Son in reception-need advice from experienced mums and teachers

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I wish we had the funds to send our two boys to private school but we don't. We aim to by secondary school which I feel is the most beneficial stage for paying anyway. My reasons rest solely in the fact I believe smaller class sizes are hugely beneficial for learning. I am a secondary school teacher who has taught in both state (10 yrs) and private (2years) so I feel I have some knowledge in this area. Nevertheless we have our eldest in one of the best state primary schools in the area. Very happy with it.

My son has shown massive improvements since he started and I know that our particular choice of school really pushes them early (e.g. he has had a little bit of h.w. each week since he started/reading books three times a week etc.) We are totally on board with this approach.

My son's teacher has told me he may not achieve the end of year standards and will probably need interventions in Y1. She says he is clever but it's not translating into his work yet. It is very likely a maturity thing.

I am so pleased that the school are supporting him so well. I just feel disappointed in myself...did I not "do" enough with him before school to prepare him for the academic side? All I focused on was reading lots of stories to him and getting him to dress himself and wipe reliably on the toilet etc.

I am also wondering if because I teach and because every mum thinks their little ones are bright little buttons, I had higher expectations as to how he would fare with his learning...I know I need to address this part of myself and only ever show positivity to him as he is keen on school and I would hate for that to change.

Really what I am looking for is advice-how do I best support him? How do I temper any disappointment I feel? Part of me feels we wouldnt be in this place if he was going privately....but how am I to know that for sure. I think my husband and I both had slow starts to school but are doing fine now. Silly to worry really, I just need reassurance from those older and wiser on this path x

You don't say how old your son is. Is he one of the youngest in his class? At five years old practically a years difference in age equates to nearly a quarter of your life experience so summer born children can be at an initial disadvantage which is to do with emotional maturity , language development and physical development rather than a lack of learning capacity.

If this is the case then no school in the world, however small the class size, would catch him up in a year. As he gets older however, the initial age disadvantage reduces in real terms and younger children do catch up to their more mature peers.

He is also a boy, and many boys do seem to find the very language based learning, combined with developing the fine motor skills needed in early writing skills expected in early years harder to access. To be frank in my experience many of them don't see the point!

You have not flagged up any problems with your child's speech,hearing ,behaviour or general development, so I am assuming he is NT, therefore I think to be honest she is being a bit premature in talking about year 1 intervention when there is still a whole term of reception to cover (assuming you are in the UK) I would wait until towards the end of the summer term then ask her to tell you where she sees the gaps so that you can practice and reinforce learning , in a very casual way, during the six weeks break.

Agree with everything viques said!

Give it time. I know of several bright boys who haven’t really come round to the idea of reading or writing till late in Y1. But once it clicked it really clicked. Don’t push him to the extent he comes to think of schoolwork as an unpleasant chore, that will be counterproductive. Interventions certainly seem premature...

My son didn't 'get' school until year 2 really -he was incredibly shy and summer born, and didn't meet all of the age related expectations at the end of reception or year 2.
He's now in year 5 and gets standardised scores of 120+ in maths and reading. He just needed to grow up a bit.

Try not to worry - they all develop at different rates and it sounds like the school are on board and offering interventions to help him.

Thanks so much for prompt replies.

He has just turned five but I feel presents more like the stereotype of a summer born. His immaturity has been alluded to at both of the parents evenings we have attended this year.

He has just had grommets fitted two weeks ago. Suffered with glue ear for the past three years and at times his hearing tests have shown him to have mild to moderate hearing loss (pre-grommets). It's been a long slog with the hearing to be fair, sorry to drip feed. His hearing has been quite hit and miss and because of this he is always placed next to the teacher. I believe he lip reads and watches faces when people talkes to him and he couldn't hear them properly.

Just a note really but hearing and cleaver but not achieving are signed of dyslexia

Worth keeping in mind as he’s a little young yet

I wouldn't worry yet.
He is still very young, and in my experience of teaching no child progresses in a straightforward upward trajectory! Learning is very messy, it goes up and down and you might find he has a spurt later down the line! If not meeting expectations becomes a regular comment from his teachers each year, then consider ways to intervene, but for now, relax!

I wouldn't worry, children of just-5 shouldn't really be learning to read, in most countries he'd still be playing all day. Especially if he has had hearing problems that could have really impacted his ability to pick up new concepts.

5 in April would also be summer born.
What is he struggling with?
For reading we did more than the 2 books a week we were given by school. We used reading chest from about feb of yr r through yr 1. Finished yr r being able to read brown and grey bands.
Writing was worse. That onky really came on in yr 1 due to resistance.
I think part of the reason SB fall behind is many are just not ready for writing at just turned 4yo. So they miss much of the more gentle practice in yr r.
Have a look at the ks1 and ks2 results by month SB are pretty behind.
I think they do the eyfs profile may/jun? So not much time.
I think it's unhelpful that sept borns probably turn up with much more evidence to school but them have even more gathered during the year so it's not surprising more can exceed, plus they may have had another 2 (4half ) terms at preschool.

He is probably doing best in reading...he is on the yellow books from ORT. Have no idea if this is above or below his cohort or what is expected at this age. Can be reluctant but mostly happy to read with me. I have wondered about other schemes to do with him like "Reading Eggs" but just think this would be overload at the moment; I want to keep a balance and not put him off.

He is a reluctant writer. They have just sent home very basic spellings (not for tests, just 'Look/say/cover/write/check'. Words such as 'is', 'am', 'and' etc....) and I am convinced this is beyond him right now as he just wants to copy the word and not cover it.

Maths; he has some of the very basic concepts from reception but I am not convinced he is truly able to count backwards/take away from 10.

There's just so much to support him with. Do you reckon 15-20 mins h.w. a day and then just let nature take its course? I use the time to sit with him at the table, have a nice snack and try to make the work fun too.

And thank you for all your replies. Reading and re-reading them is reassuring.

Part of me wishes (back to the independent school issue...) that we could move him to an independent school and re-start reception this September, just to give him time and another crack at it all! Maybe he has been too young for the setting at the school we chose for him.

On the other hand, most people who meet my son comment that he is a clever little chap so if a child like him needs interventions at this school in order for them to be "up to scratch" I'd hazard a guess that a good number of the other kids will be too. Hopefully if the interventions do take place it won't feel too isolating or demoralising for him.

Part of the problem is, as a secondary teacher, interventions for literacy and numeracy in the secondary school are because a child is really behind and perhaps has SEN. Interventions at KS1 are probably very different. If my son has SEN then that is a bridge we can cross later, no indications of it right now.

I just look at him and want to make it all ok for him.

Relax a bit. He is 5 not 15, he has all of school ahead of him.

IMHO the most important thing for a 5 year old is being happy and knowing you are loved. If you have that then learning is what 5 year olds do.The rest can come later.

The teacher seems to be on the same page as you so treat her (or him) as a professional, in a related but different field, and ask them what, if anything, you can do to support him and be prepared to hear that you are already doing enough.

DBro was very similar in reception (actually less mature IIRC, very easily distractible). He ended up at Cambridge. So don’t worry just yet.

Thing is, you really don't know, if they are naturally academic or doing really well because they are pushed, in early years of primary.
A lot of children click later, and start taking over other children who seemed very able early. Some children just stays ahead. Some just struggles all the way.

Important thing is, how you can communicate with school/teacher and do the best to help your child.

Give him some time, you sound a lovely mum. I think make reading fun all through the summer picking up on signs etc. I regret not playing more maths games ie bingo for number recognition and organisation it all helps. Games and fun books really accelerate learning

I wouldn’t panic too much just yet. It may, as his teacher suggests, just be a maturity thing. Maybe ask the teacher if there’s anything she recommends working on at home with him?

My eldest DC was (still is) a very reluctant writer, partly because of poor hand strength. No idea if this an issue for your DS but there’s a variety of games and exercises you can do at home to build up hand strength, which will in turn make writing easier.

I also wouldn’t assume that an independent school would be automatically better. My DC were at an independent school, and we moved them to a state school last term. The independent school was one that ran through to secondary school and prides itself on good academic results at secondary.

My Reception DC is being pushed harder academically at the new state school than he was at the independent school.
Take reading - his teacher at the old school only ever moved him up a level if we directly asked her about reading levels, and they’d split each colour band into several difficulty levels. They topped out at yellow for Reception. DC got moved up a book band within a week of starting at the state school.

The standard of handwriting in Reception is also higher at the new state school than it was at the independent school too.
Class sizes at the state school are bigger, but the increased number of TAs at the state school means adult child ratios in the classes are similar.

So far our feeling is that academically, the state school is, if anything, better than the independent school we were at, especially for children who need extra support like our older DC (who was basically being left in a corner to play on an iPad at the independent school when unable to keep up in classes. The state school is doing far more to help my older DC progress).

The main difference is that the state school has less extras - smaller range is sports in PE, less after school clubs, fewer class assemblies and associated rehearsals etc.

All schools are different of course, and there may well be more of a difference between independent and state schools at secondary level, but one thing our experience has taught us is that you shouldn’t assume that independent schools are automatically better than state ones.

This may be a bad suggestion (teachers please say if it is!) but DD enjoyed reading and writing apps on a tablet. She saw it as a treat rather than work as it was on the tablet. I think they helped, especially with letter formation and spelling. There are loads of apps some better than others (some are very american and don’t use the english phonics so be careful)

Oh and I agree private wouldn’t necessarily be better. Although at least they wouldn’t have to measure children against these daft targets

He’s 5, worry if he’s happy at school and has friends.
That’s the most important thing at this age.
As you are a teacher I’m going to assume that Education is very very important for you but please don’t just focus on the academic side of his school experience, it’s so much more than that.
Apologies if you are already doing that but you seem quite worried about his “performance “ already. You need to chill while being encouraging and let his natural abilities shine through while supporting him in areas where he might need a bit more support.

Independent schools still have to use EYFS minipie because they are Ofsted inspected!

It sounds as though the support he's getting is helpful. Keep trying with the reading, I'm sure it's maturity.

Don't underestimate the effect the hearing/grommets thing will have had on his classroom learning! I could always tell when DS's hearing was going- his behaviour deteriorated steeply. Not being able to hear in a busy classroom can have a huge impact on their learning. Now the grommets are in hopefully that will have a big impact- on his health (missing less time from school) and on his learning.

I read your update about the hearing and agree with redandgreen . A reception classroom is a noisy place, for a child with hearing loss it can be very difficult to isolate and focus on the sounds they need to listen to . Nearly all the teaching will be delivered orally, no " read the next three paragraphs and identify the key points that support your argument" in reception (!) imagine for example how hard it is to distinguish sounds like p and b, k and l, ch and sh when you are mostly relying on mouth shape. Very hard, very tiring.

I'm glad the teacher thinks about where he sits, make sure she knows to sit where light shines on her face so he can see it clearly.

I think you will see a jump in his learning now he can hear, he will probably complain about the noise at first.

Handwriting requires hand strength and control, encourage fun activities like painting, colouring, using dough or modelling clay, Lego or duplo to build these rather than making him copy over letter shapes.

We had the same conversation (I'm also currently a teacher) about DD2 at parents evening in Reception. I knew DD2 was a very bright little kid - possibly in the "savvy" rather than "outright academic" sense of things - and I think my reply to the teacher was that she'd probably be there or thereabouts academically - but possibly not in the nicely neatly evidenced manner needed to tick all the boxes on the profile.

End of the year - she hit all the end of year expectations (bar one that we'd discussed about the reasons behind the assessment being made the way it was (it was physical development and she was in the process of a dyspraxia diagnosis so fairly blooming obvious really). She has a gap between what she can do verbally (or increasingly using IT to record her work) and what she can record in written format - but despite this is still working at age related expectations (or greater depth) coming toward the end of year 1. Teacher will admit she misjudged that one initially (she's quite deceptive and comes across as "sweet but dippy" but is actually pin sharp when you get to know her)

Mine loved doing Teach Your Monster to Read on the tablet - and spellings we quite often do with either magnetic letters or typing the words (we use Clicker Docs on iPad but it's fairly expensive) - or being allowed to use "mummy's" (translate "bought for you guys but I'll happily play mind games to get you to fall for this" apple pencil to write the words on there). I get the odd whine from this year's teacher that I'm not laboriously using spelling learning for handwriting practice - but either send home handwriting, or send home spellings - we'll do either, but I'm not getting into a battle over letter formation and demoralising a child already realising she struggles with writing when it comes to learning some bloody spellings! (This year's class teacher I could write essays on) Considering we have OT reports telling us to give her a break from battling with handwriting every now and then and let her type - my conscience is clear on that one (and she's currently off school post-operation and writing lists of all her cuddly toys to do a register for their school so she will write voluntarily anyway).

Reception teacher here, feel free to ask me any questions specifically.

You seem to be feeling guilty about not sending to a private school, I disagree with this. They have the same standard of teachers, (often not as good actually) and do not support lower ability children as well. This may be due to my experiences but private education in no way means 'better' education.

You have mentioned a lot about reading, now you need to work on writing and maths. There needs to be a balance between expecting more from him but not pushing too much. Each day try to get him to write either his name, list, label a picture etc. Buy stationary he loves but don't just let him draw.

Hearing issues may account for a lot but don't solely rely on this as an explanation obviously he needs to catch up regardless but this could have had massive issues with phonics/writing.

Have you looked at the Early Learning Goals online and what he needs to do to be at the expected standard by July? There is A LOT! I would also ask his teacher to break down each area and his data for each area. Is he struggling in all areas? This would surprise me if he is. This should already be done for the end of spring term so you are not asking her for a lot of work, she should just be able to print it off. Do not wait until the end of the year, you could be catching up now to prepare him for Year 1.

Sorry if that has sounded quite sharp, I just wanted to give realistic advice. For what it's worth his school sounds on the ball and have communicated well with you. (One more thing to consider is his data at the end of nursery, this will tell you if he was behind then or if reception has been a specific issue)

Hello, new poster here, your post was so familiar I had to respond. In EYFS there are many quick interventions on what appear to be fractional differences in learning. These are really helpful and I think should be welcomed not cause for concern. My son needed 121 teacher time to read every school day for months and it has worked a treat. Also, I am hearing impaired and this was not addressed for me as a child but the feeling of finding learning a rewarding experience as a child has driven me to do very well academically so keep your focus on rewarding him for his interest and efforts. Just one more thing, another of my children has SEN (& summer born) though clearly very clever. Issues were raised from reception though diagnosis much later. I've had to learn that his journey is different to my journey and that I had expectations of him that were more about me. He's flying now but I had to address my own points of view before I could properly support him. Wishing you well.

Everything tends to settle at 7 and that’s why schools are reluctant to say oh it’s dyslexia etc unless it is VERY apparent.

So I would say give it time.

Sitting down and reading/writing is so boring and not very helpful for 4/5 year olds. Much much much better to work on the muscles and physicality needed for mark making such as-
Sweeping
Ribbon dancing
Drawing in sand/dirt
Moving things across his body/mid line.
Painting
Chalking
Using clays/doughs

Out and about read signs, numbers, menus, labels, notices

At home- apply math concepts- bake/cook talk about amounts being bigger or smaller. Buy items in the shop and count them. I need 5 apples, oh wait I need 2 more how many now? Bath time- fill and empty contains talk about less and more.

He doesn’t need table top activities at home on top of school. Read for pleasure and make it fun! I used to read with my children then after the book we would pretend we were on TV and interview each other asking questions about the story!

You’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself and him. I’d advise to chill out.

Hi OP. My DD is in y12 doing 4 A Levels and predicted A on all of them. She got all 8s and 9s at GCSE.

She did ok at primary school and all teachers said she was bright etc but she never really shone.

I believe the keys to my DD's success are (1) like your DS, she is clever (2) she reads and reads and reads (3) she wants to do well and works hard (4) she is intellectually curious.

As a parent of a young child, you can particularly encourage 2 and 4. Keep reading stories, even after they can read themselves and give them as many experiences as possible - museums, talking about how things work, gardening, trips abroad, sports etc etc etc