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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Triplets in the same clas?

53 replies

MilaRose · 02/06/2019 20:59

Hey everyone!

I'm new to this site, but we've got identical triplet girls who will be 4 in July and thus starting primary school in September. We have been so torn on whether to apply for the girls to be in the same class at school or in the 3 parallel classes that are available. We have really looked into it and are still just as confused as the start!! Two of them (D & A) are naturally more clingy/similar to each other as one (G) is more independent in her nature and strikingly different in personality, leaving the school to suggest placing D and A into one class and G into another. But this doesn't sit well with me. I feel that if i'm going to separate them then they should all be separated, not 2 together and 1 alone. It's so difficult because they've obviously always been together and they really rely on each other but at the same I can see how being separated may let them develop more as individuals. We're just so torn and really confused. I think it is made all the more different because they are identical, we want to give them all the same opportunities.

The options we are torn between is:
-All girls in separate classes
-The girls in the same class (meaning they will make up 3 of the 20 members.)
-D and A in one class and G in another

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GreenTulips · 03/06/2019 14:02

I found TAMPA advice very poor on a number of things.

Twins in my school were always together and never really made other friends because one was always left out of the other had a friend.

Single kids manage just fine in school don’t see why twins or triplets should manage any less.

UserName31456789 · 03/06/2019 14:15

Single kids manage just fine in school don’t see why twins or triplets should manage any less.

Because the twins are used to being together socially and will usually take strength from the presence of the other. There are twins in DD's class they are in the same friendship group but each has their own "best friend". Obviously in some cases the particular personalities of the twins might mean it's better to separate them which is why parents should have the choice.

GreenTulips · 03/06/2019 14:16

Because the twins are used to being together

Mine have siblings ...... and?

UserName31456789 · 03/06/2019 14:24

Mine have siblings ...... and?

Why are you so antagonistic about this? The research shows that in general it's better for twins to stay together - of course there will be specific exceptions as with anything when dealing with real human beings.

Siblings clearly don't spend all their time socialising together - one will start school before the other - there will be a developmental gap so will have a less reciprocal relationship that is usually different from the relationship between twins.

FrenchJunebug · 03/06/2019 15:01

we have triplets in our class (y3) and there are no problems. They have different friends, etc.

nonicknameseemsavailable · 03/06/2019 21:58

I would split them personally. All twins I have known have been separated at school (except in single form schools) and I really think it has been better for them. LOTS of children are clingy and struggle at the start of school, split from siblings, split from parent/grandparent who has been with them most of the time etc, if leaving younger siblings at home they feel pushed out because that sibling is still with mum and they are missing out on stuff and so on. School is much more geared up for children learning to deal with separation in Reception than further up the school. They won't stand out for it at that age.

BackforGood · 03/06/2019 22:59

I would go for 3 separate classes too. I know two sets of triplets who would (or whose parents would) agree.
It is bad enough always been 'a novelty' whenever you go anywhere - good to just be "Jane" at school. They will still see each other at playtime and dinner time. In some schools, during the day too, if they have freeflow.

Starlight456 · 03/06/2019 23:10

Are you aware of classroom layout . I ask because my ds’s primary was 2 form entry but lots of free flow between classrooms so wouldn’t be as separated as the further years.

One of my fry split her twins as was was doing far better academically than the other and was lowering self esteem of the less academic twin.

Hollowvictory · 04/06/2019 08:09

^this happens a lot and is a good reason to split multiples

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 04/06/2019 09:51

They separated the identical twins in ds' year and it worked well

SleepingStandingUp · 04/06/2019 09:57

I'd take advantage of the large number of classes and split all three. If they mix classes between years you can always review it but they'll have a chance to make their own friends, and strive their own path. Make a thing on the way home of sharing something that happened in class to each of them

ArnoldBee · 04/06/2019 09:57

Have you asked your children?

happyasasandboy · 04/06/2019 10:06

I have twins rather than triplets, but some of the same relationship dynamics, I'm sure.

My twin were in the same class for Reception, Year 1 and Year 2. I asked for them to be split in Year 3.

In reception I think they absolutely loved being together. They were still in the phase where they were each other's world; if something lovely happened they ran straight for the other one to include them and share the lovely thing.

By year 1 and 2 they'd settled at school and made their own friends. They were fine together, but started to get frustrated when they had different interpretations of the day and would fight over who was telling me what actually happened and who had it all wrong. It was tricky. Simple for me though, as assemblies, dress up days etc were all the same!

I'm Year 3 I asked for them to be split. They have thrived in separate classes, but inevitably their teachers are different, and in my (and their!) opinion one teacher is vastly superior to the other. It's a tricky one to navigate; one twin gets to use pens while the other class stayed with pencils, one twin got house points and popcorn for being in the Year 3 play and the other twin didn't get any recognition from their teacher, one twin got entered into an art competition while the other class didn't do it, etc etc etc. They struggle with having different opportunities, especially because it all seems so loaded in favour of the twin with the better teacher.

So, pros and cons. I intend to let the school decide next year, and I would be quite happy if they're back together!

stucknoue · 04/06/2019 10:16

Personally I would split them, gives them an opportunity to make individual friends and them to be [name] rather than "the triplets" they have break time, lunchtime and out of school together. Going to school is a big change for all kids and splitting them at the beginning will be easier to make friends than later when friendship groups are established. As an anecdote, my brother had a friend who was an identical twin, mum insisted they stay together, as soon as they reached secondary (mum insisted they were in the same form) they went to the school and asked to be split, they barely talk now years later

BigGlasses · 04/06/2019 13:29

It depends a lot on your children. My DTs I put into seperate classes, however they were very independant from each other from early on, if anything DT2 was closer to his older sister than his twin. It worked well for us and the DTs are thriving.

As happyasasandboy says there can be issues with different experiences, and disparity in teaching, but normally it evens out over the years, (DT1 gets ace teacher in Y1, DT2 gets fab teacher in Y2). And its good for them to learn that life will treat them differently despite the fact they are multiples and that is life, they will have to learn to cope with it

nonicknameseemsavailable · 04/06/2019 14:37

with regards to different teachers and different experiences we have to remember that this happens to all siblings. One of mine has had a much better draw of teachers than the other, that same child has also had the better and more interesting trips and experiences at school. This is a part of life. I know it is a bit different for multiples but it is just the way it is.

Didiplanthis · 04/06/2019 19:49

My ID twins have to be in the same very small year group as we are rural and have little choice. No school we had a hope of getting into had more than 15 per intake. Despite this they manage to keep themselves pretty separate at school and made their own friends. If anything mine are less dependant on each other through having to forge their own identity.

typoqueen · 04/06/2019 22:05

my friend kept her triplets in the same class till they hit juniors then they all went in different classes

christinarossetti19 · 05/06/2019 11:44

I'm a twin and we were together at infants and then separated at juniors (my mum's request).

I'm going to go against the (two) grains here and suggest that you think about the school's suggestion of putting D & A in the same class and G in another. I can completely see why this doesn't sit well with you, but the impact of separation won't be the same for G as it would D and A - it sounds like she may well thrive on it. Being 'fair' to multiples is meeting each of their needs as best as you can, not necessarily treating them the same.

I'd also individually gauge your daughters preferences and views, as a guide only as the parents should have the final say. If G is up for being in a class by herself, and D and A not, then why not go for it and see how it pans out?

Being a multiple let alone being identical can be a great source of comfort, but also a great restrictor of individuality and it changes as children grow and develop. Maybe G is ready to strike out a bit more independently?

MissSmiley · 05/06/2019 12:04

My twins were together in the same class for primary (single form so no option to split) and had their own friends, but now go to separate secondary schools, they aren't identical and have different interests

I would keep them together for starting school

Hairyheadphones · 05/06/2019 12:08

I have a friend who is a twin and has twins, she kept her two together as she said that’s the advantage of having a twin- always someone you know there for you.

waterlemon30 · 08/06/2019 10:21

We separate multiples and cousins.

Ithinkmycatisevil · 08/06/2019 10:48

I would def want them split up, one in each class. The worst scenario in my mind is to have two and one, but having them all together doesn’t seem much better.

If they’re split they’ll have the own friendship group and develop more as individuals, rather than always being the triplets.

user1490043295 · 09/06/2019 22:03

We split our twins. Although it was hard at first as DS was upset as he wanted his sister, he eventually settled down and love going to school. We did have a rough patch where DS wouldn't eat lunch but the school would send DD to his class so they could go lunch together. He has grown to be very independent

Yolande7 · 10/06/2019 21:56

I grew up in a twin like situation and am currently raising two 12 year olds. We also have a set of twins who are 21 years old in our family and another set who are adults. They are all non-identical though.

All of the parents decided to keep the children together during primary school and were happy with it. It simplified everyone's life and helped the children settle in school. They all developed their personalities just fine (why woudn't they? They are different people!) and soon had both individual and shared friends.

In my children's primary school class was another set of twins and I had a set of twins in my class at school. None of them had any problems and some even wanted to stay together for secondary.

I don't believe the research about twins doing academically better if apart for one second. ALL the twins in our family did/do academically better together than apart.

I would not split just one from the other two. That will create difficult dynamics.

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