worrying again about my non-writing, non-drawing reception aged child!

[HonoriaGlossop]

I have posted before about how I think my ds' school have somewhat high expectations of the reception children and that I've tried to really remain calm about what ds does this year; he's the youngest in the school, August birthday and basically, he wasn't ready for school. He managed to settle in fantastically and has done all I could have hoped for in terms of behaving absolutely beautifully and making some friends, and basically coping in the very hectic (30 kids) class environment.

So he's great.

But as he finishes reception I'm really trying to remain strong and not care about his 'output' at this stage, I don't want to be pushy or make him anxious and I want him to have his freedom when he comes out of school.

So what he DOESN'T do is:
Read at all - he can recognise maybe 5 words?
Write any letters recognisably really, even his name
Draw recognisably - he knows what he's drawing, but it would not be recognisable to anyone - he also doesn't care about how it looks - he'll put his drawing say, right down at a bottom corner of the paper so that he doesn't have room for it or it goes accross a border or something and makes no visual sense at all!

OK, so what I want to know is, and be honest, do you think he may have some sprt of problem? His teacher has said "if that's where he is, fine" in the past but I know his skills aren't keeping up - saw all the kids little 'diaries' today and ALL of them are at least writing their name very clearly. Many doing detailed drawings, neatly coloured, one even a detailed map!

So any thoughts? Should I do anything, is there anything to be done or is this normal for other 4 yr olds - it doesn't seem normal is ds class!

Thanks if you've got this far

What has school suggested? They really should be supporting hima nd helping him, if they believe he is falling a bit behind. It is still very early days, but the Y1 teacher should be aware of the abilities of allt he pupils going into their class and should be putting systems in place to help all of tem.

As you are obviously concerned I would go in and speak to the YR teacher and ask for more information.

yes he can cut with scissors - finds it very hard though, and it's not tidy (nothing he does could be described as tidy!)

He has been expected to use right handed scissors though. He's very strongly left handed. We have left handed scissors, pencil sharpener and pencil grip at home.

yes agree iwth malory

they will know - they knew dd1 wasnt but as they are mahoosively lovely school they spent a lot of time praising her for tings she was brill at so she didnt really give a shite that she was bottom for reading

left handed!

i think there is some evidence that left handed kids struggle longer with writing and drawing?

Thanks Malory. It is interesting though isn't it, how the assumptions can creep in there; because the ones who are writing are the ones who are kind of 'complying', they're doing what they should be, it's so easy to slip into mental shorthand about their abilities.

however I shall be at the school in 2 minutes flat if I feel they are labelling my ds unfairly

Thanks also Hula. I will be seeing DS' teacher next week for a chat.

Honoria - I also have a really bright articulate boy - he just can't express himself with fine motor skills. But he could tell you the best imaginative stories or explain how a canal lock works.

Remember most kids in Europe won't be starting structured schooling until they're at least 6/7 and they'll still be ahead of our lot when it comes to leaving school.

My theory is that for some, it'll just click into place when they're ready. The fact your ds is behaving beautifully I would say is far more valuable at this point than writing his name. If he starts to think that he can't then he'll stop trying.

We're trying to explain to ds atm that it's ok not to be able to do some things. He gets really frustrated if he can't manage something straight away and then tells himself that he just won't bother, or doesn't like it, or can't do it.

He's learning slowly that if he practises stuff then it does actually improve. I don't think he believed us until he suddenly managed a 2 wheel scooter after weeks of trying. Again it was like a light bulb going on and he was so excited.

Assuming your ds is a little like mine then I would focus on the little things he can do and the improvements you've seen and try not to compare him (speaking as a pot calling a kettle blakc )

He sounds lovely and able and is just a wee boy

you see dd1 wouldnt haev a clue about canal locks or tell particularly imaginative stories

she is good at looking after animals though

I think I would be concerned at this stage. I have 3 summer children - ds1 is just finishing Yr1 and dd starting reception in September. Dd is WAY ahead of where ds1 was at that age in things like literacy, drawing etc, but not as creative/imaginative, and possibly not so emotionally stable(!). I think for boys the fine motor skills do come later. Ds1 is very good at literacy now - he clicked about Easter in reception, but it really WAS a 'click' - he could suddenly read, and start putting words together on paper.

Things I've done to help him with fine motor skills are dot to dot books, and those CBeebies printables to colour in. Get some really nice felt tips (I think these are the best as they fill in the colour nice and quickly, which for my ds1 is great, as he gets bored with fine tips!). Over the summer try making a collage of CBeebies characters - he colours them in, cuts them out and sticks them onto a big IKEA roll of paper. Ds1 loves doing the Bob the Builder pictures, but there are SO many to choose from that whatever he particularly likes is bound to be there.

HTH! Don't worry - lots of boys 'seem' behind, especially summer boys.

tortoise, thanks so much for that. Our trouble is getting him to DO stuff like that at home; it's a lovely imaginative idea, a collage, but ds simply does not have any interest in doing that sort of thing! However I'm prepared to keep on keeping on and I will give it a go.

Bobsmum, thank you so much for that post. I think my ds is similar to yours, he is not at all interested in things he can't do; and doesn't yet understand that he needs to try and try sometimes. I'll keep trying to get that message accross too.

He's also got a fab sense of humour; the other day we were all watching tennis and discussing John MacEnroe and his antics, and some of the things he used to say.......then yesterday ds wanted to go out to play 'tennis' in the garden - I said no as dinner was just about to be ready, he thought for a sec then threw his racket down and said in an american accent "oh, MAN! You cannot be SERIOUS!!!" i thought that was really witty and I'm surprised at his sense of humour so young!

I think he sounds fine. Ds (in reception now, November born) has only just started drawing - in fact, his teacher called me over to tell me (they were obviously looking out for him to start!) - he also only ever did scrawl or scribble beforehand and he's now 5 and a half.

My August born dd (in yr 2 now) found the jump from reception to year 1 quite difficult. She also wasn't writing at the end of reception and suddenly, in yr1, they expected her to make a lot more effort on the reading and writing front and she found that difficult.

thanks fox. You don't know how re-assuring it is to hear that other kids get this stuff a bit later sometimes.

I tell you what, if ever I had another child I would try very very hard to plan that they were born Sept - Dec!

I know he's young but I do agree with others that it might be worth encouraging that artistic side over the holidays - nothing overly pushy, just as others have suggested (chalks, sand etc.) - just that if your school does have high expectations, you don't want him to feel completely overwhelmed in yr1.

But also, don't despair - really, most schools, even those with high expectations , are much gentler on the younger children!

dd has only really 'got' writing now - and that's right at the end of yr 2. And even then, the school have suggested that she keeps up with it in the holidays (think they are worried that all their good work will be undone because she still doesn't like doing it!).

thanks again. I would like to THINK they were gentler but as I have now reminded ds' teacher twice, that he is August born, I'm not holding out much faith in that She'd completely forgotten. they obviously take no account of the children's ages when assessing their abilities.

My neice is in a different area, and there the reception kids are in classes according to age; oldest ones together, etc. In ds' school the ages are completely mixed so his class includes children who will be six within days of starting year one, and ds will have just turned five. It is a big range.

that's interesting that she's only just 'got' writing. I feel such gaps in my knowledge - but it seems to me that writing really comes AFTER reading...in terms of there being no internal impetus, surely, to do something when you can't read what you are doing?

I'm surprised they do so much of it in reception.

awww Honoria, maybe he appears quite mature for his age which is why they forget?

Honoria - ds1 has always been really reluctant to do any drawing/colouring etc, which is where the CBeebies site was great, because it was characters HE liked. He has gone from never wanting to use a pen, to drawing 40 Bob the Builder pictures in one go!

yes, he is very tall for his age and has a very 'sensible' demeanour at school (from terror I think! hates the thought of being told off!) and also I think his verbal skills are so good that it must be easier to forget.

It was one of my worries when he started! His best friend who is also August born is TINY compared to ds and his speech is not clear - much easier to treat him as a younger one I'm sure.

That's just like dd Honoria - she is August, tall, VERY clear and articulate, very very bright, reading and writing already, BUT she is still 3, and under pressure will behave like a 3 year old. I've written a long explanation to her teacher for reception, as otherwise she will be bemused when a child who generally behaves like a 5-6 year old lies on the floor kicking and screaming 'I WON'T and YOU CAN'T MAKE ME'.

wow, tortoise - that's great! I am holding out for when that moment happens to us and he actually wants to do something like that. I guess all I can do is keep offering the opportunity.

I also try as often as I can to let him see me writing and drawing - but he's not interested!

Another thing we found got him interested was making a fire station out of shoe boxes - he REALLY wanted a toy fire station, and so was motivated to help make it (sticking, painting it red etc).

yes, good idea to write to the teacher - she might be reading etc, but she's still allowed to be a young starter who may find certain things difficult! Good luck.

I bet she'll love it. And being able to read when she goes must be a head start.

ah yes, that would be why then Honoria. And good for him that he's so nicely behaved at school!