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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Do you think this school policy re parent helpers is reasonable?

51 replies

cupcakes · 19/06/2007 13:16

A couple of teachers have been doing this for years but now it has become school policy.

Parent helpers have to go in a different group to their child on school trips. And (or so I have heard) they will not be able to help in the classroom of their child (reading etc) from Sept. But they are still wanted to help in other classes.

Does this seem reasonable to you? When ds was in reception I went on a trip where I had to help another group. He spent the whole time looking over at me and crying. He was only just 5 and didn't understand why I was helping other children and not him.

tbh, I don't think I will offer to help when dd1 starts reception as it made the trips really horrible for ds.

Surely the school are going to find it very hard to get parent helpers?

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sandyballs · 19/06/2007 14:17

I wouldn't go if I wasn't put in my childs calss to be honest.

I'm helping on a school trip this Friday. I have twin girls in year 1, separate clases. On a trip last year in reception one of my girls was put into the other class so I could have both of them in my group. I've discovered on this occasion that I will only be with one of them . Surely it should be both or neither. I'm tempted to drop out now - can't stand the though of one of them feeling left out whilst I chat and play with her sister.

portonovo · 19/06/2007 14:17

Our school does both.

School trips - you go with your child's class but are usually allocated a different group of children to look after. Although having said that, on many trips all the groups are together most of the time anyway, it's just you have responsibility for a set number of children.

Helping out in class - you are allowed to be either in your child's class or another class, depending on what you want and what effect it might have on your child. And yes, I most definitely have known children 'play up' or act differently if mum or dad is there.

Tamum · 19/06/2007 14:19

Well, I would argue that if it's unnoticeable to anyone but the parent it's not really a big deal unless the parent minds, but then they can presumably choose not to help. Maybe it's just my children who don't behave differently when I'm there...

ungratefuldaughter · 19/06/2007 15:12

sounds a good idea to have parent helpers go to other classes. If they genuinely want to help a teacher then it shouldn't make any difference to the parent where they are asked to help.

Many parents are only there to keep an eye on their own DC's anyway and some can be a real pain making sure their own DC gets favoured treatment and some cannot keep their mouths shut about their DC's classmates

I asked to help in juniors when DS started reception (infants a bit boring and wanted to keep away from him inside school) and by the time he got to juniors it was time to go back to work

roisin · 19/06/2007 18:20

Our school has this policy, and it worked well. My boys knew I was helping in school, but they often didn't even see me, so there was no conflict as to why I was helping other children and not them.

We have a large primary, so sometimes I helped in a parallel class to one of my boys, sometimes in an entirely different year.

I benefitted from finding out what school is like from the inside, and seeing the sort of work covered in a particular year-group, but without the conflict of having my own child in there.

Personally I would prefer not to help in my children's class.

If you help in your child's class, do you not find it very difficult not to judge other children and compare them with your own? To rank them x, y and z are more polite than ds2, a, b, and c are not as good at painting, but j, k and l are further on the reading scheme ... or whatever!
I would try really hard not to do this, but I know I would

Speccy · 19/06/2007 18:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

donnie · 19/06/2007 18:31

it is a good idea IMO.

Marina · 19/06/2007 18:34

We don't have parents helping with reading so that's irrelevant. Tbh I think it's better if parent reading helpers are assigned to a different class or yr group from their own child, or even better, not used at all.
Comments on here over the years about people freely admitting they do it mainly to suss out how other children are doing compared to their own, plus judgements passed by some volunteers on other people's children's appearance, cleanliness or choice of reading material - no thanks .
Trips out though - I don't see the problem - as Tamum and others say, I've never witnessed any silliness because of a parent being present, quite the reverse
You always get a couple of other kids too, which is nice - I love helping out on trips. You get to know the teachers better too

NKF · 19/06/2007 18:50

I think it's the right policy. It weeds out the parents who genuinely want to help in the school (and they do exist) from the ones who just want to keep an eye on how their own child is doing.

Tamum · 19/06/2007 19:00

I agree with Marina, getting to know the teacher a bit is a really good bonus. Ds had a very, very fierce teacher in P1 and I found it so much easier to relate to her once I'd got to know her a bit. Roisin, I suppose I would have clocked if someone's child was particularly stonking at art or something, but no, I honestly don't go in for comparisons, I'm just not very competitive when it comes to my children. I do agree it's an unpleasant thought that parents who are very competitive might be helping in order to make comparisons though.

Aloha · 19/06/2007 19:47

I suspect it would 'weed out' about 80% of all parents. Not a great result IMO.

NKF · 19/06/2007 19:51

Aloha - I suppose it depends on who you are left with. If the 20% left was a core of sensible, really helpful parents who enjoyed being with the children and could take guidance from the teachers, it might be well losing the others.

At my child's schools, only parents with a useful skill or knowledge (eg a musical instrument) are allowed to help. The rest are politely told they'll be asked if they're needed and sometimes they are. I think it's fine. That way, the teachers (who are all very good) get to decide what their class needs rather than having their classrooms invaded by people who are there for their own purposes.

Tamum · 19/06/2007 20:03

Do people actually just turn up at some schools then? Our school puts out specific requests for parents to help with choosing and reading library books, for example, and the teachers request exactly what help they need. I agree that if people are just barging in that is non-ideal.

I wonder if one of the issues here is with working parents- one of the reasons I am so hard nosed about it is because I just wouldn't be able to justify (to myself) taking time off work to help in another class when I could be using that time to be with my own children. And the real bottom line is that my children always liked me helping at things involving their class, and that's why I did it, primarily.

NKF · 19/06/2007 20:07

I doubt that people barge in but I do think many parents go in with their own agenda. There have been threads on here before where parents have grumbled that they don't get to do what they want with their child's class. And apparently some parents use things they've observed to make trouble.

Tamum · 19/06/2007 20:08

Yes, that's a pretty vile thing, I agree, and to be avoided at all costs.

SSSandy2 · 19/06/2007 20:09

no parent helpers in the classroom at our school at all. Trips would be the only chance of involvement

clop · 19/06/2007 20:15

I don't think it's a reasonable policy, maybe it's okay for yummy mummy schools, though.

I'm a SAHM but agree with everything Tamum said. Only way I can help out is while another child is in paid childcare or DH takes a day off work, so I want to know more about my specific child's school experience.

DC school has a lot of parent helpers for most events and a policy like this one would much reduce the offers of help.

NKF · 19/06/2007 20:18

It may have become school policy after a few nightmare episodes when parents made themselves thoroughly tiresome. It only takes a few to ruin it for everyone.

RosaLuxembourg · 19/06/2007 20:43

I listen to readers at my children's school but have chosen not to help in one of their classes. I have been on two school trips recently and both times my child has been in my group, but I wouldn't expect it. I help out because now DD3 is at school I have some time to spare and I want to do something useful with it - not to spy on my children, their friends or, god forbid, their teachers.
I suspect that this school may have brought in the rule for a very good reason judging from some threads I have read on here recently some parents haven't got the sense they are born with when it comes to interacting with their children in a school setting.

wheresthehamster · 19/06/2007 21:07

In our school it's down to the teachers how they organise their groups on a trip. Children whose behaviour may cause a problem if possible have a parent accompanying them on a one to one basis.

There have been some occasions when mums have their own child in a group and it's only been luck that the other children in the group weren't lost, taken or seriously injured because the mum was tending to her own child. Once a mum took her son to the toilet and left 5 other children in the middle of a zoo. It was a while before they were all found .

Another time a dad phoned on a mums mobile and her and her child spent 10 mins chatting to him while the rest of the group ran amok in an art gallery.

I can see why parents want to help in their own child's class but presumably the school have their reasons for not wanting to continue this.

Marina · 19/06/2007 22:00

NKF I think you remember some of the posts I do

MrsWho · 19/06/2007 22:24

I help when I can but I work in a school so doesn't happen very often, my reason for helping is more that I like to see how the school works compared to mine and like to know who all dds friends are.

I have been on trips with dd1 and she is silly and shows off, and dd2 doe sthat anyway so won't be volunteering to have her (though she was in the teachers group in her trip so what does that say )

They have started not putting parents with their own childrenn on trips though (My mam & Dad help in school and neither of them got dd1 last time)

cornsilk · 19/06/2007 22:31

We have quite a few parent helpers in our school. Some of them are brilliant, but some are just interested in what is happening with regards to their own child. There is one woman who sits and watches the behaviour of a really challenging class when they are in the corridor and I have heard her gossiping to other helpers about it.

jennifersofia · 19/06/2007 23:15

Very good point from wheresthehamster - when I go on trips my ratio is 1 adult to 6 children. I appreciate that people would want to be with their child, but if they are coming on the trip as one of the adults, they are technically looking after their child and 5 other children. For some adults it is hard to switch attention from putting your attention on your 1 child to giving your attention (all the time during the trip) to 6 children.

RosaLuxembourg · 19/06/2007 23:28

I had four reception kids to look after last week - one of them was a runner so luckily the other three were quite docile as I was forever having to say to them - you all stand still JUST THERE while I go and find X... My own DD was in my group and didn't like me holding the other children's hands at all! I do think it is hard for parents if their own child plays up but you have to treat other children as you would wish their parents to treat your child.

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