Disagreement with childs teacher after raising safety concern

[Kpea123]

Hi all,

My 4yo has just started full time school. Today is her first full day but shes been going since the start of Sept. Prior to this, she was at the nursery at the same school for a year.

When they first started school, each child was given a book bag that parents pay for. Then their full names were written in huge (and I mean huge) letters on the front of them above the school logo. As a journalist with a focus on parenting, I have read a lot about the dangers of personalised items like bags etc. Basically, if a predator sees your child's name, then it will be easier for them to lure them away. 'Oh hi Penny, your mum is just over here' etc. As a result, I personally dont like personalised bags or items. I've discussed this with my daughters childminders who said to tell my lo's teacher as it may not be something that they have thought about. So, this morning, not thinking it would be a huge conversation, I raised the issue as I was leaving the class.

The reaction I got (from supposedly the nicest teacher in the school) was not pleasant at all. I simply asked why the names were put on the outside of the book bags and not on the name labels provided, and she said that the name labels were too small and the kids would never see them. When I pointed out that I'd read a lot about it possibly being a safeguarding issue, she said, 'we would assume that they would never be anywhere without you.' My daughters childminder was there with me and began to make a point, she too was swiftly shut down, 'we would assume they would never be without you.' She was very abrasive, very rude, and made a point of saying that she would give my daughter a blank bag with her name on the inside but this would hinder her progress as she would need help to pick it out. I was so shocked with the reaction I got that I left the classroom shaking. Am I absolutely nuts here? I'm not expecting policy to be changed because one parent has said something, but I also felt like I have the right to raise the point concerning safety...

The head was on the playground as i was leaving so i did talk to her about the situation, and she was much more understand and gracious. I now feel a) irritated that I now feel like there isn't an open line of communication with the teacher of my child and b) concerned about my daughter feeling singled out.

All I wanted to do was have a conversation, but clearly she didn't like her practices being questioned. The head suggested that maybe I caught her at the wrong time, but I honestly didn't think it would be a serious conversation that would cause friction like this.

Years ago, my daughter's school gave each child a set of stickered animal pictures, which went on their peg, their book bag, their everything. Ours was giraffe. We learned a lot about giraffes even went to see them at the zoo! But it helped identify the outside of the book bags, all the kids knew who was the penguin etc.

Our school writes just the initials on the outside of the book bag, seems to work well.

My son is adopted, if his school did that his bag wouldn’t be able to leave the school building.

Initials is the norm around here. I quite like the keyring idea.

When my DC were small, one of their parents was in a job targeted by terrorists. It is a very hard juggling act to give a child in that situation a 'normal childhood' and things like (pointless) names on bookbags make it harder. You were right to raise it.

Not necessarily, someone might spot her on the way to school, clock her name and then approach in the local area at a later date. I know it sounds pedantic, but we live in a scary world.

Whilst I understand your point, I think you need a bit of perspective here. Why would someone go to the lengths of memorising her name, remembering what she looked like, waiting for a moment when she was unattended, and then lure her away? It is extremely unlikely to happen and I cannot recall any instances where it has. Can you?

I am concern re the teacher attitude also. I think you did right. My friends daughter was reported to the NSPCC - a swing had flown back into her face and given her a black eye. It wouldn't have happened / or would have been harder to do if her name hadn't been emblazoned on her bag. (With the school logo). 3 times the mum was reported for it - great that there are some caring people - but if you are going to beat your child you would probably make it less obvious. The child a genetic issue making her look much younger than she was.

Your point?

You've got what you wanted, your child is getting a blank bag. That should be the end of the discussion. 'Shaking' and going to the head was ridiculously pointless, and you've damaged the relationship with the teacher. Congratulations, you are now 'that' parent.

I don't get why people are giving the op a hard time?

She raised a valid point with the teacher (one that many people on this thread have agreed with) and was met with an abrupt attitude and shut down and told that her daughter would have a blank bag, which would hinder her progress (not too sure why that is). If, she's not used to having to raise points like that and then to have the teacher be like that with her, then to be honest I don't blame her for being upset.

Like the op says, she didn't want policy changing off the say so of one parent, she just wanted to raise what is a very valid point

Lauramipsum - no personalised water bottles? bet that makes for a lot of germ sharing given how many identical water bottles end up lined up in the classroom!

We're allowed to use a sharpie for initials. Just not allowed the ones which have the child's name in big letters as part of the design. I think it's a touch excessive to be honest!

and what happens when kids have the same initials. I don't think names should be written obviously on the bags, that is wrong in my opinion but things used within school which presumably then go in the bag when outside of school should be allowed to be named properly and clearly.

I was so shocked with the reaction I got that I left the classroom shaking.
Really?!

I don't think it's a big issue really - you can just pop your dd's bookbag into another bag when leaving school if it makes you uncomfortable though.

And maybe call her by a pseudonym when in public.

And definitely don’t let her join sports clubs, or be around male friends or family members! Stats say all of these are more likely to be dangerous for DC! What a fuss! Put the bag into a carrier bag and calm down or you will find school a torrid experience for the next 13 years!

OP Your point was completely valid and we do live in a scary world these days . The teachers reaction was a typical teacher reaction . In my experience with my kids, they get very defensive and snappy when questioned or told anything . This doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate the tough job they do but they aren’t always right .

All sounds a bit paranoid to me. You’d have to have such a confluence of hnlikely circumstances in order for the would-be kidnapper to find it easier to abduct a four year old child based on knowing their name, and for the only reason they knew their name to be seeing it on their book bag.

Can’t she just carry the book bag with the name on the inside so it can’t be seen?

You should write a decoy name on the blank book bag when you get it.

You're a journalist and an encounter with a Reception teacher left you shaking? Really?

Her reply to you does not sound unreasonable.

Your comment that you did not expect a change in policy is at odds with your complaint. You got what you wanted - a new bag for your child - but still remained shocked and upset.