at home. The tiredness improved after October half term.

Obviously, this was only my experience and you know your DD best, but if your current situation works for you it might be worth waiting to see if your DD is finding it easier after half term.

Could you get a child minder to collect her so she has a home to go to rather than stay in school? Quite a few parents I knew did this. Many people work the hours you do and DC have to cope but I would change her day so it involves going home with a child minder. Either to your home or the childminder’s.

I'll be watching this thread as my dd when older may be doing the same.

She's 20 months nd currently at nursery 3 days 7.45am-5pm, leave home about 7.20am, back for 5.30. She's been doing this the last 15 months, other work day she's with family. I'm off 3 days.
We have no choice as our outgoings and lifestyle means we can't drop work hours- if we did we wouldn't get the luxuries we do now. I know you cannot put a price on quality time but I think it's finding a balance that suits you all.
For us the 3 days I have with dd are quality days where she is very involved and important- even the Saturday supermarket trip! My weekday off is always something for her like a playgroup/ meet friends to play etc.

I have friends with kids the same age who are in nursery 5 days a week 7.30-6.30 and some friends who choose not to work until child is at school. Sometimes as people as well as parents we need the focus of work to stay at our best. No one way is correct, it's what works for the family including the kids.

You know dd better than anyone. Maybe give her some time as it's a big change.
Even cutting hours down may not help if you find you collect from school, get back to start dinner/ put a wash on etc while dd chills in front of the tv as all you've done there is lost money. On the other hand if you have an early finish and have a cuddle on the sofa for an hour or 2, that's priceless.

What's her dad think?
Maybe talk to teachers/ other parents.

DS started Reception in September and the transition from nursery and preschool to school has been huge for him. He is exhausted by 5pm. Occasionally I have to book him in to Breakfast Club, but he wouldn't cope with After School Club, too. Certainly not on a regular basis. DH and I both work full time (he does shifts) and have had to work around school times to make sure that one or other of us can (usually) do drop offs and pick ups at the usual time. Often that means I have to work in the evenings.

My eldest two did this and managed just fine, I went part time after having DC 3 and although it is really nice to do pick ups I don't see any harm to my oldest two who are now 14 and 11..

Maybe get an after school nanny a couple of nights per week do they can go back to their own home?

I reduced my hours when I realised my DD was coping but only just. I also saw that she was missing out on a lot of clubs and activities as always at ASC and this gets more pronounced as they get older. But it's a needs must issue. We are poorer but all happier. I pick up at 3-30 on some days now.

What is after school club like? Is there a quiet area? You could ask the person that runs it to encourage him to crash out on a bean bag or watch a film, rather than charging round with his friends.

I would try and pick up one day a week- between you use annual leave (or flexi/wfh if poss), Friday afternoon probably easiest, between now and Xmas and reassess then how she is doing. Then if you do decide to change it will coincide with the summer hols, and if she is coping well you won't have rushed into anything.

I think breakfast and after school club is too much, sorry. Is there any way one of you can start later so that you don’t have to use breakfast club, and one starts work earlier so you can pick up slightly earlier?

After school clubs can vary wildly in quality of provision as well, so bear that in mind. It’s also not fun if your DC has a child they don’t get on with and then they have to spend an extra 3 hours a day with that child in after school care as well.

I would say the same as a previous poster - have you considered a nanny during the day instead? (Obviously cost pending I realise) - my friend has decided to switch to this - her DD is now year one and they’ve trialed having a nanny pick up after school and looking after her at home as, like you, she did morning and afternoon wrap around every day and was tired. She now does breakfast club but goes home straight after school and, whilst it’s the nanny not mum and dad, she can relax and slump in front of the tv or colour or whatever and it’s a lot calmer. They need to work and this has worked well. I think they used Childcare.org or whatever it is and found one at a reasonable cost who can also do additional hours in the holidays. Could be worth looking at.

Mine did breakfast and after school clubs every day without problems. Dropped off at 7.40am and collected at 6pm. Same hours as when they were at nursery. Lots of complaints from them when for whatever reason they were collected early as they loved the playtime with their friends.

The school I work at has many children who do this, and whilst they seem to cope I do think they miss out on just being able to relax. Yes there are quiet areas to crash, but there's a lot going on and it can be difficult for the child to choose to rest even if they are exhausted. There's a definite fear of missing out, especially if they try to keep up with the older children.

I’m a reception teacher. My own children have always done these hours due to my job. And obviously lots of my class children do. The way I justified it to myself was by thinking they have to do the time somewhere and actually were far happier hanging out with their friends and playing than being at home with me nagging them about piano practice or tidying up. They just take it in their stride and it obviously gets easier the older they get and the more they get used to school routines. Like someone else said mine get cross if I pick them up early for any reason!

She wouldn't be doing much different at home at least she with other kids and not in front of a TV.

Has she got friends in before and after school club?

Only a small handful of my DD’s class go to the after school club and not many of those go every day. The club only has about 40 spaces in a school of over 300 kids and closes at 5.30pm too (infant school). I guess it’s different at other schools if more parents are using wrap around childcare.

If she has her friends going there too then she should be fine but if not then I would look at a childminder, it might be nicer to have a home to go to rather than just another classroom.

Dh and I reduced ds's day by me starting work early (7am - 3:45pm) and he went in later after school drop off. This meant I was out the house before they even woke, dh would get ds up and into school, I would pickup from school before 4:30.

Is there any scope in your jobs to shift start/end times just by an hour or so?

All of mine did breakfast and after school. They adjust.

I’m worried about this as if I change jobs I doubt I’ll be able to stay part time. I’ve always hoped that if I needed to go full time l’d be able to do nanny care for a few days (my youngest would be in nursery for 3 days) so play dates and external activities were still possible.

I was sent to breakfast, after school clubs and holiday clubs as a child. It was far too much and I do resent my parents for it slightly (I'm now late 20s). I send my own reception child to a childminder 3 afternoons per week. I prefer that she's in a home-from-home setting, a comfy environment with an adult she now knows well and can relax around. She's exhausted after the school day & don't think such long hours in a school environment would be fair on her.

It’s too much, a better option would be to put them back in nursery until CSA . When are they five?

Thank you so much for all the replies. My husband works 7am to 7pm most days so both drop off & pick up have to be done by me. Work is around 35 mins from the school which adds length to the day as well.

DD is happy enough on drop off and pick up, but very tired and emotional as soon as we get home. Teachers say she is settling ok in terms of lessons and socialising, but have said that she seems very tired by the end of the week.

The school is small, an infant school with 3 year groups across 4 classes. The breakfast club seems popular but after school club only ever has a small number of other children. Good I guess as it seems very relaxed & calm but, also makes me feel more guilty as clearly all the other children are going straight home at the end of the school day.

You have given me some options to consider, I think I will start by trying to do a couple of earlier pick ups each week until Christmas and see if this does make any difference.

Thank you again for all the replies!

My only thought is just be aware that kids tend to get more knackered towards the end of each half term, it's quite different from being at nursery where there's fewer peaks and troughs to their activity. I know it doesn't help job wise but if there's any chance to trying to do earlier pick ups /work from home as you get closer to the end of terms it might help your dc a little.