Does anyone else find listening to their child read takes more patience than they have?

[MrBocoBurns]

I think of myself as a patient person, especially when it comes to my children. I very very rarely raise my voice, never ever smack or threaten. I'm calm. Relaxed.

So how come, since dd1 started in reception after EAster, do i find that listening to her read makes me want to fling biff and chip and kipper out of the window and scream at the walls?

She's gone up another reading level - yellows last week - yellows level 3 this week. She's doing well considering she only started this term. But she's tired and grumpy, if she can't get it straight away she starts doing this writhing with irritation thing that drives me nuts.

She gets a word wrong, we talk about it, practice it, - then on page 2, same word - she stares blankly at the page, before growling at the book and doing a headstand. Raaaah! What am i doing wrong? I need to read with her earlier before she's tired, but have my neice for hours after school and she won't concentrate until neice has gone home as they want to play.

Is it always this frustrating and such a battle?

I struggle to stay calm with my 10 yr old Ds. He really struggles with reading and even easy words he finds hard.
But if he follows the line of words with his finger he is much better. School tells him not to do that!

could you try it in the morning after breakfast? or at bedtime - she reads some to you and then you read her a story? (this is what we do with ds). Take turns, you read some she reads some, if she is struggling then help her spell it out - start sounding it yourself.
make a word wall and she gets something (ds gets a milky way) when all the words are ticked off.

could you try it in the morning after breakfast? or at bedtime - she reads some to you and then you read her a story? (this is what we do with ds). Take turns, you read some she reads some, if she is struggling then help her spell it out - start sounding it yourself.
make a word wall and she gets something (ds gets a milky way) when all the words are ticked off.

At the moment we're reading at bedtime, but think that's too late, need to do it earlier. Tried today reading with her and neice, but they can't concentrate with each other there. Morning is so hectic, but that's my fault for being disorganised.

Word wall sounds like a really good idea - will try that,thanks.

Is it that important she gets everything right if she's only in Reception? After all, it can't be that interesting reading at that level - could be seen as a bit of a chore. If she's getting frustrated or fed up I'd leave it and take it easy. As long as the teacher doesn't see any problems, don't push her.
DS read a Meg and Mog book to me this evening. I made a point of not correcting him when he missed the odd word (he's 6). It's supposed to be fun.

I know exactly what you mean. I have ended up shouting at my DSs and then feeling really bad incase I have put them off reading for life.

TBH I stopped listening to them read everyday because it caused so much aggro. I still read to them everyday though and I am proud to say DS1(7) has now started reading very fluently. It has taken a while but he has really cracked it.

DS2(5) is still at the difficult stage and I only make him do it 3 times a week and reward him with chocolate. I can't see the point in forcing them, and as long as you do it fairly frequently they will pick it up. It sounds like your DD is progressing well.

word wall - my mum does this with ds (she is retired reception teacher), about 4 lines with 4/5 words on each line, do it on excel, putting borders round so it looks like blocks in a wall, and do words in each block. Put some words she knows on there to motivate her. Can print off two copies and cut one up for flash cards if you want, match the flash cards to the word wall etc.

does she sound out? there are some words that you can not sound out - the for example, she just has to learn these, do they do jolly phonics and does this help (dont know anything about it myself).

Can you find anything that she is more interested in that ORT? Doesn't mean that you dont do the ORT tree books, but maybe something you can do together at other times? How about book and tape/cd combos that she can look at on her own, I have got some pretty basic Kipper and Maisy ones from the library (free) and while ds hasn't had these sort of stories for a while they are simple enough for him to have a chance of following while listening to it.

Also, what about something on the computer, reading and pictures etc?

we have just discovered junior jackonory on cbeebies website and ds loves it.

It's not the getting everything right - she only just started so i don't expect that at all, and i don't actually care how fast she progresses - what i find hard is the level of irritation and frustration. As soon as she gets a word wrong, she hides her head, writhes, squawks, kicks out and generally freaks out. I have to calm her, reassure her, encourage - and we start again. By the fourth freak out, i'm freaking out too, and we have to give up.

This is not how i was hoping it would be. I've run out of patience for it - i'd rather read to her and send her to bed calm and happy. But also aware that as one of the few children who only started in reception at easter, she's going into year one with a class full of older children who started reception in sept and are way ahead.

I'm really not too hung up on her catching up because i'm sure she will - but feel like i should be doing this with her, and making it relaxing and peasurable rather than a total nightmare of frustration.

Mine cheats by looking at the pictures. i have to cover every scrap of illustration otherwise he'll interpret the picture rather than read the words. Very frustrating.

she sounds tired, I think you're right

I often end up doing it in the morning if mine are too tired the night before

also, how often is she having to read? my ds is in reception and he has to read (to me) twice a week and I find that's more than enough tbh

the pictures are THERE to be interpreted, and talked about, and give them clues to the words.

also, is she a bit of a perfectionist?

because it can be frustrating for them (at this level of reading) to get caught up on wrong words....perhaps you need to completely play down the wrong word and just gently repeat the correct one and carry on going without making a fuss about it at all

But he doesn't look at the words at all if he can see the picture. He just guesses.

I usually attempt 3 times a week. But they send 2 books home a night - and change them whenever they read at school, which can be anything from 2-4 times a week.

This evening was bad. Ended in tears, dp had to intervene, she was sobbing in the bathroom. Felt awful. She tried to read the word circus, got it wrong, i told her what it said, later in the story the word came up again and she had no idea so did the writhing, head in pillow thing, and i ended up yelling that if she didn't look how could she read! And because i'd lost it, she lost it and sobbed. She won't read to dp at all so can't get him to do it with her.

It's the writhing that gets to me, and she screwing her eyes shut when she gets to a word she doesnt' know. I definitely need to get a totally new approach to this.

When it's been particularly frustrating I've just read the book out loud slowly, whilst following the words with my finger. That seems to calm the situation down.

Somebody said to me once that learning to read for a child, must be like an english-speaking adult having to learn mandarin. After I heard that it made me more patient.

It will click, and she will catch up with the others in her class eventually.

Oh gawd I don't care if she gets it wrong

I just say the word for her if she doesn't know it and it's usually a new word that repeats later on so she has an opportunity to remember it and try it again

Also only do it about 3 times a week and make sure that when we read other books, I point to words she's got some chance of knowing so that she doesn't just associate reading out loud with boring school books

1. Biff,Chip et al need to be flung out the window. At our house they are called "Biff and Flippin damn Chip". Topsy and Tim share the same middle name as Biff and Chip. [grrr]

2. My daughter used to do the same thing, we used to read at night too. Actually, we still do, but she has snapped out of the whole 'doing annoying things while reading 'trick. For a long while instead of getting her to read, we would get her to identify words (ie "lets see how many 'and' words you can find). That seemed to help. To be honest, I don't think she liked the pressure of being listened to. tbh I would not like people watching me while i was trying to master a new skill. She is much more comfortable now, and her reading is coming along beautifully Good Luck

Krusty she really is a perfectionist - doesn't want to try things if theres a chance she'll get it wrong. And i'd never say 'that's wrong' or make a fuss - i keep saying that she can't possibly know all these words yet - she's learning, it's all new, it's absolutely fine to get it wrong. The wrongness is fine. It's the freaking out at the wrongness that is driving me mad.

that sounds like a lot of reading to me...perhaps you need to go back to doing a few pages at a time

whenever mine got a bit fed up, I often read a line, then they did a line....

can see exactly what you mean (I have one who is a perfectionist....it's very VERY difficult to do stuff like this with them because they hate getting stuff wrong so much)

I'm afraid all I can advise is perseverance. She'll probably fight a fair bit until it clicks and then she'll be away. I feel her frustration, I really do!

also, those ORT books tend to throw in a few words that don't really correspond to a child's reading level (like 'pancake' or 'circus') which throw children like this I find

I get frustrated too when reading with ds1 (Reception) but if he is not in the mood then I start reading and then get him to read the odd familiar word and then to try and sound out any unfamiliar words. Sometimes reading the whole book is too much of an effort for him.

MrBocoBurns I wouldn't always expect her to recognise a word just because she has seen it a few moments ago. I think they need to see it a few times over a longer period, especially a word which doesn't sound like how it looks.

Well I am not surprised she struggled on 'circus' - if she started just after Easter I very much doubt she has leaned all the necessary rules to decode it. The 'soft' c is tricky unless you have been specifically taught it and /ir/ is a digraph that is usually taught later as an alternative for /er/

My dd really struggled her first term in Reception as she hated guessing and getting it wrong so she gave up - she had words like 'ice cream' and 'fence'. I did some reseacrh and started teaching her the phonics she did not know - sh, ch, th, ar, er, or digraphs and long vowel sounds and she then started to fly as she had a proper strategy for words she did not know.

Unfortuntley a lot of school 'scheme' books are not decodeable with the knowledge they have been taught so far so either model it yourself, teach her the necessary sounds or just tell her the word and move on.

It really does get easier - with my dd it was the end of her 2nd term in Reception, and with ds he has pretty much got there now (started Sept)

Good luck and try to enjoy it

feels very formal being addressed as mrbocoburns!

No really, i don't expect her to recognise a word the second or third or fourth tiems - its that as soon as she realises she hasnt' got it she gets so cross she won't look at it. I'm not hoping she'll recognise a word, i'm hoping she'll maintain her cool long enough to get through the sentence.

Whiskers that's exactly it - at school she's learning phonics, but they've not taught her any rules or ways of making sense of words like night, though, here, were, cake, woke, etc. I need to work out how best to teach her. It's like i'm seeing it all afresh and it is so hard to explain.

What research did you do? Did you find any good resources? All new to me.

I was listening to my neice today trying to read and her Mum was being absolutly patient, it was excruciatingly 'orrid, and I need to find some patience for my DS otherwise it will be a bad experience for both of us.