DS not achieving full potential at school

[BabyMommaDec2012]

Hi there - I’ve spoken on here about my DS before (6 yrs old in yr 1). As a recap, teachers struggle with his behaviour (he’s not violent/aggressive but he cant sit still, won’t always follow rules/instructions and sometimes refuses to do his school work... although, he will work at ‘mastery/greater depth level’ with ease he’s in the mood). He’s exceeding in reading but not meeting expected age related levels for writing and maths. This isn’t due to ability, it’s due to the school not having sufficient evidence of his ability because he doesn’t always complete the work they set for him. He’s under investigation by CAMHS for ASD/ADHD (should hopefully get the results soon). A recent Wechsler (WISC V) test has shown that he’s very bright but has an extremely low processing speed (he got average or high average for everything else).

In short, I’m unhappy with his school’s approach with him. It feels to me that although he may have some genuine issues with attention/hyperactivity, he’s basically taking the mick at school because his teachers are too soft with him. They’re honestly at a loss at what to do with him when he’s being non-compliant with his school work and they just seem to let him off with it even though he has 1:1 help for written exercises. I’ve asked for any work that he doesn’t complete to be sent home to be completed (we’re strict with him and there’s no way he’d even think of refusing to do school work at home!) but they say this would put too much pressure on him 🙄. I’ve also asked for them to share what he’s learning each week so that we can do extra work to support any gaps in his learning/understanding at home but they’ve refused this too (homework is v minimal and doesn’t always match what the pupils are currently learning - mostly random activities, some of which are arts/craft-based).

I feel like I’m banging my head against a brick wall with the school. Their nurturing approach is all very nice and all but my son (who responds well to strict discipline) is purely taking advantage of the situation and failing himself in the process. Obviously, he’s only 6 so he doesn’t realise this but he’s taking the easy option because he can. I get so angry with him for it sometimes but then I realise it’s not exactly his fault if the school are enabling him to behave this way.

I need to talk to the school again about this early in the new term but they’re so reluctant to listen to anything I have to say. I feel like a villain for even suggesting that my son should be performing better academically. They take what I say as an insult/criticism rather than simply recognising that I’m just trying to support my son at home so that he performs better at school (thereby making their lives easier too!). Any suggestions on what I can do... without having to change schools? (v difficult option as we would have to sell up and move house to send him to another school - there’s nothing else near to us).

I meant writing the second time not reading.

Agree with itdoesnthavetobefun.

You say if he does have some problem, it's very mild. I have a son who is similar, he was referred but never got diagnosis.

Ds was similar, had problem concentrating in ks1, but something has changed in ks2 and start to get on with his work. Maturity does have a big factor, I think.

How well your child do in ks1 academically doesn't really matter in long term, ime. If he isn't interested, forcing him to work extra at home may put him off even further. If they are interested, able child would do it.

I feel your frustration. Schools softly-softly approach can be very frustrating.

I do think you will get further once the diagnosis and then EP get involved.

In the meantime an email or 2, so you've got a paper trail might help:

The 'I'm puzzled' and confused - ie you play dumb, contradictory info : One minute I'm being told he's doing well and yet at parents evening, more information comes to light which contradicts that, you're finding out things that you hadn't been told before (which is not right) so try and subtly pin them down on that.

Have a look at "asynchronous development", and possibly "2e children".
6 is pretty young still, but they might help put you in touch with other people who are dealing with kids who have wildly different aptitudes. The 2e us gifted, plus a learning difficulty (like the ADHD, or possibly dysgraphia??? - maybe look that up too?)

It does seem to me to be an odd viewpoint, you have a child with slow processing, the things to devote time to are things which can train processing speed (it's not completely trainable of course, but specific areas can be improved) or otherwise removing barriers that processing speed also limits what they can achieve (e.g. loads of writing strength building so that it's really easy, rather than another thing which takes effort.)

He's good at the academic stuff, you know that, he has slow processing which makes it difficult to demonstrate. No need to spend more time on the stuff he's good at. Maybe a teacher could be more forceful and dictatorial in making him work, but extrinsic work motivation is pretty pointless, and as you say he can achieve without problem.

Compared to the attitudes he could acquire to learning (something you're forced to do) not demonstrating things everyone knows he can do is not much of a problem

DS2 was very like this at primary school. He was just constantly told off. Secondary school immediately requested assessments and uncovered ASD & ADD diagnoses. One issue he had was that fine motor skills were really hard for him. The effort of holding a pencil was so massive that he couldn't actually also write with it. They allowed him to type instead and his world was transformed.
Equally, he was very good at 'masking' his autism in class. But he was spending so much time trying to mirror 'normal' behaviour (how people sat, expressions on their faces, reactions to what the teacher said etc,) that he didn't actually take in any instructions. He's had a lot of support at secondary school and has improved massively.

Have you asked for them to also check his motor skills alongside his processing?

Your son’s profile sounds very similar to mine (11). My boy is diagnosed with ADHD and is very bright (IQ if you go by them is 134) and his reading age is 17+ but he is let down by extremely poor processing speed.
Mainstream school weren’t effective in meeting his needs because he didn’t fit neatly into their box. It was difficult for him, difficult for his teachers and his classmates.
He is now at an independent specialist school and doing well.
I don’t want to sound unkind but you sound quite pushy. We all want the best for our kids but sometimes happiness is better than academic achievement. I don’t think my son will ever fully meet his academic potential but he is a happy lad with many, many positive qualities. Life isn’t a race, he’ll get where he’s going in his own time.

It's quite common for kids who are pushed at home to play up in school. There's got to be a time to switch off. I would suggest doing less academic work at home.
Focus on sport/arts - he sounds like he needs an outlet for his energy not more worksheets.
Try learning in a more active way - we're both teachers and our kids learn stuff in school hols from us both. But we wouldn't dream of setting them written work.
So discuss the moon & space, look at rivers, climb a mountain . I honestly think you would see an improvement. If he likes reading that is amazing. Have you praised him for this? Or are you on him the whole time to do more writing??
DH teaches a really fidgety boy & parents keep sending him to kumon. DH keeps pleading with them to take him to do sport ax he is unable to sit still or take his turn.

What I have realised over the years is, just because the child shows early talent on something, it doesn't mean that is their passion.
My ds had/has really high reading age. He has great understanding of SPaG, and loves reading any text. He is likely to get GDS for KS2 Sats.
But his interest isn't literacy. He uses that talent for pursuing other things. In ks1, it wasn't that obvious, but now I can see quite clearly, he isn't interested in literacy as I expected him to be. Some child can do good with everything and carry on, but some may not.

I used to teach in r & 1
Where parents wanted a daily update, and it could be too overwhelming at pick up to discuss, I did a daily book.
Each day was broken into sections, 1 for each lesson, breaks were included if it was for behaviour.
Each lesson would get upto 3 stamps for great work/behaviour. So it's obvious for parents to reward great days at home.

You sound far too pushy
The child needs to enjoy going to school and I think at some point he’s going to kick back and won’t engage at all
Stop the work at home and focus on play based learning - word games reading books etc
He maybe dyslexic and struggles with remeberingball the instructions

Are they written down for him?

I e date tittle underline
Characters name -
Setting -

Etc etc
So he can follow what’s expected?

You are lucky he has a one to one - hard to come by

Three things spring to mind for me...

The scores from your son's assessment are average to top end of average, other than the one for processing speed. However, just as important is the "soft data" about how he went about the tests. This seems to indicate poor concentration, but we also have to bear in mind his young age.

If you do a lot of work with him at home 1-1, he will obviously achieve more than in the classroom, even if he has some TA support. He may be turned off by doing the same things at school that he has done at home. Also, some children I have taught have such strict parents doing work with them at home that they are happy to relax at school!

It sounds as if he would benefit from tasks being broken down into smaller chunks for him to achieve. And I would personally back off from structured work at home, and spend the time playing board games and reading stories instead.

I

Thanks for your replies.

For those of you saying that I should ease off doing school work at home, this will mean that there are some things that my son will never get enough practice/experience/knowledge/skills in. I can’t just sit there knowing this and do nothing to let him fail.

I’m probably coming across as an ogre but please let me assure you that my DS has a very fun and active social life. My weekends are dedicated to his play dates or activities. He’s by no means chained the the dining table working all hours! When he does his work well, he is praised to the high heavens... however, he doesn’t seek out praise for his good work and so it’s not a motivator for him (if that makes sense). He’s not a people pleaser when it come to academics. He’ll do something amazing, I’ll tell him it’s amazing and he usually just shrugs it off/disregards it. Again, a possible ASD trait in him.

I was worried that doing something like music lessons would be too pressurised for him because he struggles so much with everyday classroom lessons. I’ve always seen is as another (non-essential) thing for him to be told off for not doing properly if his mind is wandering and he gets distracted. However, some of you have suggested this and it’s also been suggested by musician friends of mine so I’ll reconsider.

Drumming is particularly good for fun, concentration, control and is therapeutic.

My dd would not cope with it, but I have tried quite a lot of other things, especially mindfulness. The only thing that seems to really calm her is physical activity, so we created a gym in the attic.

He is so young and I understand your concerns but honestly my biggest advice is to try to stop worrying and have faith in the professionals. This doesn't mean blind faith, do question them, but ultimately they are involved and want the best for your son too.

We have found in the last 6 months or so as my dd has begun to understand her mind better (we got the diagnosis only in Aug last year) that she is really shining. Her 'dyslexic advantage' is started to really become apparent.

The thing that jumps out to me is "When he does his work well, he is praised to the high heavens..."

I am unclear why you are setting him work. He is not being home-schooled.

The focus should be on working with the school so that he can learn to function well there. Realistically, he is one in a class of many, so he is not likely to have his own, separate, discipline/rewards system.

I should ease off doing school work at home, this will mean that there are some things that my son will never get enough practice/experience/knowledge/skills in.

Yet you're talking about the academic work he's doing at home is greater depth with ease, so he doesn't actually need any practice/experience/knowledge/skills to achieve what everyone else can.

He can do those things, it's just that something is stopping him in other settings. For me, that suggests work on the things stopping him, not on more academic work. i.e. do things that strengthens all the muscles required to write, play games that improve processing speed, get seriously aerobically fit (which might help processing speed)

To me, you're working to help mask the issue, rather than address the issue, you're unlikely to change the processing speed to amazing levels, but you can improve it.

Why do you think he actually needs the academic help? The primary school curriculum is full of repetition and practice, he's got years of doing pretty much the same stuff as year 1, just building on the foundations a little more.

I think it depends what you are working on at home?
Imo mid yr 1 the work does get a bit harder. And taught in a strange way, number bond, partitioning etc.
Possibly he didn't really need to concentrate in reception. As apart from reading there isnt much else.

I do agree about the strictness at school. Ours seems strict about behaviour but not work. My dc is very similar, doesnt finish the work so is getting less practice. So we are in a similar situation with doing lots at home. I thimk it is the case anyway that lots of kids would need reinforcement at home. That is why i think a little homework is valuable as

• it helps parents to see how much kids are struggling more often than at reports.

Gives kids possibly 1-2-1 practice.

I wonder if it would help some kids to get stickers/awards for doing well. Ours are not given for what they do well at they are random.

Also statistics show that kids who start off ahead can stay there so any that get behind can be in trouble.
I realise a lot more now that strict intelligence has a lot less affect than i would have thought for kids. Personality is key.

as @sirfred says - working specifically (as opposed to general maths/English) on what he finds hard may help him at school.

But the other thing is to get him to concentrate on the task set before him and not be distracted. And listen to instructions when you are not present. Some of that may just come with maturity, but probably some can be taught.

Your son is reasonably able cognitively but he has poor processing speed. You cannot just ignore this as part of understanding why he struggles in aspects of his learning.

The pen to paper aspect of the test may be influencing the score, but his visual spatial processing isn't equally poor which would make me suspect that you have tapped into attention and/ or processing rather than "writing". Especially since he was unable to maintain attention in a quiet one to one in the clinical psych's office. He is only 6 though so he is the bottom end of using the wisc assessment (why didn't they use wppsi? The same test for younger children?)

An Ed psych will never advise punishments or being very harsh to make a child confirm. Most of us believe that children do well when they can. Most children want to please adults and they mostly know and understand what is expected of them. Your ds knows, I assume, that he should sit still and do his work. He likes getting it right. Therefore the reason he isn't, is not lack of motivation but lack of capability. This is very probably linked to attention or processing difficulties.

Please don't think that whatever he has is "mild". If he is found to be neurodiverse, whatever he has is already setting him apart from his peers in terms of his ability to confirm to expectations in his education setting, and he's only 6. This probably means it is quite a significant difficulty. That score of 63 would put him in the lowest 4 or so percent of his age in terms of ability to sustain attention and process simple tasks at speed. That isn't what I would call a mild problem. Bless him.

Correction - standard score of 63 is bottom 1 percent.

babymomma you haven't said if he does any sport? If you look at the private school model where academic achievement is often good, there is a massive focus on sport. Boys need lots of physical activity. They need to be outdoors lots. Girls do too, but honestly not as much as boys. Where is he getting this outlet?
Lots of people have said to ease off the academic work at home. I am also interested in how well you and DH performed academically? Are you both highly academic and so want to make sure he does as well as you? Or did either of you struggle with some aspects. If so, then he might not be a natural academic. Not all children are. We need to accept them for what they are.

Floatingthroughspace - I take it from your msg that you’re an Ed Psyc. What you’re saying matches what we’ve heard from the Ed Psycs that have assessed our son (ie - he would do it in school if he could). However, he can do it and home and openly admits that he doesn’t do it at school because (in his own words) he doesn’t have to. The lack of strictness/discipline from the school is enabling this attitude. I agree that his extremely low processing speed does indicate a problem but he is able to do the work when he ‘has’ to or when he feels like it (he occasionally produces outstanding work at school when he’s in the mood for it). This is what is causing us confusion and frustration.

converseamdjeans - my DS doesn’t do a formal sport but he regularly rides his bike in the local park and we don’t have a car so we walk everywhere. He’s fit and physically active - always running and jumping around.

His dad and I both have postgrad degrees - we were smart kids who liked and valued education. My DS is far smarter than I was at his age - it’s heartbreaking to think that all the intelligence might be wasted because he won’t apply himself in school. I know he’s only 6 but he’s so fixed on his negative attitude towards school that I can’t imagine it ever changing.

Namenic - at home, we concentrate on areas that he is most reluctant to do/struggles with at school (writing such as retelling stories, a diary of his weekend/daily activities, making up stories) and then do basic maths that are addition/subtraction based just to keep his mind sharp (he actually likes doing maths at home because it means less writing 😉).

Babymomma - with respect, your ds is 6 and very probably doesn't have the language or the introspection to explain why he can't do the work in the same way as his friends. He is unlikely to say "well I know I should do the work but I am unable to maintain my attention or process the orally given information at the same rate as my peers".

Whatever language he uses to explain his difficulties, that very low processing speed indicates a genuine difficulty in attention or information storage and retrieval which WILL be impacting him academically.