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Original poster

Help, ive decided to complaining to a teacher...

33 replies

queenqueenqueen · 01/07/2019 10:04

Just that really!

I've decided to discuss things with my dds reception teacher. Weve felt quite upset over the year about her negative attitude towards her and want to say something before she moves up to year 1, im not particularly sure what I want from it but I feel id be doing my DD a disservice if I don't say something.

She's pretty much had nothing positive to say about her all year and I feel this is rubbing off as DD is often saying "well I won't be able to do it anyway" ...

I know some of you won't agree but I've given this a lot of thought.

Could anyone give any advice on how to approach this as I've never done this before and don't want to get all flustered and it come across wrong!!!!!

OP posts:
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nonicknameseemsavailable · 01/07/2019 10:56

I can't offer any advice as to be honest by this stage in the year I don't think there is any point. You might get a written report and have the opportunity to fill in a reply slip with some comments on, I know some schools do this and perhaps you could mention it then but I would really focus instead on next year, the teacher next year etc.

Would it be better do you think to make a quick appointment to speak to next year's teacher and just say that "due to some issues in reception" DD is lacking in confidence and self esteem and you are concerned about her transition into year 1 so could the teacher perhaps keep an eye out for this and try to boost her confidence right from the start.

Original poster
queenqueenqueen · 01/07/2019 12:40

Hi, thanks for your reply, I totally get your way of thinking as to be honest it has largely been mine however something else has happened and I've decided that I really do want to say something. Also, my other worry is if I say something AFTER the reports come out it'll just be taken as "oh they are just happy as her daughter got a crap report"

OP posts:
EduCated · 01/07/2019 12:57

What are you hoping to achieve by complaining? What would your ideal outcome be?

Baritriwsahys · 01/07/2019 13:04

If you really want it brought to attention because you think her teaching ability isn't what it should be, don't go to her.

LetItGoToRuin · 01/07/2019 13:07

What is the 'something else'?

Have you raised specific issues through the year? How were they dealt with? Did you follow them up?

"im not particularly sure what I want from it but I feel id be doing my DD a disservice if I don't say something."

You need to be specific about what you're asking the teacher to do in the next three weeks - not just have a general moan because you feel you 'ought' to.

Happysummer · 01/07/2019 13:07

Don't talk to the teacher, put your issues in writing. The school are then bound to look into it and governors (I think) are made aware of complaints but records must be kept for ofstead.

I would write to the head, clearly laying out examples and dates of when DD was upset, and the impact this has had.

fedup21 · 01/07/2019 13:10

Your post and thread title sound as confused as your intentions.

What exactly do you want to say and what do you hope to achieve?

I think it would be more productive to talk to either the next teacher or the head.

To be honest though, if there was something I was unhappy about, I would never have left it till July to say something.

Original poster
queenqueenqueen · 01/07/2019 13:14

Thats the thing, I really don't know what I want to come from it... but I know I have to say something.
She is a relatively new teacher so I guess I can hope that it might mean she would change things for the children she gets next year?
I know complaining to schools is not a popular thing to do but ive given it a lot of thought.

OP posts:
Baritriwsahys · 01/07/2019 13:17

Complain about her not to her. If you have a genuine complaint then it's reasonable to pas it on. What you are suggesting is basically telling the teacher you think she is shit. That's not how to deal with things. Going forward if she isn't up to the job school need to know.

Original poster
queenqueenqueen · 01/07/2019 13:20

Do you really think that? @Bari ?

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 01/07/2019 13:21

If it’s been bothering you all year then why haven’t you tackled it before? The year is nearly over. Confused

molemummy · 01/07/2019 13:22

As a teacher it is so frustrating when parents go above you to take an issue straight to the head before speaking to you first to see if anything can be done/changed! Surely you should be giving your DDs teacher a chance to do something about your issue/s.

I agree with PP that there is nothing really the teacher can do now with 3 weeks until the end of term. Is there any reason you haven't gone to have a chat with the teacher before rather than let things build up?

Original poster
queenqueenqueen · 01/07/2019 13:25

Yes - because I haven't wanted to be THAT parent which with hindsight is silly I know

Sorry I know it sounds stupid the title, id originally put "help with complaining about a teacher " well, then new, I just get lots of people saying, don't do it, don't do it, which is why I changed it to I've decided to put and couldn't go back and change it. People can be really harsh on here as their number one response 😔 I'm just another mum looking for a bit of support and advice 🤷🏻‍♀️ xx

OP posts:
Original poster
queenqueenqueen · 01/07/2019 13:26

Gosh, sorry another post that makes me sound illiterate!! I'm sorry I was rushing xx

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 01/07/2019 13:31

I have asked questions about what’s happened in school and tried to resolve issues or clarify what’s happened after specific incidents. But to leave it all year and then go in with a vague complaint sounds rather pointless.

Baritriwsahys · 01/07/2019 13:31

Do you really think that?

Yes. I do.

PantsyMcPantsface · 01/07/2019 13:46

I had a genuine set of complaints about DD2's teacher this year - the only way to really address it was how we did - worked up the ladder (we went to the SENCO first as it was regarding SN provision) and then to the Head because the SENCO really couldn't leverage the situation. Went against everything I believe in because I really want to work WITH school but we had to do it to improve things for DD2 and we had specific things in mind we wanted addressed... and they were (the Head was rather pissed off with what had been going on). Going in with the mentality of just wanting to let rip without any goal in mind wouldn't have achieved nearly the result we wanted.

To be honest if the class teacher hasn't listened to you this far into the year it's really not going to be any different now and you need to take it to the Head who'll listen and act depending on what the concerns are.

molemummy · 01/07/2019 13:51

@queenqueenqueen

She's pretty much had nothing positive to say about her all year

Have you heard the teacher say negative things or has your DD come home and told you?

molemummy · 01/07/2019 13:54

@PantsyMcPantsface

To be honest if the class teacher hasn't listened to you this far into the year

Ive read it as the OP hasn't been in to share her concerns so far this year. So the teacher hasn't yet been given the opportunity to listen to the issues felt.

ZzzMarchhare · 01/07/2019 14:00

I think as a parent the transition to school is quite difficult, especially when you are used to a private nursery where as parents you are a customer. How much to badger the teacher / step back is hard to work out.

Could you go to the teacher and discuss the negative emotions your daughter is saying to make her aware? My DS was similar and not behaving well as well. Making the teacher aware there were (hidden) confidence issues and the teacher feeding back to me about behaviour helped get DS back on track.

LauraMipsum · 01/07/2019 14:01

How about something like

DH & I feel that DD hasn't settled into reception as confidently as we would have liked. She frequently says to us she "won't be able to do it anyway" when faced with a new activity and we don't want this lack of confidence to continue into year 1. We have noticed that the feedback we've had about DD from Miss X has not been very positive overall, and wonder if the two are connected. We would really like some guidance as to how we could work on DD's self confidence over the summer so that she goes into year 1 with a more positive attitude to learning.

That way you're asking to work with the school rather than demanding Miss X's head on a plate.

BazaarMum · 01/07/2019 14:07

I think you have to have a goal in mind, or you risk coming off unhinged (sorry). I think asking questions like ‘DD has lost confidence in herself this year, why do you think that might be?’ and ‘what are the systems for reward of effort and building resilience at school, as I don’t feel we’ve experienced these with DD’. That will at least give you a platform for your concerns.

If you go in and say ‘you’ve had nothing good to say about my DD all year and it’s not good enough!’ I think she’ll simply give you a raised eyebrow and warn the yr1 teacher you are a bit of a nightmare.

It’s fine to complain, but you have to be sensible about it...

Original poster
queenqueenqueen · 01/07/2019 14:09

Thanks so much @lauramipsum and @Bazaarmum for your really helpful replies, definitely going to use what you've said.

OP posts:
Seeline · 01/07/2019 14:11

Has the teacher said anything to you? Why did you not address it then?

Has the teacher been critical of your DDS work? If so ask what you can do over the summer to help prepare for next year.

Has the teacher criticised her behaviour? If so, do you think this could be based on fact?

Without details of what it's about it's hard to advise, but in all honesty, I would just draw a line under it, and hope to start next year in a more encouraging way. Be prepared to engage with the teacher early on if issues occur.

LetItGoToRuin · 01/07/2019 14:15

I certainly didn't mean to 'bash', if indeed you thought I did. People are normally pretty helpful on here.

Could you give a couple of specific examples of what the teacher has done, or hasn't done?

There is still time (just) to raise some specific issues with the teacher, as long as you pick things that the teacher can address in 3 weeks.

If you've not spoken to the teacher before about any concerns, you absolutely should do this first. If the teacher dismisses your concerns or fails to address them, you can then legitimately escalate the issues to a more senior member of staff.

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