Do you think this school policy re parent helpers is reasonable?

[cupcakes]

A couple of teachers have been doing this for years but now it has become school policy.

Parent helpers have to go in a different group to their child on school trips. And (or so I have heard) they will not be able to help in the classroom of their child (reading etc) from Sept. But they are still wanted to help in other classes.

Does this seem reasonable to you? When ds was in reception I went on a trip where I had to help another group. He spent the whole time looking over at me and crying. He was only just 5 and didn't understand why I was helping other children and not him.

tbh, I don't think I will offer to help when dd1 starts reception as it made the trips really horrible for ds.

Surely the school are going to find it very hard to get parent helpers?

We have a similar policy at our school but in Reception I think helpers can be put in their dc's class.

A friend of mine who volunteers has been put in her ds' class but she has asked to be moved because she says it's not fair on him or the other kids - he doesn't understand why she is "different" there and all the other children want their mummies there too.

That's exactly what the school say.

I just wonder if this will discourage the majority of parent helpers - I only offer because I like the opportunity to see what my children are doing.

I think this is a fairly common policy in many school - although not in ours. I think schools do it to stop parents who help talking out of turn in the playground later to other parents about who is on which reading level, who misbehaves etc. Not saying that everyone is like that but there certainly is an element of it! I suspect the number of parent helpers does go down when they change to not helping in your own child's class.

mmhhmm yes I can see your point but I guess the school would argue that you should want to help for the sake of helping. Actually the policy does make sense to me. As I mentioned, my friend who volunteers says she finds it difficult being with her own ds.

Personally I wouldn't ever volunteer if it was policy in my ds's school. One of us goes on every bleedin' school trip to help ds (Aspergers), but also it is a nice chance to meet your child's classmates and to meet fellow parents.

I don't voluteer for the sake of helping though if I'm honest. I want to know what DD is doing, not necessarily with her so I can understand working in another classroom (I am lucky at DD pre school as there are 3 classes) but I wouldn't want ot work in another age group (IYSWIM). Regarding school trips I woudl want to be with her then.

yes it seems totally reasonable to me

Parents helping out because they want to be with their child have totally the wrong end of the stick

A child will act differently if their own parent is there .. some of them get clingy, others get show-offy, there is certainly a sense of proprietary involved

A Parent helper should IMHO help out in other classes / other groups for trips to avoid favouritism

I've never ever seen children acting up on trips etc because their parents are there.

Sorry Twig, but my ds behaves beautifully when dh or I are with him, and has a terrible time without us.

I used to love my mum being with us on school trips and I never remember acting up (but my mummight say different ).

I choose not to help in my own children's classes because I consider that they need some personal space away from me. I am concerned that parents helping in their own child's group behave in a less fair manner than they would if they were working with children they didn't know. So, yes, I can understand the school's policy.

I help out at DS's trips and swimming on and off and with reading. He didn't understand why I wasn't hearing him reading but is fine now.

Am usually given him to look after with his mates. It's always been fine.

I help in the parallel class to DS1's, which works well. His class nudge him and wave if they see me, but TBH i'd rather not know what he's up to day to day.

Aloha - maybe he's the exception and of course there are exceptions

but I've seen it rather a lot of times on school trips and in the classroom

Have also heard teacher's exasperated complaints that the only reason a parent volunteers is to be with their own child

Is that so bad?

Well, most people do volunteer for a reason. I think finding out what is happening in your child's class is a good reason. the other kids love me!

IME and IMHO Marmite yes it can be

When you have a group of children to look after and watch out for it can go one of 2 ways. You pay too much attention to your own child, or in an attempt not to show any favouritism you pay too little. You take his side in arguments or you take the opposite side because he is your child. It is a very difficult dynamic to manage properly and you do not have objectivity over it.

If you are just there to help your own child its different.

I find other kids tend to love other people's parents .. they know there's a special relationship there and they want part of it particularly if its children who are used to coming to your house.

I quite strongly believe that in most instances it is best if there is a bit of distance within school between you and your child.

Anyhoo get me .. I haven't helped out in class once this year or on school trips because of DD .

The only reason they get me at all is to be in ds's class. I give up work time (with paid for childcare) or time with dd for it, so I need a powerful motive!

Interesting, it's just never been a problem yet (DD is only at Pre School) but has made me think about future trips.

I can honestly say wouldn't voluteer for a school trip without DD going. I am happy not to work in her class though, infact I prefer it that way.

Not sure why I feel like that as it doesn't really make sense - might have to give me a moment to ponder

It's very interesting to hear that side of the argument - every parent I've spoken to so far at school thinks like I do.

It's true that I would probably favourtise ds on a trip or in the classroom. Or go the other way and be stricter with him than is possibly necessary.

Food for thought.

I've been helping out in dd's class every week for the spring and summer term ( have stopped now) - she's in reception. The set up in reception is slighty different to other years, but I have to admit part of my reasonings was to see what she got up to, not just to altruistically help out, as it were.
It's been great! Have loved meeting her little classmates, seeing what she gets up to, looking around the classroom etc etc.

I know that from Year 1 and up, they ask for parent helpers to listen to students read and it's stressed that you may not be with your own child, but I don;t have a problem with that.

Regarding school trips, if I went on one of cousre I'd want to be with dd, would think it strange that I wasnt, but all children don't act the same with/without their parents around, and the sschool likely need a 'one size fits all' policy,

it woudln't put me off volunteering tho

I think you volunteer for a trip your child is going on but expect to be put with a different group of children

I have done both ways

it is easier when you don't have your own child with you (mine takes the mildly showing off route)

I've been on school trips and helped in classrooms for over 8 years now and have never seen anyone's child misbehave because their parent is there (sorry Twig). Clearly it can happen but I wonder how much of a problem it really is? I agree, there's no way I'd help if it wasn't at least the same class, I like to get to know the children's friends and see mine in a school setting, I certainly don't go round gossiping about other children's reading ages. Yes, it's not very altruistic of me but what do they expect?

the misbehaving might just be a thing the parent would notice, like the slight showiong off, or the just not quite great behaviour that would exist if the parent wasn't there? I know dd can behave quite different if I'm there - but not so noticably for others - it's not obvious