Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Original poster

wwyd

48 replies

VeganVeganVegan · 14/09/2019 08:44

Will try and make this as short as possible. After the end of May half term I moved my two younger children from a large school (700+ children age 4-11) to a catholic school with under 100 children. This was because my daughter now in year 5 age 9 was completely friendless and extrememly unhappy. My son age 6 had a group of friends and didn't want to move but I thought I was doing the best thing. Dd has settled amazing she has fitted straight in and has made friends and is like a different child. My son is also like a different child he is deeply unhappy. He has no friends and there seems to be something every day. This week a boy punched him in the private area, the next day the same boy bit him, he has been excluded from playing with the other boys. Someone pulled his hair, whipped him continuously with their jumper and told him nobody likes him. I have been into the school to try and resolve it but they are saying my son needs to make more effort to fit in and make friends. He is so sad and every day he's saying he just wants his old school and friends back. I think the problem is he is a very quiet sensible boy and in the old school there were lot's of children like him to be friends with. But in this school he is one of 7 boys in his class. I've spoken to the admissions officer and she has said there is a place for him after October half term in the other school but I can push for sooner. Husband is no help and I have nobody to talk to please just tell me what would you do in this situation? Dd will be staying in the catholic school.

OP posts:
steppemum · 14/09/2019 08:48

can you manage both school runs?
If so, then I would move him. Then you have 2 happy kids.

I usually think these things do sort themselves out, but when you said there are only 7 boys and he is really struggling with them, and there isn't anyone who is really like him, well, that's not likely to improve is it?

Original poster
VeganVeganVegan · 14/09/2019 09:02

Thank you for replying. Yes I can do both the original school is a 10 min walk away and the catholic school is 2 miles but both have completely different start/finish times, and we use a taxi for the catholic school in the mornings anyway (afternoons husband is home for pick ups).

OP posts:
Tinkerbellone · 14/09/2019 09:03

I moved my DD to another school. It meant I had three different schools to get my children to.
It was the best move I ever made. School runs were tricky but my DD was SO much happier. Happy children learn better as well.
Sorry that this hasn't worked out for you OP. I'd move him back to his original school. Xx

Wildorchidz · 14/09/2019 09:05

I think you have to move your son back. He is now in the situation that your daughter was in.

RedRec · 14/09/2019 09:08

Definitely move him back to the original school and everyone will be happy. All the best.

Maniak · 14/09/2019 09:08

Your six year old son needs to make more effort to fit in???? Wow that school sounds horrible. Move him back to his friends!

GreenTulips · 14/09/2019 09:11

Yep he’s ended up in ‘that class’ with the attitude that it’s his problem!!

If you can managed two schools do it, he’ll be there a long time.

I’ve done 3 schools for a year, it worked

mankyfourthtoe · 14/09/2019 09:15

I'd move him back

Original poster
VeganVeganVegan · 14/09/2019 09:34

Thank you everyone. It is a very strict old fashioned school they get good results but they see this as boys being boys. When I brought up the hair pulling they said that is what children do and maybe son should have a hair cut. He does have longer hair only chin length which is his choice and on weekends he wears it up in a bobble.

This has helped so much to be able to discuss it with people.

OP posts:
Feenie · 14/09/2019 11:32

When I brought up the hair pulling they said that is what children do and maybe son should have a hair cut

Wtaf? I wouldn't ever teach at a school where anyone said such bollocks, and I certainly wouldn't send my child there.

Original poster
VeganVeganVegan · 17/09/2019 10:24

A little update. On arrival at school yesterday ds became hysterical. Two teachers just ignored him until I asked if they could maybe help. Nobody tried to encourage him into school and it took 40 minutes for me to leave and that was only with dd hugging him. The school said they are not allowed to touch the children at all not even to hold their hands? I explained to the teachers that he is very unhappy etc and they reassured me they would make sure he was integrated at play time. I asked for an update at end of school which didn't happen. He came out very upset had no friends and they actually brought him to his sister at break despite me saying not to do this. At dinner he was sat alone so she sat with him again. I have kept him home today I cannot send him somewhere to be so alone and unhappy. He has always been so happy in school. I'm waiting to hear back from admissions.

OP posts:
mankyfourthtoe · 17/09/2019 10:27

That's appalling. I was a teacher, and would hug a child as long as I could be seen by another member of staff.
Their pastoral care really sucks.

Sirzy · 17/09/2019 10:31

Can you home school until a place comes up at the old school?

steppemum · 17/09/2019 10:35

blimey they sound nuts (and I say that as a teacher!)

steppemum · 17/09/2019 10:37

Keep him at home, get a place as soon as you can at his old school.
Write a letter of complaint, child is distressed, unhappy and needing suport and help integrating, and staff response is to ignore.

adagio · 17/09/2019 10:41

Echo everything everyone else is saying - he’s six fgs. As well as speaking to admissions is it Worthing ringing the head of his old school for a chat (well, begging actually) see if they would consider taking him sooner - like tomorrow. If nothing else it will also give old school a heads up that he’s coming back and will need a bit of tlc. Your poor boy 🙁

peonyred · 17/09/2019 10:43

OP my heart goes out to you. You need to ask for a meeting with the Headteacher at your son's school immediately. You do not need to be unpleasant, better not to be as your DD will be staying. In these cases it is the squeaky gate that gets the attention. You need to be polite and firm. What are they going to do? How will they tackle bullying amongst their 6 year old boys? You need to make it clear that you will continue to ask questions until you get sensible answers and a plan put in place to help your son. And as for the "not allowed to hug a small child" policy - that is wilful misreading of government policy. As the previous poster has said, as long as it is in front of another member of staff and not in a private place, it is fine.

Original poster
VeganVeganVegan · 17/09/2019 11:58

Thank you everyone. The head teacher actually was there yesterday morning but seemed more concerned with me saying "god this is so hard" I know it's a catholic school but I was in despair. She was the one who brought him to his sister at break. He has out of my 4 children been the one who has most enjoyed school and he is the brightest. He's a free reader and knows all his times tables so to see him so sad is heartbreaking all he bloody wants is a friend. I tried suggesting maybe they can get all the children to play a game together but no apparently it's on his head to approach and ask to play. All when and good but everytime he has tried he's been told no, go away, nobody likes you.
I've spoken to admissions and I've been told the person who deals with mid term admissions will be in touch today. I really can't send him back and I'm so upset with myself that I moved him. But I genuinely thought I was doing the best.

OP posts:
adagio · 17/09/2019 12:00

Please don’t blame yourself - I would have done the same in terms of trying to do what’s best for the older one and still keeping them together - I’m not sure it would have crossed my mind to split into different schools in your position (until the issue has come up obviously). You are totally doing the right thing trying to fix it now, you are doing great Flowers

Original poster
VeganVeganVegan · 17/09/2019 17:20

Ok so I have a meeting at the old school tomorrow and he has an immediate place. Just had the receptionist from the new school on the phone to me and she is not happy. I tried detailing all the issues I have had but she claims the first the school have heard of any problems was yesterday. I kept him off last Thursday because of how upset he was which she is claiming never happened. I explained that he had no friends yesterday and the school did nothing to help him of course she says this is his fault and you can't make children play with him. All she could say was she doesn't believe their home grown catholic boys would behave this way. Seriously could not make this up. I'm being told I have to let these issues resolve themselves but he's a shy 6yr old who just wants a friend. This is a nightmare and I just want everything to be ok for him.

OP posts:
viques · 17/09/2019 18:53

Grab the place at the old schol as soon as you can. Do not wait until half term or until"issues resolve themselves" a tiny cohort of six or seven boys in the class where a number of them are being mean is not going to resolve into a supportive cohesive friendship group for the next five years. You need the place confirmed and the move made back before a) your son is completely school phobic b) a set of triplets moves next to the school and pinches the place from under your nose!

mankyfourthtoe · 17/09/2019 18:56

I had a headteacher once tell me I couldn't move my child. I said watch me, and I worked there!

lovemenorca · 17/09/2019 18:58

What would I do??

I struggle to answer because I NEVeR would have moved one happy child because the other was unhappy.

I would have moved the unhappy child

And what a time to move in any event - year 6.

You weren’t thinking straight

lovemenorca · 17/09/2019 18:59

Sorry your son is aged 6

But still.

He was happy

lovemenorca · 17/09/2019 19:01

On the basis of your interaction with the receptionist of the new school - I wouldn’t be happy with either child there tbh