Positive experiences of summer-born starting school

[Newoneagain]

I’ve recently started to feel quite panicky at the thought of my August-born DS starting school next year when he’ll just have turned 4.

I know there are options to explore for starting reception later or even applying to join the following year but I’m so confused about what to do.

Part of me feels like he’d be ok because as a 2.5 year old he seems very bright and confident, thrives at nursery and activities, talks very well etc. However he’d be close to a whole year younger than other kids and I feel so guilty and sad thinking that he might struggle and constantly feel inferior compared to others who are more able due to being older.

On the other hand I hear of several sept-borns being bored and complacent as they’re older than most of their peers so if we were able to hold him back a year it might not be good for him anyway.

Does anyone have any experiences they can share? Anecdotally my DH and I are both summer-born and never struggled particularly. I didn’t even realise this was an issue until reading about it on parenting forums and seen that there’s a whole load of research into how disadvantaged summer-Borns are.

Trust me, I know plenty about disadvantaged kids and the challenges they face.

But who are you to say not to worry? My son would not have coped with starting school at 4 years and a few days. I know summerborns can excel, I am one and I did. But they are more likely to struggle than their older counterparts. They are more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD. They are less likely to achieve good results at GCSE and A level (the gap narrows but is still there).

If I felt my child would be ok starting school at 4 I would have sent him. But I know him and I know this is the right decision for him.

Have been in your shoes I also have an August born I thought seriously about trying to delay him starting but in the end went with it and it really has been fine. He enjoyed school from day 1. He's now in Year 1. I would say his reading/writing is generally not as good as
SOME of the older children but teacher assures me he is catching up fast and the older they get the less gap there is generally.

The only time I got annoyed was at sports day. He did really well and got into the final of a sprint race but had no chance against some autumn horns who you could tell were much physically "older" and therefore able to run much faster.

Also I would say that in the last few
Months before stating school they do grow up an awful lot so I think you're panicking unnecessarily at this stage (though I admit I did as well!)

I have never encountered a parent who isn't middle class/privileged trying to delay school.
There were two mothers who looked into this very intensively (though eventually decided not to delay ) in my son's primary intake of 32 children for the year. I think the class element of this argument is irrelevant. Quite apart from anything else, even if it were a middle class preoccupation, that does not necessarily make it a bad thing. The middle classes seem to have a reasonable handle on gaining advantage IME.

Tbh it is not about gaining advantage it is avoiding being disadvantaged just because of birth date. I would have been happiest with a jan/feb dc so they are middle socially etc.
I think it's possible some WC people may not read or understand the choices and research. They may not be as questioning about why, when children are all being taught the same, the youngest consistently do worse.
It could be cost althought you still get the 15/30h or it could be they prefer to get the dc into a routine and believe that teachers will do their best for the children.
Plus they are more likely to assume their child would be bright enough for uni so dont want to risk it. Also they may better understand the psychological affects on dc of being bottom despite trying so hard, always last.
Being MC they are likely educated and value it imagine certain jobs for their dc.
But we are certainly not mc.
The experience we have is of adhd in the wider family, severe dyslexia. And a dc who went too early so it is hard to distinguish any issues from being one of the younger ones.
I do feel that LA and schools rejecting CSA starts show their true colours. It is no skin off their nose they dont want parents to do it 'just because'. The evidence is clear there are no advantages to being youngest. (The only thing i can think is that for girls you may be finished uni etc younger so may be that year younger having dc (fertility).
And SEN is unlikely to be diagnosed at 3.5yo when you apply for schools.
The gov opinion is the same, otherwise they wouldnt be changing admissions. I think the only reason it is not a tick box is because some uninformed HT etc argued against it.

DS2 is mid July born. When he started school, he'd not long dropped his lunch time nap. He was toilet trained but not to a high level of proficiency. We practised carrying a tray of food for lunch times but he ended up taking a packed lunch anyway. He was still quite anxious separating, despite going to 2 different preschools each week. And slightly on the shy side. But do you know what? He was absolutely fine. It was a 3 form entry so admittedly he was in a class with other younger children for Foundation stage but they were all mixed up together for lots of activities.
He is quite clever so I was never bothered that he wouldn't learn his phonics etc along with everyone else.
So, basically, he was not as able, practically/ emotionally/ academically as many of the other children but it didn't bother him in the slightest. I don't even think HE was aware of it!
Foundation stage was perfect preparation for Year 1. He was near the top in SATs by Yr6.

DS2 was born the last few days of July. At first I considered looking at holding him back a year, but it became clear that he was holding his own with the other kids in nursery who would start school at the same time as him so I let him start as usual. Very glad I did, as he has thrived at school, has just become the first Free Reader (sorry, had to get that boast in there as he came home so chuffed bless him ) in his class. His maths is exceeding targets, reading is the same and great, but most important of all he enjoys school, has made lots of friends easily, has always been more outgoing and confident than his older Nov born brother (maybe that's just confidence borne of having a bug brother so getting to know lots of older kids before he started school though?). I find it odd to think he'll be sitting all his GCSE exams at 15 though, it sounds so young! He'll get some extra marks added onto his 11+ exam results too, if he fancies the grammar up the road, which can only help

I'm a mid August baby and DD, age 6 is an end of august baby.

I have a degree and professional qualification.

DD settles into school well and is at the higher end of the class ability wise, fluent reader age 5. No problems at all.

It's so child dependant, so don't worry just because he is summer born x

My children were both summer born. They had some difficulties to start with, but they were just the same as the other younger children in the class. The teacher made allowance for the younger ones.

After a few years, you couldn't see any difference, and they both did very well academically and both have the careers that they wanted.

I think most children cope well. Maybe if your child has special needs and is also the youngest and the most immature, it might be more of a struggle.

I've just reread my LEA's policy document and it makes it clear that whilst parents have the right to defer entry until the term after they turn 5 parents can request entry into a lower year group (Reception) and then sets out the process to be followed and what documentation/evidence is needed to show that the child is developmentally or socially delayed. Application to defer must be made by the admissions deadline (mid January). The decision to allow the request will be made by a Panel convened by the admissions authority. If entry to a lower age group is allowed the decision will be reviewed in Year 5, again by the panel (again taking in the views of the parents and Headteacher) and if the child has caught up developmentally, socially etc he/she will be moved into year 6 (if there is room) but will start secondary with their age cohort. Panel decision to be made before close of secondary admissions. This all applies to community and voluntary controlled schools only. I assume academies have their own policies. In my LEA most Secondary schools are Academies, so this could all be incredibly stressful when applying for a secondary school.
I know that Nick Gibb MP stated in a letter (September 2015) that following public consultation in due course and subject to Parliamentry approval that the law would be amended so that a child who had been admitted out of year group would remain with their cohort, but from what I can find there hasn't been any change to the law yet so the 2014 Admission code still stands and the code states:

Where a child has been educated out of their normal age group, the parent may again request admission out of the normal age group when they transfer to junior or secondary school. It will be for the admission authority of that school to decide whether to admit the child out of their normal age group. They must make a decision on the basis of the circumstances of each case and in the child’s best interests, and will need to bear in mind the age group the child has been educated in up to that point.

When my Dgs1, summer born currently in Year 1, started school he had been four for two weeks so my dd considered deferring his entry but his Nursery teacher advised that 'he would fly' in Reception and that, together with the uncertainty about whether he would remain with his cohort after primary, convinced her to not to defer. The Nursery teacher was right he has thrived - his handwriting was his weakness but Reception teachers are well aware that motor control may be an issue for summerborns and my dgs was well supported and met expectations at the end of Reception. My dgs2 is also summerborn and due to start school in a couple of years so my dd will be doing her research again next year.

@Newoneagain, you're in exactly the position I was a year ago. My DS is August-born and will always be the youngest in his year. He is bright but emotionally quite young for his age. We agonised over what to do - well, I agonised.

We've decided he is actually going to start this September, days after his 4th birthday. This is partly because of the difficulty around finding a school which was willing to support deferred entry to reception - our nearest school, which we really like in every other way (and which current childminder covers) is an academy and totally inflexible on this.

We could have easily ended up in a situation where we got a school which decided after discussion not to support deferral into reception and have him start in Year 1, or start days after his 4th birthday but have to change all our wraparound care arrangements. For our situation and our area, it felt like too much of a gamble. Your situation and your area, of course, may be quite different.

There is also the question of what is right now might not be further down the line. So while DS may have benefited from a later start, he might then get bored as one of the oldest in the year.

What has reassured me has been seeing him start school nursery, a term after he "should" have done - he is absolutely thriving and it has really made me feel more confident about his ability to cope in school. So I would say not to panic - I was panicking a year ago, and agonising, and researching. But children change so much in a year, and I now feel more confident that my DS will be fine. Fingers crossed yours will be too, whatever you decide.

Korvalscat
1 no evidence is needed just being summer born.
2 there is no deadline on making the request.

I think the above just shows how LA will write stuff in their admissions info which is purposely incorrect and doesnt follow guidance/legislation.
I can see why they want CSA applications before the jan deadline,
A)it takes time to look at,
B)check with schools,
C) a deadline may put some unsure parents off.
D) many parents may not realise how far behind their dc is by the jan dealine as less than 3.5yo and there is still 8m till starting school or are unsure
E) it is also easier for LA to decline as the child is very young and would possibly not have evidence of delays as speech and language may be later.

I also see why they want evidence, as they want to be able to decline some straight away. And argue over others. But as i say they dont need it.

Thanks for sharing your experiences. I am actually part of the flexible admissions for summer borns Facebook group but feel like it’s a bit of an echo chamber in terms of only discussing disadvantages of being the youngest in the year and advantages of being held back a year so I thought I’d see a more fair discussion from both sides here. I also have an 8 wk old which I think is adding to the guilt and feeling sad/panicked about DS suddenly growing up!
It’s been really helpful to read other experiences though and how other parents have made the decision. I don’t think I will hold him back a year- partly because I don’t think he would be allowed (I see lots of stories of premature children with speech delays etc who have still been refused to decelerate by their LA) plus I wouldn’t want him to be bored and/or feel out of place. I don’t think he’s particularly “ahead” but people do comment that he’s bright so maybe he’ll follow that trajectory! I have no concerns apart from him being close to a year younger than others. I definitely feel like he’s at a massive disadvantage physically, mentally, emotionally but we’re doing all we can to help him be ready when it comes to it.
There was a nursery practitioner who said the only option is to start at yr1 at 5 yrs old- this is definitely incorrect information. Will try and copy and paste something on this from a reliable at some point when both children are asleep!

It’s frustrating how this is a thing now, lots of my friends now having children plan for September babies so they’re most advanced and I genuinely never realised this was a thing until now!

@Helix1244 maybe it depends on your LA. I was looking at the application last night out of interest and they request medical information and information from preschool backing your concerns.

@FranklinTheCat - really interesting to read that, thanks. Good luck this September! Be great if we can continue with this discussion as a bit of a support board. Most support groups I read are for parents of children delaying school so it would be great to see how the other option works and what we can do to help our children.

Children vary a lot in their maturity at the same age. You are best placed to decide whether your own child is ready for school or not.
My DD1 was an August baby.
I didn’t hold her back.
She got 5 straight A’s in her Highers and again in her Advanced Highers, took a maths degree at Durham and now has a well paid graduate job in finance. She’d have been bored silly if Id kept her home for a further year before primary.

But Babdoc Highers are Scotland so Aug not youngest?

Yes LAs are asking for info but it is not needed.
Many LAs are in fact acting illegally by having a blanket policy.
Imo opinion most dc will be fine as the youngest, they may not even realise or care. They may struggle to start with a bit.
But some really immature behaving would do better in the year below and would impact the rest of the class less.
Apparently the difference at gcse is sept girl would achieve a grade higher than an Aug boy.
Nice placid child who tries their hardest probably do ok.

@Newoneagain, very up for online mutual support! Feel free to PM too if you'd rather. Totally get what you mean about an echo chamber - I joined that group and while there was some very useful stuff on there, clearly most people supported deferral. In contrast, on our local Facebook group, virtually nobody had chosen to defer.

Part of what put me off, if I'm honest, was the idea of getting into a battle with the school before my child even started there. I'm probably being wussy and obviously I'm not afraid to stand up for my child's interests but I didn't really want to start out relationship with a school on a negative note.

DD is late July born and up until she started school she was still having a long nap every afternoon!! She was however very sociable and eager to learn so she took to school like a duck to water!
She’s now year 6 and although is not top of the class she’s is bright, where she should be or above in the core subjects, happy, and has never had any major problems at school either socially, physically, or academically.

My youngest is a November baby and due to hearing problems due to glue ear was very behind in infants. Also he prefers to be physical - climbing trees, building Lego, etc rather than sitting down reading etc!
So you can’t say that autumn born is automatically bright and clever and simmer born way behind.

We have just gained confirmation that our August-born son can start Reception the week after he turns five. We had no real reason other than him being a few days off being in the next year.

I recognise that this is an unpopular decision on here, but we feel it is right for our child. If we had not done this, he would be sat in a classroom, with daily homework and no explorer time most days, the week after he turns five (year one). Our Autumn-born year one still struggles with this and comes home mental exhausted, but with lots of physical energy which is difficult for him to expell. Many of the other children are similar, and many Reception children are still incredibly tired, more than half way through their first year. We decided to give DS another year of not dealing with this, in the hope that by being a bit older, he would be better able to manage it all.

As some people have said, this does seem more common among ‘middle class’ parents. I think this is partly an education thing. Many parents don’t even realise it is an option, and even if they do, gaining information, completing forms and ‘playing the game’ is quite complicated in many areas, and requires confidence, research and time. Similarly, it costs most families more to keep their child at home for an extra year (another year as a SAHP, another year if topping up nursery fees or whatever), meaning that financially, it may not be an option for everyone.

We are lucky that we have a very good nursery who are able to support children at whatever level they are at, and which also provides a home-schooler package, so staff are not reluctant to look after the oldest children in nursery, and can stimulate them. Similarly, the school DS will almost certainly go to (village catchment, close to home with older sibling in attendance) is academic and pushes quite quickly once the children are in, so I do my think DS2 will get bored. And in fact, very few Autumb-born children realistically do get bored, because they have not covered the curriculum before.

@Equimum, that sounds great - and definitely not an unpopular decision on Mumsnet. I felt very strongly encouraged to go down the same route here yet very strongly encouraged to stick with the status quo on local Facebook - I think you're absolutely right there's an education point here in terms of awareness.

You've actually articulated a lot of my concerns here! I think it's such a personal decision. Fingers crossed we've both made the right choices - I have really agonised about whether we're doing the right thing.

YR children are not exceptionally tired after a day at school. Mine did activities such as dance and gym after school and it was a struggle to get them into bed at 8pm. They were August and May babies. I just don’t recognise this idea that the children cannot cope. A tiny number maybe but some of the less well adjusted boys were Autumn born. They just were more slow to settle. It’s not necessarily age related and SEN, sometimes mild, can make a difference too.

One of my summer borns got 9A* s at GCSE and a place at Oxford. As others have said, holding this type of child back would be counter productive.

This is definitely a MC choice. You never have this conversation in deprived areas where half the children should delay entry!! Never hear about this on MN though !

Franlin, I hope it all works out well for you.

Bubble, I completely agree that it is different for individual children and that some summerborns will cope very well. I would, however, say that Reception has changed a lot in recent years, and I assume from your children’s wonderful achievement, that they are older. My friend’s mum has just retired from teaching KS1, and she is adamant that what is expected of year R and year 1 children is way beyond what it was even ten years ago, which I think makes a bit difference for many children.

My autumn born DD1 is currently in reception and is not tired after a day at school. She does gymnastics, rainbows, piano lessons and ballet after school and would do more if she could (currently asking to do hockey). She is also one of those who has been getting bored, and has been moved into a mixed yr 1/yr 2 phonics group. But obviously that’s just her. DD2 is July born and is starting school in September. I anticipate her being more tired than her sister to start with but don’t think it will take her long to get into the swing of things.

Equimum it’s not an unpopular decision/opinion on mumsnet - that was the exact reason I wanted to start a conversation about the other option.

Hopefully we’re all doing the right thing, it’s a very personal choice and I guess we just have to go by what we think will work best for our children.