I’m so sick of the other mums

[Anon211333]

Child just started reception. A group messaging thing was set up for us to get to know each other. At first was nice listening to them (for like 2 days) but now it’s a constant moaning and groaning platform. They are getting on my nerves. I don’t look at my phone all day as I’m working so after work there are so many messages. It panics me because I straight away think “gosh what’s happened” but then it’s the same bloody drivel after drivel moaning about the school. There has never been a good word said just complaint after complaint. They wind each other up and cause more and more drama. I absolutely hate them.

I was looking so forward to my child going to school and I thought we could start mums nights out etc. But I honestly don’t even want to be around here people. I can’t exit the group as I feel this will look immature and if there is ever something important discussed I will miss it. I work full time so don’t want to risk missing something. They are causing me to worry and doubt if my child is safe. I know my child is safe but your mind just goes haywire after listening to these moaners.

Come out of the group,that would do my head in

Mute the group and disable notifications

I just mute these sort of WhatsApp threads and only join in if I absolutely need to.

Did they know each other in real life before hand? I bet some of them are okay, and are just drowned out by the rest.

They sound awful. I agree mute the group

Grass them up to the school and then hopefully the school will send out some 'please do not use social media to complain about the school, if you have an issue come to us' style correspondence, and hopefully that will at least make them stop and think a bit (and wonder who it was who told the school!)

That's what happened in my kids school I think, not with our year group but another one.

Mute the group.

If you leave they will have that notification and ask why you have left. It's normal to mute, me and my friends @ each other as that gets round the mute problem.

Don't engage with the moaning.

This was me a year ago. I left the group. Don’t worry what it’ll look like, you won’t be the last. I couldn’t deal with going into a meeting and coming out to 50 new messages about what they’d had for lunch.

I’ve never been on a group chat and have never missed anything.

DH on the other hand was on it for a week. It was the most stressful week of my life.

Check the school website, check the book bag and read your emails from the school. That’s all you need.

Mute the group and check in when you need to.

While I can see how annoying the moaning must be, over the years party invites will likely be sent through the group chat so you will most likely miss out on those at some point. But it's a choice you have to make

Thanks girls! I thought it was just me! I know one of them before school and thought she was decent enough. I spoke to her today telling her the group is getting on my nerves but her reaction was not what I expected. She basically made me feel like I’m wrong for not being concerned. I have no reason to be concerned about anything. One person says something and everyone else gets involved showing their outrage! I’m going crazy! I think they don’t have anything else to do in their lives but just be enraged with other people’s issues.

Does anyone have the other sides point if view to maybe get me to understand them so I don’t spend m time being annoyed with them

Nah. Just mute it and check once a week for anything important.

Thanks all I’m going to mute it and check every week or so! Can I have advice on how to make decent mum friends to go out with? I work full time so don’t physically see the other mums. How did you guys get a good group of mum friends?

I would leave the group

Also, is this the done thing these days cos I've heard about so many of these mums WhatsApp groups 😕 my son starts school next year!

I work full time and I have my own friends, I don't really have time for extra drama on WhatsApp!

I would hate that. Just distance yourself from them, find your own friends outside of the school. What you have described is not unusual, I was never involved like that myself, it didn't interest me but I've known people who were & it always seems to end up the same.

I can't say I ever bothered too much about making 'mum' friends. I was friendly with some neighbours who were parents and a lot of people at work who had children, a few I'd known for years and was also friends with childless people. I certainly didn't look for people with children.

You say you were hoping for 'mums nights out'. What makes you think you'd have anything much in common apart from all having children? There's often a degree of oneupmanship in these groups too (this is only what I've been told), and I can't stand that. If I'm with friends I want a different level of conversation altogether or else prefer to be on my own. However we're all different.

I thank god neither of my DDs' primary year groups did the WhatsApp thing; the school has "gentrified" a bit in the last couple of years and the KS1 classes all have them now.

Totally what everyone else said, mute it. Huge group chats are a nightmare, whoever is in them.

I have a chat with just the parents I'm proper friends with in DD2's year for "what are the spellings?" type queries. That works fine and is even a bit of a boon when I have a pickup emergency!

I had a whatsapp group with a couple of mums. It turned into bitch about my husband/baby fest 2019 and I had to leave. They were also mega bitchy to and about me, when I left they sent me angry messages. Christ. I have no idea what it is with other mums and WhatsApp groups?? Any way leave, leave now! If there's anything important you'll hear about it through the proper channels. The rest is noise you can really do without x

I agree mute the group... I found that through reception and year 1 I found a little group of similar parents to me...it did take time to find my tribe... We keep overselves informed, ask each other questions and are totally out of the politics and general stirring... We rescue each other from the moaners

I think the " mum's night out" thing is a myth. I have a couple of mums in my kid's classes that I'm friendly with, some I'll say hello to and some I've never spoken to. I don't understand why friendship is based on your kids being in the same class. Surely the majority of the other mums are just acquaintances. Just delete yourself from the chat.

Yeah I think you guys might be right about the “mums night out”. I do have other friends but I e gotten so lazy that we’d lost contact. I’m in a good place now so I can slowly reach out. That’s why I think this group thing is stressing me because it’s drawing me back into my depression and negative thinking

Mute the group. You'll find it fizzles out anyway once the novelty has worn off.

I hear your annoyance! My sons class one is moaning and asking about missing jumpers. I’ve taken a different tack. As a primary teacher for many years I’m now able to say all the things I’ve never been able to say before. Nothing outrageous just things like “have you actually spoken to the teacher? If you need longer than the drop off 30 second chat then just ask. She will make time for you” and.... “don’t be angry at the teacher about a jumper she won’t have it, it’s probably not her size and I’m pretty certain she’s not an avid collector of snot encrusted infant jumpers”.

@pathofleadtresustance lol! How do they take it? I was thinking of being really over the top and next time they say something to say “oh my god! Let’s call the police” but I dont know how they will take it. Another mum expressed her annoyance at them ( I’ve only just read it as didn’t look at them properly) and all of them just hanged up in her and tore her down.