Its just hit me how much commitment driving 30mins (20miles) to school each day is.....

[aintnomountainhighenough]

We have chosen an absolutely fantastic school for our DD. We have taken a lot of time over it and I have worried about various things through the process and have talked through and overcome all my worries. However one angle which I didn't really appreciate until yesterday was the drive to school.

The school is 20 miles from our house and takes about 30 mins (that was at normal school start time and in the rain). I am concerned about the effect this will have on us as a family and would be interested to hear other peoples experience of travelling this distance.

Thanks

I used to have a 1 1/4 hour commute to and from secondary school everyday (45 mins on the train, 30 mins walking), which got longer when there were problems on the trains or bad weather. It certainly made me self-sufficient, but had only a couple of local friends which was miserable. I certainly won't be repeating this with dd1 - I have deliberately moved to an area where dd1 can walk to both primary and secondary school and has lots of local friends. My parents wanted me to have a good education, but I missed out on fun and the spontaneity of local friends.

Definitely recommend you take things easier and go for a local school.

So what will you do, AintNo?

Is moving closer a realistic option lonegr term , seriously it will dirve you insane afetr a while, you can only combine trips with shopping etc for so long. We'd always intended to but it took over a year to happen and in the meantime travelled as described below. Fotunately we didn't have this dilemma before dd could start as there was no space for ds and we were abroad anyway, so she and ds started at same time - her in Reception , him year 3. Many kids travel about 15/20 minutes or so to ours so are geographically quite dispersed.

I did a 19 mile (40 mins to 1 hour each way) school run for 4 months until we moved house. It was a complete nightmare & I wouldnt recommend it to my worst enemy.

What will do? I don't think I can do it and as I have said I am very very sad. I keep trying to think of ways around it but bottomline is that I have to look at worse case scenario which is me driving over 400 miles a week, spending at least 2 hours in the car every day. Moving nearer the school is not an option for us, it is basically the wrong direction. I guess I could try it and see but I really don't want to put my DD through starting at a fab school and then after a year having to move.

DD currently goes to the school round the corner which takes about 3 minutes to walk to. But we are moving and her new school will be 10 miles away. This is a temporary thing as we will then be moving again and live in the same village as the school. I am dreading the interim period where I will be doing the driving. DH works from home so DS won't have to be in the car apart from the days he will be at pre-school which is next door to the school and he'll be there pretty much the same time. I think I'll just about cope as it's temporary and I have a back up plan of renting for 6 months if it is all horrendous but it is a big issue for me and one that nearly made me not go through with the whole thing (we will all benefit hugely from the move long term so worth the hassle for now). Personally I wouldn't contemplate 20 miles from your home, especially not for a small child. I've had friends who have done this with secondary age children and that wasn't great either.

Would deferring dd until they both can attend be an option, going more local in the meantime . What would you be moving further away from to make you so adamant - could the incovenience remotely be justified by the school choice ? Compromise somewhere is necessary I'm afraid.

Also, in retrospect, I think it is all too easy to get a fixation about a school you really like and negative about others but the reality could be different - you may ultimately feel that even your fantastic school just isn't worth the travel hassle particularly if things don't go well initially.

Can't imagine doing such a commute myself unless the alternatives were absolutely dire! Apart from the known factors of traffic, weather etc there are all kinds of additional trips to school which have to be made (e.g. parents evenings, summer barbeque etc) and weekend birthday parties, which could be 30 miles away and I think you could end up spending your life in the car! Bear in mind too that although you have an interest in keeping your child's local friendships going and may be prepared to fit in around other people's schedules, people with children at local schools will probably be more likely to go for the easy option of having someone from their own child's school come back to play rather than waiting 45 mins for yours to turn up from 20 miles away!

Much as I loved my independent primary school I do remember having to be driven in to rehearsals for school plays/orchestra & choir practice/sports practice/inter school competitions and events/BBQs/games evenings run by clubs and societies. They all either met after school or in the case of big school productions, there might be extra rehearsals in the evening. It was a long, long time when you're under 10.

All throughout primary I was ferried in - the drive was only 30/40 mins in the morning, but my mum couldn't drive so coming home was a horrific combination of walk then bus or train then walk.

We moved house so that I was a 2 minute walk from the adjoining secondary school (they are on 2 different sites across the city) and I could hear the school bell from my bedroom and run to assembly in seconds

Now I'm more aware of the kind of things on offer. I'm quite happy to ferry the dcs around to various extra curricular things that they might not get at their primary. Even (God forbid) if they need tuition in various academic subjects somewhere down the line.

But they'll be with their friends in the summer and the evenings while they're at an age where they want to play together.

Growing up miles from my school meant that I was the only one in that uniform. Even going to Brownies etc meant I was known to be the odd one out. Getting off the bus meant my school bag was routinely chucked into traffic or I had abuse shouted at me. Everyone else (bar a handful) from my school lived just streets away and I do believe I missed out on social stuff.

But I do now know all the lyrics to every Beatles album and then some. And the length of time in the morning was great for French revision

aintno - i do it with my children and whilst it's not ideal it works perfectly well. initally when ds1 started there i was working just another couple of miles down the road so was going in anyway, work at home now so rather different. tbh there are people at school who live 3 miles away and it takes them 20 mins, i have a clear run.
There are lots of children at their school who come such distances and more - it is outstandingly the best school for miles around imo. most of the extra curricular stuff is laid on by the school and i don't have the sort of horrific evening described by sil when she is in and out all night collecting and taking. my older 2 wouldn't get to leave home any later anyway if they went to the localish secondary - walk 10 mins through village, get service bus that runs at ridiculous time, arrive at local school 20 mins before the doors open!
There are currently (that i know of) at least another 6 pupils from my boys school in the villages either side of us, you won't be the only ones and some car shares may well soon appear.
never had any problems over having friends home from school to play either.

AntNo - so can you consider a school which is nearer, private or independent? Or more on your way to work?

I know that the school-choosing time is very very stressful - i thought if little else when we were trying to get DS into a range if schools which would be right for him, but honestly, when you look back on it all, you think there is no one, single and only good option. Perfect schools turn out to have unexpected imperfections or ways in whch they don't suit your child, just as people who were initially unhappy wiht a school which wasn't first choice end up happier than they would have been elsewhere. MN is full of experiences like this. And the total experience for the whole family is important, and a contributor to the environment whch children learn or enjoy thier education, too.
This doesn't need to be a disaster, does it?

One thing I have found even with only 1 child in Reception is that it is never just a case of a school run. Last week for example I went to a PTA meeting; there was sport's day; there was an evening fund raising "art" exhibition (I use the term loosely) and it was the end of school "disco". All of those required extra trips to the school. That is a very unusual week, but there are often things like that - parents evenings, concerts, plays etc.

Now obviously the PTA was optional, and we didn't go to the art thing-y, but it is nice to be able to choose things on the basis of whether you want to do them not whether you can make the travelling. I think if we did not live fairly close to the school - 10 minute walk for us - I frankly wouldn't be arsed to participate in the life of the school. And (on balance ) that would be a shame.

To put things in perspective - the school disco required pick up at 3.15pm and then back there for 4.30pm.

Sorry but the op doesn't mention any deliberation as to the environmental impact of her school choice which in this day and age is somewhat selfish imho so I am afraid I have no sympathy.

must ask - OP was you joking when you you said you wuld have to lower your standards?

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Tried it for a year with DD. Didn't like it. Either we moved house or she moved school. Eventually we decided to move school.

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Also whoever said it's not just the school run is so right! The parties (approximately 20 a year) the playdates blah blah

Blu - you are correct this doesn't have to be a disaster and really it isn't I suppose. The one major major positive is that the local children who will be in her year at the local school are really lovely as are many of the Mums and I know my DD will be happy there. She is the most gorgeous little girl. Unfortunately I am just not impressed at all by the school. As regards other schools, there is another private school which a number of children from our village go to. However whilst I liked it to be honest it isn't the school for us and I will not compromise when I am paying.

On the subject of environment please do not assume that because I havent mentioned it her it isn't a factor. There are other factors at play here. Basically the reason we first chose the school was because I thought I would have support with the journey so it wouldn't mean so much tooing and froing however that support has gone. I am very aware of the environment and have always tried, and still do, to do my bit. However this is a completely different thread and I don't want this to turn into an environmental discussion!

DD2's nursery is about a 20 min walk for me - no problem, but with my DD takes much longer and I work, so can't afford the time (and the endless cajoling)it takes to walk her, so generally I drive her and then park not far from school for DD1.

DD1 hates us driving, she would much rather walk - and so would I, it takes us 10mins. We can't wait till Sep when DD2 starts school and I will never have to take the bloody car again.

Sorry I missed some of the thread when I just replied. Yes I did make the comment 'lowering my standards' but it was not related to the type of children etc at the local school. I know this will hack some people off but Mumsnet is a discussion board about people with different views. There are many reasons why I would prefer to educate my DD privately these include no SATS, much more sport/games, smaller class sizes with more emphasis on the education of the individual child, more discipline - I could go on and on but fear this will end up as a private vs state debate again.

I have to drive mine to school every day - 6 miles on winding country roads. If I had my time over again, I would not have moved into our lovely, contry back of beyond. Our lives are dominated by car journeys. Every day I have to ferry someone somewhere. DD, who's 11 can never just pop round to a friend's house - she has to be taken, and picked up - it is such a pain and will be even worse next year when she's at secondary school. I wish now that we had not moved - even though we love, love, love our home. It's not just school, it's Brownies, gym, music lesson....it's never ending.

(you did ask....sorry!)

For the last 10 years ds1 and ds2 have been at schools 10 miles away about a 20-25 minute trip,not as bad as it sounds as the schools are in the sane town as dh is based and I used to work in.There were many children who came further ....it is a pain but also depends on your attitude to it .I actually find it quite useful to have that time together ,we chat through the day,test spellings,learn tables .In September we change schools to one only 10 mins away,mostly i will be pleased to see the back of the comute but it hasn't all been bad.Depends how much you value the school.

We live in a rural area fairly high on independent schools so long commutes even at primary age are not unusual

I commuted to a good school from the age of 7. As a child, the driving was miserable for me. I remember lots of arguments and fighting in the car. It made the day longer and more tiring (I also had to get to school early to avoid the traffic).
I was too tired to do much in the way of after school activities and my friends all lived miles away. My local friends decided I was posh and ditched me.

My mum hated it and this was even with a car share so she did less than half the journeys involved.

I would think about using a local school or else moving to within walking distance of your chosen school.