Sabbatical to support 11+

[Yookytooky]

Looking for some advice from those who have been through the 11+ process. We are in the hyper competitive north London area aiming for top independent schools. Both DH and I work full time. I'm planning to take a sabbatical to support the 11+ prep for DC but not sure how long and when to take it. Would 3 months be too short and would oct to early jan, just before exams be a good plan? Any helpful advice welcome please!

Please don't, it's stressful enough for kids without the pressure of knowing you have taken time off just to prep them. Pay for a tutor and have a plan b and c, it's just not fair on your child to live through them. 93% of kids go to state school and statistically they do better at university! Competitive parenting isn't good for children's mental health

@applepieicecream really? Do you know what marks/level we should be aiming for... And what level of papers? I met a mum looking at progress papers in a shop, whose ds got into latymer last year and she said he was getting close to 100% on the 11-12+ progress papers, but we're (well ds) is still doing 10-11. I wish there was someone to ask for advice on all this. School have really been less than helpful. 🤦‍♂️ Ds has set his heart on a top indie but I don't want him to get his hopes up if its not realistic.

Thanks to all those who have provided useful insights or supportive comments.

OP, I live in a super-selective state grammar area and I've never come across a parent taking a sabbatical before. Tutors, yes. Practice with parents, yes. But what will you do all day when they are in school?

Just in my DD's school I've known pupils who have been tutored fail the 11+ and other pupils who have had no tutoring pass it easily. I think exam technique is useful, are there any companies in your area that do the mock exams and give you the marks/feedback afterwards? Do you have an idea of the standard that he will need to meet to get into the schools you want?

You will need to take time off to ferry to specific tests, some start in October and then right through to end of Jan there will be interviews if they do well. It can mean taking a lot of days off but my worry with taking an actual sabbatical is that the process is very hard and stressful for parents, arguably more so than for the children. If that’s all you are focussing on it could become a bit all encompassing - and you’ll be home worrying while they are at school most of the time . So maybe best just to take off the many days you will actually need to be there if you can - and it’s nice to be able to pick up after an exam, go for lunch or tea and have a bit of bonding time afterwards. In terms of being around for the preparation, if they are already at a prep school they should be learning the right things. I’d just suggest that they go over some practise papers a couple of times a week and in the holidays - but not general bond books. Find some specific past papers or the relevant boards for the schools they will actually be sitting so they get used to the right type of questions and formats

met a mum looking at progress papers in a shop, whose ds got into latymer last year and she said he was getting close to 100% on the 11-12+ progress papers

Even supposing that she was telling the truth, one person being able to do something doesn't mean that that is the necessary standard for success. You do know that DC come in different varieties, ability-wise, don't you? The occasional one gets into grammar school independently of their parents' expenditure on tutoring, rather than because of it.

Hi OP. I think if you can take a sabbatical it would be a great opportunity to reset, spend more time with your DC, and also support their education.

There is a very British attitude about trying too hard for things - tall poppy syndrome. You're always supposed to act as though you just fell into success and not ever admit that you and/or your family has put in hard graft to achieve things. Completely agree with PP that people lie about this all the time - and yes even on MN.

I live in Asia and not only do parents take sabbaticals to support their DCs getting into competitive schools, I've actually met people who completely left their careers to dedicate 2-3 years to getting their goal. For those of you with your noses in the air - these children will be competing for spots in British independent schools and universities next to yours.

Good luck OP - definitely take the time off if you can, I'm sure your DC will appreciate having you around more.

@edgeofheaven - agree. As long as the parent is supportive emotionally and appreciate’s child’s effort rather than the result - it can be a positive experience. A mixture of child doing work on own/‘homework’ and time with parent and/or tutor.

Practice papers and homework can improve self discipline. And parent working with child can be good for morale because they know they’re not the only one working.

Good luck OP to you and DC

Thanks everyone - esp edgeofheaven, agree about the facade of effortless achievements.

To those that find the concept of taking a sabbatical in these circumstances so alien, I took one earlier in my career and found it great to be there more for DC while pursuing my own hobbies and interests during the day while DC at school. I hope to be able to take further career breaks when DC older.

In posting the OP, I was particularly interested in advice re timing of the sabb whether in the final stretch or over summer and for how long. Anyone with any useful insights, would be great to hear from you.

In terms of timing, I’d take the summer - more time actually with the kids as they won’t be at school. And save plenty of holiday for the autumn and New Year, as there will be lots of random drop offs and pick ups, with no choice at all on when these are. I took a lot of leave and also worked from home for some half days, to make it work.

It was surprisingly important to dd to have me (or DH) there for drop off and pick up. She wasn’t even keen on it being beloved granny. It’s an emotional moment for them, and having a parent there helped with being calm.

NW London. We did 7+, rather than 11+. I work full time. Intense private equity projects. I made sure that I had some time off the summer prior to the exams and through the Autumn. Agree with others. It is about you having the time to focus on all of your family and your child without the conflicting pressure of work. You do need to say why you are taking time off. Agree with others extended summer holiday. October half term. Total value in spending time with your child before, during and after the exams/interviews. Lovely lunch together. Trip to the zoo/theatre. Time for you as well as them. I have heard plenty of people scale back their commitments to support their child. I agree with others that people love saying that they did 5 mins and sailed in...………………….may be some did????

It's tough doing it after working hours. My friend is working with an education company that just started providing free 11+ courses. It is working quite well for us using those courses as it's almost like my son is playing on his xbox, but instead, I can monitor how he's progressing. It's like a win-win. The courses seem to be for free so it might worth a try, especially since we've only just started. I think this should guide you right into the 11 plus courses as there's a bunch of GCSE stuff as well - app.senecalearning.com/courses?Level=11%2B