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Primary education

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Original poster

apology

53 replies

suzy86 · 17/02/2019 16:12

This is a situation I didn't think we'd be in (MY family I mean)
Long story cut short! My 10 year old nephew has been taunted and bullied by 1 particular kid for almost 3 years at school. Many many reports are made but because my nephew is no Angel nothing has changed. My lovely dad takes my nephew and my boys to school and collects them so my sister and I can work. Last week he took them as usual and this boy (the bully ) was screaming and taunting my nephew and when told to stop by my dad just became more aggressive. MY dad told him he would be talking to his parents and the kid lunged at my dad at this point my dad pushed him away. My dad admits he shouldn't have and that he lost his temper. Anyway the kid told his teacher and they called the police. My dad was arrested and spent 8 hours in custody (he was absolutely mortified and distressed). the police watched the cctv and warned my dad that in absolutely no circumstances can he push a kid away. No charges were made and he came home, gutted. Today my dad gets a letter from school saying he is not allowed on the school premises which of course means a nightmare for us all. He is devastated that his reputation is now ruined and honestly he is the kindest man ever. He wants to write a letter of apology to school bit is no good at writing and so has asked me to do it. Any advice.on what to write?

OP posts:
FlibbertyGiblets · 17/02/2019 16:18

Dear HT

I am writing to apologise for the shocking incident last week when I pushed a 10 year old boy. I accept that this is unacceptable behaviour and agree that I should not be allowed to enter school premises.

I am so sorry.

Yours

Suzy's Dad

youbethemummylion · 17/02/2019 16:21

He can write the letter but it wont change the decision. How old are the kids he picks up? Can he wait outside the gates for them?

Comefromaway · 17/02/2019 16:24

Lazy policing.

He should write to the school informing them that he was attacked (lunged at) by the child and pushed him away in self defence using reasonable force and how are they going to protect your son.

Tomtontom · 17/02/2019 16:34

I can't see them changing their decision, it's a safeguarding issue. Teachers are regularly assaulted in schools, but they don't assault the child in return.

There are two issues here and they need to be dealt with separately, (1) your nephew being bulled and (2) your father being aggressive towards another child. (1) still needs addressing, (2) has been dealt with by the school and you need to make other arrangements for pick up. Could another parent collect them from the school and hand them over to your father a few minutes away?

Original poster
suzy86 · 17/02/2019 16:36

The police and school are well aware that he pushed away is defence but given that he is an adult they do not take that as a reasonable excuse. The children are young 4 years old and 7 so the little one can't go alone. we know the decision is probably final, he wants to apologise anyway. He has been taking care of his grandchildren for 10 years and is genuinely upset by this whole thing. Unfortunately his actions are now overtaking the bullying and the school also don't accept that we have been dealing with this for 3 years.

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Comefromaway · 17/02/2019 16:39

Given that teachers are allowed to use reasonable force to protect themselves or other children I don’t countenance that.

If what you say is true - create hell. Have you seen the CCTV? Is he telling the truth.

Original poster
suzy86 · 17/02/2019 16:42

I haven't seen the cctv but the police told us that the kid lunged at my dad and my dad holds out his hand and pushes him away. The child ran off and continued with his day as normal and only made the complaint 2 hours later when he got in trouble elsewhere . He was cleared by police so there is no legal issue but school have banned him from premises

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Original poster
suzy86 · 17/02/2019 16:44

I wanted to create he'll but dad just wants to apologise, just hoping they overturn the decision. I know I am biased but my dad is kind and gentle and has dedicated so much time and love to grandchildren that it kills me to see him upset

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Scabetty · 17/02/2019 16:47

I would accept the school decision and ask what they are doing to keep dn safe on school premises as this bully isn’t concerned about adults being present so what is he capable of. Ask to see the bullying policy and get reassurances.

leahtalbot96 · 17/02/2019 17:35

Is he being honest? Have you seen the CCTV footage? Have you ever seen their bullying policy? Get reassurance and also legal advice too just in case.

Muddysnowdrop · 17/02/2019 17:40

Why would he be bullied for 3 years and nothing done? What does him being no angel mean?
It’s a problem to have not witnessed the incident to know what degree of force was used. The boy will feel invincible now. I would move schools.

Original poster
suzy86 · 17/02/2019 18:00

you're right I didn't see the incident but spoke with the police at length. one of the officers tapped his colleague on the arm and said 'I just used more force than your dad did' but the fact that he made contact at all warranted an investigation. No charges were brought to him.
My nephew has had his fair share of trouble at school, lowish level rough boy stuff. That's what I meant by no Angel. Several reports have been made over the years about this boy and it continues.

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Original poster
suzy86 · 17/02/2019 18:01

also this has obviously had an impact on me because my dad takes and picks my children up but am reluctant to move schools because it's my nephew and not my kids. My kids are v happy and settled here

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youbethemummylion · 17/02/2019 18:04

You will have to use a childminder, friend, another relative or work part time around school then like everyone else, your Ddad put himself and therefore you in this position.

slipperywhensparticus · 17/02/2019 18:05

Have the police charged him or anything? What is he supposed to do let the kid attack him??

Original poster
suzy86 · 17/02/2019 18:06

did u read my post?? I wasn't asking for advice on school pick up!!! I asked for advice on apology letter so your response was unecessary

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Original poster
suzy86 · 17/02/2019 18:07

slipperywhensparticus no charges

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GreenTulips · 17/02/2019 18:11

I wouldn’t apologise opens up a host of problems. The parents could sue and an apology will show he’s guilty.

Ask the school if your father can meet the children outside the office instead away from the other children.

Or move schools who wants kids at an ineffective school?

Original poster
suzy86 · 17/02/2019 18:17

the apology is because my dad agrees that he should not have made contact. It can't show guilt because the cctv has been viewed and no charges brought. As it happens the kids grandparents ( he's in their custody) didn't want anything taken further, apparently they have problems at home with him and were mad that he showed aggression to dad/nephew

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ASauvignonADay · 17/02/2019 18:19

I do think the apology is worth something. I think accepting you made a mistake and are remorseful and being sincere in it not happening again, is really important.

ASauvignonADay · 17/02/2019 18:20

And it's sounds like there could be a lot going on for this other boy - so it might not be that nothing has been done by the school, although it can't just continue and continue.

Original poster
suzy86 · 17/02/2019 18:24

I agree from what I know this child has had a difficult upbringing so I do have compassion for that. Unfortunately the bullying is pretty nasty stuff so it's difficult. Anyway I've penned a letter and will hope it goes some way to making amends

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Muddysnowdrop · 17/02/2019 18:38

As an aside, we are all entitled to request cctv that we have been filmed on, aren’t we? I would like to have a copy of that footage if I were your father, in case this re-emerges in the future.

youbethemummylion · 17/02/2019 18:48

also this has obviously had an impact on me because my dad takes and picks my children up you bought it up.

ASauvignonADay · 17/02/2019 19:24

As an aside, we are all entitled to request cctv that we have been filmed on, aren’t we?
Not necessarily if others, particularly a child is in it.