Positive experiences of summer-born starting school

[Newoneagain]

I’ve recently started to feel quite panicky at the thought of my August-born DS starting school next year when he’ll just have turned 4.

I know there are options to explore for starting reception later or even applying to join the following year but I’m so confused about what to do.

Part of me feels like he’d be ok because as a 2.5 year old he seems very bright and confident, thrives at nursery and activities, talks very well etc. However he’d be close to a whole year younger than other kids and I feel so guilty and sad thinking that he might struggle and constantly feel inferior compared to others who are more able due to being older.

On the other hand I hear of several sept-borns being bored and complacent as they’re older than most of their peers so if we were able to hold him back a year it might not be good for him anyway.

Does anyone have any experiences they can share? Anecdotally my DH and I are both summer-born and never struggled particularly. I didn’t even realise this was an issue until reading about it on parenting forums and seen that there’s a whole load of research into how disadvantaged summer-Borns are.

It's such a new thing to be so worried. Of my older three, 2 are summer born, 1 is winter - and the one who is most far ahead at school was born in August - hes in year 1 now and joins the year 2 class for English, it would have been a disaster if he'd started a year later! He was emotionally a little younger than some of the others, but reception is very much a play environment and the teacher was so supportive of the little ones - for the first few weeks he took his favourite soft toy in his bag so he could go and peep in if he felt alone, and then after that has been confident and fine!
I think that you often can see the difference in reception and year 1, but by later years it's evened out a lot. The research is at a population level, so while it's real overall, on an individual level it depends so much on the child. It makes far more difference what kind of environment you provide at home.
There's also plenty you can do to help them be ready - not so much the academic stuff, but making sure they are confident with getting coats and clothes on and off, that they can sit quietly for a short time and take turns, and if (like mine) they struggle a bit with managing emotions still, help them with ways to calm and to feel connected.

Both my children are Summer born, both went to a very good selective school and to university. They both went to preschool and nursery attached to school so were well settled when they went in to Reception with no problems at all.

My summer born is now 21. I didn't know this was a thing then and she just went to school as normal. It was all fine. Generally top of her class all the way through , and is a straight a student with a first class law degree.

What makes a kid ready is about many th8ngs, not just age, socialisation, independence, etc and your kid won't be the youngest by a year, there will be other summer born, and kids a month older, two months older etc.its a whole spectrum of ages.

My end-of-July DD was far more ready for school than her November-born older brother was.
And remember - the class includes children born throughout the year. They will be not quite a year younger than maybe 2-3 children; they will only be 6months or less behind half the class. And that's assuming average distribution. My DD ended up in a class where the first birthday wasn't until half way through October!
I think it really does depend on the child.

Like you OP I am summer born and don’t really remember it being a thing. I loved being the youngest girl in the school, until someone new joined who had a birthday the day after me. I was not impressed! That really is the only thing I remember about it. However, I was quite academic, reading before I started school and loved school. I would have hated waiting another year.

DS is winter born so can’t comment on him. However, I used to help in his class at Primary School. Obviously I can only comment on my observations but there were a couple of just turned 4yo boys who really struggled. There was also an even younger 4yo girl who thrived. Again, very academic, very sporty, very confident. She would have missed out on delaying a year. However, there were also September born girls and boys who struggled, and always struggled. So sometimes it can just depend on the child not their age.

I got to know the parents of the 4yo boys as they were friends of DS. One mum was desperate for her son to have a delayed start, but in those days it would just have meant bypassing YR and going straight into Y1, which wouldn’t really have helped. The other mum, although her son struggled, had said that if the option had been available to start YR a year later she wouldn’t have taken it as wouldn’t want her son to be the different one in class. The other mum would have been overjoyed if that option had been available. When helping in class it was quite obvious he was one of the younger ones, as he was never as mature as the others, didn’t help he was little as well.

I suppose what I am saying is, see what your son is like nearer the time. It’s not all about ‘academics’ either, if they struggle with social stuff, getting dressed etc, it may be that delaying might be an option.

It's worth remembering he won't be almost a year younger than all the other kids, there might be 1 or 2 with a September birthday, 1 or 2 October etc etc spread throughout the year, there will probably even be some other summer born kids so he won't be the only one.

For what it's worth my birthday is at the end of August and I never had an issue at school.

To be honest, it depends on the child. We have a late August child and we didn't hold her back , academically she's fine, she needs support but that's because she Dyslexic..however, I think she's quite immature and she has a few friends in the year below her and she's more like them, than her actual year group.

THAnks, these have made me feel a bit more positive about the situation. Since the start of this year I’ve felt really anxious thinking he’ll be starting next year! (Even though it’s 18 months away)

I guess I’ll see how he gets on at pre school and if they have any feedback/insight into how ready he seems when it comes to it.
The other thing about deferring (if we were able to) is that I’d be worried about him being bullied for staying back a year. Think I’ve been reading too much into it that it’s feeding my anxiety.

And yes I do need to remember that it’s a spectrum- there’ll be other summer-Borns so it won’t be all of these bigger kids and then him, although it’s likely he’ll be the youngest as he’ll turn 4 just days before school starts :(

It’s weird how it’s such a thing now! Hopefully he’ll be like me and DH and not even notice

@Stuckforthefourthtime your message was really helpful thank you

My son is one of the youngest, academically he was more than ready but when it came to getting dressed/undressed for PE and general organisation he did struggle but then again maybe thats just his laid back personality, overall he was ready. I cant imagine him having stayed at nursery another year, they were already teaching him to read so he needed school.

DS1 is summer born (late August) and has always been bright and social, so he has had no trouble at all (now in Y7).

DH and I are both summer born too (though not quite so close to the 1st Sept deadline) and can't remember it being an issue.

My DH was an August baby who did ok. The first few years were harder but the fact that he had the sort of parents who took an interest in his schooling counteracted it.

Summer-born DS was fine. He'd been to full-time nursery and was able to get dressed/undressed. It probably helped that he was my second child so was joining his older sibling. He did need to join the "funky fingers" club but might have needed to do so anyway!

Some of the little ones used to have a nap in the reading corner in Reception.

Both mine are summer born. I didn’t give it a thought either! Both were very confident about starting school. More than ready as they had outgrown nursery. They didn’t really play in YR because the curriculum was imaginative and they didn’t nap either. Napping was given up at least a year earlier. They were able to undress and dress after PE, put shoes on properly, take full part in Christmas show and parents assembly and lots of other things.

There were a few who were not entirely ready for school. Mostly boys and definitely not all summer born! SEN children need longer to settle. No two children are the same at any point in their school careers. Most schools have a spread of abilities, backgrounds and personalities. Summer born children can be just as integrated as everyone else. If he’s confident he’ll love school.

Why would he feel inferior?

I sometimes wonder if there's much more to it that just simply being summer birthdays that causes the issues.
Whether it's simply that issues are brushed over because "they're a summer born boy, they'll grow out of it" so not helped to develop out of it. Or even whether there's something to do with being born in the autumn is better for children!
I was at Oxbridge where there is a predominance of September/October/November birthdays. However of those I knew probably between 1/4 and 1/3 had actually at some point been put up a year (or two!). So were younger than the summer birthdays. So I don't think it's as simple as just summer born is harder.
I think it's very interesting, and it would be interesting looking at other countries who have different cut off points.

I have 2 winter born girls and a summer born boy.
One of the girls was ready to start and is right in her year. The other I think would have been better the year above. That's been true since the start of school, and still is true at the top end of secondary.
Then ds! He had a rocky start to school. Hated it, still isn't desperately keen at secondary. Had a funny moment at the start of this year when he watched a new starter at the infants skipping down the road. "Look how excited they are," he said. Then sighed in an elderly type way. "They'll grow out of that."

He was just about ready to start school around summer term in year 1. He just wasn't ready before then. If I could have held him back I would have done.

But round about year 4 he settled down. He's now secondary and I can tell you he'd be bored stiff and being a pain in the neck if I'd held him back. I'm now very glad I didn't have the option, as it wouldn't be right now and I wouldn't have the option of changing.

So that's the problem. It may be right now. But will it stay right? In my ds' case, it would have been wrong. In dd's case, I think it would have been better all along to have gone up a year.
They're all equally bright, so it's not so much to do with that as personality and the more social side.

Around the world the youngest do worse. It is obviously common sense.
They are being taught stuff before they are ready
They have shorter attention span
They are shorter than in 12m time
Their motor skills arent as good
And now we teach in sets and ability groups they have to make extra progress and overtake to move up.
The sept may have the more sensible group of friends who are in the top sets are more confident and in sports teams.

The ks1/ks2 etc results are all clearly distributed by age. Not surprisingly as at ks1 jun-aug are not even 7 yet (vs sept who are 7.8yo.) and so even sitting for 30min for tests let alone having the reading writing and maths skils. Gcse alevel and entry to uni are all affected.
But obviously individual children may be ok. If they are bright and parents are bright, if they are exceptionally tall, sport. But i think 1-30 ratio is very low at 4.0yo and playtime seems even worse.
I think the majority of kids are ok even aug borns. Unless they are very hyper and so dont pay attention in leasons. The kids who have struggled at school were obvious by the settling in sessions (quite hyper, not listening to instructions or sharing), they are behind socially mostly not invited to parties. These are not necessarily the youngest and they still struggle more than the others now going into ks2. So other factors are probably most important. However i also know kids who have deferred and they may well keep up, have friends etc when they wouldnt before.
Basically writing particularly at just 4yo isnt developmentally appropriate.

One of mine was very tired in term 1 and fell asleep as soon as she got home. The other was fine.

They both have good jobs and are post graduates and doing well.

My son is July born and when he started school he did seem very young. It didn't help that he was one of the only boys who hadn't been to the nursery. He was shy and didn't want to run around on the playground with boys he didn't know so stayed inside the first few weeks :(. You could also see a massive difference between the September/Oct born and the summer children. When he started he could barely write his name (hated learning at nursery) and struggled with phonics - just didn't 'get' it.

HOWEVER by year 1 they gave him extra help with reading and it just clicked for him. He made friends by the end of the first time in reception. Over time he has grown in skills and confidence. In reception, if they had measured them academically he would've been near the bottom. Now in year 4 he is near the top. So he's fine.

Saying all that, watching my 4-year-old girl now who will enter into reception at nearly five, it's clear she has a massive advantage over him. She is already writing, loves learning, is shy in personality but much more confident learning. She knows some girls who will be in her class. She has another half a year of nursery to go.

I don't regret letting my son join as a summerborn (I don't think I could move him then). He might've been bored after another year of nursery and he's happy in his year group. But I do think he needed more at-home support (reading, emotional) than his sister will do.

My twins were due end of September but born 30 August. I was concerned how they'd do but the only issue really was tiredness (they'd only dropped their nap a month before starting school). I made sure that year 1 they had no after school clubs and scheduled quiet weekends for the first term. The first term they'd fall asleep in the car in the way home, wake for dinner then be in bed for 6.30pm. After Christmas they were less tired and by year 1 it wasn't an issue at all. Ability wise they are just above average but confidence wise, they have that by the bucket load, and common sense. Dd1 is a Feb baby and academically brilliant but low confidence (9/10 is a failure to her) and no common sense at all.

Dtds are very creative. I think they've found it hard seeing other dc in the class jump ahead but they've learned good resilience and dtd1 is particularly good at celebrating other dc's successes.

I think summerborns may come out of school more ready for work than September baby as they're used to having others around them doing better so more resilient. Just a theory. Dc are 11 and 7 so too early to really tell.

My autumn born DD1 started school last September and I have a summer born DD starting this September. There is a definite difference in maturity levels between DD1 this time last year and DD2 now. However I’m not worried about her starting school. She already dresses herself, has managed all her own toileting for a while, is really interested in learning her letters and is extremely sociable. This time last year DD1 was reading, and could read fluently by the time she started school. DD2 will be nowhere near that academically but as long as she can dress/toilet/follow instructions/make friends etc then im happy.

My DS born 27 August is starting Oxford University this autumn. He will be around the youngest I understand but still managed to achieve an offer.

In most schools, it would not be a problem, and the difference in maturity will fade out as they grow up. The only time you might need to "worry" is if you want to sit him for 7/8+ exams for very selective schools. To complete at a very young age with up to a year's difference at top level is, however, tough. If that is not your plan, then sit back and relax, he will be fine.

I'm a foundation stage school nursery nurse. Please stop worrying, holding off starting school just doesn't work, your ds will simply miss F2 and skip straight to year 1 therefore missing such a fundamentally important year of school.
I mean this in the kindest of ways but this is only ever something that middle class, often highly educated parents consider. Believe me being the youngest in the class is far less detrimental than being from a family with a dire living situation, terrible financial woes etc
Your ds will be fine and the skills and experiences he gains by attending school in his foundation year, will massively outweigh any potential drawbacks of being the youngest.

I am stating my summerborn DS in reception a year later. There’s absolutely no way he was starting school at just 4. It’s crazy! If I could move somewhere formal schooling doesn’t start til 6 or 7 I definitely would! It’s not just reception to think about, it’s the jump in expectations in year 1.

If you want more information join the Facebook group flexible school admissions for summerborns. Maybe that will help you decide.