Disagreement with childs teacher after raising safety concern

[Kpea123]

Hi all,

My 4yo has just started full time school. Today is her first full day but shes been going since the start of Sept. Prior to this, she was at the nursery at the same school for a year.

When they first started school, each child was given a book bag that parents pay for. Then their full names were written in huge (and I mean huge) letters on the front of them above the school logo. As a journalist with a focus on parenting, I have read a lot about the dangers of personalised items like bags etc. Basically, if a predator sees your child's name, then it will be easier for them to lure them away. 'Oh hi Penny, your mum is just over here' etc. As a result, I personally dont like personalised bags or items. I've discussed this with my daughters childminders who said to tell my lo's teacher as it may not be something that they have thought about. So, this morning, not thinking it would be a huge conversation, I raised the issue as I was leaving the class.

The reaction I got (from supposedly the nicest teacher in the school) was not pleasant at all. I simply asked why the names were put on the outside of the book bags and not on the name labels provided, and she said that the name labels were too small and the kids would never see them. When I pointed out that I'd read a lot about it possibly being a safeguarding issue, she said, 'we would assume that they would never be anywhere without you.' My daughters childminder was there with me and began to make a point, she too was swiftly shut down, 'we would assume they would never be without you.' She was very abrasive, very rude, and made a point of saying that she would give my daughter a blank bag with her name on the inside but this would hinder her progress as she would need help to pick it out. I was so shocked with the reaction I got that I left the classroom shaking. Am I absolutely nuts here? I'm not expecting policy to be changed because one parent has said something, but I also felt like I have the right to raise the point concerning safety...

The head was on the playground as i was leaving so i did talk to her about the situation, and she was much more understand and gracious. I now feel a) irritated that I now feel like there isn't an open line of communication with the teacher of my child and b) concerned about my daughter feeling singled out.

All I wanted to do was have a conversation, but clearly she didn't like her practices being questioned. The head suggested that maybe I caught her at the wrong time, but I honestly didn't think it would be a serious conversation that would cause friction like this.

My child is adopted, I would not have his first and surname on his bag.

@thegreylady we have the same. No name, just one key ring or slapband wrapped around the handle. Children of all abilities can pick their own one out.

Do you work at the same school my daughter attends? It certainly seems like you would get on with her teacher.

I take small groups of children out of school for an activity during the school day. All children have name label on, but it has to be obscured by their high vis jacket so they can't be identified by name, by random on the street.

I suppose she is right though. I mean your 4 year old would only be carrying her book bag to and from school and you would be with her all the time so the chance of being abducted is zero.

I put unusual keyrings on my childrens book bags so they know which is theirs. Think prom poms and toy teddy bears.

@donpablo yes! From the look of the comments it seems like my school is one of few that dont seem to think having names on display is an issue, I dont understand it. The head said no one had ever raised the issue before that she knew of.

Does your 4 year old often travel to/from school alone?

Not necessarily, someone might spot her on the way to school, clock her name and then approach in the local area at a later date. I know it sounds pedantic, but we live in a scary world

@Kpea123 ours have their name in 1 inch letters on the outside of their PE kit. its fine.
a) most predators are either friends of parents, or relatives. hardly ever strangers
b) finding out a child’s name if you want to takes 5 minutes and a bit of patience

c) kids are hardly ever alone outside while carrying their school bag
focusing on the name on a school bag isn’t going to
improve safety, but is increasing teacher workload

Someone might overhear you calling out for her and approach her at a later date.

OP. Put the bookbag in a carrier bag for journeys to and from school. Sorted.

Honestly it wouldn't concern me at all. I would be glad of clear labelling for I think the risk/likelihood of the bag getting lost is far higher than the abduction risk.

It is a very in thing atm though, on facebook lots of warnings about this with graphics etc. Never a concern with my older ones at this age (they are in secondary do walk around alone and do wear personalized sports kits, leaves hoodies etc). A previous poster mentioned a police officer has advised so possibly there is so concern there.

I wouldnt worry so much about the teachers reaction.

someone might spot her on the way to school, clock her name and then approach in the local area at a later date. I know it sounds pedantic, but we live in a scary world

And someone might overhear you talking to your child, remember their name and do the same thing. Also, if you're properly supervising your child then how would someone kidnap her?

Aside from the safeguarding non-issue, naming stuff means that some other little darling can't steal your child's stuff. If they do the name is emblazoned on the front and they will be caught.

I'll be honest, much as I think you were right to want to discuss it, you dont half sound like a drama queen with all the leaving "shaking" and worrying about your child being singled out.

You've acknowledged you picked the wrong moment which is something, but equally the teacher is right.

• They're a reception aged child so will only be released to set adults who the teacher will know (so no scary stranger picking them up in the playground)
• Out of school they are with you or a trusted adult on the way home who will be supervising them enough aged 4 that some random person isn't going to come up to them and steal them
• it's much easier to get the correct bags to correct people when they're on clear

Plus, the biggest threat to a child in terms of safeguarding is from their immediate family and adults known to them. Of course that doesn't make good journalism and whip up paranoia from parents.

Of course the head was calmer, they would have been doing general supervision and are well versed in smiling nicely when someone who's a bit paranoid having read something in the press wants to chat.

Finally, no teacher has enough time on their hands or enough space in their heads to start singling out a 4 year old because their mother chose to pick a ridiculous time to make a slightly daft point.

It's fine to perhaps want some reassurance but overall you really need to calm down

Unfortunately I think you picked the worst possible time to raise it with the teacher. As PP have said mornings are not for non urgent issues (our school explicitly says please wait until pick up if it's not urgent as they are setting up in the mornings and can't give the same attention) but also on the first day of all the children being there full time? That's probably the busiest and most stressful morning for a reception teacher in the entire year. I'm not surprised they were a bit short.

Also I have to say I don't really see the big issue. Your child should be supervised at all times on the school run. If you think it's possible that the responsible adult won't be paying attention, perhaps take the book bag to and from school in a carrier bag.

As such, it should not matter if a lapse in safeguarding is pointed out at an inconvenient time.
Which would be true, if there was a safeguarding issue, but there wasn't. And nobody would be bothered by a safeguarding issue being raised at any point even if it meant signposting to someone who could best deal with it in that moment.
Deciding you don't like names on book bags in case some strangee boogyman happens to appear on the way home when you're supervising your child and somehow, depsite the child being properly supervised, convinces the child to go with them is nothing more than journalism inspired paranoia that ignores the fact a child is more at risk from their own parents than they are a stranger (let alone a stranger when they are with a trusted adult who is supervising them properly)
Tbh, it sounds as if this teacher was just annoyed you had pointed out her error.
Except there wasn't an error.

Well, my school definitely thinks it's a safeguarding issue, as they specifically advise us not to do it, and to use key rings. Other posters have said the same.

Jesus Christ 🙄🙄🙄

I wouldn't want my small child to have their name advertised either

Also, if you're properly supervising your child then how would someone kidnap her?

Really? All kidnapped kids must belong to irresponsible parents who didn't supervise them properly. Wow...

lovewine
Of course not, but when you take into account the OP's problem then the issue of supervision is central.

Their concern is that a random stranger will see their child's name, call their child's name on the way home and tell them to come with them because mum's over here (or something to that effect).

Firstly, primary schools don't just let kids out with any old adult.
Secondly, on the way to/from school their child is with a responsible adult (parent or childminder) who is, we presume is going to be supervising the child, so the idea that a random boogyman is going to walk up to a child, who is with their parent/childminder and tell them to come with them to see their parent/childminder makes absolutely no sense.

Could a situation occur where a random stranger forcibly bundles a child into a car? Yes. But it's far and few between and will have absolutely nothing to do with a book bag.

Unfortunately sensationalist journalism means that it's all to easy for the press to come up with scare stories and whip up this stranger danger fear, when children are by far more likely to be harmed by their own family. When you then add in the ridiculous ideas of safeguarding on here (recently there's been threads where lots of posters seem to think shcool shouldn't be contacting social services, that people should keep their noses out etc) then there's the most abused view of safeguarding beign created where people are paranoid to the point of unreasonable regarding strangers, but surprising chilled out about turning a blind eye to any concerns regarding home, and home is precisely where the risk to a child is highest.

I think the op has a point though

What about the older children who are allowed to walk to and from school on their own?

She wasn't raising it with the teacher to be awkward and has acknowledged that she probably chose the wrong time of day to approach her. There was no excuse for the teacher to be the way that she was to be honest

Most often older kids don't have book bags (at least near me it's all smiggle bags etc). Equally, you teach your child not to walk off with strangers, give them a password that you'd give to anyone. Again, children being harmed by randoms strangers is really uncommon.

I think MN highlights that what people think of as safeguarding is out of whack: people are expected to turn a blind eye and not interfere if there's any concern at home because it's none of anyone's business but at the same time we need to be complaining to school that a name on a book bag of a child walking home with an adult places them at risk of kidnapping by a stranger.

I understand someone not liking something and even wanting some reassurance because they've seen a sensationalist article, but the level of reaction is disproportionate to the actual concern.

We're not allowed names on book bags - children put keyrings on them instead as long as the keyring doesn't have their name. They're not allowed personalised bracelets / necklaces / water bottles either. Not a lot they can do about the mother who's got her children's full names and dates of birth tattooed on though

I think it is disproportionate when the vast majority of abductions or assaults are carried out by a person known to the child, but I also don't blame the schools for wanting to eliminate any easily removed risk, however small. I thought this was common in all schools so I don't think OP was wrong to raise it.